


Last Sad Love Song

by orphan_account



Category: Take That
Genre: #Smut, #alchol, #drugabuse, #swearing, Creamcakes, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-21 12:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 60
Words: 90,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1550174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Creamcakes story trough years of love, pain and hate. May consist explicit content in later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes: This is my first fanfiction written in English. This story is really special to me. I need to thank my friend 'JJ' for helping me out with it and my ex-friend for the story cover. I hope you like it :)

I was lying on the couch just listening to birds singing behind the window. I still can’t believe that we found the way back to each other. It’s like a kids fairytale we read in some books to believe in. I thought I lost my ability to believe in something beautiful as pure love, but he showed it to me one more time.  
Those bad times are just faint memories, fading away in my mind. Of course, I will always remember the times we went from friends to lovers, from lovers to enemies, from enemies to friends and back again to.. lovers. Our road was paved with the worst mistakes we could have ever done. We had been saying things we didn’t mean for long time, and the pressure we had been facing made them even bigger.  
-‘Rob, can you come here? I need you to hear something.’ -Gary shouted. As usual he was working on a new song. He has been sitting locked in that studio for days, and I have been lying here damn bored out of my mind since.. ages.  
-‘I’m coming!’- I shouted back, halfway to the studio. The doors were open so I slowly went in. Gary was sitting by the piano. He looked so beautiful. A sunbeam was lighting up his face, he was glowing and there I saw the man I fell in love with twenty or more years ago.  
-‘Sit next to me! I want you to listen to this song first. It’s really special for me. I need to know what you think about it’ –  
-‘Gaz, you’re an amazing writer!’. - I did not need to add anything else, I knew he was damn talented.  
We both smiled at each other as I took my place next to him. I felt a bit nervous, he was still looking at me and I realized that he needed to be pushed.  
-‘Go for it, please! I want to listen to it.. before I die’.- He laughed at my comment, but started to move his fingers on the piano keys. His melody was so soulful and his voice just went along with it. I was mesmerized by him and his way of singing. He never did like that before, he used to give half of his real skills, never opening his soul like that before.  
But now it was as if he was naked in front of me. Gary showed me his soul with no fear, because he knew I was here for him, I was meant to be by his side. I realized that what he had just sung was about us. Feelings were about to overwhelm me, tears slowly started to stream down on my face. I was a bit ashamed to look so emotional but I didn’t bother to hide them, in the end it was all about us and our love. I was about me and Gaz, nobody else.  
He stopped playing and reached tenderly my face sweeping my tears away.  
-‘Oh Gary.. it is so sad!’-  
\- ‘Don’t worry, baby.. this is going to be our last sad song. From now on there will be only happy ones.’- he winked and, before reaching my wet lips, he added..- ‘I promise’.


	2. Chapter One

Singers Wanted: Singers and dancers wanted  
for a new boy band. If you have what it takes,  
call Nigel Martin-Smith at his ‘Half Moon  
Chamber’s office’.

 

I read again the audition advert in the newspaper, while eating breakfast in my little kitchen. I couldn’t really believe that I was about to do it. I was sick of shitty roles and cameos in small TV-shows. I wanted to be famous and a big star even if I needed to be just a pop backing singer or a dancer for now.  
-‘Robbie, are you ready to go?’- my mom asked. She gave me the chance to back out, but I was determined to do it.  
-‘Yes, mom! I am just finishing my brekkie and we’ll go’.- I was nervous, but I was good at hiding it. I put my plate in the sink and had my way in the corridor where my mom was waiting. I put on some shoes and jacket.  
My trip to the office wasn’t long, I was getting more and more nervous as I was staring at the little houses passing by me one by one, all I wanted was just to go back home. I realized that there was no way back. It was my chance to do something I loved and I needed to keep myself together.  
Our car stopped in front of a building. My mom got off of the car with me. I didn’t want her to be with me in the audition room. Maybe it was because I didn’t want her to see me fail or I wanted to look confident enough for them.  
-‘Mum, go now, please or.. wait for me here.’ -I whispered her and she went back into car. I climbed the stairs and entered in the Agency.  
I knocked on a wooden door and opened it. There were two men in the room. One of them was around thirty and the other one around my age; he was sitting in the corner clutching on a leather briefcase like it were his life. He was wearing Adidas tracksuit bottoms, Converse trainers and an Italia 90 top. His hair was real disaster, he wore a coiffed Morrissey haircut and they were bleached blonde. He looked at me in a way that I felt shivers going down through my spine and forgot about my nervousness for a while.  
So I looked back at the older man that I thought to be the boss. I needed to impress him.    
-‘Hello! Nice to meet you! I’m Robbie Williams and I want to audition for the part in a group.- I told the older man shaking his hand.  
-‘Nice to meet you too! I’m Nigel Martin-Smith and that’s Gary Barlow. He’s a professional club singer and he’s going to make this project happen.’-Nigel told me. I felt my self confidence coming back.  
-‘Nigel, I will make the other guys come in.’-Gary finally spoke. His voice was strong and powerful, my confidence was leaving me again, oh lord! That voice got me in a sort of.. awe.  
-‘Ok, let them come in’-  
Gary stood up and went out of the room, after few minutes he was back with three boys. They all were so different type of guys that I even couldn’t imagine me being in a band with them.  
-‘So.. what are you gonna sing for us?’ –Nigel asked me  
-‘Nothing Can Divide Us by Jason Donovan.’-  
-‘Ok.. go for it. Let’s see what you got.’- said Gary. - It was the challenge I expected. I knew that I needed to impress them all, but above all I wished to impress the blonde guy. I put all my guts in my performance. When I finished one of the lads was about to clap, but Gary gave him a weird look so I guess he felt kind of.. intimidated by him and stopped.  
-‘Good vocals, but what about dancing? Howard, show him some easy dance moves. We’ll see if he can do that in sync with you.-Nigel said. - One of the tallest guys stood up and started to show some moves. I was quick to learn and after a while I was able to dance in sync with him. The other two boys stood up too and joined us. We were all moving and dancing like as if we were on a dance floor. I felt a connection with those guys, maybe it was not that bad after all.  
Somebody stopped the music and we were all told to wait in the corridor.  
I took my place in a chair, I was exhausted after this audition. The youngest boy came and sat next to me.  
-‘I’m Mark!’- he said with the biggest and friendliest smile I had ever seen. He was about my age.  
-I’m Jason!’ -one of the tallest guys said.-‘That’s Howard. He is little bit shy, but he will come out from his shell.- Jason pointed at the guy who taught me some dance moves. He was as tall as Jason, but with grey eyes and a different haircut, they were so much alike that looked as if they were brothers.  
Finally Nigel opened the office door and came out -‘You did fine, all of you, but we have other guys waiting to be auditioned in the next days. We will call you as soon as we are done.’-  
-‘Thank you for giving us a chance!’- I said winking at him. I walked out of that place as fast as I could. Outside the studio area there were a lot of boys queuing up waiting to be auditioned, but I got the feeling that place was already mine. I got onto the car where my mom was waiting for me.  
-‘So how did the audition go?’-she asked me smiling and driving off.  
-‘It went really well, mom! I really hope I get in this band. They are nice lads, but one of them looks very professional and really serious about everything.’-  
-‘Rob, you know that all people can’t be like you.-  
-I know, mom! Anyway I am happy that I came here.-  
-If you’re happy, then I’m happy too.-  
We remained is silence until we arrived at home. I was still thinking over the last few hours, and about my new band mates. I was a bit nervous about how my new life would have been from now on, but at least I was not alone in this adventure.  
Out of my last effort I made my way to my bed. I just fell on it exhausted and slept through the rest of day. Who knew that those auditions were so much stressing?

*Few weeks later..*

Nigel had not called me back, yet. I thought that they already found the right boy, and the band was already recording an album, but still I hoped to be part of that. I had just got my GCSE results, I was sitting on my sofa holding the envelope in my hands. I slowly opened it and read my results, then I just pushed them back into the envelope. I failed at two of them. –‘Fuck.. Nobody is going to want such a failure like me!’.  
First instinct was to get something to drink. I took a Guinness bottle and opened it. I drank almost half of it, I was getting desperate. I even didn’t realize I drank whole bottle half an hour later. I started to get dizzy, the room was spinning around me. I lied down on the kitchen floor, I closed my eyes hoping to feel better.  
-‘What the hell am I supposed to tell my mom now?’- I asked myself when the phone rang. Regardless that all the furniture was still spinning around me, I got up quickly, took a deep breath and picked up the phone.  
-Hello! Williams household’-  
-It’s Nigel Martin-Smith here, can I talk with Robbie, please?’ .  
-‘Hello Mr Smith’ – I almost chocked – ‘It’s me in person’  
-‘I’m calling you to tell that you got your place in the band. You have to show up tomorrow at 9 o’clock. You have a contract to sign, boy! And.. oh.. please get one of your parents with you. You are still underage and you need someone who can validate it for you. Be here on time!’-  
-‘Of course, sir! Thank you for choosing me, I’ll be on time.’ as Nigel spoke I could feel the happiness filling my body. Maybe I wasn’t a total failure yet.  
-‘ I hope so, boy. See you.. bye’ I just heard that he disconnected.  
I ran upstairs to my room and opened the window.  
-‘I’m going to be famous!!!- I screamed at the top of my voice. I could hear some dogs barking at me, I laughed but I didn’t care of them. I rushed onto my bed staring at the ceiling above me for a while with a huge smile on my face. I was so excited that I could not get sleep for a month by now. I could not wait to tell my mum. But alcohol was still going through my veins and I fell asleep after few minutes dreaming of songs, dance, money and the fabulous life that was waiting for me.


	3. Chapter Two

I was sitting on the floor of the rehearsal area. We had a break. I remember, a week ago, after the first day of rehearsals, my body was all in one pain, my muscles were aching so much that I thought I was going to die. But today I am glad to realize that I am slowly getting used to physical activity.  
-‘So how are you feeling?’- Mark had become the closest person to me in band, we were the same age and he was always glad to join me to go to pubs.  
-‘Better! No more sore limbs or aching muscles.’- We started to laugh so loud in the little room that I thought we pushed a bit far, but people around us did not care much.  
Jason and Howard were in their own little world. They were the best break dancers I had ever seen. Their choreography ideas were insane, but they would certainly entertain a lot of people. Still we stuck with basics, because Gary wasn’t very fond of dancing.  
His confidence about his songs were a bit over taking him, he liked to be more impressive, but when somebody mentioned ‘dancing’ he became quiet. I realized that I was starting to know my mates better, specially Gary, although he was not even bothered to came to me to say hi to me, so far.  
As usual he preferred to spend his time break sitting by his piano, in a different room. His way of writing fascinated me, when he had completed a song he used to put a big smile on his face. A big, lovely smile that warmed me up. I just wanted to smile him back, but he was in his own little world, and I loved peaking at him any chance I got.  
‘Maybe I should go say hi to Gary myself’   
‘Rob, you shouldn’t do that!’ - Mark suddenly got a worried look on his face. He knew Gary better than me. – ‘you know that he likes to be alone when he is writing songs and he is not in the right mood to be bothered, he still can’t sort out with that damn dance move. Definitely not the right time’ -  
‘Marko, it’s just a simple hi. It’s not like I’m going to pull some prank on him. He is too significant to this band.’   
Mark knew that he wasn’t going to talk me out of it. So I just let it go. Without any further words I got up and made my way to the doors. I felt all the worried looks that the other guys were giving to each other as I stepped out the room to reach Gary in the next one. Even Jason and Howard stopped talking. It was like I was stepping into a dragon’s cave.  
I slowly opened the door not to upset him. Gary was holding his head in his hands. He looked like he was disconsolate, but I didn’t dare to take a step forward. I slightly coughed so he could realize I was there. Gary turned his head looking at me abashed. I was surprised to notice that he was not actually writing, as we all were supposing, but he was rehearsing some dance routine instead and, in that case, I was actually able to help him if.. he needed.  
-‘Ahem… sorry if I am bothering you, I just wanted to say hi, but.. bad timing I guess, so.. I will go back to my duties and leave you alone. - I told him quickly and fearful to get a bad reply. - *Damn, Maybe I needed to listen to Markie, my stupid confidence will get me in real trouble sooner or later.*  
-‘No.. Rob.. wait.. – he said blushing – ‘I.. ahem.. was not writing my lines here, well.. you caught me boy, ha-ha, I have to admit that I am having serious issues with these moves.’- *he was literally embarrassed to be caught by me while he was rehearsing*  
-‘Do You… remember my name? - I was both relieved and shocked at the same time. I thought he would have never talked with me.  
-‘Of course I do, why the hell shouldn’t I? Now.. would you mind to help me out with that fucking routine?-  
I was stuck standing in the doorway, still in shock. Not being able to believe to my ears.  
-‘Rob, can you hear me? Will you help me with that step?’ -he asked this time with a pleading look on his face. *I just couldn’t resist that look. Gary was sincere about it, but why he asked to me and not to Howard? They were good friends*  
-‘Ok mate, no problem, come on here’- I made few steps forward next to him.  
I slowly repeated what we learned about half an hour ago in the rehearsal room, moved my legs and arms to show him how to do it. As soon as he moved he ended up to be tangled in his own legs. In a nanosecond he would have fallen flat on the floor if I was not enough quick. I caught him up by his arms stretching his back a bit.  
-‘Damn it!! .. sorry Rob!’ – he quickly stood up and sat on the stool stretching his back.  
-‘No need to be sorry, Gaz. Just relax a and focus a bit. This is not like writing lines. It’s a simple dance. - I told him, and I reached him to massage his collarbone with both my hands. I noticed Gary stiffening under my touch but I did not say anything.  
We rehearsed again for a while and a huge smile appeared on his face when finally he got it right. This time he was smiling at me, with a grateful look. I smiled him back. We tried again a couple of times to be sure that all was ok with him.  
-‘You see! A bit of relaxation and focus and you will be fine. -  
-‘Thank you Rob, I really appreciated it!’- Gaz told me.  
-‘No problem, mate, anytime!’ I winked- ‘Now we’d better join the lads or they will think we are lost’- I smiled Gaz, looking him straight in his eyes.  
He was looking me back smiling and had a feeling that he was lingering on my lips. That was my turn to blush now!  
I was glad I had been able to help him and even more happy for settling up a connection between us. Gary left the piano room with me and we both started running through the corridor laughing and giggling around.

_________________

While we were dancing, Howard patted Gary’s back. He was getting hold on dancing and I was so proud I had been helpful to Gaz, that I hope he would not have forgotten it soon, so we could have the chance to talk again like that.  
It was around 9 pm when we finished our rehearsals and finally we were allowed to leave. Me and Mark went to our dressing room for a shower and change outfit. We both hugged greeting each other, I took my bag in a hurry cause my mum was already waiting for me outside in her car. She was glad know that I had something to fill my free time with, but she was even happier to know that I would not be somewhere else hanging around and put myself into any kind of trouble.  
While I was on my way out, in the dark hallway, I felt a hand grabbing my forearm and pulling me in a tight hug. I could not see who he was. Standing there in a shock I could hear Gary’s voice..  
-‘Thank you again! You really helped me. See ya tomorrow’. – He whispered like if he was afraid that anybody could hear him. I made just in time to feel his warm breath on my neck and he was gone. The smell of his scent struck me, I felt a warm feeling going through my spine, and when he let me go, I got a sense of tension that I was not able to explain, not even to myself.  
When I got into the car, my mind was blank. I did not even heard my mum talking to me, my brains felt fuzzy and I couldn’t make it work again. I just babbled her something, I blamed it on the long working hours. I pushed all thoughts at the back of my mind, leaned my head on the glass window and closed my eyes, but it just made everything come back again so I managed to stay wide awake till we got home.  
-‘Sweet dreams mum’- I said kissing her good night  
-‘Good night dear, are you sure to be fine?’  
-Yes mum, don’t worry, I am knackered, I just need some rest’- I lied  
*What the hell was going on? Was it just my head making all this out or.. what?*–I wondered lying in my bed unable to sleep. My imagination was running wild.. and the warm feeling which overwhelmed me when Gaz hugged me would be haunting me in my dreams that night.


	4. Chapter Three

Gary POV  
Finally I had a break. I really needed it, I was getting so frustrated about this step that I wanted to crush everything. Why should I need to do it? Why should I need even learn to dance, I am a songwriter here.. others are supposed to do the dancing in this band, and.. do I really need this band? I could be on my own and doing great, but Nigel told me I need all this stuff, so I guess I should trust him.   
They were great lads, but that Robbie boy just upset me. Everything in him screamed confident even if he wasn’t. Nigel told me to ignore him and that we just needed the fifth member in the band.  
He also could dance and sing, but still I couldn’t ignore him. I was good at hiding my feelings, but my interest to know him more, was getting me. I sat by the piano again and tried to play something, but it went wrong after few notes.   
I shut them down with loud thud, I knew nobody would notice that cause the room was sound proof. It was the worst day of all the worst days. Just put my head between my hands to shut everything out. I don’t know how long I sat there, but I felt some kind of peace, at last.  
Somebody coughed somewhere near me so I looked up. Robbie was standing by the door. He looked a little bit nervous. He wasn’t that kind of person who can hide his emotions well. Robbie loved to show them off and he wasn’t afraid that somebody would see them.   
‘I just wanted to say hi, but I think it’s not the right time to come in. So I will go back to the lads and leave you alone.’ – he told me in fearful voice like if he was scared of me. Did I look that scary or did he just have a sort of fearful respect for me? I found by myself a quick answer to my question.. he isn’t afraid of me.. he is not that kind of person.   
I noticed that he wanted to leave so I quickly thought about something to say. I needed him to stay with me so I could get to know him better. Nigel won’t know about it.  
‘Rob, how do you get that step right?’- I was embarassed that he caught me like that but I needed help and somebody by my side to talk with me for a minute. He just stood on the same spot not even moving a muscle. It was like he got frozen. He finally turned to look at me, I got the feeling that I saw a spark in his eyes, and I could perceive a hint of a smile on his face.  
‘Do you know my name?’- I saw his eyes get brighter. That’s why he was here.. Robbie wanted me to see him . He needed other people’s approval to feel better, So I gave him what he needed.  
‘Of course I know your name. Now, could you help me with that step, please? -   
Robbie lingered a bit but right afterward he got closer and started to dance showing me how that needed to be done. I looked carefully at his feets to make sure to get every step. I tried myself and failed tangling my own legs, I was about to fall miserably on the hard floor if Rob had not caught me before, streching my back.  
‘Sorry!’- I whispered in pain.  
‘Just relax a little bit. It’s not the song you are trying to write here. It’s a simple dance step so you should relax.’  
He massaged my back and collarbone, I shivered under his touch. It really made me a little more relaxed. I just hoped that he didn’t notice it. If he felt it, he didn’t say anything and went on showing me this dancing routine again. I was getting better, I smiled at him and he smiled back. I tried few more times until finally I got that damn step right.   
‘You see! Little bit relaxation and you’ll do fine as all of us.-   
‘Thank you Rob, I really appreciated it!’ I was really grateful and I found myself staring at his lips as he looked down.  
‘No problem, mate, anytime!’ he winked ‘Now we’d better join the lads or they will think we are lost’. We both went out running and heading toward the rehearsal area. I even got pat on back by Howard, because I finally got that step right. I rememeber that I noticed that Rob smiled about it. It was time to get home. Rob was the first to leave, his mom was waiting for him outside the studio. I saw Mark hugging Rob and I just wanted to go and do the same, but I couldn’t, so I left them.   
The feeling I got inside of me was getting stronger. After I had my shower I decided to wait for Rob before he left. I catched up with him in the darkness of the porch, and just hugged him like my life depended on it. He was so warm and it felt like he was meant to be there.  
‘Thank you again! You really helped me. We will see each other tomorrow.’ -I whispered again and left as fast as I could, before anyone had the chance to notice our hug.  
The lads were ready to leave too but I decided to stay here and write a song that was going through my mind.  
‘Bye, Gary! Don’t be too late. We have rehearsals early tomorrow, and video shoot is in two weeks.’- said Mark who was the last one to leave as usual. He knew that I loved to work at night.  
‘Okay! No worries, Mark! I won’t be too late, just going to write this one down and I’ll be gone soon, you know when I have some idea I need to work on it before it disapears.’  
‘Yeah, Gary, I know.’  
Finally I was alone with my piano and notebook full with songs and part of melodies that was in my head in that particular moment I wrote them down. I sat down and just let that melody overflow me.   
A loud beep of a car horn made me jump and burst my out of my musical bubble. I looked at clock which told me it was almost midnight I gathered all my things and left. My dad was waiting for me in his car outside. I opened the passengers seat door and got in. He was never fond of picking me up so late at night.  
I didn’t say anything, I was exhausted. I managed not to fall asleep until we reached our house by recalling what happened in the porch few minutes ago with Rob. When at home, I slowly climbed the stairs, entered my bedroom and only when I looked myself in the mirror over my desk I could see that I had a smile printed on my face. Only then I realized that my warm feelings were still due to that hug with Rob. Not sure to be upset or glad about that. I fell asleep after few minutes with my clothes still on.


	5. Chapter Four

Gary’s POV  
I was sitting by a dark wood round table in the little living room with horrible flowered curtains. The carpet had the same shade of red as the walls had in the whole hotel. This was Nigels’ room. He used to stay in bigger rooms. They were more like small flats, while we were stuck two or three in one room and only one bathroom. That could get really awkward sometimes.  
I even started to trace out ornaments on tables surface, when Nigel sat on the other chair, I even didn’t know what he wanted to tell me, but it should have been something important.  
‘Nigel, what’s going on? Why am I here?’ I was worried cause I knew he would not be bothered to call me right before the show. He knew that I needed to concentrate to get those damn steps right. I still sucked at dancing.   
‘I need you to be more friendly with Robbie’. -He went.  
‘Why?’ - I was surprised. Nigel was not a man to change his mind that quickly. I wondered what was the reason for that request, he was just capable to do anything only if that would bring some advantage.  
‘RCA wants to see us again. Maybe this time we will get that record deal. You know how important it is’.  
‘Yeah.. of course I am aware of that: It’s our last chance to break out. So why should I need to be closer toRob?’  
‘I realized that they like him.. you know what wise men say: ‘Keep your friends close, but enemies closer’-  
Of course they liked Rob. Why shouldn’t they? He was so full of life, funny and easy going. He was the exact opposite of me. I bit my tongue not to say that out loud. I did not need to hide my feelings. I liked Rob and .. maybe something more than a mate, friend or.. oh wait a sec... Where were those feelings comimg from? I’m straight. I can’t have these feelings for a boy even if it feels right and easy.   
‘OK! I will do my best. That’s why you put us in the same room’- It wasn’t even a question. It was a statement. I knew Nigel’s moves before he even made them come to life, but this one made my world shake. I couldn’t predict it.  
He patted my back ‘You are clever little boy. Of course, you will do your best. You want success more than any of us. Now go and get ready for the show’- Did he really think that I will go over my friends to get what I want? Could I break someone just to have real success? I was already doing it. I even forgot all my friends from my home town. I left Nigel’s room feeling relieved, but at the same time I felt a weight on my heart. Maybe this friendship thing with Rob would be harder than I thought.   
I felt like these hallways was getting narrower, such pale coloured walls were getting on my nerves. Everything was the same in those small hotels that was more like shoeboxes. Any blow of wind could just crush them. Also all those little nameless cities we have been to, performing in schools, pubs and gay clubs, were not that different from these ones.  
I was moving slowly to my room or.. I should say ‘our room’. Rob was leaning against the wall of the hallway talking with Mark. I didn’t want to disturb their conversation so I slipped in quietly to collect my things.   
Still I catched Rob’s look. I felt his eyes on me and my back.. they were burning holes in it, till I closed doors behind me. I took my costume out of the closet. Folding it neatly I put it in my gym bag. This was due to be out last show and tomorrow we were supposed to be on our way home.   
Who was I kidding? More and more tiring days went by and more were yet to come: rehearsals till late hours, photo shoots, interviews or meeting the fans! I thought getting record deal like a band would be easier, but it’s even harder.   
‘So what did Nigel want from you?’ I was so taken in my thoughts that I could not hear Rob opening the door. He was leaning onto the wall and staring at me. Few more steps and he got closer to me. I did not turn to face him. He was so close that I could feel warmness radiating from him.   
‘Nothing special! Same stuff.. asking if we were ready for this show, if nobody was slaking off.’ I told him while my back still faced him. I was not capable to move. The warm feeling left me and I knew that Rob was not as close to me as he was before.   
I zipped up my bag and finally managed to turn around to see Rob putting his things in his bag. Again that warm feeling hit me and I had the sudden urge to go and hug him. I fought that feeling with all my strengh cause, if I had done that, it would have hurt us both and affected also our relationship as a band.  
‘Guys, our show got canceled. We are going home today.’- Mark told us, who only stuck his head in. I pulled out my suitcase that was under the bed and threw all rest things in there. It seemed like I was ready for this to happen.  
I was the first one to be out of hotel. Nigel already was standing next to the car. Although he used to be pissed off when it happened, cause that would mean a huge loss of money, he had a smile on his face. There must be a reason for that. ‘Nigel, what happened? I asked him.  
‘I got a phone call from RCA when you left, they want to meet us tomorrow. I need my boys to be fresh and clean for meeting’  
‘It’s a great news’ I said with a fake smile on my face. I just got in the driver’s seat and waited for everyone else to pile in.  
When everybody got on I started to drive, focusing on the road and keeping my head clear of thoughts. I realized that we weren’t that far from home, when after just driving an hour we were near Manchester. Nigel was first one to leave the car. I pulled up to expensive looking apartments complex.   
‘One day you are going to live here, if we will sign that contract . I want you all to be in front of studio tomorrow 9.00 am’ - he said before shutting the door. Next to be dropped was Jason then Howard and last.. Mark. Now it was just me and Rob left in the car. It was like life wanted us to stay alone, but I was already pulling up in front of Rob’s house.  
‘Would you like to come in for a cup of tea? Rob asked and I was surprised by his request. He kept on being nice to me even if I was ignoring him. ‘Well.. I don’t know, it’s a bit late, we need to be at our best tomorrow. Next time, ok?’ I said regretting my words as they were coming out from my mouth. ‘Yeah, it’s ok, don’t worry!’ - he replied, looking disappointed. It was like I just could not help but hurt him. He took his suitcase and shut the door with loud bang. Was he angry at me? I felt almost immediately the urge to get off the car and spend with him some more time (wasn’t that what Nigel told me to do in the end?? I was more than happy to obey him this time round).  
‘Hey Rob, maybe I really need that cup of tea before driving again!’ I shouted him as I opened the glass.  
He turned around smiling at me making my heart swell a little. Rob let me in the house. It was smaller than mine. He switched on the light in the corridor. I took of my shoes while Rob disappeared somewhere in the house.   
I went deeper in the house listening to sounds around me so I could find him. He was in the kitchen, making some tea for us. Kitchen was cozy. I got the strange feeling that it was like if I were at my own home.  
I sat down on chair while Rob still worked on our tea. There was some scones left on a plate. I just wanted to take one. I haven’t eaten anything in last three hours. It was torture for me. Rob noticed my craving look and said:-  
‘You can take one, if you like, Nigel doesn’t need to know anything about it. If this gets to his ears, I’m out of band’ - he added in a wink.  
‘What Nigel doesn’t know is better for his nerves’-I said taking a bite from one of the scones. Robbie put a cup of tea in front of me. I took a sip from it. It tasted quite good. We chatted about anything, but especially music. He had good taste and was passionate about it. Maybe I could be friends with this guy without pushing my boundaries any further.  
‘I really should go now’.   
‘Yeah, you should. My mom will be home soon. I want to surprise her’-   
I put on my shoes, ready to leave. Again we were standing on the dark porch as we were few months earlier. This time he pulled me in a hug. Again I felt like if something matched between us. I just didn’t want to let him go.  
One moment he was holding me, one moment he let me go off his warm embrace. I found myself standing in the porch with my body craving for his warmness till I pulled myself together and slowly turned walking towards my car, feeling suddenly cold. As I started the engine I had a shiver and could not help glancing back at Rob’s house again. He was still there standing and watching me leaving. I was not aware yet that what happened few minutes ago in the porch was the beginning of something that could have affected our lives forever.


	6. Chapter Five

Rob’s POV  
New hotel room, new city. I always loved travelling, but now I felt exhausted, specially after tonight’s show. Maybe I was coming down with something. I hope not, because Nigel would kill me. I even said no to the after show party with the boys. Now I regretted my decision. Lying in bed alone wasn’t really a funny way to spend my time.  
A ray of light was pouring through the thick curtains which were pretty much the same colour as the carpet on the floor of my bedroom. I pulled up the blanket to protect my eyes from the dazzling light.   
I heard the doors slamming –‘Mark, Rob, I have great news’.- Gary shouted, he was usually a grounded person and looking at him so excited made me think he had something important to say.  
-‘Mark and the others are out for the night. What’s up?’- I grumbled under the blanket. My bed was moving up and down so I think Gary was jumping on it.  
-‘We got the record deal!’- he said, so I sat up fastly. Gary lost his balance and just fell on me. He was so close to me that I could feel his breath on my lips.   
It felt like every sound got sucked out of the room, even our heartbeats. I looked up in his eyes seeking for a sign. I knew what I wished to do, but was scared to death that I could ruin something that made me happy for once. All what was worrying me the most was that I just wanted to hug and kiss him hard. Hell.. NO WAY Rob! so I went..  
-‘Did we really get that record deal?’-I asked to break the tension between us, but he didn’t answer me, he was still staring at me, right in my eyes. I was starting to get a bit uncomfortable. I needed to stop all this or I would have done something we could really regret later.  
I put my hands on his shoulders to push him away from me, but I pulled him closer to me, instead. I felt his lips just some inches away from mines.. there was no way back. I lifted my head and our lips were touching. They were so soft and warm. I started to move my lips against his and he was slowly catching on.  
I moved my hands to his neck, but the door slammed again hitting the wall and making us jump. Thank god the bed was behind the corner and Mark had to walk few more steps to be able to see us. Gary made just in time to let go off of me, sit on the bed and act indifferent.  
-‘Rob, what happened?’- he asked. I had to lie to him. I knew that I could trust him, but this secret wasn’t only mine to share.   
-‘Gaz.. er..Gary.. he just told me that we got record deal’.-   
-‘Yeah, isn’t it terrific?’- Gary tried to sound normal – ‘We have a deal, mate’ – and he rushed out of the door – ‘I have to tell the boys, see ya later!’  
-‘It’s great news, lad. Finally this hell will pay off and we will get fame, girls and money.-  
-‘Yeah, buddy, but.. what are you doing here so early?’- asked him, putting enough happiness in my voice for him to sound confident, but right then the only thing I needed was running away hiding in his hotel room or somewhere else.   
-‘Robbie, is everything alright?’ - Mark asked again. Our little Markie knew me so well.  
-‘Yeah! I Just don’t feel very well. I will get some sleep now.’-   
-‘OK! I will go find Gary so you can rest.’-  
-‘NO! Stay here with me, please! – I told him with puppy eyes – ‘I will feel much safer knowing that you are here.’-  
I felt Mark’s worried look on me, but he didn’t question my outburst. Mark will work it out himself. He is good at reading me or if he won’t get it together he will ask me questions again and I would not have been able to lie to him anymore. I hope that everything will be alright between me and Gary. I just couldn’t lose his friendship or.. whatever that was.   
I was replying our kiss over and over again like in a loop and the warmness of his body was still lying on mine. Maybe I lost him the minute I kissed him and, nonetheless he reciprocated the kiss, he might have his second thoughts and regretted that. After some time I could hear Mark snoring quietly and I wished we could swap places, he looked so peaceful in his sleep, and I was so damn upset, instead, that I was not able to close my eyes for all the night. I would have paid money not to feel what I was feeling. Everything would be changed since then.


	7. Chapter Six

Rob’s POV  
It has been such long time from that kiss to this moment. I felt like an absolute idiot, I got the feeling that our friendship was going to end because of it, but I did it anyway and I didn’t regret a minute of it. My emotions were real and I was not like Gary.. I was not able to hide them and could not deny how I was feeling.   
I was standing in a booth to record some lead vocals for a couple of tracks. I knew that this was going to piss him off, even if Nick asked me to do it, that was not my choice, but I hoped that he would talk to me even if he was angry. I stepped out of the booth and there Gary was standing by the doorway.  
-‘Rob, can we talk for a minute?’- I noticed he was upset though his voice was low. Mark passed by us taking my place in the recording booth, looking at me worringly. Maybe he was slowly putting pieces together in his mind, to finally reach the answer about what was going on between me and Gaz.  
-‘Yeah, of course mate’- I answered a bit nervous.  
I followed him outside the recording area, the corridor was deserted, just the 2 of us. The studio door was soundproof so he could easily kill me and nobody would hear me screaming for help. Just the awareness that Mark was somewhere in the nearby made me feel safer, ok.. I think that I was worring too much!  
-‘So...what do you want to talk me about? I am all ears’ – My anger slipped out from me. Gary wasn’t the only one to be upset here.   
-‘I am not that glad that you are taking my solo parts.’-  
-‘I’m not taking your freaking stuff. Nick gave them to me. If you want them back, talk with him. Is this the only thing that bothers you?’-  
He went silent for a moment, as if he was desperately find the right words to say. –‘I don’t believe you. You always wanted my spot.’- He was so stubborn!   
-‘Which part of ‘Nick gave them to me’ isn’t clear to you? Go and talk with him, if you don’t believe him! If.. you have the guts to do it.-  
-‘What did you just say?’-  
-‘You heard me pretty well. I told you that you don’t have the guts to do it, Barlow! – I was furious and damn tired to get involved in tricks, he was clearly avoiding the main issue here – ‘If you fear to face about our little affair then how the hell do you think to be able to be the leader of this band, uh?’-  
He looked shocked and getting more and more angry any minute. I saw his veins swelling all over his face. Gary let it go and pushed me to the wall  
-‘What are you talking about? What the fuck do you want me to say? Nothing happened! You hear me.. nothing! I completely forgot it. I’m not that kind of guy and you won’t make one of me.-  
-‘Hey whoah.. calm down mate! I’m not either, but why did you do it then? YOU.RETURNED.THE.KISS.. if I am not wrong. Keep your shit together, Barlow.’- I told him and he gripped my jeans jacket even stronger. -‘I am trying to take you all to success, I don’t need these bullshits! You got me? - His face was leaning in again, but the door opened and Mark walked in.   
-‘Gary, they are looking for you. Rob.. is everything OK? Fancy having a drink out with me later? You look like you need one.’-   
-‘Yeah, sure mate, I’m coming’.- I said not looking at Mark but holding on my gaze toward Gary, defiantly.  
He let me go and I walked out of the door. Mark following me. I heard Gary slamming the door behind us. He looked like a kid who had his candy taken away from him by his older sibling.   
-‘Rob, what the hell is happening with Gaz?- I heard Mark say still in shock.  
-‘No clue, mate. Maybe he didn’t have good night sleep. You know how much he needs it.’-   
We laughed, because we knew that Gary was always in bad mood and we just loved to push his buttons down in those moments. We walked down the street to the local pub. It was half empty at this time of the day. We spent there few hours to relax after having spent the whole frigging day recording our album.  
Each pub has this special smell. This one had something mixed between strong beer, whiskey and cheap cigarettes. This smell reminded me of pub in my hometown where I spent my childhood. I remember I used to go there when I was feeling blue, but I was never allowed to get drinks.   
We sat on high bar stools by the furthest table so nobody could see us. Mark ordered us our first pint of the night, because no way I was not going to leave this place sober, nor soon. In reality I just did not want to see Gary for weeks or.. months, possibly, but tomorrow we would be again in the same room, unfortunately.  
-‘Maybe now you can tell me what happened between you and Gary?’-   
-‘Nothing, Markie!’-I said. It was so easily to lie about this. The fight with Gaz made me forget how happy I felt in that moment.  
-‘Don’t lie to me, Robbie! Remember that I’m your best friend, I am not that stupid and I know you too well. Just tell me what’s going on?’-  
Mark knew that alcohol will loosen my tongue. He was right and had the right to know the truth. He was almost .. a brother to me. I could trust him.   
-‘Mark, ok..I will tell ya but.. don’t even make a sound about it! - Mark nodded - ‘Gary and I.. ahem.. we kissed.’- I told him, it was easier than I thought it would be. It was like a big weight was lifted off from my shoulders.  
-‘And... ?’ -Markie asked for me to continue.  
-‘And.. you walked in room and we haven’t talked since that day. Oh, and.. he returned the kiss, for the record’-   
Mark didn’t look much shocked or disgusted. I knew he already had got the whole story and needed me to confirm his suspicions.   
-‘You know Rob.. I noticed there was something going on but I did not realize what. Did..did you liked it?’-  
-‘Yeah, I did. Listen mate, I don’t want to talk about it right now. I just want to get smashed and forget everything.’- -‘Well.. of course mate but.. I did not know you were into boys, that’s it’ -‘I did not think it too, bro. But Gary is just something.. I don’t know, I can’t still figure out what or who he is to me. Now... can we have those fucking drinks and stop talking about that?’  
-‘Ok, let’s get as smashed as much as we can, boy!’-Mark said, and ordered two more beers for us. He was really a great friend.  
I didn’t know how many beers I had, but they did not affect my brains. It only affected my coordination. Markie found a girl, in the meantime, who he was going to spend the night with. I felt lonely so I standed up to leave, but everything went spinning around me.  
-‘Rob, mate, is everything Ok?-  
I just shook my head, unable to speak cause if I did sure I would get sicker than that and vomit. Mark was by my side helping me out of the pub. Fresh air hit my face and made me feel a bit better, but still everything was spinning. So I put all my weight on Mark’s shoulder.  
-‘Shit, Rob, you’re heavy!’-Mark cursed.-‘Where should I take you?’  
-‘Anywhere I can lie down, or just leave me here and call a cab’-  
-‘I won’t leave you here lying on the street. I know where to take you, but please don’t be pissed at me.’-   
I didn’t question the last part of his rant. I really wanted to lie down. We started to walk slowly, my legs were so heavy to carry on. After a while we were walking up some stairs. I heard a bell ringing and someone opening the door but I didn’t dare to look up, cause I was dizzy and sick again.  
-‘Mark, what are you doing here? Why is he with you?’- a familiar voice hit me.  
Even if I was sick and dizzy, my two neurons, still sober, left in my head, told me that Mark carried me at Gary’s home. Why did Mark took me here? He knew everything and still took me here.   
-‘Sorry, Gary! You are the only one who lives the closest and he is feeling so bad, he just needs a couch. He won’t cause troubles. Please, let him stay for a night.’-   
-‘OK! - Gary muttered – ‘Just for tonight, but if.. this happens again, I’m going to say no.’-  
-‘It won’t happen.’-Mark said helping him to carry me into Gary’s flat and put me on the sofa. It was good to finally have something soft and comfortable under my body. I closed my eyes and everything stopped spinning.   
I heard Mark and Gary whisper in the other room behind the closed doors. I could hear a door slamming, and I guessed that Mark should have gone.  
Dizziness was starting to leave me and tension was taking its place. There were only me and Gary in the room. I have been through this before and each time it all ended with one of us fucking everything up. I didn’t dare to move, I was not sober enough and no reason to start a fight. So I just went..  
-‘I’m sorry for what I said in the recording studio’ I said what needed to be said then I shut my mouth, to avoid to say thing I could regret.  
-‘Well, you were right. I can’t go to Nick and tell him to give me those solos. Your voice fits that song much better than mine.’- Gary’s voice was surprisingly softer this time.  
I opened my eyes wide and sit up as quick as I could. Again everything went blurry and I groaned in pain. I felt hands on my shoulders that eased me back down in the lying position.  
-‘Easy tiger!’- Gary chuckled.  
-‘Where is the real, grumpy Gary and what you did with him?’ - I asked surprised and he chuckled again. So I guess I was not making things up.  
-‘Close your eyes and get some sleep. You’ll have a bad hungover tomorrow.’- he said and stroke my cheek. I turned my head to snuggle deeper in his touch. I thought I could even purr like a kitten.  
I was not able to realize if the shivers I felt going through down my spine were due to the alcohol still running through my veins or to the kiss that Gary stamped on my forehead right before heading to his bedroom.   
-‘Sweet Dreams! I put some Advil and glass of water on table.’- Gary said literally whispering in my ears while covering my body with a blanket. I was surprised, he was so different now, so tender that he if he’d continue like that I would not need any pills to recover from my hangover, excitement and adrenaline would be enough.  
I lied on the couch. While I was replying in my mind his little gestures of affection I felt asleep quickly with a smile on my face. I knew that I would have the worst hangover ever the morning after, but I did not care about it. I wanted only to enjoy the feeling that I would have spent the whole night in Gary’s flat.


	8. Chapter Seven

Gary’s POV  
I woke up in my bed and I realized I was freezing though I was wearing two T-shirts and two wool sweaters. I needed to find a new flat, but I could not afford it yet. I got up and went into the living room, Rob was still lying asleep on my couch, he was all shrunken in a ball. He looked so small and cute.   
I quickly took few more blankets and put them on his body. After few minutes he started to move stretching his legs. It was still freaking freezing here. I needed to do something about it. Fireplace. I went out to the balcony where the wood was stored. After some minutes the living room was filled with light orange light from roaring fire and warmth filled the room, but it wasn’t still enough for me.   
I lied on the carpet next to the fireplace, watching how the light was playing its games on Rob’s face. He looked so naive and young, but he wasn’t like that. He was smart, witty, passionate, cheerful and his stubborness would drive me crazy at times but I loved that in the end, behind his self confidence he was needy but he did not accept half truths, you should be in or out with Rob, no many shadows of grey, just black or white. These could be bad for people but it was good for me, I was intrigued by it. A weird feeling was slowly getting in my heart and I realized that I had been staring at his sleepy face for few minutes. Maybe Rob was right and I was really falling for this dark haired bloke.   
There was no more time to lie to myself.. I was somehow attracted by this boy and all I wished was to get closer to him. One of his hugs right now would have been amazing. I would have felt warm again, but he was totally out of it. So I closed my eyes, just imagining how it could have been to be wrapped up by his strong arms. I think I must have fallen asleep right after, because I was woken up by pained groan.  
-‘Have another pain killer, baby, and go back to sleep.’- I told Rob, looking straight into his eyes. The fire was still lighting the room, I put some more wood in.   
I went back to lie on the carpet, when I noticed that Rob had moved from the sofa and got lied next to me. I turned my head to look at Rob who had an innocent smile on his face. Now he looked even younger. I just felt my heart pounding. I was upset and these new feelings were basically overwhelming me. This goodlooking lad was beginning to rule over my emotions.  
-‘Rob, go back on the couch. It’s more comfortable.’-  
-‘But it’s colder there.’- he said and then smirked at me.-‘I want to stay here.. with you’-   
‘Ok’ – I was starting to surrender to my feelings and I pulled him closer to me. He pulled his blanket over both of us and snuggled closer to me, lying his hand over my stomach. He was hugging or.. holding me. I felt the warmth of his hand on my stomach. He truly was like a little lost kitten, and I realized that I wanted to take care of him.  
-‘How’s your head?’-I asked him completely awake now.   
-‘Better, but I’ve been worse than this.’- he whispered against my neck. I felt shivers when his breath reached my skin.- ‘Are you still mad at me about the kiss in the hotel?’-  
\- ‘I was never angry with you, Rob. It was my fault not yours. I just did not understand what that was all about’-  
The truth was that I was mad at myself, instead, because I just couldn’t come on terms with myself and my true emotions. Maybe that was what he saw from his point of view. I needed to explain it to him, I didn’t want him to feel guilty about kiss. I wanted to feel happiness remembering those few seconds when our lips touched.  
He started to laugh and I just realized what I said. It was so cliche and cheesy, but I was telling my truth and it was coming from my heart.  
-‘It’s true, Rob. I was just lost in all those feelings and emotions. They were so new to me, a new territory I had never explored before. You know that I’m not good with them, but I am the best at hiding them. There is no need to feel guilty about it.’-   
Rob hummed in agreement and in surprise. He propped his head up and looked at me. His eyes were wide open as if he had finally seen the answer he was looking for. But Something was bothering him.   
-‘So... did you like the kiss then?- he asked me hiding his face in the crook of my neck. I could catch a glimpse of his rosy cheeks. Rob was blushing. That was so cute. I smiled like an idiot.   
-‘I did, Robbie.’-I admitted, blushing too. I was a fool for this boy that was lying in my arms. Finally he propped his head up to look at me. I reached out my hand to brush his cheek and he snuggled deeper hugging me harder and caressing my stomach. I felt his legs entwining with mine. I felt I was ready to accept my new feelings. His soul was asking for permission to enter in mine, and my heart said: ‘Access granted’.  
-‘You’re just talking like that not to make me sad.’- Rob went.  
He didn’t believe me. What did I need to do or say to make him trust me?   
-‘Than maybe we should give it another try.’- Facts were better than thousands words.  
Robbie’s eyes were wide open, obviously wondering what was coming next. He is smirked and then he got serious parting his lips a bit and leaning closer to me. I knew that I got a no return ticket for this wonderful trip I was going to take but my poundind heart was telling me that it was the right thing to do. I defeated the last distance that was between us.   
Our lips collided and started to move in perfect sync in a tender kiss, our first real one. My body felt warm and fuzzy, this time it was much better, this time we had the awareness of our feelings.   
There were only the two of us and it felt damn right. My head was spinning in his warm embrace and he was so sweet and passionate. Rob was the first one to draw away, catching his breath.   
-‘Do you believe me know?’- I asked him  
-‘Uhmmm.. I don’t know..’ – He joked – ‘..maybe you should try one more time!’- he said putting his head on my chest. I wrapped my hands around his body pulling him as close as possible. Now he was basically lying on my chest while I were stroking his back. He was asleep already so I just enjoyed the view of him, while the fire was heating us up.  
In that moment I felt like if I were in a sort of fairy tale or in a dream. I knew this moment will be the one I will treasure till my last breath. Even if I wanted to think about consequences, I couldn’t, because I finally felt truly happy, not even music didn’t made me this happy, ever. I closed my eyes just living the dream or.. it was reality, I still am not that sure of where I was in. Sleep was fast to take me under his spell. Totally unaware on how this new relationship could have affected me, the boys or worse.. Nigel.


	9. Chapter Eight

Rob’s POV  
I felt someone shaking me, I didn’t want to wake me up yet, I was comfortable in Gary’s couch under the soft and warm blankets he put on me last night. I growled a bit hoping he would stop but he didn’t, until I finally opened my eyes and noticed the he was looking at me with his ‘guilty puppy’ eyes look all over his face.  
-‘Rob, get up! We are late, we gotta run to the studio. Nigel already called me twice.’- He was talking so fast that I got only the half of what he said. I was not ready to work today, bad hungover. I got up and was heading to look for a mirror to fix me up, but Gary grabbed my hand pulling me in the opposite direction and leading me out of the flat. We got on a cab to reach the studios as soon as we could. When we finally got there, Gary pulled me out of the cab and we both ran to get into the studios. When we show up in the room, where the boys were already rehearsing, they stopped and stared at us, with a funny questioning look on their faces. What we did not realize so far was that we were still holding hands. We let go of each other, abruptly. Everyone was still recovering from surprise, except Mark who winked at me. It’s like he was figuring out the whole situation. But the worse part was that.. Nigel was there too.  
-‘Gary, we need to talk..’-He said, his mouth still half open - ‘..everybody else get back to what you were doing before.’- Rolling my eyes I knew that would not be any good news. I felt the need to tell Gary not to go with him but this could get even worse so I held myself back. They both walked out of the room. Howard and Jason went back to practice their dance and I sat down next to Markie who smiled at me.  
-‘So.. how are you feeling?’- he asked me.  
-‘Good. Not the worst hungover I ever had, but if we want to talk in private we need to get out from here.’- I whispered, afraid to be heard. Mark got me immediately so he said..   
-‘We could find some room with a piano to train our vocal chords.’- he said out loud so everyone could hear him.  
-‘Sure, Let’s go! Today they are recording Dougie and Jay.’- I said following him. We were aware that there was one more soundproof room somewhere, we used to go in there often when we wanted to talk about personal stuff.  
So we slowly got up and went in. Mark run over some melodies before looking at me. He didn’t know how to start this speech. Maybe I could give him a hint but I was afraid to face such a meaningful conversation. *Get a grip, Rob! You just can’t get all sappy, just because you like someone* I told to myself. So I went..  
-‘Thanks for taking me to his flat.’-  
-‘How was that? Did you two manage to sort things out?-  
-‘I hope so, I mean.. I did it, I was honest with him, but.. today.. I don’t know.. I have a bad feeling, maybe he is still unsure.’-  
-‘You both looked so cute holding hands.’-   
-‘Oh Man.. haha.. that was one of the most awkward moments in my fucking life!- I chuckled – ‘Well.. the thing is that I just don’t want to lose him. He just makes everything feel so right. -‘I said sitting next to him on piano bench. –‘Damn Mark, I fell so hard for him, well..’-I added- ‘..at least I never thought that I would fall for a boy, in first place!  
-‘Why do you think you are gonna lose him?’-   
-‘Damn man.. Nigel saw us holding hands. Judging by the look of his face he was not as happy as you were to see us like that. Have you noticed Gary’s reaction? He followed him like a puppy. He loves to please him. I’m telling you mate.. this is not exactly what I call a good start. I’m just afraid that he will give up on us, I am not sure that he cares of me so much to have the guts to face him and take about it openly with him.  
-‘Maybe you are wrong. You need to think positive. He will come around, if he loves you.’-  
Mark put an arm around my soulders and pulled me closer. I was afraid of what was coming next. Would I be able to get through the shit that life will throw on my path? I put my head on his shoulder, and he hold me tighter. Mark was really my best friend and ‘bro’. My life would be certainly better having his unconditional support. He would be the best shoulder to cry on if..  
We were sitting in a comfortable silence when the door opened, but I didn’t look up. I felt Mark tense, that meant something was wrong. I just didn’t want to deal with it in that moment, but there was no way I could ignore it.  
-‘Mark, can I talk with Robbie face to face, just we two?’- I glanced at him and noticed that he was pale and upset. I didn’t want to be alone with Gary. Everything in me was screaming for help and I turned my look toward Mark with a plea in my eyes.  
-‘Ok! Robbie, I will be behind the door if you need me’ -he said, squeezing my hand to reassure me. My heart started beating fast, I was a bit worried to be left alone with Gary. I winked Markie and told him to go and that all was going to be okay. He walked out and a kind of high tension filled the air around us. I picked myself up and asked..  
-‘So..what’s going on?-  
-‘I lied yesterday.’- he said out of the blue- ‘I don’t like you like that.’-   
-‘Like.. what? Sorry but I don’t get what you are talking about’ – I felt a shiver going down my spine, slowly getting the whole meaning of his ranting.   
-‘I mean.. you know.. the fireplace, the feelings, the things we were talking about last night in my flat, well.. I have to be honest with you, I don’t think that it is a good idea. I am not sure, better to keep our relationship as it is’ – He said in low voice looking down embarassed. He caught me off guard and my world collapsed in a second. Did he really just say that? I could not believe his words and I could sense that it was not the truth coming out of his mouth. Those were Nigel’s words.  
-‘And.. what do you mean exactly by ‘to keep our relationship as it is’?’ – I asked him trying to restrain myself and not punch him on the face. -‘Come on boy.. have the guts to look at me when you tell me such bullshits!!’   
-‘Well.. we are mates, lads making part of a band and we are here to work so.. I care about you as a friend, no more no less, sorry’  
-‘What the fuck...friends!?’ –I grinned – ‘You are lying. I don’t believe you.’- I looked straight in his eyes, sad eyes.- ‘I cannot believe that you did not mean what you said and did last night, those gestures cannot be faked, damn it!’   
-‘I’m not lying to you. They didn’t mean anything.’- Gary was pale.  
-‘You know what.. I don’t think so, Gary. We were both in that room, on that floor, kissing like our life depended on that. You just can’t fake that!’-  
-‘But I was wrong!- he told me looking up to me now. This was starting to get on my nerves.   
-‘No, you can’t be wrong about it and I can’t be wrong about it, I know what I felt and what I still am feeling. Don’t even go there now!-  
-‘But.. hey last night I was not sure about what was happening and I still am not, so I don’t want to go in a love affair with you which can lead to.. nothing. That was a big mistake’- he was looking at me now, still shaking; for a second I to read a plea in his eyes and turned my head around to prevent me from pushing him on the wall and kissing him hard.   
-‘That’s it! It’s all crystal clear to me. I know what this all is coming from, they are Nigel’s words, not yours. He put them into your mouth and god knows what else he did to you! You are just his puppy and so in love with fame that you would do anything to get it but.. you know what.. you are blind and not that smart cause you could have both me and success, if you used you brain but no.. you did not even take it in consideration, you prefer to throw your feelings down in the bog rather than to try to face them and fight for them, for US!’- I was raging and not able to control what was going out from my mouth – ‘You are a selfish coward! I’m sick and tired of your lies. You know what.. you can go to hell and stick that fame of yours down your throath and choke with it. Tell Nigel that he got what he wanted!’-   
I turned around to leave the room when he grabbed my wrist.-‘Rob, I didn’t want it to happen like this. But it’s better for us.’- I was so fuming that I did not even heard what he said.  
-‘Who the hell do you think to be to tell me what’s better for me? You’re nobody, Barlow, and you will be ‘Mr nobody’ with your freaking stupid songs.’- I knew I was hurting him, he looked shocked at me. -‘Fuck you Barlow! I hope you will be happy with your dumb life.’- I shouted him, getting me free from the tight grip of his cold hand, the very same hand that last night was tenderly caressing my cheek. I could not believe that this all was happening, my eyes were blurred from tears and I stormed out of the door running out of the damn building. I heard Mark and Dougie calling me but I wasn’t going to stop this time. I just needed to run away and hide myself in a dark hole.   
My blood was pumping up in my veins, and a heavy weight in my chest so I slowed down my pace and went in the park lying down on the grass to catch my breath. I was replaying the last hour in my head over and over again. My head was spinning – *That little piece of shit. Who does he think he is?* I thought- ‘You are a liar!’- I screamed out as loud as I could. Fortunately there was nobody around to hear me. People were still at work and there was nobody at this time of the day. I needed to let all my rage go out so I got up and started to kick the grass and all the stuff I found on my way, I felt cheated and hurt. I started to walk in desperation. I had been wondering around for about one hour, lost in my thoughts, without a destination.   
I had nowhere to go. I did not even realized of the amount of time that passed by. My tears were still running down on my cheeks and the road was all blurred and fuzzy until I found myself in a familiar area. In front of me there was a familiar building. I felt a grip in my throat which almost chocked me. For the first time in my life my heart was, deep down in my chest, bleeding.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for this week DOUBLE UPDATE!!

Gary’s POV  
I was still standing in the same spot where Rob left me. Rob’s harsh words hit me like a ton of bricks. Did he really mean what he said? I just couldn’t think that he hated me. I was shocked, confused and damn frustrated. I felt like if I stabbed myself in my own heart and pushed the knife deeper and deeper. I heard somebody closing the door with a thud and I snapped out of my dazed state of mind.  
I looked up to see Mark standing in front of the door. He didn’t look happy. I even could say he was upset. I have never seen him like that, I was almost intimidated.   
-‘Gary, please, sit down. We need to talk.’- He told me in a commanding voice. It felt like if I was getting to be scolded by my mom. Obviously he was aware of something that I was missing instead. Of course, he was Robbie’s closest friend. That’s why he brought him to my flat. He planned it because he wanted us to talk it out, and we did it.  
-‘Markie, I know what you are going to say... I know that I ruined the best chance in my life.’- I told him while sitting down on the piano bench. I noticed his features softening a bit and guessed that Mark did not want to rub salt in my wound given that I was already cursing myself for what I said to Rob.  
-‘Than why have you done that to him and.. yourself? You both are upset and mad at each other now and.. oh hell.. I don’t wanna think about what it is going to happen next.’-  
-‘I can’t tell you Markie, I am sorry.’- I said blushing and trying to avoid his eyes.  
-‘I got the sense that that Nigel has something to do with it’- he said looking at me hopeful to read an answer on my face.   
-‘How...what.. NO, he has not!- I lied shivering. Mark just smirked. He obviusly knew more than I thought he did.   
-‘You know what.. I think that Rob was right on this one. He was afraid that he will lose you after your secret chat with Nigel.’ - Mark said it obviusly not listening what I had just said. He was so sure to be right. The problem was that he WAS.-   
-‘Did he really say that?’- I asked him, with a hint of hope in my heart, so Rob was missing me. I was still stunned by Rob’s reaction but I had to admit that it was not a secret that he was passionate about things. I needed somebody confirm that he cared about me, and I knew that our little sweet Markie would fit perfectly for that role.  
-‘Hell yeah, he did. Why do you think he overreacted like that? I haven’t seen him so scared even before stepping out on stage and you know about his stage fright. He is in pain cause he feels something for you that goes beyond friendship! Can’t you get it, you blinded man! Oh well.. now it’s up to you, make up your mind and move on.. next step’- He said and walked out of the door. I was left alone with my thoughts.  
Dammit, I ruined the best thing in my life. I needed to sort something out, because I was feeling like a pile of ashes being blown away by wind soon. Rob was slipping away from me, but I could not go against Nigel and tell him the truth. I could not even find the focus to make my job and write a damn line down.  
-‘What should I do?’- I shouted around in the empty room, as if someone was listening to me. I sat dejected on the stool in front of the piano without a fucking clue of how to get things sorted out.   
I was feeling like a shit, I had, somehow, cheated on Rob just to please our manager. So I stood there waiting for a sign, a flash of inspiration. Maybe he was right, maybe if I started to make my brain work we could make it. We needed to figure out a plan, a good one to and we both could make this relationship work without to rise Nigel’s suspicions, which was not that easy since he is a smart ass and his gay radar is always up. How did I let Nig get this far with me? My regrets were still haunting me meanwhile my plan was slowly taking shape in my head and I felt immediately a sort of relief. We could dodge his watch, with a bit of cooperation from the lads. I needed to find Rob tell him about it. When finally I left the room I knew exactly what I was going to do.   
The lads where in the coffee lounge chatting, but no sign of Rob around. I just walked in.  
-‘Where is Rob?’ I asked Mark.  
-‘No clue mate’ - he answered. My smile started to fall of my face. Mark gave me his best simpathetic look and I walked back to couch where Dougie and Jay were sitting. The boys suspected that there was something going on but they never asked me openly.   
-‘Lads, I have great news for you.’- Nigel told us coming in with a huge smile on his face, sieving the room to make sure we all were in there.   
-‘News?! – they all exhanged wondering looks.   
-‘Where is Rob?’ Nigel asked looking at me, clearly disappointed but not surprised not to see Rob in the room.   
‘We don’t know’ – Mark answered glancing at me but I kept my straight face on.  
-‘Well... I don’t mind! I will take you to fancy restaurant next Friday, you just finished to record your first album, and we need a proper celebration, don’t you think so? – Nigel asked. If he was expecting a enthusiastic reaction, well.. he was going to be disappointed. We were tired and too much involved in our own problems to be happy about some fancy dinners.  
-‘That’s great news! We can’t wait! –Thank god Howard spoke for all of us. I just put a fake smile on my face, but my thoughts were with Rob.. *where the hell did he go?* I was starting to get worried.  
-‘Oh.. and.. no casual outfit, please. No sneakers or jeans or weird caps. It’s a really popular and expensive place so I am expecting you to look good’-  
Nigel turned around and left the lounge bringing the dense atmosphere with him. The boys looked puzzled chatting about the ‘fancy’ dinner and leaving me out of it. Actually I could not give a shit of the dinner, my mind was elsewhere figuring out how to get Robbie back. I needed to talk him out, and this time I was not going to let him go.   
I was determined to make my plan work, at any cost, but first I needed to find out what the hell he was hiding. Damn he was really fuming after our fight, I hoped he just did not do anything he could regret. Now I was really worried and eager to get out of all that negativity. Without a sound I suddenly ran out of the door.


	11. Chapter Ten

Rob’s POV  
I was in my backyard, just kicking the ball around to calm my nerves. Everything was so green and beautiful after months spent in the back of a car or in a stuffed studio. I just needed to be at home for a while and enjoyed every minute of it, I loved the peace this place gave me.   
I laid down onto the cold grass. I was sweating and I got shivers on my skin, but it was nice after my exercises and I got relaxed. Three days went by since my fight with Gaz. My mum told me that Mark and Gaz called called few times but I never responded back. I told her crystal clear that I did not wanted to be bothered by nobody, cause I was tired and I needed a break. The truth was that I needed some time off to calm me down to think over about all that happened, I was puzzled and unsure to be part of the band again. My head went back to that day again, honestly not a day or an hour passed by without thinking about it, it was still stuck in my mind, specially when, exhausted from running I found myself in front of Gary’s flat.  
__________  
*A familiar place.. I just rubbed my eyes to wash away the tears. I recognized those stairs and the main entrance, even if, when Mark carried me on there, I was completely fucked up. I got near, the door was open, so I went in. I climbed the stairs until I found Gary’s flat door, it was closed so I sat down on the stairs watching the bare walls of the corridor for long time. I could barely keep my swollen eyes open. The wrath I got when I left the studio went slowly fading away, a huge sense of bitterness was all that was left for me now. ‘How could he be so dumb?’I told myself, reminiscing and rambling– ‘he obviously cares more about himself than me. We could be happily together by now, cuddling in his arms instead of sitting here on some cold stair step as an idiot’ –Ready to accept my fate, but heartbroken, I started to walk toward home*  
___________  
I was told by my mum that I was given an ultimatum by Nigel to go back within Friday, and take part at the dinner, or not be back at all. He, though, allowed me to get few days off. That asshole wanted me out of his way but did I really want to give him this chance? I could not make up my mind. All I wanted was just to be able to see Gary, but obviously he was not feeling as I was, so.. what was the point?   
-‘Rob,your dad is here to see you.’- my mom called out at me. I just took in last peace moments, rolling my eyes. I turned around to see that he was standing, hovering over me with a suspicious look on his face. Mum must have told him everything. She thought I needed man to man talk, of course. He gave me his hand so I could stand up. I took it and we went to sit on a bench.   
-‘So Bob.. how are you doing with the band and all? - he asked me. I knew where this was getting to. I didn’t need his sermon about my demeanor right now, but some good advice would be helpful.  
-‘Great.’- I lied- I have some solo tracks to work on. But you already know how I am doing, don’t ya? You see.. I just need a good reason to stay in that band, because the manager hates me to the core. I just don’t want him to say what I need to do.’- I did not want to tell my dad that I was getting away cause I had fallen for the lead singer and he did not wanted to have anything to do with me. Apart from that it was too way soon for him to know the truth, he certainly could not get my point.  
-‘Bob, don’t be an asshole. It’s great they gave you those tracks, you should be glad about it, but he is your manager and your boss and you work for him. No point you to leave this all now, it’s too soon. Where would you go? What would you do then? You are too young an unexperienced to face a solo career right now. You need them and you will just punch yourself over this when they will be a number one and you will be somewhere else regretting these days. Do you really want to lose this chance?-  
-‘No, of course not! But it’s so hard to be hated by the one who rules your life.. *and by the other one who rules your heart.*- I mumbled to myself, hoping that my dad didn’t get it.  
-‘Did you say something?’-  
-‘No, no, nothing! Just.. mumbling’-  
He looked at me as he saw through me, because I was never nervous around him, but in that moment I was fidgeting to get my words out right.  
-‘What are you going to do, son? I am telling you once for all.. this is a big chance for you, maybe you should reconsider your decision. You are not that pussy to back out after working your ass off for a whole year in that band.’-  
-‘OK! I will take this chance and show that I have the balls to go on and behave as a full grown up man. They will see that I’m worth it.’- I said standing up and showing off my ego. Right after I slumped down again.  
-What happened?- My dad asked me.  
\- Oh.. well, nothing, it’s that I just that all at once I realized that I don’t have anything to wear tonight.’-   
-‘You mean the.. dinner?   
-‘Yeah’ – I opened my eyes in a wonder and making weird expression with my mouth. – ‘I need to be fit and good looking, no casual outfit, so I was told.’  
He started to laugh. I felt little bit better, but that didn’t solve the problem.  
-‘Let me sort this out for you.’- My dad winked patting me on my back. - ‘I brought here a couple of my best and classy suits. I think one of them will fit you right in time.’- I was both relieved and worried about that. I just laughed at myself at the thought to look myself in the mirror dressed like an old peguin’   
-‘Thanks, dad! You saved my life today. If I went there in my tracksuit, Nigel would really kick me out straightaway – we both laughed.  
-‘You’re welcome, son! And also I can take you to the restaraunt if you like. Now go to your bedroom and and try them on. If there are some problems your mom will sort something out, but I think they will be fine. We have only four hours to bring you there. We can’t be late, right?-  
-‘Yes sir!- I said. That’s our family thing to be on time everywhere we go. If you are late, shame on you and your family.  
I hugged him and jogged in the house to find the suits in my room lying on bed. I needed to do a shower first. Later, while I was combing my hair, my mum came in and helped me out with one of the suits. It fitted perfectly, dad was right. She had a big smile on her face and watery eyes.  
-‘Mom, what’s going on?’- I raised my eyebrows.  
-‘Oh, it’s nothing, Rob. You just grew up so fast. You’re such a handsome, young man.’- she said in a broken voice.  
-‘Mom, please, don’t cry. I’m still your baby and that’s not gonna change.’-   
I walked toward her and we both hugged tight.   
-‘There is something missing.’- she said walking out of my room to came back a minute later with perfume bottle in one hand and tie in the other one. She put them on my bed side table.   
-‘Oh no mum, you know I hate ties’- I whined, but she wasn’t going to give up on this so I let her do what she wanted. She tied my tie on me with a proud smile on her face. Than she sprayed a little bit perfum that made me sneeze.   
-‘Bless you!’- my dad was watching me from the doorway of my room.  
-‘Thanks, dad!’- I answered nervously.  
-‘You look like proper gentelman. You two should get going. You need to be there on time.’ - my mom told us, ushering torwards the door of my room. While I was in the patio, I froze out of the blue, panicking. I realized that I was not only going to see the boys again but I was going to face Gary after all that time. We had not talked things out yet and I really needed to do it before I see him again. Hell, I should have agreed to meet him when he called at the house. I did not know how to behave at the restaurant, and there was not time left now. What if he was still angry with me and the dinner would be a total disaster? Sure Nig will notice the we are still not talking to each other.  
I knew that I was not able to hide my feeling much but I was going to fake and keep myself calm, I would be the same cheeky chappy boy they know. I shook myself from my ramblings and I ran to the car where my dad was waiting for me. There was a comfortable silence in the car. The brick of the small town changed in front of my view into the beautiful open fields of the english countryside. In half a hour I was in another town, ready to face my fears. We stopped next to the ‘trendy’ looking restaurant. None of the lads was around yet. Maybe I was a bit early and I took the chance to pull myself together. I was, one more time, panicking.  
-‘Get out of the car and make me proud of you. Don’t let them rule on you.’ – My dad told me in a hug – ‘You’re Robbie Williams. Remember it.’- he patted me and pushed me outside the car. I was really uncomfortable.  
I got off and shut the doors behind myself. My father started the engine again and drove off. I was fussing with my fingers, nervously. My thoughts were running faster than ever. I wanted to hide behind a trash bin, but that would not be very appropriate with that beautiful suit so I took all my courage and stood there waiting for the rest of the boys, shaking nervously.  
Finally I beheld the band micro bus stopping by. All the lads piled out of it, exept for Gary, who was probably coming with Nigel. Mark ran to hug me. I really missed him so much. It’s a good thing that my father made me realize that I was wrong. Than Nigel stepped out of his car and looked up and down at me.   
-‘I see that you choose to stick with us!’- throwing his arrogance onto my face. I knew that I had to give in, somehow but I intended to show him that I was not gonna be a puppet in this dickhead’s hands.   
-‘Yeah, and I’m ready to fight for this place.’- I said facing him with my head high.  
He laughed at me and just patted my back. Everybody else laughed with him and I put on one of my fake smiles on my face.   
-‘Gary, what are you waiting for? Get out of it. We have a reservation.’- Nigel urged Gary who, for some reason, was still lingering in the car. I heard the doors open and close. I turned around to see a gorgeous Gary coming out of it. There he was standing in tux. My heart skipped a beat, he looked so handsome! He walked few steps toward me. His eyes were all over me now, they were so bright but also a bit swollen, as if he could not rest well.  
\- ‘Hello Rob..’ – Gary went abruptly – ‘..we need to talk’  
\- ‘About what?’ – I asked him harshly.   
-‘I called you loads of times. You never called me back’ – he whispered nervously looking around for Nigel.  
\- ‘You already told me what you needed to say, and you were very elusive to give me an answer but I got the message so.. what now?’  
-‘Wrong timing and place to do it now but.. please.. give me a chance, you won’t be disappointed.’ He answered back, he was inches away from me. I was dazed by the smell of his perfume.   
My feelings stroke me back happily swirling inside me like a hurricane. If I had not been still mad at him I would have pushed him onto the wall and kissed him hard like there was no tomorrow. I barely managed to hold me back from jumping on him and turned my feet to reach the boys who were already in. I knew that the rest of the evening would be tough. I was totally fucked!


	12. Chapter Eleven

Gary’s POV  
My car stopped right back behind the band minivan. Nigel got off but I was still sitting inside, lingering. I had not seen Rob for days and slept just a couple of hours per night. He did not returned one of my calls. I was afraid he still wanted to avoid any contact with me. When Nigel told me I was supposed to record Rob’s solo parts, I was troubled that he would leave the band, once for all. I was relieved that he chose to stay and now I was tense at the idea to meet him, at the same time. Thankfully the windows were blacked out and nobody could see me. *Get a grip and move on Barlow. No need to be afraid.* I needed to get out of our car before Nigel would call me. I already had my hand on door handle when..  
‘Gary, what are you doing there? Get out the car.. we have a reservation.’-Nigel called out. Shit, I missed my opportunity. I took a deep breath, got out shutting the doors behind me. I slowly walked around the car and my eyes locked with those one of a tall good looking guy standing next to Mark, Rob, who was having a word with Nigel. He was all dressed up in a dark suit, white shirt and grey tie around his neck. Mark had his hand around his waist. His bright green eyes struck me down right here in the middle of my chest. He was beautiful. It’s been only three days and he looked so different!   
My first urge was to get his hand and take him elsewhere, far from here, but I could not.  
‘Hello Rob..’ I said quickly ‘.. we need to talk.  
‘About what?’ He answered harshly.  
‘I called you loads of times. You never called me back’ I whispered careful not to be spotted by our boss.   
‘You already told me what you needed to say, and you were very elusive to give me a proper answer but.. I got the message so.. what now?’  
‘Wrong time and place here now but.. please.. give me a chance, you won’t be disappointed’ I replied getting as closer as I could, my face was so close to his now waiting for an answer. He stood there watching me closely.   
His lips were flickering as if he wanted to add something, his eyes sending me mixed signals, then he turned around following Nigel and the boys into the restaurant. Mark gave me a reassuring smile that everything was going to be okay. I smiled back at him and we both joined the rest of the crew.   
We were greeted nicely by a pretty waitress who showed us our table. We all sat down and Rob took his place right in front of me. It just felt like something was putting us together in these situations or maybe.. he did it on purpose. I looked around us. The place was stuffed full. The walls were covered in paintings. Violins playing in background. Golden edged dishes and silver cutlery were nicely lying on the precious cotton tableclothes. Everything looked so expensive and I just felt out of place. Not really my thing. I would feel more comfortable at Nando’s or some other less formal place to eat. Just had one quick look at Rob who was enjoying all this, instead. He was ordering his meal talking to the waitress like a good mannered boy. I was impressed, it was like he were another person, not really the Rob I knew.   
When all the boys finished ordering their meal we both locked our eyes, again. I thought I was gonna pass out right on that spot, then I got disturbed. The waitress was looking at me, patiently and hemmed..  
‘Sir, what will you have?’ she asked gently to me.   
‘Ehm.. sorry..’ I answered blushing, I didn’t even open the menu yet. ‘.. same thing that this sir ordered.’ I told him pointing at Rob, who casted his look down, his cheeks blushing. He looked so cute. I could sense us being watched so I turned around instantly disguising myself behind a quick chat with Mark, who was sitting next to me, admiring the beauty of the girl, but still I could catch a glimpse of Rob in the meanwhile.  
I could smell his perfume from here. My heart was pounding fast, If we were alone I would just pull him closer by his tie and kiss the hell out of him for being so sexy. I felt like this evening was going to be the death of me, and we did not even start with the dinner yet.  
Howard and Jason were having a banter giggling about silly things, Mark was smiling all around wondering about the price of the fine crystal glasses when, finally, our food arrived. I took the first bite from my steak and moaned, it was so tasty. Rob looked up staring at my mouth and in that moment I felt like my lips were possessed by his for a long moment that seemed to be forever. He looked away toward Mark who was waving him to get his attention about something.   
My eyes were still again on Rob when I got pinched in my arm, I looked at him. It was Howard. He raised his eyebrows eyeing in the direction of Nigel who was watching us. He raised his glass. I raised mine back and drank from it.  
‘Can I have taste from your steak?’ Howard asked me.   
‘Sure, buddy!’  
‘Be careful mate about Rob, or you gonna get Nigel on your tail.’ he whispered in my ear, taking a little piece of steak. *Oh my god.. so everybody noticed!* I thought worried.  
‘Gary, can I have a word with you?’- Nigel asked me.  
‘Of course, Nigel!’ I replied politely anyway.   
‘I am going out for a fag, will you come with me?’ I had the sense that he was taking for granted I’d go with him with not a sound. Let’s get things straight.. I was grateful to him for all what he did and was still doing for the band but I would not leave my mates now in the middle of a dinner. I did not want them to think that I was hiding something and I was not in a proper mood to talk about serious stuff with him. I wanted just to have fun and forget the rest.  
‘Oh Nigel.. It would be quite rude to leave all the boys alone. We are having a great time here, can’t you tell me tomorrow?’ I said bravely.  
‘Well.. just a couple of words..’ the boss put a nervous smile on his face.  
‘No Nigel, you can tell me here if you want..’ I got serious. The boys went silent and watched us astonished. I could not believe to what I had just done. I had just turned down my boss’s request, for the first time. ‘..or we can talk about it tomorrow, at your office, if you like. I am not gonna go leave this place until we finish our dinner’ I replied him before he could go on. The boys were petrified. Rob also was staring at us, speechless.. Rob was looking at me with a different light in his eyes after that, I had the feeling that something changed.   
*****  
The rest of the evening was quite enjoyable. Beautiful place, excellent dinner, exquisite wine and cheerful company. Everything was going well except for Rob, who, instead of being chatty and doing funny faces as usual, was sitting quietly at his place eating and out of any conversation. Yes.. something changed, definitely.  
‘Sorry guys.. toilet’ He said suddenly standing up. He said something to the waitress and he disappeared behind a corner. I took a sip of wine from my glass, looking indifferent a chatting for a while but I was already figuring out an excuse to leave the table.   
‘Wow.. all this wine is really getting me’ I shook my head smiling and stood up without leaving time for replies. I went straight to the toilet and got in. Rob was nowhere to be seen. I heard a little noise, like a sob, coming from one of the closets. While I was washing my hands, Rob opened the little door and saw me. His eyes swollen.   
‘Hey..’ he said awkwardly reaching the washbasin and pouring down the water quickly all over his face.  
‘Is everything ok Rob?’ I asked to break the ice.  
‘Yeah.. ok, too much wine.. I guess’ he answered in a broken voice, trying to sound indifferent. ‘I needed to clear my mind with some fresh water’ he added.  
‘Who are we fooling Rob?’ I said getting near to him hoping he got what I meant.  
‘Nobody Gaz!’ he did get it. That was my smart and witty Rob. Then he said something I did not expected.  
‘I was proud of you out there.. facing Nigel like that.. wow!’ he looked at me getting near, a hint of a smile on his face.  
‘Well.. I honestly have no clue where that came from’ I joked.  
‘I doesn’t really matter. I am really impressed’ he said. He moved few steps toward me. I gathered all my boldness.  
‘Listen Rob.. I am really sorry about what happened. I have something really important to tell you. I thought about what you told me thousands times but hell.. this is not the right time or place to talk. I want to see you tomorrow again and tell you about my plan.  
‘What? Wait.. which plan?’ he looked confused.  
‘We have to go now, or Nigel will start to get suspicious but, just one thing.. trust me. Please! Rob..’ I took his hand and put it onto my chest. He could feel my heart pounding fast. He reached my other hand and brought it onto his cheeck. We looked into each other’s eyes for a second. It was enough to me. Enough to know that we both were feeling the same thing for each other and our hearts were dancing in sync.  
‘Ok, let’s go now but first..’ He quick moved his hand to my waist pulling me toward him in a tight hug. ‘..I am sorry too’ I closed my eyes inhaling his scent deeply. Reluctantly, we drew apart again heading back to our table.   
The boys were chatting and drinking cheerfully, not paying attention to us. He noticed that something happened between we two, but I would not give a shit about him in that moment. I felt relieved Rob welcomed me in his arms again, but I needed to be totally honest with him and thankfully my job was half done. My mind was focused on getting Rob back to me again, nothing else mattered.


	13. Chapter Twelve

Gary’s POV

We were in our studio to record few more backing vocals, but I felt useless I even didn’t sleep last night, I wanted just to go home. I could not wait to call it a day to see Rob in peace. Down deep inside I was split into two, it was an eternal fight between heart and mind. My feeling were leading me toward Rob, and my mind was still having issues with my sexuality. I just wanted to turn it off, but I couldn’t. Still I could not accept that I was totally gay, I have never been into boys. I had few girlfriends, one was from school and well.. that was actually my first experiment with girls, nothing serious. Then there was Rosemary, who had a crush on me and I went out on dates with her for few months. She was a pretty girl but I was not that attracted to her. I realized that I have never had particular affinities with girls. I usually preferred to stay at home practicing with my piano or hang out with boys rather than with girls, that was much more appealing to me.   
________  
I did remember of one time, when me and one of my classmates decided to skip school one morning and go to the lake to swim. We did not have our bathsuits on, so we ran into the water almost naked, wearing just our briefs. The way he was looking at me, while we were undressing ourselves in the small narrow place surrounded by thick trees and bushes, sent me shivers down through my spine. I was embarrassed to find out that my friend could be attracted by me, but I was also intrigued. Maybe I was both into girls and boys.. Or maybe I was just into boys, end of.   
I was sure about something.. I am into Bob, I can’t help it. I will figure out what to do as time goes by. Now all I have to take care is him because Rob is the only one who makes me feel like this.   
__________  
‘Gary, the cabs are waiting. Come on mate.. get yourself together and just off that couch’ Mark said to me smiling and reaching out his hand to help me to get up. I noticed that he was up to something.   
We walked out, there were two cabs in front of the studio.  
‘I will go with Dougie and Howard, you go in the other one’ Mark winked at me ‘He is waiting for me but.. well.. it’s your show time man!’ he said walking off. The little bastard had planned it, but he was a friend, and a very overprotective one.  
‘Markie, where did you.. ‘ Rob turned his face and saw me as I opened the cab’s door and and sat in ‘..oh it’s you!’ he added surprised then he went silent.  
‘Hey..’ I told him as I gave the taxi driver the adress of my flat, sitting in next to him. We needed to be in a quiet place. I found my way to his hand softly touching it. He looked at it relaxing, then he just pulled away. Rob was fighting with his feelings too.  
‘Could you, please, stop the cab here?’- Rob asked the driver.   
‘Of course, sir’  
‘Why? NO Rob, don’t do it’ it was upsetting me then I turned to the man ‘Please go on.. Rob we are almost there’   
‘In that case I prefer walking a bit if you don’t mind’ he told me.  
‘Ok, we will walk’ I said defeated. Ten minutes passed by and not a word coming out from our mouths. But it was up to me so I went..  
‘Rob.. I thought about our conversation and I think that you are right’  
‘About what? he asked   
‘About us, about what you said. Even if you were angry at me and you hurt me in so many ways, I just needed that, to get where I am now’  
‘And.. where are you now, if I may ask?’  
‘Listen.. we need to be careful but I can see this happening. We have to sort out a plan to act when there is Nigel around. You know that he is a smart ass and I won’t cause any trouble to the band or to whoever, so.. we must not give away any sort of affection in public when we are together unless it is in a manly way. Only being smarter that he is we can go on. I want go on Rob, with all my heart. I have never felt like this before’ I reached his hand and he looked at me, astonished.  
‘Ok wait, I got the sense that there is something missing here. Could you be more outright? He asked.  
‘Rob, how..?’ I asked puzzled  
‘Just.. don’t go round the houses and say what you really feel’  
‘You know what .. I have had few girlfriends but I never felt connected with them, in any emotional way’- I started to talk with my heart in my sleeve - ‘I did not understand the reason why, cause maybe I was too young and unexperienced, but when I met you and talked with you the very first day of our auditions, I felt a sort of chemistry as if you were the other half of my coin. Now it’s funny cause.. I get myself thinking about you constantly, craving to see you again each time we get apart, hoping for an intimacy that two boys should not be supposed to have. I am not sure about it but it could be a sort of close friendship which is turning into love’   
It still amazes me how fast time goes by when you are involved on saying or doing something that really matters to you. We had already reached my flat. We stopped and Rob looked at me intensely and without a word.  
‘I have strong feelings for you Rob, and I don’t know how to handle them but if you feel the same for me please tell me and we can make it, together. Say something’ I begged him fearing to be fooling myself.  
‘Nothing to say, except that.. you must be totally nuts mate!’ He joked ‘How can you ask me something like that? I mean.. are you dumb? You left me.. breathless. Of course that I feel the same for you, what would be the point of this all otherwise?’ he replied smiling tenderly, getting near and reaching my chin in a dangerous closeness. His face got suddenly serious, his eyes flashed, his dilated pupils exuded a research for intimacy ‘Let’s go upstairs’ Rob said. It was all I could get.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Rob was sitting in front of the fire place looking at the flames dancing thinking that If this wasn’t going to work out, it would have ruined everything, band included. Though he had a blanket around his shoulders he was still freezing. He took eagerly the cup of hot tea that Gaz handed him, hoping that a warm drink would help to fight his chills.  
‘Rob, we need to talk everything out.’ Gaz said sitting next to him.  
‘Okay!’  
‘I don’t know where to start from. I had already figured it out in my head, so hard to speak my thoughts’  
‘So.. just go on with what your heart tells you and dont’t listen to your mind. I know it’s hard for you, but it is worth a try’ Rob looked directly in his eyes taking his hand. Gaz needed to be reassured and Rob was more than glad to accomplish the task.  
‘Rob, you know that I wasn’t really nice to you in the beginning’ he said shaking his head ‘But it was because I was scared to death about my feelings. I have never felt like that before. I did not want to let my emotions go, I could not help, I was just... overwhelmed’  
Rob blushed, nobody one has ever said something like that to him. He felt .. special. Maybe he could make this guy break some rules his parents implanted in him. Gary put his hand on Rob’s cheeck and caressed it.  
‘Then you helped me with dancing and after that I started to feel that we bonded in a very special way and our chemistry was unbelievable, but than again I stepped back, because I got that my parents noticed I was acting strange. I was afraid of their judgment. Then we shared other moments of intimacy, hugs and a kiss.. right here..’ his smile faded away right after, he was struggling with words.  
‘Go on, Gary! You were doing so good so far. Don’t let your mind over take your heart’ Rob pushed him.  
‘Nigel told me that if I won’t back off from you he was going to pick on you. I didn’t want that. You have to get this Rob, I was forced to behave like that or Nig would make you life as hell. I’m so.... sorry. I did not mean a word I told you in that room’ his voice cracked and he had watery eyes.  
‘Oh.. so it was the bitch then!’ Rob exclaimed resentful ‘Now I get everything but.. hey.. he can’t win, I can promise that. We can be clever than he is, if we want. We can make this work out and hide it from that asshole.’ He stated hopeful.  
‘I hope so but.. mind it.. He won’t get off our backs..’ Gary’s voice was shaking ‘..he is too good at playing this kind of game. He is like a walking lies detector, his ‘gaydar’ is always up’ He started blinking and Rob thought he was panicking.  
‘This thing you make with your eyes, is it nervous or.. what? He mirrored Gary’s blinking eyes.  
‘Yeah, why do you ask? he asked, suprised.  
‘I have noticed it before but I never dared to ask you about it’ Rob noticed a little smile on Gary’s lips, who, for a moment, let go off all the tension.  
‘He is not that good’ Rob continued ‘We can disguise him as much as we can. During rehearsal, gigs and in any other occasions. We must just to be careful when he is around, remember that we have the lads by our side. We can make it, we can handle it Gary, don’t worry.-  
‘Together?’ Gaz examined Rob’s reaction  
‘Together.. I promise’ Rob confirmed staring at him with lust ‘What about start again from what we had left one hour ago? Come here’  
He reached Gary’s neck and softly pulled him in. Their foreheads touching. Gary’s hands were now on Rob’s legs, who moved forward and in a second was all over his face. Their lips locked, still closed. Hearts pounding fast mixed with the bonfire noises, was all they could hear in that moment. Rob opened his lips, his tongue teasing his friend’s lips, who was still hesitating. He was not going to give it up and pulled his neck in harder. Gary finally surrended and opened his mouth letting him in. Rob opened his legs and moved straight onto his lap. Gary’s hands were caressing greedy his back while tasting his friend’s mouth. It was so good and soft. Their toungues now were fighting for dominance and Rob pulled back a second to move his lips onto Gary’s ear lobe, who was moaning under his wet kisses. A raging torrent was running through their bodies, starting to get aroused, their lustful eyes were asking for more. There were no other places they’d rather be right now. That was the feeling they have been expecting to find thoughout their entire lives. It was just fucking perfect and natural.  
‘I think.. I love you, Rob’ Gary whispered in his friend’s ear  
‘Do you just.. think?’ Rob asked busy now licking his boyfriend’s neck. ‘No..’ Gaz said cupping his friend’s face and looking right into his eyes ‘I love you, I really do. There is no other explanation to what I am feeling now, no doubt at it’  
‘Yeah, no doubt. I love you too, Gaz, so much that hurts.’ Rob breathed on Gary’s mouth ‘I think I no longer need that cup of tea to warm me up’ Both chuckled, aware that they were longing one another so much, but also unexperienced about sex with boys, no clue where to start from. Maybe they got scared of the idea to touch ‘private’ parts and not sure how to handle the whole situation. Better take it easy.  
Rob moved aside and managed to adjust the blanket over both of them. Then he leaned his head on Gary’s shoulder, who wrapped him up in a cuddle in front of the fire. They were both aware that they belonged to each other, but it had been a damn tough path to get there. They, together, could fight Nigel and gather the courage to face the whole world, if necessary. Rob slowly felt sleep taking over him.  
‘Hey Bob.. it’s more comfortable upstairs’ Gary said kissing his temple, tenderly. He leaded him into his bedroom. Rob lied down half asleep and when Gaz turned around to leave the room, he felt a grab on his wrist.  
‘Gaz.. stay with me’ Rob said with pleading eyes. Gaz didn’t fight back and laid next to him in his bed. Rob snuggled in Gary’s arms. He put his hand around his waist and held him tight, kissing his neck. Gary was brushing Rob’s shoulder and his lips were wondering on his dark hair, inhaling his scent. He reached Rob’s hand on his stomach and entertwined his fingers with his. Definitely It was too soon to go further, that would come with time, when they were more comfortable with each other. It was like an implicit meaning to make it happen in a very special moment. So they just kissed goodnight and fast fell asleep, unaware that their mutual love would make them happy and desperate at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: next chapters their relationship is deepening so... Open your minds, take a deep breath and keep reading.  
> 


	15. Chapter Fourteen (Part One)

In the past few weeks the band had a crazy schedule. Interviews, concerts, tv shows, meet and greets. It was crazy, but they loved it. Finally they were getting somewhere. Also Gary and Rob were doing great. They were going along with the plan they sorted out to baffle Nigel and all was going fine. They couldn’t be happier.  
Gary was still watching his back from Nigel, who was still on his tail. He quickly learned how to perceive his suspicious looks without looking at him. Robbie had difficulties to keep up to their plan, teasing Gary any chance he got giving him a hard time. The boy did not give a shit, but Gary was terrified to be uncovered.  
He needed, though, to show him he cared him. All those aroused girls they used to meet at the gigs and afterwards, wanting to ravish and to have sex with him were driving him crazy. They were just a mere distraction, a disguise that the boys needed to accomplish, and the rules were severely set up by Nigel. He could not do anything about it, himself was one of those girl’s dreams too, they had to deal with that, end of. Gary, watching Rob lying on his couch, could not be mad at him or jealous because he knew he was there only for him. The both knew that they now belonged to each other and to no others.  
‘Gaz, what are you thinking about? You will end to get a headache if you think too hard’ Rob chuckled. They both were sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking beers.  
‘Nothing, just.. thinking about you.. us. Oh geeze.. my head is spinning, that damn beer...’ He leaned in to give him a peck on the lips, but Rob grabbed his arms pulling him all over his own body.  
‘Rob no.. wait, I need to finish something babe. You know Nigel is waiting for it by tomorrow’ He breathed over his mouth..  
‘Fuck Nigel’ He said not letting him go. ‘.. you’ll do it later. Ten more minutes won’t ruin his damn song’ he pouted. He looked like a little puppy, and Gary subsided. They rolled over and in a blink of an eye were lying on the couch tasting each other mouth and craving for more.  
‘Maybe we can make a deal..’ Gary panted. He had something else in mind something that Rob was not supposed to know right now.  
‘What?’ Rob asked ‘Ok babe, now you have to tell me why that song is so important to you’ he was starting to be upset.  
‘Ahemm.. I can’t tell you but ..If you let me go to finish it now.. well..’ Gary hesitated ‘..will you trust me on this one?’  
‘I have a better deal..’ Rob replied impatiently ‘Ok but.. you need to kiss me as the deal seal, if you won’t I’m not letting you go anywhere and you’ll need to carry me around on your back’ Rob smirked. He knew that Gaz would not be able to step back once he would have tasted the flavour of his lips.  
‘Deal!’Gary agreed and went in for a little peck. Rob, not satisfied, pulled him closer for a full blown kiss. Their toungues swere swirling in their mouths in a hot kiss, setting their bodies on fire soon.  
Gary forced himself to push Rob away, out of breath. Rob’s hands did not want to let him go but something was running in Gary’s mind that needed to be done as soon as possible. That was damn important, a surprise for Rob.  
‘Don’t be away too long or I would find new cuddle buddy’ Rob teased his boyfriend. He knew when to push the right button of the jealousy.  
‘Who could be a better cuddle buddy than me?’ Gaz replied him, his ego shining in spotlight.  
‘My pillow dressed like you. He is cuddly and smells like you’ responded back pouting, getting a pillow behind his back and sinking his face in. It was covered up with one of Gary’s T-shirts. They both giggled, and Gary walked off to heading to the little studio.  
He sat down and looked at the half blank paper. Few good lines ready, but something was missing, they were just words without passion or heart. He wished to give it a meaning. He remembered once Rob being angry with him, and telling him that he needed to switch off his brain and use his heart more, sometimes, to stop acting like a prat. Funnily It would turn useful now so he focused to follow his advice. He closed his eyes, thought intensely about his feeling for Rob and let his heart speak. He was amazed on how a flood of emotions overwhelmed him. He starte to write down the words burning inside his head and in few minutes he was ready to deliver his love song to Rob. He turned around looking satisfied of his work and startled, Rob was standing in the doorway watching over him silently.  
‘It’s bedtime baby, better have some rest or you will be grumpy tomorrow and nobody likes a grumpy Barlow on its way’ he giggled. His outfit was quite familiar to Gary. His boxers and the old T-shirt he was wearing were Gary’s stuff.  
He stepped closer to take Gary’s hand, when he saw the paper.  
‘Rob, can you read this before we go?’  
‘Oohh .. come on, since when you need my approval for any of the songs you wrote?’ witty Rob was not doing his job now. He needed a hint or Gary would not have reached his goal.  
‘Hey hey.. wait, come here please, this is not actually for Nigel. This is special, it’s about us’ Gary handed the piece of paper to him pulling him onto his lap. Rob got serious and took the piece of paper.  
Gaz was watching carefully his pretty boyfriend while he was reading those meaningful lines to pick up any of his emotions. Rob was staring at the piece of paper, mesmerized.  
  
  
 _I'm tired of closing my eyes, to picture you in my mind_  
 _It feels so cold when we are apart_  
 _I am sure where I want to be, I was so close to finding my dream_  
 _We need to hold on this love_  
 _Now I thank God above that I finally found the door_  
 _I was looking for_

_I can make it, I know I can_   
_I can cherish this love forever_   
_I can make I know I can_   
_We can make this work together_

_It's not a lonely men's dream, it's just that now that there's been_   
_A taste of love in my life_   
_That I am willing to return, I've got so much to learn_   
_How can it feels as though I've reached the top of this steep hill_   
_For a moment I was standing still_   
_Now I have the faith I've needed to believe_

_'Cause you know what this love means to me_   
_You know how it feels when I can see it in your face_   
_That you're missing me, That I’m missing you_   
_We've got to hold on, we've got to reach out and believe_

_I can make this world a place for me and you_   
_We can make it, we can make it together_   
_Our love is something special_   
_So baby be mine tonight_

‘Did you really write it.. now?’ Rob asked looking up with watery eyes. ‘Is.. is it about.. us?’ he cupped his face.  
‘Yeah, it is babe. I let all my emotions go on there, just for you’  
‘It’s beautiful, but a bit sad. Does it have a title?’ Rob replied looking down.  
‘Not yet.. I will think of it. It just shows you how I feel and how I would feel, if you ever let me go’  
‘Don’t even think about it. We are not going to break up’  
‘I hope so but.. if something bad would ever happen between us, just listen to my songs and you’ll know how I feel. They will be the honest truth’  
‘OK, I will remember that, but.. please.. don’t think about it now. We are in this.. together, remember’ Rob said brushing his forehead with Gary’s.  
‘I promise you, babe and.. now we better go to bed, we have a deal, remember?’ he said breathing heavily on Rob’s face before their lips collided in a deep and meaningful kiss.  
They headed towards the bedroom in their little home. A shelter where they could hide in from the rest of a world. They were not ready to share their secret yet but.. they both were ready to surrender to what they’ve been looking for their entire lives.  
They lied down under the blankets, Gary wrapped his arm around Rob’s shoulder, who brushed his nose on his neck breathing his scent, his arm was onto his boyfriend’s chest, his fingers doing circles on his toned stomach.  
‘I love you Gaz’  
‘I love you too, Rob..’ then he whispered ‘..more than life’.  
He kissed Rob on his forehead, who leaned his face up to look straight at Gary’s with lustful eyes, offering him his parted lips, instead. He knew what he wanted. Gaz leaned forward to catch them and tasted the softness of his lover’s mouth. Their quivering bodies and hungry hands were now busy brushing and touching each other’s in the darkness. They found out an new fascinating world to explore and the whole night ahead. There was no reason to waist more time..

To be continued..


	16. Chapter Fourteen (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: My lovely co-writer Jenny wrote this chapter. Take a cold drink, sit down and enjoy it.  
> WARNING: After the past 'boring' chapters (joking, haha) a bit of explicit content :D is needed. FINALLY.. you’d say! He he.. so here it is - Jenny

They were laying under the covers, snuggling up to each other, legs entwined, breaths increasing. Rob’s hand was wrapped around Gary’s waist and his nose was snuggling onto his neck, breathing his scent and giving him little pecks. Gary started to feel shivers going down through his spine. He glanced at Rob putting the tip of his nose on Rob’s. Their foreheads touched and Gary brushed Rob’s arms up and down leaning in for a kiss.  
‘Are you sure about this? I mean.. You are still young and could be a bit confused’  
‘Hey, look.. I have been sure since we met so.. no regrets’ Rob whispered smiling slightly ‘and.. you?’  
‘I am too, I want you so much but.. no idea how.. ehmm.. I’ve done stuff with girls so far and..’  
‘Same here, well.. don’t worry about it much.. I love you, that is all that matters to me’ Rob smiled rubbing Gary’s back.  
‘Yeah.. I.. I figure that.. t.. there are other ways to… well.. you know..’  
‘Stop talking now’ he hissed and threw himself onto Gary’s wet lips. They kissed passionately. Gary’s fingers sneaked into Rob’s dark hair, who moaned. Their tongues were exploring each other’s mouth, all of that was so good and tasty. Warmth filled their bodies. The kiss became more intense and Rob could feel the rapid beat of Gary's heart pounding against his chest. He held him tight against his body and locked his fingers with his.  
‘R.. Rob..’ Gary panted getting electrical signals though his body ‘I love you too’ He grabbed Rob’s biceps and pulled him on top of him. His breath increased rapidly as he arched his back offering the chance to Rob to trail his lips on his neck and reach his ear lobe. Gary moaned feeling his warm tongue inside his ear ‘oh god.. this is.. oohh’ he ran his hands down Rob’s back and pulled off his T-shirt.  
Rob was sitting now on his lap half naked and Gary stared at his young chest over him amazed. His hands trailed the line of Rob’s chest, brushing it tenderly. ‘wait..’ he took his shirt off too and Rob had the pleasure to see his lover half naked and ready for him. He grabbed his hands brushing his lips right down along his arms, then he leaned forward and was all over him again, pulling their entwined fingers at the top of Gary’s head to block him.  
They kissed passionately and Gary wrapped him up with his legs. His moans vibrated against Rob’s lips shooting all the way down to his legs which begin to tremble from the excitement. Rob’s bulge was rubbing against Gary’s. It started to get too much. Both quickly took off their pants and briefs and their erections sprang free. Rob moved aside lying on his back, biting sweetly Gary’s hand. He pulled him next to his young body on fire. Gary kissed him again while his hand was running down to his lover’s firm stomach and thigh.  
‘I love you Rob’ he whispered kissing his neck.  
‘I love you so much Gaz’ Rob moaned ‘Stop teasing me.. I can’t take it forever’  
‘Would you lay on your stomach please’ Gary asked shyly.  
‘Gaz.. no.. what.. ?’ Rob twitched.  
‘Don’t worry babe, I won’t do anything to hurt you, I just want to look at your beautiful body. Rob accomplished to his request, trusting him totally. Gary rubbed Rob’s back with his hands trailing kisses all over it till he reached his bum. He grabbed his buttocks and Rob moaned sinking deeper his face on his pillow.  
Gary caressed up and down his body, enjoying his lover’s toned body. Rob was vibrating under the touch of his hungry hands and finally he laid all over Rob’s body, leaving wet kisses on his neck. Rob could not take this anymore ‘Gary.. please..’ he moaned. He turned around lying on his back again, looking at Gary’s eyes whose erection was throbbing on Rob’s hip who take his friend’s hand leading it on to his length.  
‘Yeah baby.. ’ Gaz hesitated, holding his hand back, intimidated.  
‘Hey.. what’s up? come on, don’t be shy’ Rob encouraged him, his eyes locked with Gary’s who subsided and reached out wrapping Rob’s length in his hand.  
‘Oh my… Shit.. ooohhhh!’ Rob groaned loudly biting the bottom of his lip by pleasure. His touch was soft and delicate. Their tongues crashed together again fighting. Rob was hardening even more. Gary stroke his lover pumping up and down. Rob lied on his side to face Gary and took his hard length in his hand to return the favour. They were both rubbing each other, moaning and shaking by pleasure. Gary held him tight against his body moving his hand faster, then abruptly let his lips go and crawled down onto Rob’s crotch.  
‘Yes, my love.. I notice that we are making progress here’ Rob grinned. Gaz grabbed it and licked the tip of his length sending Rob over the moon. He took his lover into his mouth sucking it hungrily. He glanced up to Rob’s face to make sure he was doing fine. He stroke and sucked for a while when Rob entwined his fingers in his blonde hair pushing his head up and down.  
‘Stop.. Gaz..’ He said out of the blue. Gaz looked up frowning ‘..my turn now, I want to taste you too’ Rob winked. Gary lied on his back and Rob kneeled in the middle of Gary’s legs kissing his chest and stomach and made him whimper loudly he licked his hard nipples and slowly crawled down to his stomach and bulge. He grabbed his lover flicking his tongue over Gary’s tip sucking up the pre cum.  
‘Yes Rob.. oohh.. this is unbelievable!’ He groaned sinking his head on the pillow. Rob wrapped his mouth around his length rubbing his hip with his hand. Gary’s fingers swirled in Rob’s dark hair pushing his mouth deep on his hard on.  
‘Geeze.. Rob.. I am close. come here babe’ he panted grabbing his forearms .. ‘let’s come together. I want to feel your skin on mine’.

Rob let his erection free and threw himself onto his lover’s body. They had never felt that kind of attraction, before, not even with one of the girls they have had sex with, in the past.  
The sexual arousal they were experimenting was just a natural consequence of love. The warmth that was in their heart their bodies on fire were true evidences of it. They were floating in their own bubble where they could not been seen. Their souls were meeting at a level that they had never reached before. A flood of emotions was overwhelming them, the natural connection and attraction of two faces of the same coin.  
They were pressed against each other, skin on skin. Not an inch of their body was left out. Kissing Gary passionately Rob started to rub his hard on against Gary’s. They were close, too close. Rob licked Gary’s neck who pushed the back of his head deeper into the pillow.  
‘Cum for me Gaz’ Rob was unable to control himself any longer.  
‘Yes luv, just for you. I love you so much’ Gaz hissed as he cupped Rob’s shoulder sinking his fingers in it. Their lengths were now rubbing faster against each other’s. Moans and groans were filling the room around them.  
‘Coming now Rob.. ooohhh’ he arched his back and let his flood go out, shaking all over his body and sending him over the moon.  
‘I am coming with you love.. ohhh mmmhhh! Rob was gasping and increased his speed. After few more thrusts he buckled releasing his climax onto Gary's stomach, who was still holding him tight against his sweat body. Rob collapsed exhausted onto his lover’s chest, kissing him passionately to seal their love, to make sure that they were, now, were belonging to each other.  
„G...Gary..." Rob’s breath started to find a low pace, he eyes remained fixed on Gary’s ‘I love you’ he whispered pressing his lips against his boyfriend’s cheek, parting them so he could feel his warm breath against his wet skin.  
‘I love you too Bob. Not bad for being our first time uh?’ Gaz snickered.  
‘Are you kidding me? That was fucking amazing! Rob chuckled.They hearts were slowly pacing down. ‘Oh.. if these walls could talk..’ Gary exclaimed pulling the covers on to their naked bodies. Rob giggled, snuggling up again to his lover’s shoulder.


	17. Chapter Fifteen

They were going out on a date that evening. It was warm and nice, so strange after all that rain. Rob was standing by the river dock wearing a suit and tie, he was looking good but his hair was mess, getting longer any day. Gary was supposed to arrive any time soon.  
Nigel, surprisingly, gave to all the boys a couple of days off. Their first album was going to be released soon and had been working hard for a month, rehearsing for almost ten hours per day, doing radio and show interviews up and down all over the country, restlessly. At the end of the day they had barely the time to have a decent meal and crashed down, wrecked, on a bed in some hotel in some random town. Days and nights went by one by one frantically, even bossy Nigel realized they needed a break. Rob was thrilled to spend some time alone with Gary, after all that time.  
He grabbed the little wharf railing to stop fidgeting with his fingers. His eyes looked up watching to the clouds leaving space for a gleamy sunset at the horizon. He felt strong arms wrapping around him. The familiar touch helped him to soothe his tension and relaxed.  
‘Somebody here is.. nervous?’ Gary whispered in his ear, making Rob wince. The flutters in his stomach have come back just by seeing him. That was the spell that Gary casted on him since the very first time they met.  
‘A little bit. You made me wait long enough’ He bited back, but he did not sound convincing enough. He looked down, his face saddened a bit, his memory went back to a month ago.. god it’s been ages since they made love for the first time.  
‘Hey..what’s up?’ Gaz asked placing a finger under Rob’s chin, bringing his eyes to meet his.  
‘Nothing.. it’s just that.. when do you think we can.. I miss ya’  
‘Soon babe, soon, I promise. We’ve been too much busy and I miss you too in my bed’ Gaz sighed. ‘Hey.. better go now.. you ready for our date?’  
‘Date? Are you sure about that? He frowned.  
‘Of course I am. We are not that famous to get recognized but still I chosed some really private place for us to go. The food is great!’  
‘Let’s go then, I am starving’ Rob said. Gary grabbed his hand leading him toward the end of the dock. There was a standing ferry that was slowly rocking side to side, a floating restaurant. It was covered up in shimmering lights, it looked so beautiful and welcoming. People were walking around on the deck, someone had took already a seat inside and was eating something.  
‘Are we eating here? Rob asked staring at the boat, mesmerized.  
‘Yeah, don’t you like it?’ - Gaz said with a slight disappointment in his voice.  
‘Oh yes.. yes I do, really. It’s great. We’d better get on before it leaves without us.’  
Gaz smiled back at him and they jumped on the big ferry boat. It was crowded inside and Gary held his grip on Rob’s hand leading him somewhere he only knew. They climbed some stairs and stopped when they reached the top floor of the boat. It was the highest deck, from where they could spot the city lights going by slowly, not far from them. Rob looked around, amazed, no people around and two blue candles were twinkling on the only table carefully prepared. Gary had booked the whole floor just for them.  
Rob did not expect Gary to be able to plan all this just for them and was impressed to find out this romantic side of his boyfriend.  
‘We better sit down at our table and eat before it gets cold’ Gary hurried up.  
‘Of course, man! You and the food are an inseparable pair.’ Rob grinned, and Gary pouted. Rob knew about his boyfriend’s eternal fight to stay fit, he loved good food, especially sweets and candies. But there was no reason for Gary to be worried, Rob loved him the way he was.  
‘Sorry, Gaz! I didn’t want to..’- he blushed regretting his words.  
‘No, it’s okay, Rob! Just get down to food’- he said sounding a bit sad.  
Rob was still looking at him, silently, he hoped not to have ruined the dinner, and cursed himself for saying that.  
‘Hey listen..’ Gary added smiling ‘I’m alright and you’re with me. We have a day off. So you’d better put a smile on your gorgeous face and enjoy this all with me.’ Rob smiled back but Gaz was already munching down at his food. There was only one big plate and Rob dug in it too. He was too stressed and had not been able to eat anything since the morning. The pasta was delicious and meatballs too. After some minutes there was nothing left on the plate. They were full and Rob took a sip of red wine from his glass glancing at the sky, it was completely dark now. Some soft music was coming out from the speakers settled in several angles of the boat. It was all so surreal.

‘May I have the honour..sir?’ - Gary asked hovering over Rob.  
‘Man you are nuts, what if anyone spots us dancing cheeck to cheeck?’ He asked a bit embarassed.  
‘Bob, look around, can you see anyone else apart from us here? don’t worry and relax’  
‘Ok but... who is leading the game?’  
‘Well..let’s see.. we can make turns..’ Gary suggested.  
‘Deal!’ Rob hummed taking Gary’s hand. They were slowly moving around the deck, just holding each other close. They could sense the warmth coming up from their bodies. Just treasuring this moment in their minds.  
‘You are good at this one’ - Rob whispered in his ear.  
‘This isn’t that hard..it’s just about swinging hips, see?’ Gaz replied looking down It’s those dance routines that freak me out.’ they chuckled. Rob sneaked his fingers up on his back pulling him closer their faces were inches away and they eyes locked. The music stopped, but Rob’s hands were still wandering all over Gaz’s back, he leaned in to catch his friend’s warm parted lips.  
‘Is this the dessert? Rob murmured in between the kisses.  
‘Just a taste, the best has yet to come’ Gaz winked. They sat back at their table. Rob reached for his glass and took a sip, then tendered it to Gaz to share it. He moved his chair next to Gary’s as he was sipping from Rob’s glass. Rob felt so right to pull Gary in for kiss.

He could taste the wine on his lips. Their heads were spinning, maybe they were a bit tipsy, but it was too good to stop. They pulled back and looked down, feeling something wet going down on their chests. Their white shirts had changed into a beautiful shade of red. The shared glass had slowly turned upside down and all the wine poured out staining half of their outfit. They looked up to each other again bursting into a laugh. Nothing could ruin that evening, not even an expensive wine on a cheap suit.

                                                                                                              ******  
As soon as the boat stopped by one of the docks they rushed off and went to search for a clothes shop, still open at that time of the night.  
‘Wait here! I will be quick.’ - Gaz said. And Rob nodded. He was really quick. He came out with a little shopping bag.  
‘What’s that for?’ Rob asked.  
‘We can’t walk through the city smelling drunk, we could get arrested.. haha’  
They found a dark angle of the street and Gary threw him a white T-shirt, they quickly changed and Rob noticed that there was a cartoon stamped on it. It was a Tasmanian devil. He looked at Gary’s and he saw that he had exactly the same drawing on his one. They burst out laughing.  
‘We are a true couple now. We even have matching T-shirts.’ he told him through fits of laughter.  
‘Yeah, we are.. haha.. fancy some ice cream?’  
‘I’d love to’.  
They walked for a while till they bumped into a park. It was like parks were the place where they could be themselves for some time. Gary saw an ice cream palor and went after it.  
He came back with two chocolate orange ice creams. They realized that it was their favourite flavour. They were enjoying all this so much, finally feeling good and relaxed. There were just the two of them in that moment and it was magic.  
While slipping into the park they spotted a little lake glimmering in the moonlight. Rob ran toward it, leaving Gaz behind, and sat on the wet grass admiring the little sparks of the city lights reflected on the water surface.  
‘I thought you ran away from me.’ Gaz said hovering over him.  
‘No way I can do that, never! Rob hurried to reply an laid down to watch the stars in the sky ‘come and lie next to me, we can see heaven from here’ Gaz lied down and looked up, leaning his head onto Rob’s shoulder. Then he turned to reach Rob’s face and kissed his soft lips. It was a slow and a sensual one. It was all about giving and not taking anything back.

Their legs were entwined, Gary brushed Rob’s ear and swirled his finger in his long dark hair, he grabbed them from the back and pulled Rob in kissing him intensely, their tongues were exploring each other’s mouth hungrily. Rob cupped his face and trailed his fingertips onto his biceps then he grabbed them and went to lick one of Gary’s ear lobe. Gary moaned by pleasure, and he looked for Rob’s mouth craving to find his tongue and sink in his throath.  
The scent of their skin mixed up with the wine aftertaste gave them a good feeling. The moon was high in the sky and the little lake was shimmering in the summer breeze. They were starting to get aroused but the park was not the right place for that. They pulled back and, still embraced, felt like to be floating up in a bubble in their own little world. They entwined their fingers, enjoying the each other’s view in silence. Their souls matched again and there was not a better feeling than that. The city lights were shining and dancing along some music coming from somewhere in the summer evening haze.

‘You know, they say that it will be a good day if we can see the stars from where we are. Wow.. look up there!’ Rob exclaimed ‘They are shining for you’  
‘No babe.. they are shining for us’ the only star Gaz craved for was shining right next to him, Rob looked even more handsome under the moonlight. Yes.. he was handsome and.. his.  
‘What about moving in a cozier place, out from this crowd?’ Gary suggested, a hint of a smile on his mouth.  
‘Crowd?’ Rob asked, puzzled ‘Gaz.. there is no one here’  
‘Didn’t you know that also trees can have eyes and ears?’ He joked, then his face went dead serious and looked at his lover with desire ‘I missed you.. I need you. I want to make love with you again. Don’t you wish it too?’ Gary pulled Rob's hand onto his lips.  
‘More than everything. Let’s go home’ Rob said feeling his breath increase rapidly.


	18. Chapter Sixteen

It wasn’t the first time that Gary was sitting in Nigel’s office, but this was the first time he was jittery to meet him, jumping up from the tiniest noise in the room. He was afraid that Nigel would tell him something nasty about Rob or else. Another month passed by. The album was out, the tour was about to start and they were busy with promotions. Their first single was doing fine in the charts and they used to perform it in each radio or TV shows. Rob and Gary were doing great at hiding their relationship. The little dance routines matching with the song they were singing were the perfect excuse to cast subtly glances at each other, a sort of secret connection which belonged just to them. They were good at disguising and nobody in the audience would notice, well.. nobody except for.. Nigel ‘eyefox’.  
                                                                                                                 *****  
But the weird look Rob casted at him as he made his way into his boss office, had nothing to do with tenderness. He didn’t like when Gaz had those secret talkings with Nig.  
‘Hey Gary, have a seat please, I wanted to talk to you about something’ The boss said sitting down on his chair. Gary stopped fidgeting and put on his calm face for him. He felt like as he didn’t need to be asked stupid questions or he would spill the beans.  
‘Yes.. I am all ears’  
‘We are going to New York this weekend to meet some very powerful people in the music industry’ Nigel announced.  
‘Oh wow... That’s great.’ That was unexpected and Gary showed off his excitement to hit the Big Apple and maybe to sign a record deal in the USA ‘I can’t wait to tell the boys’ But his dreams crashed down when Nigel started to talk again.  
‘No, Gary... It’s only me and you going there. We can’t afford to fly all of us to America.. the album has been out for such a little time, and we are not getting incomes yet from it.. too soon. This trip would cost me a fortune. So I thought to go with the only one who is worth to go with.. you. They don’t deserve it as much as you. You is the one who write the songs and keep this ship going, without you they are nothing’  
‘I understand that we don’t have much money yet, but.. they deserve it too!’ He was a bit disturbed by his words.  
‘Gary, all is done already, please, don’t tell them about this. They will get jealous about it and we don’t need fights in the band at this early stage’  
‘Oh really!! And how do you think they will react if they found out?’  
‘I know, that’s why I will give them a break’ Nigel replied  
‘A break.. uhm.. I don’t think it’s a good idea’ Gary dared to say  
‘I am not asking your opinion here, do you need a little reminder what is your place in the band?’ Nigel said quite rudely, not really waiting for a answer ‘you are a songwriter and I made you the leader of this band, but I am the captain of this ship and you are all my crew. You do what you are told to do, I am not asking for your permission’  
Gary was upset and looking for something to say ‘But they will notice my absence!’ he almost shouted.  
‘Gary.. sweetheart, calm down or.. they could hear you. You are worrying a bit much about it. It’s my job, trust me’ Nigel softened a bit ‘I will do the dirty work, just go home and relax and start to gather your stuff. We are leaving in two days.  
Gary was worried about his mates, cause he knew that what he and Nigel were about to do was not fair. Damn.. they were a band and that was not fair! He was even more worried about Rob. They had seen each other pratically every day lately, even if during rehearsals. He would not be glad to be cut off from his boyfriend’s life for such long time. Above all, he would be damn pissed off at him for being alone with Nigel for few days.  
He could not even think about it right now and still could not continue this conversation with his boss, he did not want to risk to show off his true feelings given he had already planned everything.  
‘Okay, Nig!’ He stated, ‘I won’t tell them’.  
He stood up and walked out of the office, belwildered. He needed to talk to Rob as soon as possible.  
No need to wait much.. he was standing next to Mark looking at him like he wanted to set him on fire. Howard and Jason not very far from there. They over heard part of their conversation.  
Dammit, there ends all the secrets. What was he supposed to do now? Should he talk with them? All the boy’s eyes were staring at him. It was like a staring competition was going on between them and he was losing it. His legs were glued to the floor. He looked down.  
‘Lads, our rehearsals are over.’ Rob announced, obviously upset ‘We better get out of this place. We are just a waste of time here’ It went right through Gary’s heart. Did he really think that of himself? He was not a waste of time to him..on the contrary.. he was the first of his thoughts. Rob heard Gary giving his word to Nigel he would not tell them. Howard, Jason and Mark walked off leaving the corridor in silence. Rob was the last one to go.  
‘Rob, I need to talk with you? Gary whispered grabbing his wrist.  
‘Why? I think I heard enough’ he froze looking down at Gary’s hand  
‘Rob I think there is a misunderstanding here.’  
‘Oh.. do you think so Gary?’ he asked looking at him defiantly.  
Gary knew that it wasn’t a good thing when he called him in his full name. Rob was pissed off and he knew that he had all the rights to be. He promised him not to lie anymore, and so he went.  
‘Can we go out of here?’ he stepped out of the room heading for the main door.  
‘What? why.. wait.. Gary!’ Rob shouted following him out in the corridor ‘Why running away? Can’t we speak here? But Gary had already gone.  
‘Let’s get onto the car, out of prying ears.. I can swear I did not know about it, it was the first time Nigel talked to me about this trip so I did not lie to you, and I wanted to talk with you as soon as possible. Give me a chance Rob, I did not lie to you, believe me.. I have never heard about this one before and by chance you all boys heard our conversation.  
‘No secrets between us. The lads have the right to know. We are like brothers or.. maybe you are going to have some fun with Nigel, aren’t you?’ he said.  
‘Rob please don’t say that!’ Gary sighed - Was he really believing he would cheat on him with Nigel? ‘It’s only a business trip!’  
‘I am not sure about it’ Rob said ‘I heard that this is what usually boys say to their girlfriends just to cover up some other love affair’ he said, sulking.  
‘I love you, idiot. And I’m not cheathing on you with Nigel’ he put his hand on his knee.  
‘Just a business trip uh.. and do you really believe him? I noticed the way he looks at you. He is not doing any favour to you. Nigel does nothing for free. Come on Gaz.. OPEN YOUR EYES!! He won’t give up on you until you will not give him what he wants the most. How can you not see that? He wants to have sex with you, Gary! And that little vacation of yours in the Big Apple is the perfect excuse. But that’s ok.. go with him, I don’t care about it, really.. and.. oh danm.. I’m done with it!’ He got off the car slamming the door, then leaned back inside for a moment to say sarcastically.. ‘YOU GAVE HIM YOUR WORD!’ then he added ‘I won’t be at home tonight, so please don’t wait for me up’ and he walked off .  
‘No Rob.. don’t.. wait.. hey!! Where are you going? Rooob!’ Gary called him out but he did not turn back. Gary followed him with his eyes until he disappeared around the corner of the street.  
He started to drive slowly, down and dejected, whilst thousands thoughts were running through his head. Rob left without turning back and he felt his heart imploding. Was he really about to lose him, his friend.. lover? He felt such an idiot. But Rob was even more, how could he be so dull? He told him the truth and he did not want to get it. Or.. maybe.. it was him a bit naive and Rob was right about Nigel. He did not even realized for how long he had been wandering around when he found himself in front of his flat. The thought of himself sitting on his couch, alone, was unbearable. As if this would not be enough, it started to rain hard. Of course, he had no umbrella. As he got off the car he was completely soaked.  
He started to walk slowly, careless, under the rain. Nothing else could go worse than that. He looked up and his heart skipped a beat.  
He noticed a ray of light in one of the windows of his flat. Could he possibly have left a light on? A little spark of hope rose up within him and his pumping adrenaline took over.  
He quickly reached the main door, and ran the stairs two at a time. He stopped at the front door, panting, he put his hand on the wall trying to pull himself together. His breath took a slow pace and he got in. His heart was relieved when he saw a figure of the person he cared above all, standing near the fireplace.  
’See.. how much I know you boy..’ Rob stated with a hint of a smile ‘.. you usually forget your umbrella. I came here to start the fire so you can take your wet stuff off’  
‘You liar.. you did not know it was going to rain that hard!’ the blonde grinned.  
‘You are right.. you know me’ He sighed and hugged him tight, soaking him as well.  
‘I wonder why I still care about you when you just go and behave like a dickhead’ he asked himself not waiting for a response.  
‘Maybe cause.. you.. love me?’ Gary said hands rubbing his back. ‘And.. wait.. I did not behave like that, I was just trying to explain..’  
‘Ok.. just wait..’ Rob pulled back ‘I wanna give you some credit so.. you go to New York with Nigel but.. just promise me you will not do bullshits and break my heart’ his voice cracked.  
‘I promise’ Gary pulled him against his still wet body. Rob rested his head on his shoulder, his hands were firmly on Gary’s hips. His clothes were wet too but the fire and the feeling they shared was unique and was enough to keep them both warm. Gary had no clue how to cope with this trip without Rob’s support. He needed him, he needed his jokes, laughs and bad habits but, above all, he wanted to be loved by nobody else than Rob. They kneeled down on the carpet, comforting each other in a kiss. The fire was slowly burning down whilst silent tears were gushing out of their eyes.


	19. Chapter Seventeen (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Things are getting steamy.. ;) Written by Jenny.

Gary woke up in the middle of the night, the fire was out. He could not feel his right arm. He turned his head and saw Rob’s head lying on it. He slowly moved forward careful not to wake him up. His lips brushed his dark hair as he smelled his scent deeply before kissing his neck. Rob moved his head, mumbling. Gary froze. He was so cute that he could just stay there watching him breath heavily in his deep sleep, forever. Rob moved again reaching out Gary’s hip and murmuring something he was not able to hear. Gary followed the lines of his lips with his fingertips, then went up to his nose.  
Rob turned his head showing a hint of a smile on his sleepy face. Gary leaned to gave him a peck on the lips, but Rob was fast finding his way all over him. Gary was nicely surprised how abruptly his lover was at waking up and looking for domination on his body. Rob grabbed his hands entwining his fingers up to Gary’s head. Their eyes locked for a second, savoring that moment of pleasure. Gary’s pupils were dilated. Rob parted his mouth and slowly bent down to reach his lips. The cold air of the room was slowly soaking in their bones.  
‘Hey, what do you think about going in our bedroom? It is much more comfortable and warm there’ Gaz suggested in between the kisses.  
‘Uhm.. yeah.. why not!’ Rob sulked to break this magic moment.  
‘I think that we should get a shower, first.’ Gary said in a whisper.  
‘Yeah.. right.’ Rob agreed, realizing that they were still stinking from a mixture of rain, smoke and carpet dust.  
‘Are you.. joining me?’ Gary smirked.  
‘If you insist..’ Rob winked, standing up pulling Gary with him. ‘You go on, I will take some blankets to put on the bed first’.  
Rob headed to the wardrobe room and Gary towards the bathroom. He let hot water run in the shower box, while throwing his pants and sweater on the little chair next to the sink. After few minutes Gaz heard the bathroom door opening. Here he saw Rob standing on the doorway looking at him, he was wearing only a towel. Gary swallowed hard, looking at his exposed body up and down. He was perfect, still a young boy, but so damn beautiful and fit. Rob let the towel slip down onto the floor.  
Gary winced and could not stop staring at him while he was stepping into the shower box letting the towel fall onto the floor. Hot water was now running on their fully naked bodies. In the steamy box Gary could barely see Rob’s green eyes staring at him with desire. Rob put a bit of the shower gel on Gary, making him twitch, and started to soap his chest. His reaction was immediate. He closed his eyes, shivering and feeling his touch washing away both rain and pain at the same time. He got turned on so quickly that he barely could stand it. He never felt so wished before. Rob kept on brushing his shoulders and slowly slid down to his arms. Gary reached out to wash him too, he put his hands on Rob’s belly.  
He was overwhelmed, he thought that he would never felt something like that in his life ever again. Rob turned to allow Gary to wash his back. Gary rubbed his arms, then grabbed his waist pulling him against his torso and rubbing Rob’s chest and belly, going down onto his crotch. Rob could not stand it anymore. He turned toward Gary and grabbing his neck, he pressed his wet mouth on his.  
He parted his lips letting Rob take his tongue. Rob shove him onto the cold tiles wall, kissing him passionately and resting his bulge on his. Hot water was pouring on their bodies which were on fire. Gary left Rob’s mouth for a moment to reach his neck trailing kisses along the line of his collarbone, slowly going down to his chest. Rob kneeled in front of him as he found himself in front of Gary’s boner.  
‘Rob.. Please, stop!’ Gaz slurred.  
‘Uhm.. what?’ Rob mumbled looked at him, raising an eyebrow. ‘..don’t you wish..’  
‘yeah, of course I do but.. I need to take it easy, cause I wish.. to make love with you. Let’s continue in a comfy bed’  
There was something more important that Gary needed to do before the NY trip.. he needed to prove him, in any possible ways, that nobody else could love him more than he did.


	20. Chapter Seventeen (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *By Jenny*  
> Sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell.

A the minute after they were both standing by the bed, fully naked. The room was cold but they bodies were on fire. Gary took Rob’s hand and put it onto his cheek.  
‘You know I love you, don’t you?’ He trailed kisses along Rob’s arm till he reached his collarbone. Rob moaned. Gary grabbed his neck and ran his fingers through his dark hair pulling him tighter against his body. He reached his ear lobe biting it slightly. Rob bended toward Gary’s neck, resting his lips on his neck and rubbing his back tenderly.  
‘Do you?’ he whispered whilst smelling the scent of his skin. Then he moved up shoving the tip of his tongue in his boyfriend’s ear. He moaned by pleasure, and pulled back so Rob’s green eyes could meet his.  
‘Hey.. I need you to know that it’s only you I want …’ Gary’s eyes were fixed on Rob’s ‘  
Rob felt his heart racing in his chest. ‘Same here.. gee.. at times my feelings take over me so much that I can barely breath’ he sighed. Gary gently kissed his temple then firmly pressed his lips over Rob’s, who wrapped his arms tightly around the back of his boyfriend’s neck, his tongue demanding for entry. He moaned as he dug it deeper into his lover’s mouth.  
They share a passionate kiss as Gary slowly slipped down sitting on the bed. He ran his hand up to his chest, then down to his firm stomach, his eyes were locked with Rob’s. He slowly went down to his hips and toned thighs. Rob bent to kiss his lips, but his boyfriend had something else in mind. Rob twitched as he felt a grip on his length and stood up offering his lover the chance to do anything with it.  
Gary rested his lips on the tip of his hard on whilst he was gently stroking Rob’s length. Rob moaned loud caressing Gary’s neck, who opened his mouth taking his lover’s passion inside his mouth. Rob ran his fingers through his blonde hair helping the movement of his head, back and forth.  
‘Oohhh.. Gaz, I can’t…’ Rob twitched, leaning on Gary. They crashed on the bed. Rob on top of him. They kissed again, moaning loudly in their mouths, while their hands were rubbing each other in places they did not even think to have.  
‘I want you baby…’ Gary breathed out holding him tight against his body.  
‘How?’ Rob panted heavily on his lips.  
‘Let me show you that I belong to you’  
Gary laid on his left hip, letting Rob slip right behind him.  
‘You mean that.. I mean.. I can.. are you sure about it? Rob asked nervously.  
‘Yeah… don’t you want it too?’  
‘I don’t know how.. I have never.. I could.. hurt you’  
‘Maybe you could.. use some oil or gel.. there must be something in that drawer.  
‘What.. where..’ Rob started to breath hard, more and more upset.  
‘Hey.. hey.. ssshhh.. calm down, you are not the one who needs to be nervous here’ Gary smiled, hugging him and brushing gently his cheek.Rob took a deep breath. Only Gary had the power to make him relax like that. He leaned in to catch his friend’s lips. They kissed again passionately and soon the love they shared made its way back in their bodies, sending clear signals all over their thighs and crotches. They were both fully turned on again.  
‘I love you Rob, and I need to show you’  
‘I love you too.. so much’ Rob’s head was spinning.  
They were in their own bubble full of warmth and excitement. Their hearts were melting and their soul matching on a such high level, that they could not even imagine to feel anything more intense than that, ever. Gary put his leg on Rob’s hip so he could feel Rob’s body pressed onto his. Their hands were pulling necks, rubbing arms, stroking backs, grabbing waists and buttocks, restlessly.  
Their erections were rubbing against each other, desperately searching for more. Gary took Rob’s hand leading it to his spot. Rob reached his boyfriend’s ass teasing his entrance with a finger.  
‘Yes.. like that!’ Gary moaned moving his left leg up. Rob pushed the tip of his finger in but Gary whimpered so he pulled it back. Gary moved quickly and took something in the drawer and gave it to Rob. He squeezed a bit of oil on the palm of his hand and crawled down to his friend’s bulge. He pushed gently Gary’s thighs apart, a bit embarrassed. Gary winced as Rob shove the tip of his finger into his entrance.  
‘Am I doing.. fine so far?’ Rob asked a bit worried.  
‘Yeah.. gee.. I think this is not enough..’ Gary hissed. Rob shove another finger in, wrapping his fist around his erection gently squeezing it. ‘Move… slowly’ Gary twitched, grabbing the bed sheet and digging his neck more onto the pillow. Rob kept up his work, to prepare his friend as good as he could .  
‘I can stop if it hurts, we’ll find another way..’  
‘Geeze Rob.. no.. go on please.. it’s just.. I’m getting used. I want you so bad, I need.. come here now’  
‘How do you..’ Rob asked.  
‘Come up here’ Gary laid again on his left hip showing off his back. Rob shuffled up to reach his side and rested his hands on Gary’s hips, propping the tip of his hard between Gary’s buttocks.  
‘Hug me, that will be easier for me to relax, I want too feel your bare flesh on mine’ Rob obeyed pressing his entire body on his lover’s back, wrapping his arms around his stomach. Whilst Rob was rubbing his erection between his buttocks, Gary spread his leg a bit, letting his boyfriend find his spot.  
‘Ouch… shit!!’ Gary hissed painfully as Rob shove his tip inside him.  
‘Damn.. I knew I’d hurt you’ Rob said flinching back.  
‘I had no idea it was like.. hell, maybe if you could put a bit of that oil also on..’ Gary proposed.  
‘Of course, what an idiot I am!’ Rob quickly let few drops fall down on his hand and rubbed his entire length. Then put some onto Gary’s spot.  
‘Come on.. I need you now’ Gary groaned.  
‘I love you Gary, I am gonna show you how much I do.’ Rob wrapped him up again and leaned his tip against his warm spot. He pushed it inside slowly, letting his lover get used to it.  
‘Please tell me if…’ he said.  
‘Ssshhhh… I will…’ Gaz groaned with a mixture of pain and pleasure as Rob’s length was gently making its way inside him. Gary grabbed the sheets and moved his head to bite the pillow, spreading more his legs and help his lover to reach him deeper inside. Rob was now half inside of him, he felt as if he were to faint by pleasure.  
Gaz was hot and tight, Rob had not experimented anything like that before, Being inside of the man he loved was an unique feeling that was blowing him away. His senses were running at the speed of light, he was shaking and savouring this moment with every single cell of his body. Nothing could give him more than this, love was better than any drugs or alcohol.  
‘Don’t stop.. or..’ Gary panted painfully, trying to get adjusted so that his lover could keep up a good pace. He arched his back to reach Rob’s face who obeyed, still careful not to hurt him. Gary felt his lover’s tongue trailing kisses on his collarbone going right up to his ear. He whimpered feeling his wet tongue licking his soft spot, ravished. His muscles relaxed, getting the whole length of his lover inside him. He grabbed his hand and put it on his crotch. The pain had gone, leaving space for love and pleasure, finally.  
‘This is.. ooohhh..’ Gary was moaning loud under Rob’s slow thrusts, turning his head a bit to get a kiss from his lover. That was magnificent, ecstatic. They were finally making love as two people in love do. Their bodies were finally connecting in one another’s in the most perfect way. Their souls met and melted, finally finding his other half, after such a long time being apart.  
‘Oh.. gee.. Gaz.. I love you so much, this is … incredible’ Rob’s hands had a firm grip on Gary’s hips as he speed up his work.  
‘Yeah.. it’s.. oohhh..’ Gary groaned, dazed.  
Rob pulled himself out from Gary’s body who grabbed the bed sheet feeling empty. ‘What the hell…!’ He whimpered.  
‘ Sshhhh…’ Rob whispered as he gently grabbed his shoulder so he could lay on his back ‘.. I want to see your face.. ’ Gary allowed his lover to kneel between his parted thighs and take his place on his bare flesh. Their eyes locked, and they kissed passionately.  
Their tongues exploring each other’s mouths as Rob find his spot easily and shove himself into Gary again, who wrapped his legs allowing his lover to go deeper and deeper inside him. Rob was keeping a good pace now, but felt he could not go on like that for long. They were entangled, melting to each other totally, groaning by pleasure.  
‘Oh.. Luv.. I’m…whoahhh…’ Gary pushed the back of his head deeper on the pillow, and quickly let out his passion on his stomach, his thighs were shaking as he bended towards Rob’s neck, moaning loud.  
‘Come on my captain.. gi.. gimme your love, gimme all of you’ he panted in his ear feel the rapid beat of Rob’s heart pounding against his chest.  
‘G.. Gary…there I am’ Rob’s legs begin to tremble watching his boyfriend’s orgasm. All his senses were swirling wild and, unable to control himself any longer. Few more thrusts later he released his own climax into Gary’s body, filling him completely. He crashed down panting, exhausted.  
‘Woah.. wow! Rob commented, shuffling onto his side of the bed.  
‘Yep mate.. you can tell’ Gary grinned, letting his heart find a slow pace.  
‘Hope next time will be easier with.. the whole thing’ Rob said.  
‘It will be easier for me but.. not for you, boy!’ Gary winked .  
‘What do you mean?’ Rob frowned.  
‘I will be your captain, dear’ Gary winked, standing up.  
Rob’s jaw dropped, his open wide eyes following his boyfriend as he disappeared into the bathroom. Now he was really panicking.


	21. Chapter Eighteen

An annoying noise woke him up. Something was buzzing in the kitchen.. was it a fucking phone? In Gary’s house? Since when he got a phone? Rob watched his clock and it was 2pm. Holy shit! The lads must have been looking for them since ages. His head was still in a kind of limbo, confused, then he remembered that Nigel gave them few days break. He turned to see Gary still asleep in bed.  
‘Hey, honey’ Rob softly whispered in his ears.   
‘Mmm…’ Gary muttered.   
‘Do you have a phone here?’  
‘What?’ he tried to open his eyes.   
‘Sounded something like that was ringing down there.’  
‘Shit, yeah’ Now he was fully awake and sat on the bed like he was bitten by a snake.  
‘What time is it?’  
‘2.00 pm’   
‘Well.. I was supposed to gather my stuff today’ he looked quite confused.  
‘What.. today?’ Rob pouted   
‘Oh no, not today. Nig should call me to let me know about the trip… booking, time flight and so on..’   
‘Well.. in this case there are good chances that it was him on the phone’ he stated putting his hands under his head watching the ceiling. He spent the best night of his life with a gorgeous blonde guy and he was thinking to nothing else other than this fucking trip.   
‘I… guess so. I will call him later, no hurry now. Come on here’ Gary said laying on is left hip to face Rob.   
Rob felt an idiot, he looked at Gary blushing while he was taking his place by his side caressing his cheek ‘What is that cutie shadow of red? It’s not that warm here, sweetie’ he smiled.   
‘I know.. it’s just that I want to be here with you. Enjoy this moment before you leave me again’   
‘Hey… this is not about leaving you, I’ll be away for few days but now, after what we shared tonight, nobody is going to divide us. We belong together, it’s written in the stars, babe’ Gary smiled.   
Rob was speechless, he did not expect those words coming out from Gary’s mouth. ‘Are we a kind of a couple now?’ he asked shyly, blushing again.  
‘Uhm.. let’s see.. sort of’   
‘I love you Gaz’ Rob said wrapping his arm around his shoulder.  
‘I love you too Rob, I will never be able to love anyone more than that, for the rest of my life’ he cupped his face kissing the tip of Rob’s nose, gently. Then he went down to his lips and neck. Rob grabbed his hips and, in a bat of an eye, pulled his naked body on his. They were kissing and caressing each other everywhere. Rob melted feeling powerless under his touch.  
Maybe it was time for him to prove how much he loved him.   
The telephone started to ring again and woke them from their magic moment.   
‘I need to answer, honey’ Gary said murmuring in Rob’s ear.   
‘No, not now, fuck the phone!’ He grumbled on Gary’s lips   
‘Hey.. I’d better go or we could risk to be disturbed later and.. I don’t wish to be’  
‘Uhm.. ok.. fuck!’ Rob subsided, unwillingly.   
Gary went into the kitchen, but in the meantime the phone stopped ringing. He took a while before to come back so Rob supposed something happened. He came back after 10 minutes with sandwiches, a piece of cake and a couple of beers.  
‘Wow… right.. we forgot to eat today! You are forgiven for abandoning me in my miserable bed’ Rob joked   
‘To be honest, we have not eaten since yesterday’ Gary pointed out, putting the tray on the bed.  
‘Oh.. haven’t we? I did not realize that. Well.. sex needs fuel so… come on babies, come to papa’ he chuckled taking the sandwiches.  
They sat down on the bed enjoying the meal, joking and giggling around. When the telephone rang, again. Gaz rushed to answer.  
‘Hello’   
‘Hi Gary, It’s Nigel here.’  
‘Hi Nig’ Gaz answered almost choking with his beer.  
‘I have been trying to call you since this morning, where the hell have you been? I was getting worried’  
‘Soz Nig, but I was not at home and.. ’ Gary lied ‘..when I got back I got two pills for my headache and went straight to bed, so no way I could hear the phone before’  
That was the last minute best excuse he could find. Rob thought, smiling to himself.   
‘Ok… I called just to let ya know that all the reservations are done, flight and hotel room. We will be leaving tomorrow at 8 pm so I’ll be there to pick you up at about 6. Have you gathered your stuff at your parents house?’   
‘Oh yeah, I did. I have all that I need here but not packed up yet. It looks like I have the whole day available tomorrow’ Gary lied again, he had no other choice with smart ass Nig. Rob could feel something going wrong with his voice.  
‘Yes, but I need you to take your best suit as well, you know we will have few meetings over there and I want you to be good looking cause this is going to be a very important trip for you and me. It could change your future, our future’  
‘Ok, well.. in this case I need to go back at my parent’s house cause I have nothing like that here.’   
Gary was doing his best to look polite to cut the conversation as quick as possible.  
‘Uhm.. at.. what time will you go?’ Nigel asked   
‘Dunno.. maybe around 4 p.m. Why?’ Gary asked surprised for the request  
‘Oh nothing, don’t worry. Just bring your suitcase with you. See ya tomorrow, get ready.. bye’   
Rob got up and reached him in the kitchen. Gary was still lingering over the phone, puzzled.  
‘Hey.. is everything all right?’ He noticed that Gary’s face was tense.   
‘What? Oh.. yeah, It’s ok. It’s just that.. Nig told me something that worried me a bit’   
He said looking down, fidgeting.   
‘What did the bastard tell you?’ Rob started to get nervous ‘Please.. no more lies Gaz, you promised’   
He reached him and raised his chin with his fingers, so he could read in his eyes.   
‘He.. Nig.. told me that...’ Gaz hesitated   
‘What.. Gary? What the hell did he tell you?’ his hands got cold.


	22. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "By Jenny"

‘It’s nothing, maybe it’s just me reading a bit too much into it’ Gary was nervous. ‘You know I don’t want to lie to you so.. well.. here it is.. he told me he booked a hotel room’ he said leaning on the table kitchen and turning his head as if he could not gather his courage to look at him.  
‘What do you mean by that’? Rob asked ‘How many rooms was he supposed to book?  
‘I thought he would book two separate bedrooms in NY’ Gaz explained  
‘And.. why you did not tell him?’ Rob crossed his arm on his chest.  
‘I.. I.. did not have the time’ Gary explained.  
‘Fuck.. how could you.. well you should call and tell him now!’  
‘I can’t Rob.. what am I supposed to tell him? *Listen Nig.. I prefer to sleep in separate room because.. because..* see.. there is no reason for that!’  
‘Oh really? There is no reason! And me? what about me? am I not one of the reasons? you could find an excuse.. or.. anything! See.. I am right, he will sort out something to get you laid.. you are his favorite toy, he is paying for you trip to NY and you need to return the favor somehow’  
‘No! There is no way I can return the favor, I don’t want to. I would just feel sick at thinking of myself with him, not now, not after all we have shared’ Gaz grabbed Rob’s arms forcing him to look in his eyes ‘Hey.. just look at me.. listen.. what I feel for you is all beyond words. What you give me is heaven and not Nigel, not anyone else could give me that to me, not even close. All the world disappear around me when I look at you. You are the only one that matters to me. Without you my life is so bare and miserable, without you it’s so cold’ Gary’s voice cracked and pulled Rob on his chest, hugging him tight ‘What we did last night, we made love babe. I gave myself totally to you. I did it just for you, so that you could get that I am yours, no one can replace my Robbie here’ he said placing a hand on his chest ‘..because you fill it completely’  
Rob was overwhelmed, nobody had ever talked to him like that. He had no chances left rather than subside. He wrapped his arms around his waist hugging his boyfriend tight with watery eyes.  
‘This is really funny, uh?’ he declared, out of the blue.  
‘What is funny? Gary asked locking his eyes with Rob’s. ‘Hey... Are you kidding me?’  
‘The things you said.. wow.. it’s funny cause it’s the same for me. You described exactly what I am feeling too. As if.. you were reading here..’ He pointed his finger on his temple ‘I could not have chosen better words, babe’  
Rob leaned his forehead on Gary’s and a tiny, sweet smile appeared on their faces as they crushed on each other lips, searching each other tongue, desperately.  
‘Is this a promise?’ Rob asked as his young body was reacting fast to Gary’s kiss ‘Yes, it definitely is’  
They had been enjoying one another so deeply that the thought of being separate even for few day was unbearable.  
‘Just one more thing..’ Rob said once they each caught their breath.  
‘What?’ Gaz frowned  
‘Don’t you dare to forget to call me.. whenever you get rid of the very important people you are going to meet. I bet you’ll meet a lot of good looking guys over there’ he blinked trying to make a joke of it but Gaz knew that he was not kidding.  
‘Ho ho.. my little kid is jealous!’ Gaz smiled ‘Don’t worry, none of them is you, baby. It’s you I love, no other’  
Rob smiled at him but he knew how things are, it was just human nature. He really wanted to give Gaz a chance to show him that he was not going to fuck things up. Nonetheless, his mixed feelings about the trip were still haunting him. Why did Nigel want to keep this secret from the boys? Did he have plans on Gary’s music career alone? He had not forgotten the conversation between Gary and Nigel yet. He felt Gary’s hand grabbing his. Two minutes later they were in their bedroom.

                                                                                                                *****

Gary reached out Rob’s hand entwining his fingers with his. Their eyes locked. Rob pulled him in pressing his lips on his collarbone, parting them right after to shove out the tips of his tongue and have a taste of his boyfriend’s skin, then turned a bit nibbling his lobe slightly. The reaction of their bodies was immediate, their breathing increased rapidly. Gaz wrapped his arms tightly around the back of Rob’s neck pulling his lips fully onto his. Warmth filled his stomach, as their lips moved in sync.  
After a minute every single item of clothing was on the floor. Gary gripped his hand to Rob’s biceps, as his eyes warned him. They fell backwards onto the bed as Gaz pulled Rob on top of him. Rob smiled slightly before pressing his lips against his mouth parting them to let Gary catch his hungry tongue. Gaz moaned loudly as he felt his lover enter more into his mouth. He twitched as he ran his hands down Rob’s sweaty neck and he felt their bulges brushing against each other. Rob shuffled down to Gary’s bare torso running his hand down to his firm stomach and thigh. He bent down to lick his hard nipples and suddenly Gary felt a fist form around his hardened self. Rob started to work with his fist against him, sending him almost off the edge.  
He pushed Rob’s head, slightly, who bent down with his parted lips sucking the tip of it. Gary bucks his hips trying to shove more of him into Rob’s mouth. He could not last long like that so, with one turn, Gary suddenly landed on top of him, his knees rested into between his lover’s parted legs. Rob now was lying on his back wrapping his legs tight around Gary’s waist and kissing him like there was no tomorrow. This was starting to get too much. Gary slipped down to Rob’s throbbing bulge to return the favour, he moved his hand working on him. Rob moaned loud as Gary took the whole length in his mouth hungrily.  
‘Oh s..shit G.. Gaz.. I can’t go…’ Rob moaned loudly.  
‘Ok ok.. now sshhh.. and relax, baby’ he hissed  
‘What.. ’ Rob hissed, alarmed.  
‘Nothing baby, relax..’ Gary noticed that he was shaking ‘I want you so bad.. I want to feel you around me. Do you want be mine, Rob?’ He asked gently teasing his spot. ‘Y.. yeah.. I do’ Rob answered nervously.  
‘So I need to prepare you or you will get hurt, don’t worry.. I’ll be careful’ Rob close his eyes groaning loud as he felt Gary’s smooth touch working between his buttocks.  
‘Ouch.. shit.. Gaz.. that hurts’ Rob grabbed the duvet digging his nails into it.  
‘Two more seconds, baby.. relax, please’ Nor Rob or Gary could not wait longer. Gary took the little bottle and squeezed it onto his length. He crawled on top of Rob, feeling his hot flesh almost burning against his. He kissed him for a while, rubbing his throbbing length between his lover’s parted legs.  
‘Fuck…ooohhh!’ Rob winced, opening his eyes wide as he felt Gary’s tip getting into his spot. It was really hurting like hell. With a slow shove Gary was into his lover’s totally. Rob wrapped his arms around Gary, digging his fingertips onto Gary’s exposed back and making him moan.  
‘Damn Rob, you are so hot’ Gary gasped into his ear. He licked his neck and felt Rob slowly relaxing against his body, allowing Gary to move inside his body.  
‘I love you baby. Oh.. it’s amazing, I never, never..’ Gary whispered trailing wet kisses along his neck and keeping on his pace. He felt like heaven, his mind went blurry as Rob was moaning loud under his thrusts.  
‘I love you too Gaz, oh.. so much that hurts’ Rob answered entwining his finger with Gary’s. He reached for his mouth and in a second their lips were locked again. Their tongues were connected like glue, never wanting to let it go. Their bodies melted in each other again, making a whole unit.  
Rob could not take Gary’s belly rubbing against his length for long, so in a loud groan he arched his back and released his pleasure between their stomachs. He grabbed Gary’s back and pushed his bum hard against his shaking thighs. This sent Gary on the edge. He felt a sort of connection with Rob’s inner self, a sort of souls transmission which made his mind sink in a vortex of heavenly emotions.  
‘Oh my.. I.. oh.. yes!’ Gary moaned as, with few more hard thrusts, he released his pleasure inside Rob. He crashed down on his lover’s bare flesh, panting hard and loud against his neck.  
While their bodies were still tingling in the aftermath of their intense spent lust, their legs and arms. were still wrapped up around one another’s body so tight that no one could not spot the difference. They were one.  
They did not realize yet that their passionate and crazy love would effect their lives and marked their young hearts, like a tattoo, forever.  
 


	23. Chapter Twenty

The sun was peeking out from the bedroom window. Rob stretched his legs and arms. He opened on eye as he smelled something burning. He turned to see that Gary’s side of the bed was empty. He went to the toilet to wash his face. Following the smell he headed towards the kitchen. Rob crossed the room, tiptoeing, and wrapped his arms around Gary’s waist, who was trying to cook a sort of.. breakfast.  
‘Hey.. Morning’ kissing Gary’s neck.  
‘Hell Rob.. you scared me’ Gaz startled as he could not hear him coming ‘..have you slept well?’ He leaned his head back snuggling in Rob’s embrace.  
‘Like a baby. What the fuck is that? I am not going to eat that rubbish’ Rob whispered in his ears, jokingly.  
‘Hey you little shit!’ Gary elbowed Rob on his ribs ‘I realize that I am not used to cook often but.. your burned toasts are already in the bin, don’t worry. Take a seat and shut up, cunt!’  
‘Ouch!! Hey.. watch you mouth babe or.. I will think of a punishment’ Rob sat down pretending to be offended.  
They ate the ‘non burned’ toasts, eggs and tomatoes. There was even some coffee ready.  
‘Wow!! I am really impressed, baby. Not bad for being your first time, ha ha! – Rob teased him.  
‘And.. for the record.. this is NOT my first time, darling! I made coffee before. Now shut up and eat!’ - he casted at Rob a look of defiance.  
‘Yes, sir’- Rob showed his tongue, raising an eyebrow, and continued to eat in silence, then both started to laugh spitting out the entire mouthful all over the table.  
‘So.. this is the day, uh?’ Rob became serious ‘you have to go to gather your stuff at your parent’s house’  
‘Yes, I’ll go after a shower. Will you do the washing up here?  
‘Yeah, of course. Go on, don’t worry, I’ll think about it here ’  
                                                                                                                      ***  
One hour later Gaz was back, cleaned, shaved and dressed up.  
‘Hey.. I’ll be back in a couple of hours’ He stated putting his suitcase down on the floor.  
‘Ok.. I’ll go out to gather some woods and start the fireplace, then my turn in the shower… wow’ Rob stared at Gaz with lustful eyes ‘you are hot! Now I regret for not joining you in there!’  
Gary smiled, blushing, as his thoughts went back to the previous night in the shower and the good time they had spent afterwards, in their bed, when Rob noticed the baggage.  
‘Are you bringing that with you.. now? I thought you’d come over later to say goodbye’  
‘I will, don’t worry. I need to put my stuff in there. Maybe we will have the chance for a another shower, don’t you think so? He blinked  
‘Well if you move your nice little ass an will be back in time then.. ’ - Rob said leaning on the frame door, doubtful.  
‘I better hurry up then’ He winked reaching his face and pressing a quick peck on his lips.  
                                                                                                                       ***  
Rob set the fire on, had a shower, put in order the bedroom, the kitchen and now was sitting on the sofa watching TV, but sleep overtook him within minutes.  
It was nearly 5 pm when he woke up and realized that Gary did not show up yet. He had not even called. The flight was not until 8:00pm, so he still held on to the hope that Gaz would pop in for a quick goodbye. A sense of anxiety quickly took over while he began to pace back and forth within the room  
He grabbed the phone and dialed Gary’s home number, nervously.  
A woman’s voice picked up the phone.  
‘Hello, it’s Rob here’  
‘Hi Rob, how are you dear? Gary’s mum answered  
‘Pretty good, thank you Mrs. Barlow. What about you?  
‘So far so good, dear, can I help you?’  
‘Can I talk to Gary, please?’  
‘Gary is not here, darling. He left about on hour ago  
‘What?’ Rob’s heart started to pound fast in his chest ‘Sorry, I knew that he had a flight to take to NY and I needed to have a quick chat before’ He lied  
‘So Sorry dear. He got a call and he ran out with his suitcases few minutes later. I was a bit surprised, honestly, as I saw a black limo waiting for him on the street, I thought he would go with his own car or get a cab’  
‘Oh.. and.. I.. I see.. well..’ Rob stuttered, his mouth went dry.  
‘He’s probably back to his own flat to make sure everything is ok. You can call him there if you want. Do you have his number?’  
‘Uhm.. yeah.. I..I.. do. Thank you Mrs. Barlow’ Rob cut the conversation, his breath was so short that he could faint in a moment.  
He started to walk nervously back and forth in the room. he felt the blood pumping up to his head and was not able to think properly. Where the hell was Gaz? Why didn’t he show up or call him? He should have called if he needed help. He thought to go out but he could not, because he could have called any time.  
It was 5.15 pm. He could not stand to be there for one more minute so he ran upstairs to dress up.  
Thousands thoughts had been running through his mind for the last 10 minutes. A bad feeling took him over. What if the Nigel cheated on them and the flight was scheduled, before the time he was told? Rob and the lads have been suspecting about Nigel's manipulation and scheming for a while, which also included lying to serve his purpose.  
Maybe that was just an excuse, maybe Gary lied again or.. Nigel did, and Gary got caught in his trap or maybe Gary was aware of his plan. He began panicking. His head was spinning, his heart beating so fast that he could choke. He rushed outside and called a taxi. ‘To the airport, please’ The feeling he had in the morning has been outlining deeper and deeper inside his gut.  
It was rush hour, people were getting out from work and the traffic was intense. Plus the airport was in the other side of the city. It was about 6 when the taxi delivered a panicked Rob to his destination.  
He stormed off into the airport and ran toward the departure area. He looked at his watch and the scheduled flights in the panel on the wall in front of him.  
‘LDN – NYC’: Gate closed.  
‘Shit!’ He gasped.  
He rushed over toward the sliding scale. When he reached the big terrace on the upper floor, he froze.  
He made just in time to see, feeling powerless, Gary’s plane roll on the runway and take off. It was all surreal. He felt his head spinning and everything went black around him.


	24. Author's Note

_**Author's Note: I'm sorry to announce that there won't be an update this week because me and Jenny are going on vacation were is no internet. But I can say that next week there will be double update. :) xx** _


	25. Chapter Twenty - One

It was almost dark when they landed in New York JFK airport.  
Gary spent most of the time flight trying to get some sleep. When he finally managed to reach his purpose his dreams began to haunt him. His heavy sense of guilt for leaving Rob like that was strong in his heart. But he couldn’t do anything to say good-bye to him.  
Nigel had phoned at Gary’s home, unexpectedly, to tell him that he would pick him up earlier, cause the flight would be at 6 p.m. and not at 8 as scheduled. He gave him a short apology for the mistake. Gary got the sense that he was not sincere, probably his boss played a trick to him and the boys. He did not like that, but, being their boss, he needed to subside and be part of his game. From now on he swore himself to keep his eyes well open, and watch his back from him.  
He took his baggage and stepped toward Nig who was waiting for him at the other side of the arrivals area. He needed to call Bob as soon as possible, or his promises would have gone to hell, but it wasn’t safe. Nigel was glued to him.  
‘Gary, you’d better to keep up your pace, I can’t afford to loose my big pop star in New York’ Nigel said with his sweet sicken smile on his face. Gary, by his part, hardly coped to keep a straight expression, hoping that none of his emotions could leak out.  
‘Sorry Nig, it’s just that.. I don’t like flying, and now I could give anything for a comfy bed and a shower’  
‘You can have it all, once we get to the hotel, so... hurry up, boy!’he patted Gary’s back to make him feel better, but that made him even more nervous. He did not fancy all those smiles from his boss. Maybe Rob was right.. this trip was a mistake. Gary was tempted to turn back and run away from him, but it would have been a bigger mistake at this point. So he followed Nigel as trained dog.  
Half an hour later they got in front of an expensive hotel. Gary was still struggling to keep his emotions under control. They went in the lobby and Nigel had a quick chat with the receptionist who gave him the key of their room, one room. Gary felt panic rising up again. There was no way back, so he followed the boss quietly into the room. When they went in he noticed that there were two separate beds and he got relieved, but he soon afterwards smiled at himself.. he realized that he was naive about thinking that this would be enough to stop the boss to make a try on him.  
Gary startled as he felt Nig’s hand on his shoulder.  
‘Hey darling, calm down! You really need to relax. I’m going out to make some important calls’ he said leaving the room. Gary sighed relieved as he was alone. First thing he ran to grab his phone and dialed Rob’s number, but the only thing he could hear were only few beeps.  
*Maybe he is out somewhere with his friends, I will try again later* Gary thought as he took out fresh clothes from his suitcase and took off his dirty ones. He sat on the little sofa behind the window wearing only his underwear as he tried to call Rob again. He just couldn’t get that boy out of his mind.  
And again it ended with only beeps, but he didn’t gave up so he called and called again until his eyes dropped shut. Same thoughts were running through his head.. *Rob must be so angry at me, because I broke my promise, again* he fell asleep but that it would not have given to him the rest he needed*.  
                                                                                                                             ***  
Rob woke up on the sofa with a terrible headache, all around him was in a blurry. He did not rememeber how he managed to get back to Gary’s home.  
He went to the bathroom hoping that some fresh water could clear his mind. A cup of strong coffee maybe would be helpful too. He watched his clock.. and finally he got the sense of time and place.  
He startled as he heard the telephone ringing.. Gary.. but he did not make a move to answer. Suddenly nausea got him over and made just in time to rush to the sink and threw up. The phone stopped, thankfully, but soon after few minutes it began ringing again, Rob was about to answer, just to hear Gary’s voice would have made him feel better. But his pride and ego were stronger, so he decided to ignore it and went upstair to have a shower. He opened one of the drawers of the bathroom got some painkillers.  
When he was cleaned and dressed up he knew already what he should do. He went downstairs and picked up the phone dialing the number of the only person he really trusted.  
‘Hello!’ fortunately it was Mark picking up the phone  
‘Hi mate, I need you to help me’  
‘Hey Rob, how are you? I was worried, mate’  
‘Well.. let’s say I have been better. I am at Gary’s home right now and he  
left, he’s gone to New York’  
‘Well.. that’s why you were at the airport last night’  
‘What? Were was I? Rob asked puzzled  
‘Yes, you were mate. Don’t you remember anything?’  
‘Nope.. hey what are you talking about?’  
‘I got a call last night, from a policeman who found you while you were sleeping on the floor. He must have thought you were drunk or something like that, so he looked for your documents and he found some notes with some numbers, he dialed few of them but nobody answered until he reached me. The rest is history, I thought you were drunk too Bob, and I had no idea what you were doing there. I came over there and you were in a very confusional state of mind telling nonsenses. I was very worried and took you at Gary’s house, I found the key and carried you onto the sofa. I stayed for a while with you to make sure you were better and then you told me to go home and that Gary would take care of you as soon as he came back. I left when you were sleeping on you bed’  
Rob was listening shocked.  
‘Shit mate, I can’t remember a fucking thing! You see.. that is the problem.. Gaz is not here, the cunt left me without a sound, and messed things up, or Nig did.. well I am not sure about anythying by now’ Rob shouted a bit lost.  
‘Well I see but... why?’ Mark was genuinely surspised  
‘Yeah.. he was supposed to leave later but he’s gone already, without a word. Mark.. I need you to help me to get to New York’ Rob said and everything went quite for a while. ‘..are you still there?’  
‘Yeah.. yeah.. I’m here. Just thinking about something, but I don’t know it’s a good idea, if Nig found it out he will be on your tail again’ Markie said with fear in his voice.  
‘I don’t care, Markie! I just can’t let him be alone with that snake’  
‘Rob... he is a grown up man, he can take care of himself. You know that you could fuck things up if you go, don’t you?’  
‘Yeah, but he is also eager to accomplish his ambitious dreams, as we all are, and he is in NY, alone with a powerful greedy gay man, who is terribly attracted to him and Gaz might want to show him a bit of gratitude, by pleasing him’  
‘I can’t believe that, Gary is smart, he would not do that, no he won’t!’ He repeated.  
‘Oh.. so.. I need to go.’Rob said impatiently’ I’ll be careful, I promise. Hey.. wasn’t you the one that once said that Jason had a friend over there, maybe.. you could talk to Jay and explain him the situation. He won’t listen to me but he will.. with you. Please my friend, do me this favour’ Rob begged ‘.. and I need also some money for the flight’  
‘Wait.. what the hell? where can I gather the money? Shit Rob..you know that if this comes out all of us will be fucked up?’  
‘Please Mark.. this will not come out, we are all in the same side when it comes to the bitchy boss, tell the boys that we are doing nothing that he could not do with us. So..will you do this for me?’  
‘I will see what can I do, but I can’t promise anything’ Mark snorted, nervously.  
‘Thanks, Mark! I knew I could count on you’  
‘Don’t thank me now, I don’t know yet if I can help you. Anyway I will call you within tomorrow’ He hang up the phone.  
The painkiller relieved his headache and he was ready to eat something in the meantime. He decided not to take alchool, he needed to keep his mind clear and be sober until the trip. Rob smiled looking at his already packed suitcase. He was ready to go anytime. Now all he had to do was to wait for the little Markie to plan the trip for him.  
                                                                                                                             ***  
Nigel entered in the room to find Gary asleep, still holding the phone in his hand. He looked at it puzzled. He went closer and reached out to take the phone to have a peek at the last call. He slowly pulled it, careful not to wake him up, but there was no way to get it away from Gary’s dead grip.  
Gary started to stir in his sleep and slowly opened his eyes.  
‘Hey, what the hell are you...’ He startled when he realized that his boss was watching him in silence. He felt shivers going down through his spine. He suddenly felt to be in the wrong place with the wrong person. His thoughts flew immediately his London flat and to Rob. Heaven only knew how he was missing him. They could have been together, cuddling and giggling. Instead he found himself in a cold, pointless room in NY with his boss watching him like a ghost. All was quite creepy. Yes, he definitely missed his funny, young boyfriend a whole lot.  
‘Who did you call before you fell asleep?’ Nigel blurted, pointless. His eyes pointed at Gary’s hand, who looked sursprise as he realized he was still holding the mobile phone in his hand. Gary, still half asleep, try to get up to clear his head.  
‘Oh.. ehm.. my mom!’ He could not find something better to say ‘.. I promised her to call when I have landed, but she didn’t answer, maybe she was out with her friends’ Gary lied and Nigel watched him closing his eyes into a slit, doubtful. He didn’t ask anything else.  
‘Uhm.. ok. Fancy to go out in the big Apple and have a drink?’  
‘No, thank you! I am knackered cause of this damn jet lag as well. I’d better stay in here and try to call her again. I think she will be back at home anytime. Then I will go straight to bed’ Gary was a bit upset, praying that his smartass boss would get it and let him alone for a while ‘I need to look good tomorrow, so I prefer to have a rest. If it’s ok with you’  
‘Yeah, ok, as you like’ Nig said looking disappointed ‘.. say hi to your mom from me’ he added walking out of the room.  
‘I will’ Gary told him, and as soon as the boss shut the door behind him, he dialed Rob’s number again.  
***

Robbie was sitting on the sofa, hugging the pillow dressed in Gary’s T-shirt. He pushed his nose in it, deeply breathing. He could still smell the scent of some cheap cologne. It made him feel warm and little bit dizzy, and he smiled at recalling the day Gary bought it.

_They were in a shop together, giggling around and commenting about the shitty stuff being sold in there, when Gary’s attention was cought by a nice and coloured bottle of cologne. He sprayed a bit on his wrist, stretching it toward Rob. Rob was disgusted and made a strange and funny face, twisting his mouth and showing his tongue. But Gary loved it and bought it for two pounds. Rob, jokingly, told him that he should not even dare to get close to him with that stinky thing on him._

Rob smiled at himself on how things can change with time. The smell was not that bad in the end, but maybe it was cause he missed his boyfriend like crazy and things tend to look an sound better than they are, in your mind, when you are having the time of your life.  
He startled as he heard the phone rang. The caller’s ID showed Gary’s number. His heart started to pound fast in his chest. He grabbed it but instantly put it next to him on the sofa. He fought against the strong temptation to answer, so he ended to do anything else than just staring at it as it rang for two long minutes, until it stopped. His whole body was quickly getting cold and his hands were shaking as the phone started ringing again.  
A tear was slowly running on his cheek but a voice in his head was telling him he should not answer, Rob was still hurting and his pride was calling for a payback. Gary needed to feel the same way that Rob felt when he was left alone and desperate at the airport. There was no point to talk to him on the phone, it was much better to sort things out personally.  
Gary, on the other side of the planet, was pacing back and forth in his room, praying that Rob would pick up that damn phone. His hands were as cold as ice. The phone rang over and over again for an endless time untill the line wend dead. His breath slowed down as well as his shaking hands. He finally gave it up throwing the damn phone on the bed and heading to the bathroom to have a shower.  
He made the hot water run as he was undressing. He had a quick glance on the mirror to see his own pale face looking at him. He slowly made his way into the steamed box and he got the feeling that someone was watching him. His mind was playing a bad trick on him. His imagination was running wild and here it was Rob, fully naked, staring at his fit body, with lust. He stepped toward the box and got into the shower wrapping his arms around him and kissing him passionately.  
Gary closed his eyes, leaning his head onto the cold tiles, as he felt a fist form around his hardened self. He felt his excitement grow up more and more. He needed to release all his tension and that was the only way he knew. He was longing so much for Rob, that he was really there, in his mind, taking care of him and washing all his pain away. His mind went blurry as he felt his lover’s hand moving faster, he could not take it anymore. His whole body was shaking as he released his own pleasure under the running water, moaning Rob’s name loud. He rested a hand onto the box and opened his eyes to get over the strong feeling for having his lover again in his arms, even for few minutes.  
He found himself back to reality as, later, he was lying alone in a foreign bed in a foreign country. It was unbelievable how love can make you recall the emotional side of a relationship in a so deep way that you can really feel the connection with your lover. Rob’s ghost did not left the room, not even when Gary, exhausted, fell asleep with his phone in his hands, so not to miss a call.  
Rob, on the other side of the ocean, was coping to stay awake, waiting for that damn call from Mark, but his eyes were so swallen from tears that he finally gave up and drifted off to sleep hugging Gary’s pillow.  
If they only knew how they were hurting each other.


	26. Chapter Twenty - Two

That morning seemed to run away quickly to Gary, he couldn’t decide what to wear to attend to the dinner that Nigel had arranged with some important music industry people. He took a glance at his boss who was sitting on the couch talking to someone on his phone. This reminded to Gary that Rob wasn’t answering his phone calls.  
                                                                                                                               _______

In the meanwhile Rob was barely able to keep his eyes open, while he was trying to spot Jason’s friend in the crowded arrivals area of NYC-JFK airport. He needed to be grateful to Jay and Markie (bless him) for helping him to get there. Mark managed to plan his trip, magically, collecting some of his savings and borrowing his parents’ credit card with the excuse to buy some decent suitcases he absolutely needed when he would be touring with the band. His hardest job had been to persuade the ‘skeptical’ Jason to help him. He did not fancy the idea to lend any money to Mark to buy the ticket. He thought that Rob was insane and this trip made no sense, but at last he agreed to contact his NY friend who could give hospitality to Rob for a few days.  
Rob was thinking about a way to thank them after all this damn thing was over, when he saw a tall man waving at him. Rob ran toward him, making his way through the crowd.  
‘I guess you are Rob’ he said with a big smile on his face  
‘Yeah, I’m Robbie! You are..’  
‘Michael, pleased to meet you’  
‘Me too!’ They both shook their hands ‘Thank God you noticed me, cause I had no clue who was expecting for me’ He laughed  
Mike was as tall as Jason, but younger. He had green eyes and black spiked hair.  
‘Oh Jay gave me a detailed description of you, I could not make mistakes’ he grinned ‘So let’s go to my flat so you can freshen up and eat something’ he said  
‘Oh.. good! I really need it. This damn flight has been long and exhausting!’  
The two men walked out of the airport where the swarm of people was even bigger.  
                                                                                                                           ________

Gary sat already dressed up on the sofa fighting with his tie. He breathed in and out as he felt like he was not getting enough air in his lungs. He needed to calm down. It won’t be worse than some concerts in those country clubs he used to perform, maybe slightly different.  
‘Are you ready, Gary?’ Nigel called out walking in wearing a classy suit, but without tie.  
‘Yeah, I am. Where are we going?’  
‘It’s a suprise, I am sure you’ll like it’ he said winking.  
Gary noticed that his boss had a weird grin on his face which funnily reminded him of a cat who is playing around with his prey. He decided to shrug it off and went along whatever Nig’s game was, he just needed to look confident enough and keep his emotions at bay. As they walked out of the hotel Gary got a feeling that somebody was watching him. He took a quick glance around but amongst the passers-by he could spot anyone he knew.  
The restaurant was not very far from the hotel so they decided to walk, a cab would took too much time. They reached Times Square, the lights were so bright that both guys blinked for a while before they were able to see properly. They stopped in front of Sardi’s, the exclusive restaurant where all the Broadway stars use to meet up for an dinner. They got in and Gary noticed that there were few caricatures of celebrities on the walls. The atmosphere was soft and the lights were low. People were just sitting at their private tables chatting quietly and a crew of disciplined waiters, in black and white uniforms, were passing by the tables taking orders from the healthy customers. He was mesmerized by the beauty of the place and a bit uneasy about the feeling that muffled place was giving to him. He never experienced anything like that.  
One of the waiters lead them to their table, in front of a wide window with a beautiful view of the big square, where two men in expensive suits were already waiting for them. Gary let Nigel talk while he looked around and only then he noticed some soft music coming from somewhere. A jazz band was performing on a little stage in the corner of the restaurant.  
‘Gary, what do you think about musicals?’ one of the managers asked him.  
‘I love them. Especially Andrew Lloyd Weber’s works. I played Joseph’s role and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat in my school production, once’  
‘Have you ever thought about joining Broadway?’  
‘Oh gee.. it’s too soon right now to tell but .. no, I never really have, I mean as an actor but.. It would be amazing to work for theatres, writing my music for Broadway.. that could be a dream come true one day, who knows?  
‘Yes.. who knows? You might have this opportunity one day, if you are good as a songwriter and author..’  
‘He is the best, for being so young..’ Nige could not keep himself back and began to praise Gary ‘..he has been practising for so many years now. He started to learn piano when he was a child, he has been writing and singing his own songs and perform in clubs at a very early age. He is a very talented boy’  
‘One step at a time.. ‘Gary blushed and tried to move the conversation to the topic he cared the most ‘..to be honest I am focused on my music and on the band right now’  
‘..I am working hard to make it in the show business. I really believe in what we do. Maybe one day..’  
He did not like talking about something that was not his priority so he pushed the two wealthy men to take ‘Take That’ in consideration. They were a new group even in United Kingdom, and he knew that he was here to represent also the rest of the boys. He needed to promo himself and the band. In spite of his young age he was a quite level headed boy and perfectly aware that he needed to get through his part of mess tin before to reach the success. But he was ambitious and he would get all the shit if this would have served to the purpose.

                                                                                                                                ________

Rob was anxious to look for Gary, but Michael insisted that Rob needed to hit the Big Apple first, so Rob let him guide him around in a short trip in NY. They finally arrived in Times Square. Rob was happily walking, thinking how amazing, colorful and incredible that city was, that he almost forgot the reason he was there. He suddenly stopped frozen.  
Here he spotted Gaz sitting in Sardi’s having laugh with some pricks in expensive suits and Nigel, by his side, of course.  
‘He doesn’t look like he is missing me that much.’ Rob said feeling a rush of jealousy coming up in his chest.  
‘Is that the guy? Mike asked following the line of Rob’s look. ‘Hey! Don’t be sad. You are in New York. In the city that never sleeps. Do you want to go anywhere else?’ He put his arms on Rob’s shoulder showing support and pushed him backwards looking for a distraction.  
‘Why not? Where is the most popular gay club in this freaking city?’ Jealousy was eating him alive and was screaming out for revenge.  
‘I know the right place for you, have you ever heard about ‘The Monster’?’ Mike asked winking at Rob as he called out for a cab.  
What Rob didn’t knew was that Nigel was going to bring Gary to the same place after getting rid of the two healthy men, to celebrate their successful dinner.  
Gary’s euphoria was interrupted as he walked in the club. The dancefloor was all blinding lights, but everything around was in dark haze. Not really his cup of tea, apart from the hot guys hanging around.  
Nigel ordered two beers. Gary took a sip and it tasted horrible, but he gulped it down all in one take. Now he felt ready to look around.  
‘Nige, could you get me something better than this piss in the bottle?’  
‘How about whiskey on the rocks?’  
‘Sounds good’ Gary said and after minute the barman shoved the glass in his hand. He turned on his stool and his head started spinning, the wine he drank at the restaurant mixed up with the beer were doing a great job into his veins and started to affect also his visual skills. He was looking around and he got frozen.  
He spotted a familiar figure that he could recognize even in dim light, and he was not alone, another guy was sitting beside him and was even so damn good looking. He thought it was just his imagination, like it happened early in the shower, so he shook his head to clear his mind and watched again.. the figure was still there, he was chatting with the other one and drinking beer. Gary stood up, closed his eyes for a while, hoping that the vision would disappear but it was still there. He made a few steps toward the two boys, who seemed to have a blast with each other. Suddenly two green eyes stuck on Gary’s. His heart skipped a beat.  
It was not alcohol playing tricks with him and the boy was not a ghost.. Rob was really there with another man who was so dangerously next to him that he could kiss him anytime.  
Gary mixed feelings were upsetting him. Shock, jealousy, anger and relief were preventing him to make any move. What the hell was he doing here? He felt his blood running into his veins, upset, he turned back and went back to his table, gasping for breath.  
‘Nige, I will go out to get some fresh air, that shitty beer got me sick’  
‘Ok baby, Let’s go out of here’  
‘NO.. wait.. I will be back soon’ Gary needed some time alone.  
Smart ass Nigel noticed that there was something going on, as he watched him heading towards the doors.  
Gary glanced back toward Rob’s place, but he had gone. He looked around in the big crowded place but he was nowhere to be seen.  
He didn’t need to push his way through people and in a minute Gary was out of there. He felt fresh air getting into his lungs, looked around but there was no sign of Rob.  
He walked off from the club, slowly breathing in and out to sober up, focusing his mind completely on this new event and forgetting about an fuming Nigel, still waiting for his talented, blond hot boy, to come back.


	27. Chapter Twenty - Three

Rob had ran desperately for almost a mile and was two blocks away far from the frigging club, out of his breath. He leaned to the walls of a dark alley. His thoughts were still back in that club and to Gary, he looked so shocked to see him. His feelings were now a raging river… a mixture of anger, sadness, disappointment, jealousy and guilty for not trusting Gary and following him at the other side of the world.  
He jolted as two strong arms wrapped his waist. He tought he is going to be alone in the dark lane. He was petrified, thinking it was some bad guy who wanted to steal money from him. He slowly looked down to see two hands holding him. They looked familiar and he relaxed a bit but did not dare to move nor to make a sound.  
‘Nice to see you, babe!’ a man growled in Rob’s ear. Gary’s voice was like heaven to him. Rob turned around to see two wondering green eyes staring at him.  
‘Why are you running away from me?’- Gary whispered in a cold voice.  
‘I wanted to.. get some... fresh air’- Rob stuttered. His heart was beating like crazy. Rob has never seen this side of Gary and he was turned on and scared at the same time.  
‘Fresh air? Two blocks away from club you were in!!’ Gary said raising his eyebrow ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ His anger subsided, but Robs was ready to erupt, he did not feel as he was the guilty one here, so he was not going to take the blame for it.  
‘Look Gaz.. I am not the one who vanished after making another vain promise. You told me you were going to collect few things from your parent’s house and you left me there alone hanging and waiting for you for such a long fucking time to come back but you disappeared over the fucking ocean, instead and without a sound!! Could you please just let me know next time?’ Rob shouted back onto Gaz’s face pushing him. Gary stumbled backwards hitting the brick wall while Rob was getting near to him.  
‘Hey... hold on baby! It was not me in there flirting all over another guy in that club, so would you please let me know what was that supposed to be? – Gary was furios - ‘I think I don’t deserve such treatment, I did not cheat on you so far, with anybody! I am here just for work. Did you hear me? Who was that guy?’  
Rob felt a hint of guilt coming over his wrath and tasted a bit of Gary’s jealousy.  
‘He is one of Jason’s friends. I followed you cause I was damn upset since you left me without a fucking explanation, again!! – he ranted  
-‘Now shut the fuck up and listen to me, shit! I wanted to go back home, to you, Rob! I was almost out of my door.’ - Gary shouted looking right in Robs darkened green eyes.  
‘Then why you didn’t? I was devastated to know that you can’t hold on one of your fucking word! I needed to run to airport just to see your plane leaving. YOU LEFT ME ONE MORE TIME! Answer me, please.. how would feel about it if YOU were in my shoes?’ Rob was yelling out basically upon Gary’s face. They were dangerously close now and Gary’s back was still stuck on the cold wall. He could feel Rob’s breath on his face.  
‘Nigel’- Gaz subsided – he was in front of my parent’s house waiting for me, I could not tell him that I had to go back to you first!-  
‘Oh..and you did not have a minute to call me, did you? Not even one little excuse to go back into your home and pick up that damn phone! You could have find a way to call me, if you wanted to’ Rob went along relenteless, not completely satisified yet, and needy of let go off all his thoughts. ‘.. or at least as soon as you put your ass in this country!’  
‘I couldn’t, sorry. Nige was attached at my hip the whole time and when I had one hour left on my own in my room I tried to call you, so many times but.. you DID NOT answer and after a while I fell asleep with my phone in my hand and..’ Gary answered in a lower tone of voice adding‘.. I thought you did not want to answer me cause you were mad at me.  
-‘Uhm... good point Gaz, close to the truth! I just wanted you to feel my pain, the same pain you caused me’-  
-‘You know what Rob, I think you are exagerating. This is not a good start.. no it is not. What are we doing? We.. we are together in a relationship and all what we are able to do is just fighting over and over again, each time! Damn it! This is not how this whole thing is supposed to be, I am sorry I don’t know.. you are so childish at time, I.. I.. am not sure that we can go on like that’ Gary was upset and disappointed.  
-‘What?’ Rob suddenly felt panick raising up and started jibbering and stuttering. ‘I.. I.. you.. you.. what.. what.. are you talking... no Gaz.. wait’ he grabbed his arms feeling lost ‘..maybe I am childish, and possessive and jealous but.. oh god.. hey.. the thing is that I love you so much that just the thought of another boy touching you is just driving me crazy’ he took his hand but Gary pulled it back and breathed out, annoyed.  
‘I can only imagine how cute you looked waiting for me to pick up that phone’ Rob smiled to soothen the tension between them. He knew that he could not be angry with his boyfriend for long. Gary twitched as Rob rested a hand on his cheek, leaning his face toward his ‘I missed you’ Rob breathed on his mouth.  
Gary felt his stomach wince. A rush of warmth raised quickly from his chest to his head. He missed Rob too, so much. He missed the feeling to be embraced by his arms. The tension melted away quickly and their feelings took them over.  
He let himself go and grabbed his waist, pulling Rob in and gluing his body with him.  
They lips locked and toungue were now exploring each other mouth like there was no tomorrow. Their arms were wrapped tight around each other body and their hands were rubbing their backs and arms. Passion got them over. Their bodies reacted fast and Rob’s turn on was rubbing against Gary’s.  
Their moans in between the passionate kisses could have been heard two blocks far away. Their magic moment was broken when they head someone coughing.  
Rob was the quickest to pull away and turned around. Here was standing Mick who had a smirk on his face. He was with a blonde bloke who was holding his hand. Rob just threw a smirk back at him. Michael threw his keys to Rob who catched them easily.  
‘I will stay at Luke’s. So my flat is free. Just don’t do anything I won’t do’ he laughed and threw his last wink to Rob and Gary, walking away with the blonde boy by his side. Rob turned around to watch Gary who was standing there in shock.  
‘Now we have a place where we can continue our ehm.. ‘talk’ in’ Rob winked at Gary, taking his hand and walked off, fingers entertwined, toward a flat who was owned by someone Gary even didn’t knew before then.

                                                                                                      *****

They were in front of the flat doors that looked like made from oak. Rob opened them and let Gary walk in it first. It was bigger then their London flat.  
‘Who was that guy who gave you keys? How are you even here? Who paid for this trip? Why didn’t you answer my calls?’ Gary was eager to get all those questions out before his head exploded.  
‘Hey.. hey.. Gaz calm down, baby. One question at time.’ he put a soothing hand on Gary’s shoulders and making him comfortable, sitting down on the couch.  
‘So..do you want anything to drink?’ Rob handed him over a glass of water. Gary drank it all. He needed that after the shitty beer and whisky he had at the club.  
‘He is one of Jason’s friend. And the blonde one is his boyfriend. They live here, in this flat. He let me stay here while I’m in New York. He is really nice lad.-  
‘Yeah, I saw that while he was groping your ass while you were dancing with him.-  
‘Oh oh... I can see someone is jealous here!’ - Rob smiled.  
‘I just don’t like to share what is mine with strangers ’- Gary said blushing and pulling Rob closer to him.  
‘Well if this not jealousy I don’t even know what it is’ Rob said pleased, snuggling into his arms  
‘Now.. would you like to answer to the rest of my questions, please’ Gary asked again.  
‘oh.. er.. first of all I’m here because I was upset that you left me like that. I just don’t trust that ‘smartass’ and I can’t bear the thought of you being alone with him. Mark helped me to get here, he found a half a price ticket to New York and convinced Jason who put a good word for me with Mike.  
‘You are crazy, i can imagine how much it costed to you’  
‘Yeah.. I am..’ Rob said in a whisper getting near to Gary’s earlobe ‘..crazy for you and.. you love it’ he said rubbing the top of his toungue around his ear.  
‘You little cunt! You know how to get me.’ Gary said in a moan, excited by Rob closeness. He pulled him even closer to his chest in a cuddle and leaned his spinning head on the back of the sofa. He tried not to close his eyes.  
‘Sleep Gaz, I will be here when you wake up’ he turned to go but he felt his hand grabbed.  
‘No, please.. stay with me, I dont wanna waste a minute of our time here’ Gary wanted more, they both did. Their lips touched melting like snow in the sun.  
‘Ok but we need something to stay awake’ Rob whispered in between kisses ‘.. going to make some coffee, be right back’ He got up to go the kitchen.  
‘I’d better to come with you or I’ll fall asleep on this couch and... I don’t want to’ Gary said, rubbing his leg with lustful eyes..  
‘Ok.. ehm..looks like we will be busy later’ Rob seized his clue immediately. They were on the same page. He smiled at himself as he put the kettle on the flame.

                                                                                                        *****

‘Do you need help with that? Gary wrapped his arms around Rob’s waist as he was busy bustling with cups and sugar.  
‘If you want to.. ehm.. wait.. I can’t move like that, hey!’ He chuckled as he felt Gary’s head resting on his back  
‘What a shame, you really need to come with me in a more comfortable place’  
‘Don’t you want your coffee first?’  
‘Later’ he softly answered in his ear.  
Gary slipped his finger under Rob’s T-shirt and caressed his chest teasing his hard nipples. Rob’s reaction was fast. He turned around and rested his forehead against Gary’s, his eyes were closed. He leaned to kiss his boyfriend’s neck, trailing alone the line of his collarbone and in the end he locked his lips with Gary’s.  
With a quick move he grabbed Gary’s buttocks raising his whole body. Few steps later he rested him on the table of the kitchen. He was all over him kissing his heart out. They were both turned on and craving each other so much.  
‘I missed you’ Rob moaned  
‘I missed you too’ Gary straddled his legs to allow to his lover to reach his bulge. They were pressed against each other now and their hard on were now throbbing in their pants.  
Rob held back to take Gary’s shirt off and admire his perfect toned body. He took off his own also. Then it was the pant’s turn.  
they felt as like they have been apart from ages. Passion was getting them over and over again. Their hearts were melting again and all around in the room was in a blurry as their moans were getting louder.  
‘Oh Rob.. I need more baby’ Gary panted, looking straight onto his green eyes with lust. Rob knew what he needed and kneeled in front of his boyfriend, caressing his firm thighs.  
‘Yeah.. oh yes.. oh my..’ Gary’s hand swirled on his boyfriend darkened hair as he began teasing the top of his lenght with the top of his tongue. He shove a bit of himself into Rob’s mouth and twitched. Rob sucked hungrily for a while sending Gary over the edge. Few more moments like that and it would be late.  
‘Come up here, I need to feel you in my arms now’ he panted  
‘Yes, my captain’ Rob was glad to obey. He stood up and hugged Gary in a tight embrace, kissing him passionately and rubbing his length against his. His hands rested firm on his back as Gary took both of them their own selves.  
‘G...Gary..." Rob’s panted and caught his mouth again, slipping his tongue in hungrily. Then he suddenly buckled letting his own pleasure all over their stomach. Gary followed him right after, resting his head on his neck panting heavily.  
‘I love you’ Rob whispered. His eyes were now fixed on Gary’s  
‘I love you too’ Gary replied caressing his arms.  
Suddenly Rob moved hitting his leg against one of the chairs, he lost his balance and grabbed Gary’s wrist to avoid the fall, but he failed and pulled him in so they both crashed down miserably. They started to roll on the kitchen floor, laughing and playing with each other. It had been a while since they enjoyed each other’s company again. Their chemistry was undeniable, they both fit one another as bees with honey. Now they were ready to go home.  
Gary’s flat was not certainly one of the most comfortable ones. It was barely heated, just essential furniture, no pictures on the walls and limited food supplies, but it was their own shelter, their little piece of heaven.


	28. Author's Note

_**Authors' note: the blog will be updated only twice this month.. Vacation time**_


	29. Chapter Twenty - Four

Gary was tip-toeing through the hotel’s hallway, be careful not to be heard by his boss just in case he would be around. He knew that he would be probably being still mad at him for being ditched in the club the night before. But he didn’t regret being, even for a while, with Rob. All that Gary needed was to hold him for few hours and just feel his warmth radiating all over his skin, to feel to be at home again. No matter where he was, every damn place in this world was home if he was with Rob. The night turned out to be much better than he expected. They went beyond far than a simple warming embrace or cuddle.  
Gary had the goofiest smile stamped on his face. His thoughts were in a coloured bubble flying higher and higher to a cloud up in the sky. He did not even realize how he ended in his hotel bed. Thank god Nige was not in there.  
But soon afterwards his happy feelings were abruptly brought down back on earth as a furious Nigel stormed in slamming the door.  
Gary startled. He had never seen his boss in that state. His eyes were wide open, and his face was in a shadow of purple red. He looked like he had just jumped out from hell. He was the scariest thing that Gary had ever seen so far. He just imagined to spot hornes coming out from his head.  
‘Where have you been all night?’ he burst out walking closer to Gary. He has never used this voice against Gary, but he was his time to feel what person was Nigel after all safe landings.  
‘Hey.. oh.. er.. I.. I meet one of my dear friend from my.. native village here. So we have been chatting all night and catched up on few things and.. It.. it has been such long time since we saw each other, so we did not notice time passing by’ he lied feeling wrong-footed by Nig’s exagerated reaction.  
‘Oh really? You know that I was still there in that damn club waiting for you like an idiot.. while you were having fun with your precious friend, don’t ya!’ the boss asked sarcastically.  
‘Er yeah I do, sorry. I just forgot it, I was still so excited about our dinner and the lovely chat we had with those people that I forgot’  
‘YOU..FORGOT! HA HA!’ He yelled getting dangerously on Gary’s face ‘You are here with ME! If it were not for me you would not be here, baby! You should show me a bit of gratitude for what I do for you!’ ‘I.. I.. have to be honest Gary, I would not expect that from you!  
‘I know.. I am really sorry’ Gary repeated, upset.  
‘I don’t give a fuck of your apology!’ He was a raging river ‘Remember that all of you can be replaced any time! Next time, remember to tell me or have the foresight to call, if you are going to wander around the city, at least!’ and he walked off slamming the door behind him.  
Gary leaped up and started pacing, upset by his reaction, his boss had been really mean and nasty, leaving his head in a mess.  
As he calmed down he remebered that he was supposed to meet Rob in front of hotel within an hour, what if his boss were still around? He needed to be careful not to be seen not to arouse more suspicions. That would be the end for sure. As he was dressed and fixed up he made his way to go out but the door was locked up. The key was nowhere to be found. Nigel had locked him in. He needed to let Rob know that he would be late.  
‘Hello!’ Rob sounded sleepy. The night was so short for him.  
‘Hey, babe! I can’t get out of my suite, I think Nigel took my key. So we need to cancel our plans’  
‘The hell we are!’ Rob told him. He was completely awake by then. ‘I’m not going to cancel our date just because of that piece of shit! Just wait, I’m going to get you out.’  
‘Okay, okay! Just be careful cause ‘eagle eye’ might be still around to oversee the area. He just went out from here, and he was out of his head’  
‘Ha ha.. Ok!’ he laughed ‘he must have find out that his beloved blond boy was nowhere to be found last night, right? Ha ha.. I can picture him going nuts! I can’t promise you but I will do what I need to do. Nobody can stop me to get there and see my boyfriend, I will figure out something’ Rob said and the line went dead. His words were still replaying in Gary’s mind who got a sweet smile on his face. The ‘boyfriend’ word sounded strange to him, in a positive way. In the meanwhile he tried to call the reception to ask for a copy of key or a passpartout, but nobody answered. He was totally locked inside that damn room.  
Nobody knows What the hell is going through the devil’s head.

 

                                                                                                             *****

 

The three boys were sitting on Mike’s apartment floor puzzling how to get Gary out of hotel or to get Rob in hotel in a way that Nigel didn’t recognize him. But nothing was coming in their minds, till Mike started to look at Rob smirking.  
‘I can see that you figure out some plan, Mike. Would you be so kind to share it with the rest of the crew?’ Luke asked.  
‘Okay, Mr. Grumpy!’ They laughed. ‘It’s a crazy idea, but I think you should dress in drag. Nobody will suspect it’s you’  
‘What!! A drag?! What the hell.. can you see my hair? They are everywhere in my body, how do you think you can cover them up?  
‘Don’t worry about that, miss.. I have all that I need for you’ he winked at Luke’ ‘Don’t you dare to put some wax on me or I will kill you!’ Rob warned him  
‘Hahahah.. no need to baby, trust me! Come with me and we will make you a pretty girl.’ He said, still having smirk on his face.  
‘Uhmm...’ Rob was doubtful’ ..I’ll give it a go because there is nothing else I can do in a short notice’  
Rob stood up and followed him, Luke was behind them. Mike opened the secret doors and it was full with wigs, women clothes and shoes. Rob and Luke had their jaws hanging low. Luke was first to break the silence.  
‘I never thought you’re in this kind of kink.’ He wiggled his eyebrows at Micheal who just still smiled. Rob could eat sexual tension with spoon.  
‘Hey you two.. First help me with this and then you can have a shag later, ok?’  
Mike got to work throwing clothes at Rob, that would look good on him. He was a pretyy much as tall as them. There were only sweater, jeans and Converses. Rob dressed and undressed many times and finally he found something that would fit. When he was fixed up, Micheal made him sit down and started to work his magic with make-up and the wig.  
‘Let me present you the prettiest of the models.. Miss Roberta Williams!’ Mikey announced and Rob slowly opened his eyes. He saw a girl staring back at him, only eyes gave him away. Good thing that puberty still wasn’t hitten him and he didn’t have big muscles. So he looked like normal teenage girl would look.  
‘Wow?’ He did not even recognized his figure if it wasn’t for his big green eyes and his dark thick eyebrows’ Man I can’t go with these woods on my eyes’  
‘Yes.. er.. wait..’ Mike hummed handing him sunglasses ‘take this ones’  
‘Thank you’ Rob said  
‘Now lets get you to that hotel’ Mike hurged  
‘Are you coming with me?’  
‘Hell yeah, we all go with you! You need someone to save your ass if something goes wrong, boy! Jay told me to look after you, so that is exactly what I’m gonna do. I am a responsible boy, you know!’ Mike winked.

One hour later they were all outside the hotel.  
‘Go and get him, tiger, or should I say.. chick!?’ Mike laughed at Rob who showed his middle finger and got off the car ready for his best peformance, ever.  
He took the elevator and got out at the third floor. Damn.. He did not remember the exact number of Gary’s room. His blood was running fast as he was pacing back and forth, looking for it, restlessy. Suddenly he stepped in his dead tracks just few feets away hearing strange noises coming from behind one of the closed doors.  
‘Yeah boy.. just like that!’ Rob froze, it was Nigel’s voice. Those noises were loud and clear. He got near the door to listen better and another clear and loud noise together with some moans came out from the room. He stepped back frozen, staring at the door in front of him as he could actually see what was happening in there. A sense of terror got him. He started shaking like a leaf in the wind. He slowly backed off. He slowly turned around and saw his own image reflected by a mirror. He did not like what he saw. He looked pathetic dressed like a drag for Gary whilst, instead, was banging with his worst enemy. What a big cunt I am! Idiot fucking CUNT! He punched the mirror with fury, cutting his hand. He did not even realize that he was bleeding as he ran toward the stairs, shattered.  
‘Hey Rob! What the hell...?’ his friends called him out. Rob did not hear them. They caught him before he could run away. ‘Boy.. what happened.. oh my god.. you are bleeding! come on.. let’s get into the car’ Mike and Luke looked at each other, worried. Rob did not respond. He let the two boys lead him into the car, silently. His mind was elsewhere in a shock state of mind.

                                                                                                                 *****

‘Hey mate.. may I do a quick overseas call?’ Rob asked as they all were back Mike’s flat ‘I need to go home’  
‘Of course mate.. you wanna talk about it? Mike asked showing his support ‘I mean of you feel up to it’  
Rob, shortly, gathered his guts and started to talk, re-living the nastiness of what he heard and felt back in that damn hotel.  
‘Wow..’ all the boys exclaimed after Rob handed them a short and painful summary of the facts ‘I can book you a flight for today, if you want’ Mike announced with a sympathetic look.  
‘Yes please, no way I’m gonna stay here one more minute’ Rob said in a whisper.  
‘Now go and get a shower. I will cook something to eat’ Luke fostered him.  
‘No thanx mate, I am not hungry right now. I need to make that call first’  
‘Sure, no problem’  
Rob dialed the number of the only person he could trust  
‘Hello’ Mark answered  
‘Hi man, it’s me’  
‘Hey Rob.. how are you?’  
‘Fucking great mate.. I’m coming back home today’ He lied trying to put up his voice as good as he could.  
‘Hey..wait.. why so soon? What happened? Are you ok?’ He noticed Rob’s cracking voice.  
‘Ok Mark.. I can’t..’ Rob knew that Mark would not buy it. ‘I don’t know.. it’s just that.. oh shit.. I will explain later mate, sorry’  
‘Ok.. ok.. calm down! Just let me know when your flight is about to take off, we have time to talk about it when you will be better’ he realized that Rob was in a emotional mess.  
‘I don’t know yet.. I will call you back again when I will be at the airport. Bring a big sport bag for me, please’  
‘Ok, See ya mate’ Mark hang up the phone. Damn he was now really worried. He regretted for letting Rob leave so easily. He warned him that the trip to NY was an insane idea, but he was so determined to go.

Rob was walking in this flat, drowing his pain in a glass of vodka. The memory of the good time he spent just few hours before with Gary was haunting him..their cuddles on the couch, the love making afterwards in the kitchen.. Gary caressing his back.. shit, he could not believe that it was really happening to him. Suddenly he felt dirty.  
He undressed himself, and headed into the shower box. He let the hot water run, scratching his own skin so much, desperately, almost bleeding. As if the burning water could wash away his distress along with those dirty sounds he was replying in his mind over and over again, in a loop. But it was useless.  
The searing water drops, running down onto his bare flesh, hurt less than his burning tears, which were streaming his cheeks copiously.  
‘Has he ever loved me?’ He wondered, feeling miserable.

 

                                                                                                                 *****

Gary was sitting on his hotel bed waiting for Rob to come and take him away from his nightmare and just bring him home. But it was getting late.. too late. Three more hours went by and Rob did not show up yet. He started to worry that Rob could not make up an excuse and go. He tried to call the boy’s house but nobody picked up the phone. Nigel had told him to get prepared and wear his posh suit because he had arranged to go out that evening, for a special dinner, just the two of them. He was upset because he was afraid that maybe Rob was right about his manager's plans. He realized that Rob would not make it, something must have happened, so he undressed and went for a shower.  
As soon he was ready he tried to call at Mike’s flat again, in vain, for 20 minutes. He started to pace restlessy back and forth in the room. There was no time to go out to look for him now, his boss was supposed to be there to pick him up at any moment. He opened the wardrobe, bustled with some clothing, and in few minutes he was all fixed up and ready to go, he would have been Nigel’s toy for the rest of the evening. Gary was, though, totally unaware what his boyfriend was going through, in the meanwhile.  
Rob sat down on his place on the NY-LDN flight, that very night.  
He was shattered. All that he needed was just to go home and erase the memory of that damn day from his mind but that was going to be tough. He did not realize back then that the fight with his heart was gonna be even tougher.


	30. Chapter Twenty - Five

Gary wasn’t getting any sleep lately. His flat felt so cold and empty. He hadn’t spoken with Rob since he left NY, two weeks ago, suddenly and with no explanation. Gary tried many times to start a chat with him to get a hint about what was going through his mind, but he did not get a word from him. Rob looked always busy with something else, but the truth was that he was ignoring him totally. He was, instead, always next to Mark, hanging out with him after the band’s job schedule was done for the day.  
That was upsetting Gary so much, who was busy with the rehearsal for the band upcoming tour, more than the others. He wished to talk to Rob in the evenings, but he was often unavailable and gone to hit pubs along with Mark or some random friends. He realized that Rob was doing that on purpose. He was not able to comprehend his boyfriend’s attitude. Well..if.. they were they still ‘boyfriends’.  
It was like they were back to the beginning. Gary was getting near to a break point, but nobody cared. He was the one who was carrying the band on, so he put his best straight mask on and went ahead with life like nothing happened.  
‘God, I miss him so much.. hell.. why is he doing that to me.. why??’ Gary almost shouted his last words out loud as he walked out of the kitchen with a cup of tea in his hand, sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace.  
‘Talking about.. me?’ Howard was standing in Gary’s flat living room, grinning.  
‘Shit..Howard.. you scared the hell out of me!’ Gary stood up, quickly. ‘How did you ...?’ even then Dougie could pick up the lock.  
‘Oh, well.. that was easy, you forgot to lock the door so..’ He winked  
‘Don’t flatter yourself, How, not talking about you even if you wished’ Gary said slumping back into little kitchen ‘would you like some tea?  
‘I’d love to, thanx. So... who is this misterious guy you are missing?’  
‘What... ah.. it’s nothing serious, believe me’ Gary just looked at Howard with pleading eyes, but it never worked on him. He wanted to know the truth.  
‘Nothing serious.. seriously?? Tell me if I am wrong.. we are maybe talking about a tall dark haired guy who seems to work in the same band as we are, arent’ we?’ Howard was a good friend and very supportive, Gary could totally trust him.  
Gary just looked away, spitting out his warm tea, trying to catch the breath.  
‘How...do you..?’ Gary stuttered. It’s like everyone around him knew him more than himself, in these past two weeks. He just wanted the world to swallow him, but he knew it would spit him out again.  
‘Oh boy.. it’s not that we are that blind or stupid. Even a baby would realize that there is something going on between you two. Everyone knows except for Nig, well he is suspecting in the same way we are, it’s just that we can ask you openly, he can’t. I don’t know what happened in New York, but it made Markie angry and even Jason thinks you are a prick. But if you got Mark angry, you are really fucked up, mate’  
‘Oh.. good.. now all the world is pissed off with me and.. you know what.. the funny thing is that I don’t even know the reason they are’  
‘So.. you and Rob are.. together I mean..are you a couple? Don’t you think we should know how things really are between the two of you?’ Howard asked.  
‘Well.. ahem.. yeah you are right so.. yes, we feel something special, more than a simple friendship, there is an incredible chemistry between us. We clicked since the first day we met, I did not know what it was back then but.. now I know. Gary stuttered as he was a bit embarassed to talk about it with his friend.  
‘Come on mate.. you can talk to me, I can feel that ‘more than friendship’ is an understatement, even a child would get what’s going on here!’  
‘Shit, Howard.. ok.. I realized that I never felt that with any other girl before, at least not that kind of attraction I have for Rob. I love him, Howard, and he loves me in the same way, end of.’ He finally spilled all the beans, leaving Dougie speechless.  
‘Hey.. you did not tell me why you are here. I thought that you didn’t want to talk about this crap!  
‘I don’t mind if you and him are in a relationship, the important thing is that you are happy and this is what you really want.’  
‘I want this Dougie, I really do, so much that I can’t do without it, without.. him’  
‘Ok, ehmm.. I just hope he won’t make you suffer. You look like you are now, and this worries me a bit. Would you like to talk to me if.. you feel up to it?’  
‘No Dougie, I am not really up to it, right now. Yes there is something that is not going like I expected to be but I will sort it out, I don’t wanna mess your head up now. So..’ Gary said moving the conversation on another topic ‘What brings you here?’  
‘Uhm.. ok.. well.. I bumped into Nig on my way to the dance hall...’ Gary winced as Dougie mentioned that man’s name. He could fake his smiles in public, but not in his flat. He wanted to keep his promise.. for Rob. Howard just didn’t make big deal of it. Maybe he thought Gary got to see Nig’s other side too.  
‘..he said that maybe he will not be able to attend with us on our first gig, because he is busy with something important. All has been planned carefully and he is sure we will be doing fine by ourselves. He sort of... trusts us’ Howard grinned.  
‘What the hell...since when he trust us? What is there more important that our first gig now?’ Gary shouted surprised, it was not Nigel’s to miss such an important event. But he felt relief at the same time, finally after these two weeks. He will get on stage and do what makes him happy the most. Maybe it will make everything else better and he’ll forget about his problems. Music always was his way to full blown happiness.  
‘No clue mate, you know that if I’d ask him he would probably brush off me and tell that they are not my fucking business’ he laughed.  
‘I should start packing my suitcase again. At what time are we leaving?’ Gary asked, putting on his best smile and looking indifferent. The bitterness in his heart was eating him alive but he was very good at hiding his real feelings so he swallowed pushing the lump that was gripping his throat back down in his chest.  
‘He said tomorrow at six a.m. we have to be in front of the club. We will have our own tour bus. We are finally getting somewhere’  
‘Yeah, lad, our work is paying off. Maybe we need something stronger to celebrate this’  
‘I need to pack my stuff up.. what about going to a pub down the street and have a beer, later? Also we have to deliver this information to others’ Howard suggested  
‘Ok, deal. We will meet later at the pub, in the meanwhile let’s sort our stuff out’  
‘I will keep you on this, Barlow’ said Dougie patting his back ‘I will call the other boys’  
                                                                                                                            ______

_Later the same day.._

Gary, Howard and Jason slowly walked into the pub glancing around to find some free seats. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed that Rob was already there sitting next to Mark. They were chatting and sipping some alcoholic drink in the other side of the area. Rob elbowed Mark feeling his blood pumping up in his veins. He threw a dark glance at them, he was not in the right mood to face Gary right now. Howard was already stepping towards their table, so Gary had no choice and followed him, getting more and more tense at each step.  
‘Hello, mates!’ Dougie greeted then with his usual smile, and sat in front of them making place for Jason so he could sit next to him. Gary, behind, just waved at them sitting on the chair left.  
‘Hey, do you want a beer?’ Mark put up his shiny smile. He was glad to have company so at least Rob would stop sulking about his love life, for a while.  
‘Of course we do, we are there to celebrate our first album getting straight to N° 1 in the chart, damn it!’ Jason announced cheerfully, trying to ignore the tension between Rob and Gaz which could be cut with a knife.  
‘So.. and I also have something to say..’ Dougie announced ‘.. Nigel set up the dates of the tour. Tomorrow we need to be in front of the studios at 6 o’clock. Next week we will have our first big gig in Manchester, the tickets are sold out’  
‘That’s great news, mates!’ Rob blurted out of the blue ‘but I have something better right now to take care of’ He was eyeing and winking at the girl who was sitting by bar counter who returned her smile back to him. The lads turned to look at the girl. Rob made it on purpose, the only thing that was going thought his mind was to hurt Gary. One thing for sure.. Rob reached his goal in a nanosecond.  
Gary’s hands got cold and his face got pale, he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from Rob while he was walking off to reach the pretty girl. Gary tried to pull off a straight face but the boys could read his concern.  
When Rob started to chat with the random girl, it was like someone punched straight on Gary’s chest. Rob made it even harder for Gary looking straight in his eyes while he wrapped her waist and whispered something in her ear. He just wanted to hurt Gary, so he could feel his own pain. Gary was even more upset when he realized that the girl’s job was done for the day and saw them going out of the pub hand in hand.  
Gary swallowed hard his intense jealousy, drinking the entire glass of beer all in one breath. ‘sorry guys I have to go, please continue without me’  
‘Oh come on Gaz..’ Howard said upset ‘Let him go, don’t let this ruin all this! We know how Rob is like.. he will come back, don’t worry, he is such a dork at times!’  
‘Maybe you don’t realize what this is for us yet, let me say things straight out so you won’t have any doubt.. THIS IS NOT A ‘FUCKING’ JOKE! This is serious, for both of us. It’s fucking important to me! It’s not a matter of just being simply in a band, this is a question of life or death for me, our feelings are real.. We are a couple.. we love each other! Very Much! I need to talk to him and I will do all that is in my power to get him back to me, even if I had to buy a no return ticket to the moon. Ok?’  
The boys were astonishingly staring at Gary. They were speechless, the embarrassing moment lasted only seconds but it seemed to be neverending.  
‘We got it Gaz, out and loud, then go and try to sort things out with him. Do not worry about us’ Mark was the only one who knew the whole story in all its details so he could understand Gary’s point of view bus still he needed to clear his ideas about what happened in NY actually.  
‘Thank you Mark, sorry guys but I needed to do this, cause if there is something that will go wrong you all need to know how things really are between the two of us’  
‘No problem dude, we are not only a band, I can’t speak for the other boys but this is like a second family to me’ Howard stated watching his companions. They all agreed with Dougie.  
‘Hey mate, go and do what you need to do, we will cover you up with Nigel if needed but..’ Jason stated and Gary felt relieved to know that he had all his friend’s support ‘..I don’t like how he is behaving with us and with you, I need to tell it out and loud.. I am angry with him’  
‘Jason.. thank you for your concern but this is a private matter, and as long as the it will not affect the dynamics of the band, this is not your business’  
‘The hell is not!’ Jason got upset ‘As far as I can see his weird demeanor is indeed affecting us on daily basis’  
‘Bye mates.. see ya tomorrow morning’ Gary cut abruptly the little fight and walked off. He had to do something more important that to waste time on a barren conversation that was going nowhere.  
As he was outside he realized that he had no clue where Rob could have gone so he started to run as fast as possible. Despite he were in great shape, due to the hard training dancing routines, he was out of breath by the time he got in his flat. He crashed on his bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling empty. He figured out again the moment when Rob went out from that damn pub with the girl holding his boyfriend’s hand and he felt miserable. Damn it.. It was HIS hand not hers, Rob was his not hers! She would not get anything else other than some quick sex from him, because Rob loved him and NOT her.  
He belonged to Gary. Jealousy got him over as he felt something heavy pressing on his chest, Howard was right.. Rob was hurting him like hell. He got up and began to angrily throw his clothes in a suitcase, as he felt his head spinning and his stomach twitching. Nausea overtook him, he made just in time to run to the bathroom and threw up.Rob owed him an explanation, anyway, and Gary was determined to get it sooner or later.


	31. Author's Note

**Author's Note: _There won't be update this week because I'm still trying to get used to new student life. I'm really sorry. I promise next chapters will come on time and I hope that you will enjoy them.- GingerLou :) xx_**


	32. Chapter Twenty – Six

The next morning they were all in front of the studio at 6 am as manager commanded. Suitcases done and all ready to leave for their first real adventure and tour. They were all there except for.. Rob.  
Boss arrived few minutes later and greeted the boys with a smile on his face who soon faded away as he saw that someone was missing.  
‘Where the hell is Rob?’ he asked nervously.  
‘He will be here soon’ Mark answered  
‘He’d better be or we will leave without him’ he replied harshly.  
‘I’m sure he will’ Howard helped.  
Jason casted a weird look at Dougie who shook his head annoyed.  
‘Uhmm... I have to pick up something in my office, I’ll be back in few minutes. Upload your baggages in the meanwhile’ the boss said.  
They silently started the uploading while looking at each other questioningly. Jason was the first to talk.  
‘Hey I am sick and tired of Rob’s behaviour, we can’t go on like that, we have to talk with him before Nigel does’ he complained .  
‘Yeah.. we have’ Howard agreed ‘We have not even started our tour and he is already late, not to talk about his lack of respect, we are here and he is not’  
‘Ok ok.. guys.. calm down’ Mark said ‘there must be a reason for that. We will talk with him’  
Gary did not even make a sound, feeling impatient to see what was happening in Rob’s life lately. The only one who could have a sort of talk with him could be just Mark, no one else. Jason and Howard seemed to agree on everything since the beginning, they did not fancy Rob much and were not that supportive toward him.  
They tought he was immature, rebel and acting irresponsible, having a hard time to follow the band basic rules. It was about seven and the Boss was still inside his office, when Rob showed up. He got off from his mum’s car. He was in a mess. He had still a sleepy face, his eyes were circled with dark shadows, his hair scruffed up and not fully dressed yet. Mark stepped toward him, troubled.  
‘What the hell Rob.. you are late, Nigel is furious and... ohiii... you are not in a great shape! Come on, hurry up!’ Mark noticed that his breath still smelled from alcohol and who knows what else.  
‘I don’t give a shit of him! Fuck him, fuck all this!’ he was slurring his words like he were still drunk.  
‘Sshhh... Rob, they will hear you, come on and get onto the bus before he sees you.  
‘What happened?’  
‘My fucking business, mate’ He would be in trouble if Nigel saw him like that.  
‘Get inside the bus and put your cap on as if you were sleeping, I will take care of Nigel’ Rob got onto the bus, not even casting a glance to Gary who followed him on the bus, taking his place in the row beside Rob’s, on purpose, leaving a free seat next to Rob for Mark.  
‘Hey, it’s been a while’ Gary asked sounding as indifferent as he could ‘Ho.. how are you?’  
‘Fuckin’ great’ Rob lied while he was bustling with his music player.  
‘I know that this is not the right time or place but.. don’t you think you owe me an explanation about your bizzare demeanour with me?’ he said trying to keep the volume of his voice low.  
‘I don’t owe you anything, mate. Got it?! NOT.A.THING!’ Rob declared.  
‘Rob.. listen...’ he started, impatiently.  
‘What? I can’t hear you!’ Rob shouted, putting his earphones on.  
‘Rob, please.. why are you behaving like that?’ Gary asked again, restive, grabbing his forearm. Rob looked down and froze.  
‘Don’t ever touch me! Now.. would you please leave me freaking alone!!’ He said, with a fake smile on his face.  
The bus started off. Nigel following in his big black Limo, taking for granted that Rob was on the bus and unaware of what happened, fortunately. Mark was sitting next to him praying that he could be able at least to stand up on his feet when they would get their destination.  
Gary saw Rob hiding under his cap. He let it go and pulled himself back. He realized that Rob was in a too messy state of mind to talk, but.. at least he got something.. he has not been ignored this time.  
Not one more word was spoken between them for the duration of the trip.  
                                                                                                               *******  
As they got off the bus Nigel stepped towards the boys.  
‘Hey here we are, are you ready to go?’ he asked  
‘Wow this is really great!’ Howard admired the hotel  
‘Wow..!’ Jason exclaimed.  
‘See.. you are famous now, you need to sleep in a proper place’ Nig added.  
Mark put his best smile on, helping Rob with the baggage, as he stared at the hotel amazed. Rob blinked, trying to look at the hotel in silence while he was coping to keep his eyes open.  
‘Hey I booked 3 rooms’ the manager announced ‘You can choose your room mate, I have already chosen mine’ he said with a smug smile looking at Gary.  
‘Oh.. wow.. ok’ He said, blushing. He glanced at look at Rob who exhaled annoyed. Mark and Rob choose to be in the same room, of course, and Howard was glad to share his with Jason.  
‘Boys.. you can eat something now if you want. I will meet you in the gym in the afternoon at six p.m. for last rehearsals and a briefing.’ Nigel declared ‘It is necessary for you to rest and be on time. Behave yourself and don’t do something stupid, we are on tour.’ He said glancing at Rob who casted him a defiant look and stood up to get to his room, without a sound.  
                                                                                                              *******  
‘See Mark.. they got the same room..his baby boy, his favorite one! Now tell me that this means nothing, tell me!’ Rob exclaimed. It was more a statement than a question.  
‘It means nothing, mate’ Mark answered while unpacking and putting his stuff into the wardrobe.  
‘The hell means nothing!’ Rob shouted nasty  
‘Oh come on Rob, you can’t go on like that, you should really find a solution’ Mark suggested  
‘What the hell.. what solution? There is NO solution dude!’ He paused ‘Oh I see it now.. it’s my fault, isn’t it? Do you think it is my fault? Good to know!’ he sulked.  
‘I am not saying that, it’s just that you cut him out of you life, you not even gave him the chance to explain.’  
‘There is nothing to explain, what I heard in that room was pretty much clear to me. Do you want me to tell you the whole story one more time?’  
‘No, thank you. So.. are you sure it was Nigel’s voice?’ Mark asked.  
‘Yes, it was, definitely! Gaz was cheating on me with that piece of shit. Oh.. If I think again to all the things he told me.. he was the perfect lover, he made promises and bla bla bla... a promise BROKEN after two minutes’ he said getting suddenly sad.  
‘And.. could you hear Gary’s voice as well in that.. ahem.. room?’ Mark asked shyly, there was something that was not fitting in the whole story.  
‘What? Of course it was his voice.. oh.. ehm.. those were whispers and moans rather than his voice’  
‘So you could not hear Gary, uh?’ Mark asked again  
‘Er.. mmm.. Not really but...what the hell.. it was him, it was Nigel’s room or.. Gary’s.. I don’t remember now well, I was so upset and.. angry, my eyes were so full of tears that all around me was blurry’ Rob said starting to be confused.  
‘Have you never take in consideration that the other guy could not be Gary?’  
‘What.. No.. heck.. I mean.. who else could he be?’ He asked astonished  
‘A random guy picked up by Nig in some random bar to have some.. fun, maybe?’  
‘Ha ha ha.. what? I bet that Nigel did this trip with the purpose to spend some time with Gary alone and, eventually, get him laid’  
‘Ok but.. I would not be so sure, I don’t know.. there is something wrong here, why is he pressing on you to talk with him, then? You did not even give him a single chance to do it!’  
‘Yeah.. you are right, there is something wrong here.. Gaz cheated on me, end of!’ And with that Rob slammed the door furiously. Mark hoped that his buddie would not get into something stupid.  
Rob walked out of the hotel to look for a pub which he could drown his miserable life in. With a bottle of vodka in front of him, he was replaying the entire conversation he had with Mark. Five glasses of vodka later, he went outside for a breath of fresh air and clear his mind. What if Mark was right?


	33. Chapter Twenty – Seven

Rob started walking, he was brooding about the whole story again. He did not realize that he got into another pub and was about to order another series of vodkas when he sat down at one of the table and looked down miserably. He took his head in his hands and stared at a fixed point in the distance, silently. He was reliving the moment, any single minute he spent in that NY hotel corridor, hearing the noises, moans and breaths coming out throught the closed door. He was in pain but he forced himself to go on and look for something that could give him a sign that his worst nightmare was not real.  
He couldn’t see things straight yet but that didn’t make him leave. He knew that if he had gone back to the hotel he could have the little Markie on his tail again to push him to talk to Gary so.. no point to go back there. Rob had the bad habit to underrate his best friend at times, at this was one of them.  
His best buddie had spent the last couple of hours sieving each pub around the hotel district and finally he noticed Rob’s figure, sitting in a bar and looking alone and miserable. It was the first time that Mark saw Rob in that horrible state, they have been hanging out together before, hitting the pubs and getting drunk, but something told Mark that.. this was not the last time, nor the first time Rob got drunk on his own.  
-Hey..’ he said sitting next to him who startled ‘What the hell boy.. don’t make me scare like that again. Got it? you should come back to the hotel and lie down a bit. We have our gig tomorrow and band meeting today, you can’t show up like that’  
-No, I am good here’ Rob said slurring his words from all the alchol running in his veins. ‘Don’t care about gigs or tricks. You wanna a drink?’ Rob couldn’t put together a normal sentence.  
-No.. hey.. I would not say that you are that good. Come on, move you ass and get out of here’ Mark tried to move Rob but it felt like he was glued to the chair. Markie needed help but calling Gary was not a good idea so he called Dougie.  
-Hey mate, sorry to bother you but I need help.-  
-What kind of help?- Dougie asked as he closed the door behind him and walking off to the corridor not to wake up Jason who was sleeping.  
-I am here with Robbie.. in a bar, he is out of his mind and doesn’t want to leave and I can’t move him.-  
-What’s gotten into him, Mark?  
-I can’t tell you, right now. It’s up to him if he wants to talk about it or not. Its just that I can’t leave him alone cause he is getting himself in more trouble if I do -  
\- Ok, tell me where you are and I will come as soon as possible.’  
\- Thanks, mate!’ Mark gave him the name of the pub and hang up the phone. He made just in time to turn back and noticed that Rob was talking with a weird guy. He handled him a little envelope. Rob reached his pocket and gave him something else. The weird guy was wearing a hoodle and a cap so Mark could not be able to see his face. He quickly made his way to the door and out of the pub.  
Rob sat down again and a glass of whiskey was in his hand. Mark ran to the table.  
-Hey.. what’s going on here? Who was that guy?’ he asked alarmed  
-Who? I can’t see any guy here’ Rob lied taking a sip from his glass.  
-Rob, you can’t deny it, I saw him with my own eyes. What did he give you?’  
-Hey mate..’ he slurred again ‘noth..ing to worry about.. This is not the first time. It’s all ok, I can deal with that’  
-No..the hell you can! Rob, the stuff you took is shit! How long have you been taking it?’  
-Well.. quite a while.. told ya.. it’s ok. Hey mate.. sit down and relax’  
-Look.. I am worried about you, you are my bro but I am worried also about all of us.. You are screwing all this up!’  
As Dougie arrived and saw the two boys still sitting in the table he realized that the situation was pretty bad.  
-Hey Bob come on you need to relax and a good cup of coffee and some sleep boy. Come on, let’s go home’  
Mark informed Howard about the stuff the guy give him and with that he took Rob by his arms and forced him to stand up, but he failed.. Rob was a mess and both Mark and Howard put his arms on their shoulders and walked off the bar. Rob was totally drunk and out of his head and not able to walk. They could not carry his whole body to the hotel so they called a cab.  
                                                                                                                   _______  
-What’s going on, Rob? It doesn’t seem like you at all. -  
-It’s them.- he said looking at other room door where were Gaz and Nigel. They didn’t seem to notice the little crack of the door and the eye that was spying on them through the peephole. Even through Rob’s drunken haze you could feel hate that was dripping out of him like poison. Dougie was left confused. Mark wanted to pull Rob in their room but Rob found his last peace of dignity to stand on his own and stepped in.  
-So has this something to do with Nig and Gaz? What did they do?- Howard asked once they were in the room alone. They did not notice that the door was not perfectly closed so their voices could be heard from the corridor.  
-They fucking shagg..ed. - Rob voice cracked. - I heard..th..that with my own ears. He.. he told me he can’t get out of hotel because Nig won’t let him. Yeah, that bastard always was good at lying. I went to hotel but there he was fucking with that asshole’ Now all the truth was out and Dougie realized that. Jason would follow right afterwards, of course, since he and Dougie were sharing the same room.  
Rob slumped against Mark loosing his strenght what was left. Dry sobs were coming out of Rob’s mouth because there was no tears left to cry. Mark got him on the bed. Dougie got a blanket and put in on Rob’s shaking body.  
-Do you think it’s true?- asked Dougie who was whispering.  
-I don’t know but Rob seems to be convinced and Jay’s friend from New York too. Those are only version he knew. Rob could have overreacted knowing how jealous he sometimes can be. Someone needs to ask it Gary because he seems to ignore the reason why Rob is so mad at him. Rob is stubborn and too proud to talk to him -  
-Yeah, I see. Take care of him, I will go and see if I can talk with Gaz if there is not the boss around him.  
-That would be great. Be careful.. we don’t need Nigel shouting at us at that early time.-  
-It’s ok Markie, we are pretty much on the same boat here!- Howard’s own thoughts now were all over the place. First of all he needed to know Gary’s version. Second.. he wondered why Jay had never talked to him about this mistery friend of his, living in NY. They had always been open and honest about personal stuff between the two of them, but this time he forget to mention him. A hint of jealousy got him over. Who was that guy? One of Jason’s ex lovers? He was eager to know all about him but first there were some more important issues to solve.  
The spying eye slowly slided down when the door was definitely closed.. to Gary it was enough. He cowered down on the floor covering his face with his hands. He was astonished, he could not believe that Rob had been behaving like a dickhead because of what he thought to see or hear. He would never have done such a thing to him, he would not have the guts to sleep with Nigel. Then he realised that he was staying in the same room with Nigel. Out of the people Rob should believe him. Tears started to well up in his eyes. Next minute he was fully crying not holding anything back. Gary shouldn’t have gone to New York with Nigel. What a mess!  
Gary’s room door was open and Dougie caught a distraught Gary sitting on the floor of his room. He didn’t expect to see Gary crying in front of anyone of them.  
-Hey, bud! What’s up?-  
Gary startled as he heard Dougie’s voice, he hadn’t even hear him coming in. He looked up. Just a quick glance in Gary’s eyes full of pain made Howard realize that he overheard the conversation Rob and the boys had few minutes earlier.  
-So you heard us.. well.. let’s go to straight to the point then.. Did you sleep with him?- Dougie asked out with no mincing words.  
Gary’s mood changed in a nanosecond. He stood up and his eyes were burning with anger.  
-Yes, I did! We were in the same room but.. we did not have sex, if it’s what you mean. Not even once and I think I will never do it for the rest of my fucking life! He flirts with me and wants to make a move but I’m not that stupid to make him shag me. I’m in love with that drunk idiot who thinks I cheated on him.-  
-Then why does he think that you did?-  
-I don’t know.. maybe.. maybe.. well I think that it must have been that time.. yes.. now I rememeber, Nig was flirting with someone in a club, maybe it was him that he shagged. But.. Not ME! We were in New York you know.- Gary explained taking a bottle of water to take a sip. He felt that he had cried out every little bit of water that was in him, his tongue was dry.  
-You need to talk with Rob because he can’t go on like that.-  
-Oh shit.. god knows if I tried to do it! He just ignores me or he snarks, that it is even worse -  
-Mate, take control of this situation. You saw his state, you need to force him to listen to you, and even if he screams and shout at you just make him listen to you. Lock yourself in a room with him and sort this damn thing out! - Howard knew that Gary would do anything so that won’t happen again. But he was not that sure that Rob would be willing to listen to him. His pain was too deep to be healed that quickly.  
-Last question. Did you meet Jay’s friend from New York? - He couldn’t hold it. He was curious to know little bit more about him.  
-Yes, great lad. He is into blokes and has a boyfriend, I think so. He let us stay at his flat one night.-  
-Oh! - said Dougie. The thing that he was into boys was not helping, actually, in fact it was adding up fuel to his worries about an eventual Jason and the NY guy sex/love relationship occurred in the past. Question that he needed to take care right after this one.  
-Oh Oh.. hey isn’t that a hint of jealousy the thing I see in your eyes? - Gary cooed. Tables turning made him tease Dougie a little bit and made his mood go on.  
-Mind your own business and get your own relationships fixed. – Howard said annoyed.  
-Well since you are snooping in mine I thought I could return the favor’ Gary chuckled ‘Good night, mate!-  
-Night!- and with that Dougie was out and strode towards the room they shared. He felt exhausted, these relationship dramas were sucking too much energy out him. When he walked in, Jason was still peacefully asleep, unaware of all the mess that had been going out of there.  
Dougie just lied down in his bed, watching the ceiling, unable to get sleep.  
This strange feeling about Jason was worrying him a bit. Jealous.. maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: These are bad times, I know but..all that we need is faith.. ;)


	34. Chapter Twenty – Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

It was time to fix things up once for all. Gary rushed out of the room and knocked at the door where Mark and Rob were sleeping.  
‘Hey..’ Mark said  
‘Hi.. ehm.. is Rob in?’ Gary was a mess.  
‘Yeah.. he is in the shower right now but.. wait..’ Mark tried to stop him but Gaz entered without hesitating.   
‘Mark it’s now or never, you know that, do you?’ He said looking straight in his friend’s eyes. Mark got him immediately.. Gary had been nice but the glimpse in his eyes, told him that nothing would stop him from trying ‘Could you please leave us alone for a while and make sure that nobody will disturb us for at least one hour or.. maybe more?’ he asked  
‘Yeah, sure, let me take my phone. Call me whenever you will be ready’  
‘I can’t promise I will but.. appreciate that’   
Mark picked up his cell phone and walked out to go into Howard and Jason’s room. He could hear the lock snap behind him. From that moment on the whole world was locked out from that room.   
Gary tuck the key away so that Rob could not find his way out until they had sorted things out. He sat on the sofa waiting for Rob to come out from that damn shower.   
Rob finally walked out from the bathroom and could not believe to his eyes as his eye got Gary’s figure stuck there and looking at him like a cat does with its prey. A glimpse of wrath shone out of his eyes, he headed to the door not realizing that he was wearing only a little towel wich was hanging up around his waist. He tried to open it but the key was nowhere to be found. He turned around casting a bad look at Gary.  
‘What the hell do you think to do? Where is the key?’   
‘We need to talk’ Gary stated apparently calm, but his heart was racing at the speed of light. He guessed that Rob’s one must have been pretty much in the same way.   
‘I don’t think so. Did you take the key?’ Rob asked again, impatient.  
Gary looked at him from head to toe, he was still wearing the towel around his waist, his body was not completely dry yet and few drops were slowly running on his bare flesh. He was hot as hell and Gary was missing that body too much to let him go that easily.   
‘I don’t think we need it right now’   
‘Great! You know that I might accuse you for kidnapping me.’  
‘Oh come on Rob.. don’t be an asshole!’ Gary said standing up ‘You know that We neeeded to deal with this’  
‘Oh well.. there is another option if I am not wrong.. what about.. NOT DEALING AT ALL!?’ Rob shouted walking toward Gary until he was inches apart from his face.  
‘No way.. I am not going to let you go until you will tell me what’s wrong with you’ Gary replied. His senses were feeling Rob’s closeness and his body was responding too fast. He could not allow himself to loose control so he pulled back and moved aside not to watch at his boyfriend’s beautiful eyes.  
‘Remember Gary.. you need to think about every fucking word that will go out from your mouth, keep the control, lead the game, you are the leader of this band and you still own Rob’s heart.. maybe’  
‘Listen I am not going anywhere, and the same is for you.. do you want to spill the beans Rob? I don’t get why you treated me like you did. From lovers to strangers in a bat of an eye. This is not fair, I need a fucking explanation! What happened?’ Gary’s voice cracked and started to loose control. He turned back and sat down on the bed, inhaling hard.  
‘What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? You are asking me what happened? Ha ha’ Rob laughed histerically. Gary looked at him astonished  
‘Yes I am asking you, because I don’t know, really I.. don’t. There must be a hell of a reason why you stopped to talk to me and got pissed and ignored me for all this time and I NEED TO KNOW IT!’ His voice reached the highest pitch, then he paused and continued his monologue as if he was talking to himself more than to Rob ‘We had it all, we had our love, we were happy, we used to laugh until we fell down. Now everything is gone’ Gaz put his hands on the little table and looked down miserably.  
‘I told ya not to go to NY, damn it. But you were dumb and you did.’ Rob bitterness started to come out like a river flood ‘I warned you that the boss would make a move on you and he ‘fucking’ made it and.. oh.. I don’t even want to think about that damn day when I heard your voices through the fucking door’   
‘What? Wait.. Which voices?’ Gary stared at him surprised   
‘Oh come on Gaz.. don’t be that dumb.. remember when the boss locked you inside your room? well I came to rescue you and.. I heard you and him..’ Rob’s voice cracked again. That was too painful to remember.   
Gary stepped closer and grabbed Rob on his forearms. He pulled him to make him turn and face his eyes.  
‘What did you hear?’ He frowned ‘Rob.. what did you hear?’ He was almost shouting.  
‘Oh.. come on.. don’t be an asshole with me, you know what you did!’ he accused Gary  
‘No, I don’t! What did I do? Rob.. YOU tell me’  
‘I.. I.. heard your moans and.. breath and.. Nig saying something that could not be misunderstood. You two were... you were cheating on me with that cunt!’ He spilled the beans finally and felt relieved somehow’  
‘What? Do you seriously believe that he... we shagged?’Gary heart was bumping hard in his chest.  
‘Well.. you know what.. YES, I do!’  
‘Oh.. and what makes you think like that?’   
‘I heard you two’ Rob was out of his mind.  
‘You heard us.. uh? That is funny cause you might have heard Nig.. not certainly ME! Cause.. I WAS NOT THERE! Have you heard what I said Rob? It was not me the one that Nig was shagging!’  
‘Seriously?’ Rob said sarcastically still not believing one word coming out of Gary’s mouth  
‘Yes.. seriously! Could you hear my voice?’  
‘No but.. the moans and whispers were fair enough’  
‘And you judge me by just hearing some moans and breaths. I can see that your trust in me is pretty much down to ground zero’   
‘You got the point man!’ Rob’s eyes were red ‘Oh Gary.. I was so devastated, after all the little promises, after all the time we spent together.. how would you feel or think if you were in my shoes?’ the tears in Rob’s eyes overtook his anger.  
‘Oh.. good question.. let’s see.. I would have tried to talk with you and have a fully explanatory conversation right after that. I would not certainly be running away and avoid to face who I love the most in this world. Otherwise It would have been like I never loved you at all’ Gary was basically talking right behind Rob’s back and was fighting with the urge to touch him.  
Rob could feel his breath on his bare shoulder and felt a shiver going down through his spine. He turned around to look Gary. Their eyes locked and a sparkle seemed to fill in the space between them. They stood up there for a moment that seemed eternity, staring intensely at each other. Their breaths were increasing fast. Gary could see Rob’s chest moving fast and he realized that also his own one was racing like crazy. He was the first to break the silence.  
‘I have never cheated on you, believe me. I would never do, after all that we shared. Did you forget it all?’  
‘How could I forget it’? Rob subsided leaning on the little table. He let a tear run on his face.  
‘Rob..’ Gary whispered reaching his face with his fingertips and tearing away the little drop on his cheek ‘I could not either. Rob.. please trust me and don’t be idiot’ he took his hand and Rob did not pull back. He was fighting with his and jealousy and frustration.   
‘How could we loose our way Rob, after all that we meant for each other?’  
‘I don’t know if I can believe you Gary’ He was still hesitating. ‘there is still a thing..’  
‘What?’  
‘Who was that guy?’ his doubts were slowly fading away.  
‘Probably a guy that Nig picked up in some club, I know it for certain, he told me’ He winked ‘But the thing is.. do you still feel the same for me?’   
‘What do you think Gary?’ he tightened the grip of Gary’s hand.  
‘This is not fair.. I asked first’ Gary caught a glimpse of a smile on Rob’s lips.  
‘Well..if you didn’t you would not be so upset and so pissed off with me. You would be acting.. indifferent’  
‘I never stopped to love you, cunt’ Rob whispered grabbing Gary’s shirt and getting dangerously closer to his face.  
‘Oh.. such a pleasure to know it.. you little jealous shit’ Gary replied tendering his mouth ‘I never did either’   
Rob filled the distance and locked his lips with Gary’s. They tasted so good after all that time. God how he missed this. Gary opened his mouth letting his toungue explore his boyfriend’s again as he tighened his wrap around his body. Rob surrended easily to that passionate kiss and pushed Gary who stepped back towards the bed. They never let the other one go, in the process.  
They needed to soothe all the pain and heartbreak that had been eating their souls for so long time. Everything fell down, suddenly and magically, in its right place, as they felt the power of love raising up again, stronger than ever, from the wreckage of their past.


	35. Chapter Twenty – Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

‘So..did they really lock you out of there?’ Dougie asked  
‘What can I say man.. it was about time. No reason to postpone it furtherly so I took the chance and left them alone. I hope at least that this is the right time.’ Mark answered sitting in Dougie and Jason’s room.  
‘It’s just that they need to figure out a sort of rest, given that we all have to work all together.’  
‘I hate to work like this, we have already the boss on our tail 24/24, we need to behave well and so on.. all our existence is under a sort of sword of Damocles, so I would like to be in good terms, at least amongst us, if we can’t be with Nig’ Jason stated his opinion.  
‘Well Jay.. who wouldn’t? Dougie asked  
‘So what are we going to do? Are we staying here like.. forever?’  
‘What about going out? I have my phone with me so I can call in the room later, to check how things are going on and if we can get back in. Oh hell.. at least for a shower, I stink boys’ Mark declared  
‘Haha... we all stink boy!’ Dougie laughed  
‘Ok let’s go out to have a beer, so if Nig won’t find us he could think that we are out all together and we will keep him at bay for a while’ Jason proposed.  
‘Oh.. btw Jay.. I need to talk with you about something later’ Dougie stated  
‘What’s going on friend?’ He put an arms on his shoulder and smiled but Howard did not correspond the hug. He was nervous and eager to get things off his chest.  
‘Hey this must be really something serious’ Jay tried to push him  
‘Oh no.. don’t worry. Tell ya later’ Dougie did not want to make it look like if it was a big deal so he let it go. ‘Just remind me later when we will be alone in our room’  
‘Ok.. mate I will’ Jay smiled feeling curiosity growing.  
they all got into a nice and quiet pub and started chatting about the gigs and girls and the only interested to the topic was just Mark. Jay was not so chatty as usual and was casting glances to Dougie who looked being on tenterhooks.  
‘So who knows when we will be allowed to get hold of our rooms’ Mark laughed to break the ice.  
‘Haha.. when the two lovebirds will be comfortable to let us’ Jason said. They all burst into a laugh.  
                                                                                                                       __________

The two lovebirds were, indeed, not realizing about the time passing by. After the passionate kiss they were just simply sitting on Rob’s bed hugging and talking to clear things out. It’s not that they were not thinking about making love again but.. they did not feel up to it. A good chat was what they needed right now.  
They needed a new beginning and kind of trying to trust each other again, after all this time apart and all the angriness they went through. They wanted to learn to love again in the way they used to.  
Gary was sitting on the bed with his shoulder leaning on the wall and Rob was in his lap. He was caressing his dark hair while Rob’s head was leaning against his torso.  
‘Hey, what are you thinking?’ Gary asked  
‘Do you remember our first real date?’  
‘Yes, I do. The ferryboat’  
‘Yup.. and after that the lake in the moonlight’  
‘And.. then.. we made love’  
‘Yes but we were at home. You said that also the trees in the park can have ears haha!’ Rob teased him and they both laughed  
‘I wanted just to be alone with you and not to risk that someone could bother us on there’ Gary defended himself.  
‘Yes I got that’ Rob smiled and turned around to face him then.. he got serious ‘tell me honestly.. why did you go to NY?’ he asked.  
‘Rob, believe me, not a thing of what happened is my fault. I went there in total bona fide. After what you told me about your jealousy and that you did not trust Nig, I overthought about our conversation and I put myself on the defensive. I kept my eyes open with the boss and was careful not to give him any excuse to make a move on me. I was just well.. I am ambitious and needy to meet new music industry people. That was endearing to me. The perspective to have a brilliant career out of here as well was luring me and it still is. So.. look what I did, I did it just for my ambition but... believe me I would never have the guts to make a BJ to another guy, not even talking about having sex. The fact that proves it to you is that it took too much time to me to accept who I really am. It was a difficult path to aknowledge that I am not into girl, well that I am bi or whatever’  
‘What.. wait.. what is this news? Now it happens that you are.. bi?’ Rob asked a bit alarmed.  
‘Well.. I still like a nice girl but I would not be able to love her the way I love you. Let’s put it into this way... could I be just bi-curious?’  
‘No you could not, baby. Hey you boy.. I won’t allow you that.. until you will be with me!’ Rob smirked.  
‘No? Uhm.. interesting.. do you mean that we have to be monogamous?’  
‘You got the point boy!’ Rob replied  
‘Uhm... that would be a sacrifice.. I don’t know if..’ he did not make in time to finish his sentence when Rob casted him a weird look ‘Haha.. ok ok babe.. just joking here!  
‘You’d better be joking honey or you’ll have to deal with this’ Rob showed him his fist.  
‘Well I am not a girl, you know. I have good fists too!’ Gary grabbed Rob’s closed hand and stopped it. Rob pushed harder against him determined not to give up so easily. He ended up on Gary’s body and started a playful fight. They rolled all over the bed and get entangled in the sheets. Each one trying to take the control over the other but it was useless. Rob was strong but Gary’s agility gave him a hard time to win the little battle. After a while they were laughing so hard that in the mess that they fell down from the bed hitting down the cold floor, miserably.  
Rob was lying on his back and Gary on top of him. They were no longer laughing but staring at each other, intensely. Their were breathing hard against each other chest. Gary loosened the grip of Rob’s wrists and crashed down right on his mouth. They kiss was so passionate and wet that they felt their legs shaking from excitement. Rob did not have to wait for too long before feeling his lover’s hard on rubbing against his own. He straddled his legs to wrap them around Gary’s waist and grabbed his neck to entangle him in a more intense kiss, while the other hand was making its way under Gary’s sweaty shirt rubbing his bare flesh.  
As they moved up back onto the bed to continue the love making they heard a knock on the door.


	36. Chapter Thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

‘Come on guys let’s go back to the hotel, it’s getting late. Those two must have sorted out things so far’ Dougie guessed  
‘Lucky you two.. you still have a room, at least!’ Mark joked  
‘Haha.. true mate’ Jay laughed ‘But if you wanna join us you are more than welcomed’  
‘No.. you go.. I will go to mine as well maybe.. or.. better I call Gary first, I would not be that pleased to hear or see to something that I wouldn’t. You know what I mean?’ Mark winked  
‘Ok.. we are on our way.. I will make you a ring in case we notice that the place is clear’ Dougie stated as if they were going in a war.  
It was still too early so Mark decided to go wandering for shops looking for some souvenirs, so his two band mates could spend more time alone for themselves.  
‘Hey.. I have an idea’ Jay said with a weird look as they were out of the elevator. ‘Just go along with what I am going to do and get ready to run’  
Dougie stared at him questioningly but he was ready to go in action. As they reached Rob and Mark’s room they stopped in front of it. Jay silently leaned his ear against the door but he was not able to hear a thing. He stood there in silence for a while when he suddenly heard a thud coming.  
Here he smiled thinking that it was the signal that the boys were still in and it was about time to take the two lovebirds down on earth, whatever they were doing. He knocked a couple of times at the door and darted away immediately afterwards. Dougie ran after him straight away and, in less than a minute they were back in their room laughing their assess off on the bed.  
‘I hope we did not interrupt anything’ Dougie said in between the laughter but he felt a bit guilty for playing the little innocent trick to the two lovebirds.  
‘I hope we did instead! damn it.. they need to move their assess. I am tired of this’ Jay replied getting serious. He was the one that had some real issues with Rob’s bizarre demeanor in and out of the band.  
‘So..what did you want me to talk about?’ Jay asked changing topic.  
‘Oh nothing, not a big deal.. you know about your friend in NY.. the one who gave hospitality to Rob when he was there.. You never talk about it to me’  
‘Oh who? Mike? What’s the problem, mate? I did not know that I have to tell you all my life’  
‘No you don’t have, of course’ Doug blushed ‘But..since we are together basically 24/24 I thought you had no problem to share your love life with me like I did with you, that’s it’  
‘First of all he is a long term friend of mine, and even if he is gay he has neved had anything to do with me, we are just friends. Second.. if something happened it would have been in the past and not concerning the present time. Third.. I can’t believe that you never hide anything to me. I mean seriously?’  
‘I never did, I swear’  
‘I don’t get this conversation, really I don’t Dougie. Why bring it up right now?’  
‘I don’t know.. it’s just that I got nervous about it and I wanted to know who he was and if you have other ghosts in the closet’  
‘Ha ha.. what? This is not certainly a skeleton in my closet.. he is just my friend..Doug.. I think that you have friends too, don’t ya?’  
‘Yeah.. yeah.. ok I told ya.. it’s not a big deal’ Dougie tried to pull himself back from that awckward conversation. He did non even remember why he brought this up.  
‘Are you jealous?’ Jay asked getting near to Doug and putting his hand on his shoulder. Dougie stirred and felt his stomach twitching.  
‘Who.. me? Of course I am not!’ He lied  
‘Oh it’s cold!’ Jay said taking his hand  
‘Well.. ehm.. hey.. it’s nothing.. it’s just.. just this room is so cold’ he felt shivers going though his spine and could not help but turn his eyes to put his hand on Jay’s.  
‘We need to do something about it’ Jay knew already what he wanted. He has been having a crush on his band mate for so long now and he could not wait to spot any sign from Howard that he had the same feelings for him. This was an obvious chance he could not miss and he seized upon it. Their faces got dangerously close and there was no turning back. Not that anyone of them wanted to. They shared their first kiss. It was sweet and hot. It was like an epiphany for both of them. From that moment on they would certainly be more sympathetic about the other two lovebirds that have been interrupted during their love making, in the adjacent room.  
                                                                                                               ________

Rob and Gary startled up and quickly stood up, in panic.  
‘Fuck.. who the hell is that?’ Rob swore  
‘No clue.. sshh.. don’t make a sound. Let’s wait if he knocks again. Let’s pretend we are not here, in case it’s Nige.  
They stood in silence for a couple of minutes.  
‘You can call Mark to test the water’ Gary suggested.  
‘But if anybody is still back that door he will hear me’  
‘So just text him’  
Rob did that and then the two boys sat in silence waiting for Mark to come back.  
Twenty long minutes later Mark knocked at the door.  
‘Hey boys.. it’s me’  
Rob and Gary felt relieved and Gary Rob went to open the door that was still locked.  
‘Hey.. you.. the key!’ Rob said pointing at Gary.  
‘Oh.. right.. sorry’ Gary pulled up one of the pillow of the sofa, grabbed the key and throw it at Rob.  
‘Finally.. damn it!’ Mark exclaimed stepping in.  
‘Sorry mate..’ Rob said ‘It’s just that..’  
‘No, please, just.. don’t, save me from details’  
‘No.. hey mate.. you dont get it.. It’s just that someone knocked at the door few minutes ago.. was it you?’ Gary asked  
‘Nope.. I was out.. you see.. it took me a while to get there after your text’  
‘Omg.. maybe it was Nig’ Rob frowned.  
‘Or maybe it was those two pricks that came back in earlier’ Mark stated unware that he might have choosen the right option.  
‘What.. wait... weren’t Jay and Doug with you?’  
‘Nope, we parted ways, and they told me that they would go to their room’  
‘Oh! Now I get it!’ Gary exclaimed looking at Rob. They were on the same wavelengh ‘..snd here we were so scared to death that Nige was about to catch us!’  
‘It’s funny.. cause.. oh well.. I don’t care. Anyway.. you two.. have you sorted things out?’ Mark asked a bit worried and tired for the long wait. He needed to rest and a good shower before to go back on track again.  
He did not have the time to finish his sentence that Rob was already out of the door heading to Doug and Jay’s room, determined to return the favor. The two pricks needed to pay back for their idiot prank. Gary and Mark were right behind him as they crashed into the room.  
What they saw left them speechless.


	37. Chapter Thirty - One

‘You, dirty bastards, what the heck...’ Rob said faking his voice as if he was surprised. He was, actually, about to burst into a laughter as everyone else were staring, open mouthed, at the pretty scene that displayed in front of their eyes. Dougie fell down on the floor and Jay sat up on the bed trying to get composed. All the boys were frozen by embarassment, not a pin could be heard drop.  
‘We.. we.. wanted to help Markie to get back into his room’ Jay stuttered ‘I see.. ehmm.. that you and Gary got your shit together.” He added  
‘Yes.. hmmm.. yeah and.. I can see that also you two did.” Gary stated smiling at Howard who was fighting with the urge to crawl under the bed to hide himself. This situation was extremely awkward.  
‘Hey.. wow.. ahemm..’ Mark started to talk ‘I would never had guessed that you two were..’  
‘Well.. we weren’t.. actually..’ Dougie interrupted him ‘we were.. just talking about something and it happened that we found out that.. well.. It happened that you caught us right in the beginning of that. Sorry, I have nothing else to add’  
‘So.. now it looks like there are two happy couples here’ Mark continued. ‘We must stick together against our boss. We need to make a deal.. a promise amongst we all that we will watch each others back, don’t you think so?’ Mark said sitting down on floor. The rest of the lads sat beside him. They were gathered on the floor in small circle like school girls in sleepover. The all looked at each other and nodded.  
‘We promise! they all said in unison.  
‘We are brothers and we stick together’ Rob stated hugging his closest friend in the band. It somehow ended in one big pile of boys on one each other. Suddenly they heard the door slamming and hit wall with a loud bang. They turned to see their boss who was standing by the doorway. He was fuming like an old locomotive. The boys looked at him wondering what the hell was going on.  
‘Oh.. good... what a nice reunion here!’ Nige commented sarcastically. ‘You know that YOU NEEDED TO BE IN THE BUS fifhteen minutes ago? What’s wrong with your heads? You even haven’t started to pack your bags. What has gotten into you all?” the manager yelled at them still trying to keep his anger under control, but failing miserably. Everyone in the room was shocked how quickly time has run.  
‘We are sorry, Nig. Give us five minutes and we will be down.” Gary apologized quickly. He was the only one who could put their boss’s anger at bay.  
‘You have five minutes. Any minute later than that, you will need to run after the bus to get to the Arena!’ and with that he left the room.  
Gary cautiously walked in his room. He let his breath out finally, happy to see that he was alone. He got his baggage and went downstairs.  
‘What are you doing, boy?’ the boss asked in a low voice.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘Why were you in the same room with them? What were you plotting?’Gary stared at him in surprise ‘Don’t get too attached to them, soon you will be free of them.’ Nig walked off leaving Gary standing up there as an idiot.  
‘Gaz, are you okay?’ Dougie noticed he was very distracted ‘Come, we both know that bus won’t leave without the most precious part of our band’  
‘Uh? Oh.. yeah..yeah.. I am coming’  
Gary slowly followed Howard in the bus. Rob noticed that his boyfriend was not relaxed and casted a glance at him with his finger up in sign of positivity. He mouthed if he was okay before sitting down in his place. Gary should get himself together before the show or that would have been a bad start. It was hard for him to focus on his next commitment. His thoughts were still haunted by his manager’s words. He casted a look back on the smiling boys who were already chatting to soothe the tension of the upcoming performance.  
                                                                                                                    __________

As they got to the Arena they saw a the crowd of fans queuing up to enter. A group of them recognized their favourite band’s bus and got gathered all around it, screaming and slapping their hands on the little windows, hoping to spot their idols’ faces. The driver had hard time to go on and reach the back entrance.  
the boys could have never imagined to be that famous already. But all the radio interviews, the tv shows and perfomances after the release of their first album, and all the rest of the promo stuff, planned carefully and directed closely by their manager, had had its effect.  
It was dark in the big Arena, but the hoards of screaming fans waiting for them to come up on stage was overwhelming. There was a pumping background music. The air was electric in the backstage, the crew was frantically stepping back and forth to get things fixed up and ready to start. The lads were already dressed up in their scene costumes and were warming up their voices and muscles for the dance routines.  
They felt extremely nervous waiting at the bottom of the stairs of the main stage, but they had rehearsed all this so many times theat they knew what they had to do. They were scared but extremely excited for their big debut.They all gathered and hugged each other in circle, telling encouraging words to each other.  
Gary looked at Rob, who was silent. Under the make-up he noticed that he was pale. He took his hand, it was cold. Between the two of them Rob has never been the strong one, despite his aggressive personality. Rob looked him back, his eyes were terrified and would have given his life not to go up on that stage. He was shaking. Gary realized that Rob needed him now, more than ever. So he pulled him in a corned and wrapped him up. ‘Take some of my strenght, Rob.. hug me, please’ he whispered.  
Rob barely could raise up his hands and touched him. ‘Don’t overthink baby, relax, I am here, right behind you, don’t worry. The most difficult moment will be the very first minutes of the show, after that... you will smash it. Can you hear me, baby?’ Rob nodded, his mouth was dry. Gary leaned and kissed him. Rob felt a bit of Gary’s strenght getting into his bones and muscles. ‘I love you’ Gary added putting his forehead onto Rob’s.  
‘I love you too’ Rob finally coped to say.  
‘Come on.. let’s do this. Remember... you are not alone in this’ Gary added  
Rob nodded.  
The music went louder and the lights started to flash around enlighting both the stage and the crowd at the same time who started screaming the names of their favourite boys at the top of their lungs.  
The lads climbed the stairs and took place on the stage, they were standing up between the spotlight, placed behind them, and the big white curtain, so people could see their shadows only. Gary gave the signal and they started to dance. The music went louder and louder and, as it reached its highest peak, it suddenly stopped.  
The big curtain was pulled down and the five of them were now displayed onto the big stage. The crowd exploded into a big roar and everybody went wild. They were now performing their very first show, singing and dancing one song after another. In the meanwhile, thousands of adoring fans were singing and jumping up and down like crazy, along with their idols, for all the duration of the show.  
The boys, soaked from sweat, ended the show greeting and thanking the audience and all the people who had worked in the backstage. The white curtain fell down and they ran in the dressing room tired but satisfied. The five of them had worked their asses off not to let anybody down that night, boss included.  
Outside the big arena fans were crowded next to the back exit, with the hope to meet their idols one more time. Once the band’s van was spotted, hordes of screaming girls stormed around it, hitting the window glass, some of them were offering the boys little gifts, some others asking for something.. autographs, hugs or sex. Some girls were even crying handing them bras or.. worse.  
The album was sold out, so were the tickets for any upcoming date of the tour.Their excellent debut and the enthusiastic fans’ input during the show, gave them the awareness of how they were loved and the strenght to face the rest of their journey.


	38. Chapter Thirty - Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

The band had been touring for months now and everything was going fine.  
Gary had already started to write down some ideas for their next album, along with tunes and lyrics. Mark used to give his help with it, here and there, but mostly it was Gary who used to take care of the whole job until it was done and ready to get into the recording process.  
Howard and Jason took a little part in the writing, but their skills as backing dancers were important for the show, they were getting better with time, also thanks to long and hard rehearsals.  
Rob and Gary’s relationship was steady, in spite of some skirmishes mostly due to their jealousy, but they could not stay mad at each other for long cause the attraction they felt for each other was really irresistible, and the little fights usually were meant to end soon when one of them subsided and teased the other. Right after that they used to burst out in a laugh and a following make up kiss was necessary like air their lungs.  
Rob also really did want to help out his boyfriend with the writing, and actually put much more effort this time round, suggesting words, lines and new ideas who were more than welcomed by the rest of the band. Take That’s growing fame was like honey to bear for their manager. So he left them alone for the rest of the tour, just checking in for some talking with Gary, as for the rest of his time he was busy with public relations on TV shows, Radio stations and arranging meetings for photoshoots and interviews in the local place where they would have performed that evening.  
As their first gig went excellently well, Gary’s head was still a mess. The idea of a solo career never left the corner of his mind and it was creeping up back again from time to time.  
He soon wondered again if his heart was ready to leave the band. That would have meant also abandon the boys, his mates. He felt so right to be in this band now, he bonded with them more than any other person he had ever done before but, deep down in his heart, he knew that it was still too soon to think about it. He needed to stick with them, they had a deal, they were brothers.. kind of second family to him.  
Then.. there was Rob.. no way that he could have the guts to leave him. He needed to be smart and clever, more than ever, specially since when he got him back for good and were doing pretty fine.

                                                                                                           __________

The year after the band’s second album was going to be released in late January and the Boss had the brilliant idea to give the boys a break, during Christmas time, to enjoy holidays with family and friends, before to start the promo tour in february around Rob’s birthday.  
They were excited to take some time off, of course. Mark went to his family house, and spent few days on there, but after a while he realized that he was getting bored and he decided to leave for a proper vacation abroad. So he and a couple of friends got tickets to spend the new year’s eve on a desert island of the Caribbian sea.  
Jay and Howard were close and in love more than ever, and did not fancy to spend holidays apart. They have been together for a while so far, and they did not feel to hide the most important part of their lives to their parents. It was about time to be honest with them and live their lives fully in the open, at least with the closes relatives and friends. So they settled things down with them and talked things out straight.  
After Christmas spent at Jay’s parents house they also decided to leave for a holiday out of GB. Jay was fond of oriental places and Howard fancied sunny places and sea, so they found an agreement and went East. Thy planned to spend their first week visiting the beauty of the misterious India and a the week later in the sunny and gorgeous Maldivian islands.  
Last, but not least, Rob and Gary.  
Both loved sunny and warm places as well, but they had quite a hard time to find an agreement here... Gary’s fear of flying was a bis issue, while Rob used to get bored very easily. They finally decided to give up to their dreams about spending their vacation in a ‘warm place’ and choose to go somewhere safer remaining in Europe.  
They booked a room in one of the best hotel, in one of the most romantic places in the world, Paris.  
‘Don’t you think that we will get frozen down there?’ Rob asked leaning on the fireplace with a cup of warm tea in his hand  
‘Well... maybe but.. we will take all the necessary clothes, sweater and coats of course’ Gary answered  
‘Uhmm... what can we do once we are over there?’ Rob was still doubtful  
‘Oh.. come on babe.. it’s Paris, damn it! I don’t think that we will get bored. We will visit the beauties of the city, Elysium, the Arch of triumph, we will go for shopping and pubs, and we will be so covered up by heavy clothes and caps that nobody will notice us’  
‘Yeah.. maybe’ Rob said doubtful  
‘Why maybe? It’s going to be beautiful, everything in the city will be lighted up, it will be in perfect Christmas time and of course I can’t wait to see Paris in the snow’  
‘You know what... it reminds me of those mushy Christmas movies of NYC, everybody is happy and chorus singing a lovely cheesy melody’  
‘Oh.. haha.. I see that your non romantic side is showing up. well.. that will be pretty much like that’  
‘Yeah.. uhmm.. come here my ‘romantic guy’ Rob whispered  
‘Yeah.. down deep I am’ Gary winked getting closer to him  
Rob put his arms around Gary’s shoulders who leaned in whispering something into his ear. Gary’s closeness sent shivers through down to his spine, he was amazed how he was still feeling about Gary after all that time.  
A rush of heat came up from his stomach and went right up into his head, he could not control himself and his desire to possess his man here and now.  
He grabbed Gary’s neck and locked his lips with his. Gary was more than happy to let his boyfriend take control of his tongue. Their bodies were quickly warming up by excitement. Rob pushed Gary, slowly, who made few steps back crashing down sitting on the sofa in front of Rob, who was slowly unzipping his pants showing his hard on, under his briefs. Gary looked at him, Rob’s eyes were full of lust and he needed his boyfriend now more than ever.  
‘Please Gaz...’ he begged.  
Gary knew exactly what he wanted. They both wanted the same. But one step at a time. He took a grip around his erection and started to squeezing it, gently. Looking pleased with himself he softly strokes along the full length of Rob’s. Then his mouth took him inside. Rob moaned, licking his lips and grabbing the blonde hair to help his work. But Gary could not take this for long.  
‘Hey.. what..?’ Rob wondered  
‘I want you on top of me, I want to make love with you’  
Rob nodded and a minute later they were naked and lying on the sofa kissing passionately and rubbing their naked bodied against each other. Their clothes long forgotten on the carpet.  
The fireplace was almost done and the air in the flat was getting cold but their sweaty bodies were on fire. The kissing was passionate and hands were wondering hungry all over their wet skin. Swirling emotions and passion running into their hearts and veins were blowing them away and they were still sticking in there, never leaving their tortured souls. They craved each other, and they were still one body, even after all this time.  
 _When love rules your life and soul, you don’t need to ask for more. You both know how much you belong to the other. Desire alone can drag you into the lust, passion overwhelms the power of your mind and you can reach the pleasure just by feeling the closeness of your body with the love of your life, even if with no full sex involved. You can reach the moon and back with the simple feeling that your lover is next to you, and you can reach hell when he is not._  
 _He is there to fulfil, support and give you that kind of happiness and ecstasy that nobody else would be able to give you. Only then you will realize that.._  
 _‘He is the one’_


	39. Chapter Thirty - Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

The plane had just laid its wheels on the snowy runway. Rob looked out of the porthole trying to see something out that looked like an airport. One thing for sure.. they had landed and whatever would be waiting for them outside they had, at least, touched down.  
‘Hey Gaz!’ He asked while they were queuing to get off the plane  
‘What?’  
‘What the hell.. are you sure we are in Paris?  
‘Yes, why?’  
‘I can’t see a bloody thing out there’  
‘Oh it’s just a bit foggy’  
‘The hell is foggy.. there is snow everywhere!’ He exclaimed a bit worried. What a fucking freezing holiday!’  
‘Stop complaining and let’s go out of here’  
‘Ok but what would are we going to do here with this cold?’ Rob asked again half an hour later as they were out of the airport area.  
‘What do you mean by that?’ Gaz asked while he was waving to a cab.  
‘We will get frozen as soon as we will put our asses out of the hotel!’  
‘Oh, come on! Don’t be silly!’ Gaz said smiling ‘We have our heavy clothes, duvets, gloves, caps and scarves. It’s not that we are that dumb! Oh.. btw have you taken your bath suit with you?’ Gary chuckled  
‘What?’ Rob looked at him astonished  
‘Oh gee.. we have to buy one then’  
‘Are you serious?’ Rob frowned  
‘You need also some flip-flops’ Gaz looked at him and smiled.  
‘Oh.. and here I thought that we were Paris, I did not realize that we are in the Maldives instead’ Rob joked  
‘Shut up and have faith boy’ Gary said taking his hand, amused.  
‘What the heck..’ He did not have the time to add one more word that Gary pulled him in and pecked his cold lips.  
‘hmmm… I like the way you shut me up’ Rob moaned putting an end to his complain.  
                                                                                                                     ___________

The hotel was excellent, it was in the centre of the city but a very quite district. The room was very comfortable. There was a big bathroom with a window, a shower and a large heart shaped bathtub with multicoloured candles all around the borders, which were spreading in the air a nice lavender scent. All was cozy and comfortable. The bed was big with black sheets and covered by a very soft quilt. The French window lead on a little terrace from where customer could enjoy the spectacular view of Paris. Away in the distance the tall and imposing Eiffel Tower dominated the city.  
‘Wow.. I am snowblind’ Rob exclaimed open mouthed, as he was staring outside. The snow covering the rooftops of the buildings, and all the thousands.. millions lights of the city of love was a huge show to enjoy. Paris was so really breathtaking.  
‘Yeah’ Gary joined Rob, wrapping his arms around his waist and enjoying the view out. ‘Really amazing, innit?’  
‘Are you hungry? He asked out of the blue  
‘Hmm.. a bit’  
‘So let’s unpack and have a shower so we can go out and look for a restaurant’  
‘Ok, oh by the way… the bathroom is great!’ Rob said  
‘Yes it is, I have maybe an idea or two about it’  
‘Haha.. well I can figure that!’ Rob winked  
He turned around and grabbed his boyfriend’s neck locking his lips with his.  
This time the kiss was sweet and slow, like if they wanted to taste any second of it, like if it were their very first time.. no hurry.  
‘Hey’ Gaz said once they parted lips ‘let’s move on, there is plenty of time for this… later’  
‘Yes, you are right. Let’s go and enjoy the city’  
                                                                                                         __________

After a quick shower, and properly dressed up to hit the harsh climate of Paris in Christmas time, they were out, running in the fresh snow and cackling like two schoolchildren. They got into a little park and Rob started to make snow balls to throw at Gary who was quick to react and returned the favor. A big fight started and soon both were so white covered that they looked like two idiots snow puppets.  
They were breathless, Gary leaned against a lamp post to rest a bit. Rob could spot his red cheeks under the weak light and he stepped ahead, with a grin on his face.Gary got serious and stared at him, his heart was still racing like crazy, but this time for a different reason, that was not certainly because of the fight.  
Their faces were inches apart now and their eyes were fixed on each other. Gary notices that there was something strange in Rob’s eyes.  
He did not have the time to react as Rob raised his arms and put a huge snow balls on his head. Gary opened his mouth, caught by surprise, and Rob ran away laughing his ass off.  
‘ I will catch you..’ Gary shouted at him laughing ‘..you’re gonna pay for this!’ he started to run after Rob and, as soon as he was at the right distance, he pushed him making him fall on the ground and following him right afterwards. They both hit the ground and started a little fight again, rolling over think thick layer of snow for few times, and trying to get control one over the other.  
Rob finally quit. He laid on his stomach, defeated by Gary, who was on top of him, shouting victory.  
‘See, boy.. who wins?’ Rob did not answer, not even moved ‘so what do you say now? Are you going to admit it?’  
Rob was not answering again, and was still, under Gary’s weight.  
‘Hey… so.. what?’ Gary asked again ‘Rob?’ He loosened the grip and moved aside calling him again but Rob was motionless and his mouth was open wide.  
‘Oh my god! Rob!’ Gary’s breath increased rapidly ‘What the hell! Wake up! Oh shit.. shit.. shit!!’ his heart was racing like crazy. He shook him and put his mouth on Rob’s to put some air in his lungs.  
He suddenly felt a hand on his head and another one grabbing his shoulder. In a second they were upside down and Rob was on top of him kissing the hell out of him.  
Gary pushed him away with all his strength.  
‘What the fuck Rob! Did you pretend?’  
‘Well… yeah… that was a my strategy to get control over you’  
‘You stupid twat! I got scared, you know that!’ Gaz was pale ‘you scared the hell out of me!’  
‘Sorry babe’  
‘Fuck the apologies! don’t even try such a thing with me again! I was thinking you were going to die!’  
‘Oh babe.. not a big deal, I am back again, see?’  
Gary stood up and started striding across the park. He was fuming.  
‘Hey.. oh come on, don’t act like a grumpy kid’ Rob said following him.  
Gary suddenly sat down on a bench. He was still sulking. Rob sat next to him with his hand in his pockets. Both were staring at the park they had just left, in silence.  
‘I was scared to loose you, don’t you get that?’  
‘Yes I can but it was a joke, don’t make such a fuss with it’ Rob took one of Gary’s hand. It was cold, but he could notice by the redness of his cheeks, that his boyfriend was more relaxed. But, still he did not dare to move a muscle.  
Rob realized that he needed to put more effort so he got closer and put his hand around his shoulder pulling him closer ‘I am sorry if I upset you’ He said touching softly his face ‘I would never hurt you, I love you babe but.. come on.. let’s move out of here, I am freezing my ass on this fucking bench and I am starving’  
This never failed to amaze Gary.. one minute Rob was able to be the sweetest lover, one minute later he was the best idiot he had ever known.  
He shook his head and stood up, laughing.  
                                                                                                            __________

 ‘Wow! It gets colder and colder here outside, let’s get in this one, looks nice’ Rob said  
The little restaurant was just in a street not very far from Elysium. It was warm and comfortable and Christmas decorations were hanging all around the walls. The waiter made them sit in on a table in the corner of the room right beside a window so they could enjoy the view out. They could see, at the opposite side of the room, a big shining enlightened tree. They had their meal, in silence for a while.  
‘Aahh.. now I can tell I have eaten pretty well, such a good wine here’ Rob said  
‘Yeah I love it’ Gary added sipping from his third glass.  
‘Hey babe.. take it easy, the night is not over yet’  
‘Mind your own business, puppy!’ Gary joked  
‘Oh wow… point taken babe.. better shut up’ Rob winked ‘Are you still mad at me?’ he asked with puppy eyes  
‘Uhmm… well I think so’ Gary lied. It was just that he loved to get more attention from Rob and get more cuddle than usual, so he pretended to be still mad at him.  
‘Hey.. stop it now.. you are not going to ruin this vacation, aren’t you?’  
‘Look who’s talking.. you! You started complaining since we put our feet here!’  
‘Ok.. another point yours here but I mean.. do we want to go on like that or we are taking a break here?’  
‘Right..’ Gary subsided ‘Ok let’s go out of here, the night is still young’  
Gary started walking few feet ahead and Rob was hardly coping to follow him.  
‘Hey you’ Rob called him out  
‘What?’ Gary turned back  
Rob was fast. He grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and pulled him by his side. Gary’s sulking needed to stop here and now. He looked at him with his puppy eyes and Gary inhaled hard before to move his hand around his waist. He loved that moment.  
Rob, glad to see that thing were going back to normal, smiled at him and as soon as he noticed a dark little corner on his way and was sure that nobody would notice them, he pushed Gary on to the wall and leaned his forehead against his.  
The love they shared and alcohol running into their veins made the rest.It was a warm and passionate kiss, the scent of their skin mixed with the wine they could taste on each other lips was so good.  
‘Oh god.. man. My head is spinning’ Gary whispered  
‘Mmmhh.. mine as well’ Rob answered  
‘Better if.. we go now’ Gary mumbled  
‘Why? No!’ Rob said moaning onto his neck  
‘Yes.. let’s go. We have a lot to visit. I don’t want to do this here, I am freezing’  
Rob stepped back, unwillingly, but he had to admit that Gary was right.. why do it there when they had a comfortable and warm room which was awaiting for them?  
                                                                                                           ________________

Walking onto the Elysium was mind blowing. Arch of Triumph stood imposing as to dominate the huge avenue where few rows of trees were completely enlightened by Christmas lights. They stood open mouthed to watch this magnificent view for a while then Rob wrapped Gary in a hug, whose teeth were chattering from cold. People around them were stepping fast and not even caring about them.  
‘I would love if we could do this also in London’ Rob said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.  
‘Yeah.. me too’ Gary agreed thinking of how things were going to be miserable once they were back in their home town. ‘It feels like a dream’  
‘I wish we could do the same one day. I mean walking free, out in the open’  
‘We will babe, we will if.. we want’ Gary reassured him  
‘This is that I want the most in this world’  
‘That will be not easy babe, look at us here and.. look at us who we are once we are back. We are famous people and our path will be not easy. All that pressure..’  
‘I don’t care of that. I love you. This is all that matters to me’  
‘I love you too babe. Hope we can make it’  
‘This is not enough.. I mean.. hope is not enough, we must fight for this and be clever. We need to manage this well so we can make our dreams come true’  
They had reached the big Arch, in the meanwhile. They looked up and back at each other again. Their eyes spoke more than thousands words.  
In the romantic Paris they had silently exchanged their promises.  
 


	40. Author's Note

_**Hey, our awesome readers! I'm sad to say we won't be posting chapter today but it will be posted on Monday. It will be long and special treat for all of you. :) xx** _


	41. Chapter Thirty - Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

The sun was peeking in from the french window. It was late morning. Rob squinted his eyes hiding his face under the pillow. He stretched his arms to hug too spoon with Gary but.. he was not there. Suddenly Rob was completely awake.  
‘Gaz!! Hey Gaaaz?’ he shouted.. No answer.  
He stood up and went to check out in the bathroom, no sign of his boyfriend. He went back, scratching his head, when he noticed a piece of paper on the little desk:  
 _‘Out catching brekkie, back soon. Luv ya.’_ Good.. better have a shower in the meanwhile. He immediately got turned on as he started to run the hot water, the memory of the night before, spent making love with Gary, was still on his skin and Gary’s scent was all over the place but.. that was not the right moment.  
He wore a towel and went back to the bedroom. His jaws dropped for what he saw.  
The little table in the corner of the room was nicely prepared, blue tablecloth, two plates with croissants, baguette, butter, marmalade, a cup of hot coffee, orange juice and pain au chocolate. Still no sign of Gary in the room.  
Rob wondered who got in without permission when he saw his boyfriend coming in from the french window.  
‘Hey.. Good morning!’ Gary announced appearing suddenly from the little balcony and standing on the doorway with a cup of coffee in his hand.  
‘Wow.. I mean… wow!’ Rob exclaimed ‘Did you do it?’  
‘Of course I did it, I mean.. I bought it all. I told myself.. hey we are in Paris we need Parisian food’  
‘Well.. in this case.. ’ He stepped forward and leaned for a kiss ‘Good morning  
Paris and.. good morning to you, my gorgeous boy!’’ he whispered in his ear.  
‘Come on.. your coffee is getting cold!’ Gary said squeezing his waist  
‘Right’ Rob said sitting down and grabbing a baguette.  
‘I was thinking… are we going to spend the New Year’s Eve here, aren’t we?’ Gary proposed.  
‘You know what.. I am starting to like this city, as long as I will not get my ass frozen, so… I think that we can do it. Yes definitely!’  
‘Deal!’ Gary said ‘Let’s go and hit the city then, there is so much to see’ there were couple of ideas that were going through his mind. So he mentally started to plan his little surprises for Rob to put into effect during the following days and.. nights.  
                                                                                                            ____________

First of all they needed to buy a camera, since they did not own one, there is no holiday without pictures. So they went to the Galeries Lafayette and bought the less expensive one.  
The lights in Paris are one of the main attractions of the city during Christmas time. Rob and Gary were walking through the streets, amazed.  
In the Paris channels there were many Christmas markets where you can buy any kind of weird stuff, second hand books, local food, honey and spices.  
Rob bought a funny cap and a jacket with two demons stamped on, and Gary got some local cheese and a book about an famous and old french songwriter.  
‘I am tired and hungry’ Rob said  
‘What.. wasn’t the brekkie enough for you?’  
‘Hey we have been wandering around for more than three hour babe’  
‘Ok, look at this one here, it looks nice’  
They got into a little bistrot where they could enjoy the local food. A bottle of good french wine could not be missed on their table.  
‘This is.. heaven’ Rob moaned while tasting a crepe au chocolate  
‘Hmmm… yeah it is’ Gary agreed ‘I can think about something that I can do with some chocolate mousse’ he winked  
‘Uhmm… interesting!’ His eyes were fixed on Gary ‘and… what in particular would you like to do with it?’  
‘I have something in mind but… not now’  
‘You teaser’ Rob pouted ‘Tell me’  
‘Nope.. sorry’ Gary cut him off and waved to the waiter for the bill  
Rob’s mind was not able to focus on anything else for a while.. he was still wondering about the multiple ways to use a mousse, other than.. eat it.  
                                                                                                                  _________

They continued their walk when they saw a weird tall wall, there were hundreds of writing on it.  
‘What is that?’ Rob asked getting closer  
‘Dunno, lemme check’  
‘Look! Here! I Love you’  
‘I love you too babe’ Gary replied  
‘No, I don’t.. I mean.. it’s not that’  
‘What the hell do you mean by that?’ Gary frowned  
‘Will you shut the fuck up for a while and listen to me?’  
Gary looked at him, questioningly.  
‘The writing on the wall.. I think it says ‘Je t’aime.. I love you’ in hundreds languages.  
‘And how do you know that?’  
‘Look up there boy..’  
Gary looked up and saw what Rob was talking about.  
‘See… I am not that dumb as you all think’ Rob said proudly  
‘Hmmm… you are right.. you are not that dumb.. sometimes! ‘Gary laughed and Rob got closer feeling offended, then he also burst out into a laugh.  
‘Hey what do you think if we put our names on there? Do you think we will get arrested?’  
‘Maybe.. oh wait.. I have an idea’ Gary got closer to the border of the wall, took out a pen from his pocket and wrote their initials on it. Rob, not satisfied, grabbed the pen and outlined a little heart around them. Then they looked at each other.  
‘This is for next time we will come back to Paris’  
‘Yes, our memory. We will come back right here in this place and check if the time has not erased them’  
‘I hope that they will survive the time passing by’  
‘Me too, just like.. us’  
‘We will babe, we will’ Rob said ‘And now let’s go to Disneyland!’  
‘Wait.. what? I am tired as hell, don’t you think its time to go back to the hotel?’  
‘Too early for that’ Rob said ‘Oh look at there… there is a skating rink! Come on.. lazy ass! We will go to Disneyland tomorrow then!’  
‘Omg.. It is for children’ Gary complained  
‘Aren’t we all, maybe?’  
Gary had to let it go and, puffing, followed Rob who was already getting to the reception to hire a pair of ice skates.  
Later, after tasting one of the best hot chocolate in one of the famous Parisien chocolaterie, they got amazed by a massive Christmas tree, which was build up in front of Notre Dame Cathedral. They took few pictures by the awesomely enlightened tree and stood there sitting on a bench, astonished by the beauty of the Cathedral. Two days had passed by and they had so many more things to do and to visit before NY’s eve and the end of their dream.  
One of Gary’s surprises for Rob was supposed to happen the very next day.  
                                                                                                                    ___________

Later the day after they went to Disneyland Paris, and enjoyed every bit of it, from the big Castles of the fairy tales to the big roller coaster, where Gary had some problems to get onto. He panicked as he got on, his face was pale. Rob instead was having fun and screaming like crazy as the carriages were reaching the highest point before falling down at high speed.  
‘This is enough for me’ Gary said breathing in heavily, upset after the run.  
‘What? NO! do you really want to leave? We still need to see the fireworks tonight!  
‘No thank you, I don’t want to be here until then’ he was still pale after the run on the roller coaster.  
‘But.. we are missing a spectacular show’ Rob tried to convince his boyfriend to stay, not having clue about Gary’s plan for the rest of the day.. evening. He was so mad at him that Gary had no other chance than hint at something or he would not stand a chance to get Rob away from there.  
‘I had fun but now it’s getting late and I.. we have an important date this evening,  
‘What date?’ Rob asked  
‘I can’t tell ya’  
‘Oh.. come on!’  
‘No way! let’s go and … trust me!’ Gary winked and a hint of a smile appeared on his lips.  
‘Oh.. ok.. let’s go’ Rob’s mind started to run wild and he thought that it must have something to do with a certain _‘mousse’_ they were talking the day before.  
                                                                                                                  _________

‘Hurry up boy or.. we will be late’ Gary shouted from the bathroom.  
‘Yeah but I how do I need to be dressed like? I don’t know where we are going’ Rob shouted back.  
‘Not casual, for sure. You need to be elegant babe’  
‘Fuck.. I have nothing like that’  
‘Not possible.. you must have something that fits for tonight. Lemme check it out.. wow!’ Gary got struck by the sight of his handsome boyfriend. He was wearing a grey shirt, blue trousers and a casual dark blue jacket. He had a white scarf around his neck and his colony hit Gary’s nostrils. He was barely able to say.. ‘Wow..oh.. I.. I.. you.. you.. were fooling me around’  
‘Uhmm… maybe’ Rob winked ‘do I look nice?’ he asked  
‘You look… amazing!’ Gary leaned in and raised a strand of his dark hair. He grabbed a bit of his boyfriend’s shirt, with the tips of his hand and pulled him in for a kiss.  
‘Oh.. btw.. you look stunning too’ Rob whispered on his mouth  
‘Thanks babe.. ok.. time to go out of here!’  
‘Where are we going?’ Rob dared again to ask, not sure to get an answer.  
‘It’s a surprise’  
‘I knew you would not tell me’  
A cab was waiting for them outside. They got on and the driver roared off into the traffic, leading them to their destination.. _‘Restaurant 58 Tour Eiffel’_.  
‘Omg! This trick will cost a us a little fortune!’ Rob started to understand and got shocked.  
‘No.. not much. It would have costed a real fortune if we had gone there on NY’s eve’ Gary replied.  
‘Oh.. really? And… if we are going there.. now.. what are we going to do on the 31st?’  
‘Oh.. you know .. I was thinking about something more intimate and cozy’  
‘You mean… oh yeah I can easily figure it out’ Rob ended up thinking about that ‘mousse’ again.  
They got into the Tower elevator and stopped by the first floor where the restaurant was. Gary had reserved a table up there since their arrivals in Paris.  
‘It’s great up here.. wow .. we are dining at the Eiffel Tower! I can’t believe it’  
They sat down on their table next to a large window so they could enjoy the spectacular view.It was amazing and outstanding, you can see a continuous mass of houses and white buildings at times interrupted by green parks, and in the middle.. _‘The Seine’_. And the lights ... millions of lights that were shining all over the city making the city of love even more spectacular than usual.  
The had a typical French dinner, tasting all kind of cheese, local marmalade, beef, mashed potatoes, chocolate crepes and good wine. Gary was very fond of a red one. Rob did not miss to get one more dessert, followed by Gary right afterwards. All the tables had a couple of red candles on. The wall had Christmas decorations and soft light were hanging in amongst the crystal chandeliers. A big enlightened tree was beautifully set up in a corner of the big floor where it could be seen by all the customers.  
‘Now I go and punch them on their pretty faces’ Rob said out of the blue  
‘What are you talking about, aren’t you enjoying this?’  
‘Oh yeah but… Look over there’  
Gary turned his head back, there was a group of girls sitting on a table not very far from theirs. They were chatting and chuckling, eyeing at them. Gary smiled at them.  
‘What the hell are you doing? Are you even teasing them? Please.. dont!’ Rob’s jealousy started to sting him.  
‘Well.. ahem.. they waved at me.. ehm us’ Gary blushed  
‘Oh.. and what the hell do you think to do?’  
‘Nothing. Just being nice’  
‘Oh really?’ Rob started to get pissed off ‘are you going to keep on being.. ‘nice’ with them?’  
‘Yeah.. I mean.. why not?’  
‘Great! Go on! why did you bring me here then?’  
‘I did not mean what you are thinking about.. I mean.. we could tease them a bit making them believe that they can have a try on us and then we can make them a surprise’  
‘Well.. uhmm.. ok’ Rob relaxed a bit ‘You know babe.. you should learn to be more clear when you are speaking or… you could be misunderstood’  
They started smiling at the girls with the purpose to lure them. The groups of chicks chuckled at each other, looking more than happy to be lured. After a while the girls left their table and joined the two boys.  
They chatted for a while, chuckling and laughing at Rob’s jokes. One of them, wine running wild into her veins, started to get closer to Rob and touch him at first on his forearm, then she got bolder and she put her hand onto his knee. Another one reached Gary’s hair and making compliments about his outfit.  
they were starting to get a bit far with the joke so it was about time to put an end to the game.  
Gary made a sign to Rob and out of the blue they both stood up.  
‘Come here boy’ he called him out. Rob got closer and wrapped his arms around his waist. Gary did the same. They both leaned in for a passionate kiss, tongues involved. The girls widened their eyes, aghast.  
‘Yeah girls.. this is how the things are. Sorry/not sorry. Have a nice evening ladies’  
Rob and Gary paid the bill and left the restaurant hand in hand.  
They burst out into a laugh once they were back in the elevator, alone.  
‘Thank you for the dinner. It was great and.. funny in the end’  
‘Yeah.. it really was.. oh crap.. their looks.. we really disappointed those poor girls!’  
‘You bet we did!’  
They spent the rest of the night walking by the _‘Seine’_ hand in hand. Passers-by did not even care about them and here now it came back that strange feeling of freedom that they did not have in their home town.  
‘Hey you why don’t we go to one of those gay clubs..’ Rob proposed  
‘I don’t think it is a good idea, babe’  
‘Why not?’  
‘Men in there looks for a man to get laid. We are gonna have the same problem we had with those girls, do you realize that?’ Gary said  
‘Oh no... I mean.. yes I do.’ Rob felt the rush of jealousy coming up again ‘Better to go somewhere else for the rest of the night’  
‘Lemme think about it.. oh yeah I have something in mind’ Gary said calling out a taxi ‘Moulin Rouge, please’ he told the driver, then he looked at Rob ‘We’ll be safe and sound in there. We can enjoy the show without being harassed.’  
                                                                                                       ___________

After enjoying the _‘Moulin Rouge folies’_ they spent the entire day after, sleeping until late. It was about 6 pm when a knock at the door woke them up.  
‘Shit.. who can it be at this time of the day?’ Rob complained yawning  
‘This time of the day?? Uhm.. do you have any idea of how much we slept?’ Gary asked standing up and going to the door.  
‘Damn.. I am not here for anyone’ Rob said sinking his head in the pillow again ‘I don’t even know my name until I sink my ass in a large cup of coffee’  
‘Babe… you will have much more than that!’ Gary opened the door and two pretty white dressed girls stepped into the room. Rob resurfaced from his pillow glancing towards them and blinking.  
‘Good afternoon boys, nice to meet you. I am Debbie and she is Jessica. Nice to meet you’  
‘Oh crap!! What the hell..?’ He asked, caught by surprise, suddenly awake and trying to pull up the sheets to cover up his naked body ‘.. G.. good morning!’ Rob said still confused.  
‘Good afternoon or.. evening Debbie and Jessica, nice to meet you too. I am Gary and this is Rob’ Gary  
The two girls brought inside the large room a couple of massage tables. They pulled out from a little brown bag a couple of oil bottles and put them onto the little desk. Basically they were setting up a little spa, just for them. Debbie went to the bathroom and lit all the scented candles which were already on the Jacuzzi, and made the hot water run. Jessica handed a white bathrobe to Rob, who got up nervously. Gary was already wearing one.  
‘You.. you.. could have warned me!’ Rob stuttered  
‘That would not be a surprise then!’ Gary explained  
‘Come on boys we are here to make you relax and happy.’ Jessica said trying to get the younger comfortable  
‘The bath is ready!’ Debbie called the out from the bathroom.  
Rob had mixed feelings about it.. he would certainly love to be treated like a king for a while but he was also afraid that the two girls could go a bit.. far with the ‘massaging thing’.  
‘Don’t be nervous babe… we would not do anything that you would not like to do’ Jessica got his hesitation and was quick to reassure him.  
One thing for sure.. he was not going to share his boyfriend with anyone in this world.  
‘Ok.. let’s do this’  
When they entered in the bathroom their nostrils got struck by a delicate scent coming from the candles burning and the temperature was nice. The both entered into the Jacuzzi and got relaxed, finally. Thousands of bubbles started to run into the warm water while they could hear some soft music coming from anywhere as the two girls came in bringing two glasses of champagne. It was perfect.  
‘Thank you’ Rob said getting closer to his boyfriend  
‘Anytime babe..’ he responded leaning in for a wet kiss. The hot water and the intimacy was not helping and they started to feel aroused.  
‘Later boy.. the girls..’ Gary winked  
‘Yeah.. let them do their job first, we will continue this afterwards’  
They got out of the Jacuzzi and when they got laid on the massage tables in the bedroom Rob could spot a bigger table, one that was not there before. There were any sort of typical French snacks on there, coffee, two bottles of wine, Champagne. But foremost there was something that got Rob’s attention.. a big amount of chocolate mousse was beautifully lying on a silver plate in the centre of the table.  
Debbie and Jessica poured some massage oil onto their hands and started massaging the two boys for about twenty minutes. They now were more comfortable with the girls who even started to laugh at Rob’s jokes, but they got that they were a couple as soon as they put their feet into the room early, and they did not dare to go further than that.  
When all was over the two pretty girls gathered all their stuff and left the room  
‘Have fun boys in the city of.. love’ Debbie said winking at them  
‘Thanks.. we will’  
‘I am sure of that’ Jessica added, waving them goodbye  
‘Did you like it?’ Gary asked  
‘I loved it, babe.. Thank you. How can I return the favour?’  
‘Look.. there is something here that is waiting for us. Let’s eat this now cause…’ Gary said taking a snack ‘later.. you will return the favour with that!’ he added pointing at their dessert.  
‘I knew it!’ Rob chuckled sinking a finger in and sucking it, greedily.  
Afterwards they made love again and Rob had his chance to be thankful to Gary showing him about the multiple ways to taste a mousse.  
                                                                                                     _______________

‘So what’s the plan for the day and.. night?’ Rob wondered the morning after, after they got showered and ready to go out and grab a brekkie.  
It was the NY’s eve and they were supposed to have the flight back home booked for the 1st of January.  
‘What do you think to go out looking for some quiet place to eat and wait for midnight bash somewhere out?’  
‘I don’t think we will be able to find a quite place tonight, babe! I prefer going out a bit rather than being stuck in here all day and night’  
The very next day they were supposed to go back to UK so they walked the entire day buying souvenirs and gadgets for friends and family’  
It was almost dark and the snow was falling copious on the streets so they decided to go back to the hotel, having a shower and getting changed for the night.  
At about 9 pm they were ready to hit the City of Love and get whatever its nightlife was willing to offer.  
Getting into a little bistrot they had hard time to find a table to sit a have their meal, but when they did they had the pleasure to taste the best of the French cuisine..  
 _Cheese with honey and marmalade, foie gras, coq au vin (Chicken), Boeuf a la Bourguignonne (Beef), Potatoes au gratin with Camemebert_ and, of course a couple of good red one.  
It was almost midnight when they finally had their dessert and a glass of Champagne.  
‘I don’t want to stay here at midnight.. I need some fresh air’  
‘You are right.. let’s go out and have a walk’  
They paid the bill and stepped out..  
Having their feather jackets on and all the necessary outfit to keep them warm they walked away hand in hand onto the snowy pavements. Bunches of people, drunk or not, were chatting and laughing loud in every corner of the streets and awaiting for the New Year in their own way.  
Rob and Gary got to the Seine. Thousands of lights were beautifully set up and were shining along its riverbanks. They had difficulties to walk in the crowd who was waiting for midnight fireworks.  
‘Come here’ Rob found a free space and leaned against the wall ‘Let’s wait here.. its almost midnight’  
‘Yes, I don’t wanna miss the show’ Gary agreed leaning his back on Rob’s chest, who wrapped him up so they both keep each other warm.  
The crowd started to count down and.. at midnight a the spectacular show of the fireworks began. They were coming from all over the places, no way you could have missed them.  
‘Happy New Year, babe’ Gary turned up. His eyes met Rob’s.  
‘Happy New Year, mon cher’ He smiled  
They shared a sweet kiss in the crowded place, but nobody cared about them.  
That was Paris, damn it.. the city of Love.. and love is love.. no matter what.


	42. Chapter Thirty - Five

It was the beginning of january and the week after the band’s first album was due to be released in the shelves of the most important stores of the country. They were supposed to start their promo tour in all the Radio and TV stations later the same week, not talking about the forthcoming big tour set up to start at the beginning of february, pretty much around Rob’s birthday, not that Nigel would give a fuck about it, but Gary had quite a good plan in his mind about it..  
Their hard work would have finally paid off. They were all thrilled about it but it was also a kind of relief for them all. They would finally get their first big achievement. The lads were sitting in the Boss’s new cabinet in the centre of the city. It seemed that all money from their sells was were falling straight into his pocket and not into theirs. They were confident that the album launch would have turn things into their favour.   
-‘Tomorrow you have album signing in the local mall around 9 AM. Don’t be late. It’s really important you do anything to please your fans. The more they are.. the more we will get rewarded.’ Nig announced  
-‘You meant more money for you’ Rob muttered under his breath. It seemed that the manager had bats hearing and casted a poisonous look at Robbie, who smiled back sweetly. Gary saw this interaction and squeezed Bob’s hand under the table.   
After the boys had came back from their vacation, Nig was on their backs as a snake ready to scold them, as they did one wrong move. The tension were felt by all of the boys. Those were just the first days after the Christmas break and all of them felt the tension of the ‘unknown’. Dougie and Jay, in first place, were afraid that Nig will find out about them.   
-‘Thats all I wanted to say. You all are free to go and.. Gary, please, stay for a few minutes.’ the man’s voice was cold as ice. Gary’s hands started to sweat and this time it was Rob’s turn to squeeze Gaz’s hand to reassure him that all would be alright.   
Stools scraped against floor while everyone was leaving the office. Mark gave Gaz his last reassuring smile before stepping outside the devil’s hole and Rob casted him a wink of support. Gary tried to smile back at his mates but all that he could feel was cold running into his veins. He had a weird feeling that this chat would not be a nice one.  
-‘So I noticed that you chose not to follow my advice and got closer with all of them, especially one.. that one cant’t help but cause trouble. What did I tell you about that? They won’t be good for ya.. they will bring you down, boy, you and your musical career.  
-‘Well.. this is not the way I see it..’ Gary replied back a bit annoyed of his boss’s demeanour ‘you know.. I think that it is still too soon to think about my own career right now and.. Nig.. it’s you that put this boyband together in first place, it needs to work as clock, so it’s only normal that we got closer. Take one part out of the whole mechanism and it will fail to work. If that’s all, I have better things to do’ Gary did not leave Nig the time to reply, and walked out. The Boss was astonished with Gary’s outburst.   
Gary himself was amazed about it, that was the first time he was talking to him like that. He realized that he could use a bit of his power, being Nig’s favourite one, and he stepped out of the door to just be pulled in hug of the lads, feeling proud of himself.  
-‘It was really brave from you to say that, Gaz!’ Dougie said patting his back   
-‘..And this courage deserves a drink. So lets move to a pub.  
-‘We can also celebrate the launch of our first album’ pipped in Markie. So they got their coats on and got their ways down the street.   
-‘Hello boys! the barman greeted them.   
The place seemed packed but he showed them a private and quite place from the crowd. ‘So what can I get you all?’-  
-‘Five pints, for starters.” Dougie said   
-‘Ok, five pints on their ways.” the barman said leaving the table. After five minutes he came back with their drinks. Their chat about how they spent their Christmas holidays was so intense and full of details that they even didn’t seem to notice Rob cheking his phone every five minutes. It seemed each of the lads had the greatest time of their lifes this holidays. It went on till one pint grow in five or even more.   
-‘Lads, I will go and have a smoke.’ Rob announced walking out the pub and got lost in the crowd.   
-‘I’d better follow him. that boy can’t wander off by himself’ Gary smiled while he was having his way out in the crowd.   
He looked around and noticed that Rob was on the other side of street. In front of him there was some scruffy guy. Rob was giving something to him and the man was giving him an envelope.   
Gaz frowned as he felt an unpleasant feeling getting into his bones. His brains couldn’t believe his eyes. He crossed the road and he made just in time to see Rob putting the envelope into his pocket and turning around as he met his boyfriend’s eyes.  
-‘Hey..’ Rob said taken by surprise and blushing  
-‘Who.. who was that guy?’ Gary asked, a cold rush ran through his spine  
-‘Who? I can’t see anyone here’ Rob lied  
Gary was upset to realize that Rob was hiding something from him.  
-‘I saw a man giving you something.. lemme see what ya have in there! He reached his pocket’ Gary said shaking  
-‘What the hell.. hey I have nothing here, back off!’ He lied again, stepping back. He was pale and his eyes were blinking nervously.  
-‘Oh shit.. Rob! You are lying! Fuck Rob why are you doing this to me? I trusted you!’  
-‘I have done nothing! Got it? NOTHING’   
-‘SO.. if you have nothing to hide let me see what you have got in there’ Gary said pointing at the pocket  
Rob subsided and slowly took the ‘thing’ out of his pocket  
-‘Is it what I think it is?’ Gary was feeling like if he were on the edge of a cliff and someone behind him was ready to push him off into the emptyness.  
-‘Yes.. it is’ Rob finally admitted looking down ashamed.  
-Fuck fuck.. no!’ someone had just pushed Gary off that cliff  
-‘Gary.. please!’ Rob begged miserably  
-‘No!.. Just.. Don’t!’ Gary stepped back, aghast and unable to think properly ‘Why..Rob? Why? I thought we were happy!’  
-‘Yes we are babe.. we are!’ he tried to reassure Gary ‘ It’s not that.. it’s that.. the stress.. all that the pressure.. I can’t.. I just can’t stand it and this... this.. is helping me out a bit’  
-‘Hey.. look.. this is NOT helping you! This is killing you! Damn it! Won’t you get that?’  
-‘Oh..come on.. it’s not that I am addicted to it, yet.. I can’t stop whenever I want’  
-‘What? Hahah... you are ALREADY addicted! once you get it you will never able to quit! And.. what it is bothering me the most is that you hide it and lied to me   
Rob had no more words to say..   
-‘How long have you been having this shit?’  
-‘F.. few months’  
-‘What? Oh fuck! And in.. Paris?’  
-‘No, I had none of that over there.. I did not need that. You.. we were together and I.. we were relaxed and having fun.. I did not need that!’  
-‘Listen.. I thought that we made some promises over there and I thought you were honest with me’  
-‘I was, babe.. I was.. believe me’  
-No! You.. were NOT! And you still are NOT!’ Gary felt exhausted and cheated  
-‘I am.. believe me.. I still love you’ Rob burst into tears grabbing Gary arm  
-‘No.. I am sorry I can’t believe you.. it’s just.. that.. ‘he took a long breath ‘..If you are not able to love yourself how can you love anyone else?’   
-‘But.. I do.. really!’  
-‘Listen... you need to get rid of that shit or..you won’t see me anymore.. I mean we can still be working together but as band mates.. that’s it.. there will be no more that a mere working collaboration between us!’  
-Oh..’ Rob said, disappointed ‘I thought that in a couple mutual help would be a normal routine.. looks like I won’t expect any of that from you!’  
-‘I don’t know, really.. I am upset right now.. I need to pull myself together and oh shit..’ and with that Gary left and, completely unfocused on the traffic running at that time, he crossed the street.   
Rob walked off still handing the damn envelope in his hand.. he made just in time to reach the corner of the street as he heard some brakes screeching on the asphalt, followed by a hollow sound. Rob quickly turned back. He saw that a bunch of curious people had already gathered around the place to see what happened. He got near as he saw a blonde head lying on the cold ground.   
His heart skipped a beat as he recognized the figure of the man.. Gary was lying on the street, unconscious. Rob dropped down the little package in his hands and rushed to his boy. He fell on his knees, in disbelief.  
-‘Oh no! NO NO NO... fuck! NO! Baby, please, wake up, please. You can’t leave me…’ Rob whispered, caressing Gary’s cheek, but he did not move. His voice cracked up by a flood of tears running on his face. He leaned in and put his lips on Gary’s forehead.   
-‘Call an ambulance!’ He shouted out at the crowd, desperate ‘..Someone call an ambulance!’   
Suddenly Rob felt a hand grabbing his own one. He looked down. It was Gary. It somehow calmed him down. They again were in their own bubble not even noticing all the people around them.   
-‘hey.. I am here.. oh shit.. babe.. please forgive me. I need you, don’t leave me!’ Gary opened his mouth as to easy something but he passed out again.  
Rob tightened the grip under his neck when he felt warm liquid running through his fingers. Blood was polling out fast and thick onto the cold ground.  
Rob got frozen. Panic was rising in Robbie’s chest like tidal wave.  
“Help us, please, he is bleeding.” Rob screamed at top of his lungs.   
The Lads already were out on street but couldn’t get close to place of accident. They just could hear Rob screaming. Mark, being the smallest, found his way through the people. He was in shock and not able to make a move as he saw his friend lying down still. He already wanted to erease this scene from his brains.  
Rob was holding Gaz’s head and Mark could see Robs and Gaz’s white shirts soaking in blood. It seemed that it got more crimson with time.   
A woman put her hand on Rob’s shoulder.  
-‘Ok.. now I need you to stay back boy. Everything is going to be okay. We will take you to hospital to take care of you both.” the woman laid a reassuring look at him. Gary’s hand was still gripping Rob’s.  
-‘I’m okay. Just take care of Gary.” Rob said watching paramedics putting his love of life on the strechers.  
“Of course but it seems that he won’t let you go, sweety’  
‘I am going with you’ Rob said in tears.  
‘Are you a relative of his?’ One of the paramedics asked Rob  
‘No, I am not’  
‘In this case you can’t come with us’  
‘I am.. his boyfriend’ Rob admitted.  
The woman hesitated a bit but the she understood and allowed Rob to have a seat in the ambulance next to Gary.   
“Ok.. let’s go” she said.  
People who gathered around the incident place, were starting to leave and getting back to their normal routine, leaving three desperate boys standing on the pavement staring at the puddle of blood on the asphalt, in disbelief of the drama which had just started.   
-‘We should follow them ‘Jason said calling out for a cab ‘.. they will need us.. Rob will need our support’ he pulled Howard and Mark back from the pavement edge, to prevent another car incident.. there was no need to have another of them in hospital. They all took their seats on the cab, in silence. They could not do much other than.. pray.  
Rob kept close to Gary because his hand was still kept in a death grip. The last thing he remembered was that he wa sitting inside the ambulance, but after the doors were shut everything went in a sort of a blur. The beeping noise of the little monitor was getting weaker and weaker with time till... all that he could hear was only one loud beep.   
Somebody tore, abruptly, Rob’s hand away from Gary’s, whose heart collapsed due to the huge amount of blood he lost.  
While paramedics proceeded straight away with the reanimate measures, Rob felt as he was sinking down to hell, while his boyfriend’s life was leaving him.  
For the very first time in his life he started to pray.


	43. Chapter Thirty - Six

Gary’s parents rushed in hospital upset. They could not believe that their boy got hit a by a car but, when they saw the four boys sitting in the waiting room, reality hit them like a tons of bricks.  
-Boys, what happened?- Marge asked trying to contain her panic. Colin got close to her so she had someone to hold on. All the boys stood up, except Rob who was staring at one point not even moving at all, still in shock. Dougie opened mouth to say something but Mark was quicker.  
-We were all in a pub for a drink to celebrate launch of the new album. Gary had left us to go out and have a chat with Rob. We have not seen how it happened from the inside but we heard some screetching brakes so we all rushed outside and saw he was already laying on the floor didn’t see car coming’ Mark sais as he was looking around as to look for some support. The lads comfirmed his story.  
-Yes, that is true, Mrs. Barlow!- said Howard and Jay in unison but Marjorie looked suspicious. She knew that they were lying to her but why. She preferred not to ask any other questions for the moment.  
-Are you Mr. Barlow’s parents?- asked the doctor, trying to mask his sad look behind his poker face.   
-Yes, how is my son?- Colin asked  
-Can you follow me in my office, please?’ the doctor said casting a look at the four boys. He was not allowed to share private info about his patience in front of anyone else who was not a relative of his.  
-So how’s my son, doctor? Please, tell me us the truth.’ Marge said sitting nervously on one of the chair.  
-Mr. Barlow now is unconscious. He has few broken ribs and bruises all over his body but the worst is that he has a swelling inside his head. It’s putting pressure on his brain, and he needs to go under surgery as soon as possible or some cells can be irretrievably damaged. I need your permission for this – the doctor told them tring to be as careful as possible. Colin and Marge looked at each other and they knew what was their answer.  
-Looks like we have no chance here!’ Colin said casting a worried look at Marge – Ok then.. we will give our permission, doctor -  
-Ok! I’m going to do my best, believe me. The nurse will give you some papers to sign - the doctor said walking out of the room.  
They walked back as well and sat next to the lads.   
‘Hey..’ Marge whispered ‘.. you can go if you want.. have some sleep, we will call you as soon as we will get some news’  
\- No, thanks’ Mark answered ‘.. I am not going anywhere’   
-We are not going anywhere, Mrs Barlow’ Jason replied looking at Howard who agreed with him.   
Tt was then that Marge collapsed on his husband’s shoulder and bursted into tears.  
Now all that was left just to sit and wait.   
Rob was still in his corner, in silence. He was pale and shaking. Mark realized that his shock state was slowly leading him into a meltdown. He needed to get Robbie out of here for few minutes but again he needed help so Gary’s parents didn’t suspect anything.   
-Mrs. and Mr. Barlow, me and lads will go out to take a breath of fresh air. We will be back soon.- Mark told them and gave Dougie and Jay the signal to get up and follow him. Howard stood up as Mark was whispering something in Rob’s ear. He slowly stood up and followed his friend outside, like a ghost.  
As he sat down on a bench in the dark.. and his friends gathered around him, he brusted into tears.   
Nobody knew what to say in this moment. They all knew about Rob and Gary relationship. They could only imagine what he was feeling right now. But what shocked them all, Rob was first to break the silence.  
-I just want him right by my side, Markie. I want to tell and show him how much I love him. I can’t lose him. He is the most important thing in my life.-  
-Rob, listen... you and us, we are not going to lose him. He is a fighter and captain of this damn ship. Gary won’t leave us no matter what - Markie hold his friend tight as he was trying his best to reassure him. They were both shaking now and Rob felt lost. Tears falling down on his cheeks.  
-Yeah, who will comment that we are shit at singing and giving us master class how to do it right.- Dougie joked to lift their spirits  
-Right and who will entertain us with his funny dance moves? – Jay added his piece to the gag.   
Gary was special to them all in their own way and their banters made Rob calm down a bit.   
-Rob, you should know that he wouldn’t want you to be this mess. He needs his strong boyfriend by his side who will crack jokes and make him laugh when he can.-   
-I... I am not that strong Mark. It’s.. it’s all my fault’ He stuttered - looking, up from his shelter against Marks chest, right in Jays eyes.  
-No mate.. its not your fault’ Mark told him  
-Yes.. it is..’ Rob could not keep it ‘It is my fault if.. he is where he is now. We.. we.. fighted today in the street. He was upset and crossed the street not even caring about the car coming his way..’   
-What? What are you talking about?’ Jason asked  
-Yes.. Why did you fight?’ Dougied asked  
-It’s my problem.. I have a problem mates!’ Rob admitted to himself and to them, they had the right to know.  
-Rob.. if you have a problem we are here to help you.. won’t you tell us about it?- Mark asked  
-Gary.. caught me as I was buying some drug from a guy in that street today’ Rob admitted ready to be kicked off here and now.  
-Oh no!’ Jason blurted out ‘Hey boy we can’t afford that kind of problem in this band. Do you realize what it will happen if Nigel will find it out?’  
-Jason.. he needs help not a telling-off- Mark growled at him  
-Ok Ok.. I am leaving.. not really get involved in this-  
-Hey.. come here!’ Dougie called him out ‘sorry guys.. you know how he is.. I will try to reason him.. let me have some time with him alone’ and with that he walked off.  
-Shit.. this was not the right moment to tell you guys-   
-Well.. we would find it out sooner or later’  
-Well.. better never than later-   
-What?’ Mark frowned puzzled.. then he got his joke – Oh yeah.. well I don’t think so mate... it’s much more better sooner than never -   
Now it was Rob’s time to get puzzled. They had forgotten their pain for a while and they were feeling better.  
-We will think about this new problem of yours later.. now we have a bigger issue to face. Come on.. put yourself together, kiddo. Princess Leia laying there in hospital needs his Luke Skywalker. – Mark said  
Brought back to reality Rob chest broke in new weave of heavy sobs. He was so stupid to let Gaz see him in his lowest, buying drugs. He was too weak even to pull himself together right now. The love of his life was in hospital because of him. Rob was sick of himself. Right now the most important thing for Gary was to get through these dramatic days, heal from this bad accident and go back with the boy he loved.   
-I think we should get back in. It will be suspicious if we are here for too long.   
By the time they needed to walk back into the hospital Rob finally had calmed down. He seemed that he was back to his normal state of mind but he just felt empty and lost, at the same time his guts were so full with mixed feelings that he didn’t show at all.   
-Boys, here you are! The doctors just brought Gary into the operating room. Me and Marge need to drive back home and bring some of his stuff he will need as long as he will be held here. Can we give anyone of you a lift home? - asked Colin looking at the tired boys.   
-Jay, Dougie, you should go. Me and Rob will stay here - again Mark talked in everyone’s voice. Even if they tried they wouldn’t get Robbie away from Gaz. So he’d better stayed with his best friend and make sure he did not do anything stupid.  
-OK! But give us a call, Mark, if there are news.- Dougie said  
-Of Course I will, don’t worry’   
Mark watched them disappear in the dark short nights of January. Then he looked down on the uncomfortable hospital chairs.  
‘Wee need to find something better if we have to spend the night here’ Mark adviced’   
After looking around for a while to search for a comfortable place where to spend the night they found a little waiting room with few little sofas where they laid down, exhausted.  
Mark was dying to know what happened but this were not the right time or place to ask Robbie, who was still awake, fidgeting with his hands and looking on a verge of tears again. The worst thoughts were running through his head .  
-Rob.. – Mark called him. Just this one little word opened floods of tears that won’t stop so easy.   
-I didn’t...want him to get in hospital. He....died...for...little...momen in front of my eyes. - Rob whimpered out, strong sobs wrecking his intoxicated body - He is here because of me -   
Mark pulled his friend closer to his chest where Rob just curled up so small that he even had place in Mark’s lap.  
-No Rob.. it’s not your fault - he said  
Rob’s sobs slowly faded away and his breath was getting evener.  
His body ruled over the power of his mind, which was doing anything to stay awake. But He was so exhausted.  
-Don’t worry Bob.. We will get through this somehow – Mark whispered not knowing that his friend could no longer hear him. His head was so heavy on his lap.  
*How could this all happen?* Was his last thought before following Rob in his deep sleep.


	44. Chapter Thirty - Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)  
> Thank you for more than 1k! It means so much from us.  
> P.S. Next week will be double update because festy time is coming closer.  
> Much love Jenny and Victoria! :) xx

Rob and Mark jolted as they heard someone stepping inside the little dark waiting room. They spotted the figure of a woman dressed in a white uniform getting closer. She whispered something. They were completely awake by now. Their hearts started to beat fast, hoping she brought good news.  
‘Hey guys’ the nurse asked ‘Where are Mr Barlow’s parents?’  
‘Uh.. oh.. they went home to catch some stuff for their son’ Mark answered  
‘So.. ahem.. how is Gary?’  
‘I am not allowed to tell you, can you follow me?’  
‘Yeah, of course’ Rob said eager to see Gary as soon as he could.  
They entered in a small dark room enlightened only by a little lamp on a desk. That must have probably been the doctor’s studio.  
‘You can sit here, the doctor will come in a few minutes’  
They nodded and sat in silence for a while. There was no use.. the tension was back, stronger than ever, and Rob was too nervous to sit down properly.  
Both the boys were too young an unprepared to face this all, this was not a thing that should happen to a young boy but.. that was it and all was out of their range. They felt panic rising up as time was passing by and the damn doctor had not showed up yet. Finally the door opened and he got into the room. The boys followed him as he sat on his chair behind the desk. His look was illegible.  
‘So.. who are you? Obviously you are not Mr Barlow’s parents, are you his brothers?’ and he stood up ready to call the nurse.  
Rob stood up too  
‘Hey... ahemm.. we are not his brothers, we are friends and band mates but.. could you tell us how is he, at least?  
‘I am not allowed to tell you, sorry’  
‘I have the right to know..’  
‘I don’t think so.. who are you to have this right?’ The doctor asked.  
‘I.. I...’ Rob hesitated glancing at Mark who eyed at him ‘ok.. hey.. listen.. I am.. his boyfriend’  
‘Oh’ the doctor’s face was still illegible.  
‘I am upset, and eager to know if.. I am dying here. You know doc.. I can’t loose him.. I would go mad if I loose the love of my life’ Rob crashed down on the chair again, in desperation.  
‘I see’ the doc answered ‘well.. ok then..’  
Rob and Mark looked up at him and widened their eyes.  
‘What do you mean by that?’  
‘The operation went fine, the internal bleeding was stopped, but we need to wait and see how he is going in the next days. Right now he is on a induced coma to allow his body to rest and heal’  
‘Shit.. and..?’Rob asked worried.  
‘We don’t know yet, boys.. we need to see how he will react’ and with that he left.  
Mark and Rob looked at each other astonished.. the doctor’s words were not that reassuring. Rob was shaking even more. Mark grabbed his shoulder a lead him out of that damn studio. They made just in time to see the doctor talk with Gary’s parents, in the corridor.  
Mrs Barlow eyed at them and sat down on the chair covering her face with her hands. Rob thought that the doctor had not told them all the truth. He stepped towards them and shouted.  
‘I wanna see Gary! Let me see him please! Let me!’ Marjorie looked up at him astonished. Mark grabbed Rob who was upset and rolling about to set free from Mark’s tight grip. That was the evidence that Marge needed.. so she went..  
‘Rob, can I talk you for a moment?’ Rob was pale and was breathing hard. He followed her few steps away to have some privacy ‘Is there anything I should know?’  
‘Uh?’ Rob frowned  
‘You are overreacting baby, and I don’t get why’  
‘The doc did not tell us all the truth’  
‘Why are you saying that?’  
‘I saw you.. there.. you were desperate.. like.. like me! Please Marge.. tell me the truth!’  
‘Rob’ it was time for Marge to put an end to her suspects ‘I know that you all boys love my son and are worried very much but.. you.. why are you overreacting? Rob.. you can tell me anything, you know that!’ she pushed him ‘It seems you love him more than the other do!’  
‘Yeah, we all love him, of course but.. yeah.. I love him.. more than the others!’ Rob finally admitted.  
‘Why more than the others? Are you maybe together as a couple?’  
‘Yes, we are’ Rob admitted ‘We love each other.. and with love I mean.. we are in love Marge, very much’  
‘ Oh.. well I was suspecting that there it would turned out to be like that’ Marge said ‘You know Rob.. the doctor told us the same things he told you, not more not less, and don’t tell me that you reacted differently.’  
‘Yeah, you are right.. so is he still.. alive?’  
‘Yes, he is, but he is in a coma.. we need to wait, babe’ Marge was a strong woman, she needed to be strong for both and maybe also.. for all of them.  
‘Come on Rob.. the doctor told us that we can go and visit Gary in his room for a while, would you like to go with us?’ Rob’s eyes widened and nodded, he was kind of.. relieved.  
                                                                                                                 ________  
‘The nurse said few minutes and not all together. So we will go in first’  
‘Ok, I will wait here outside the room’ The woman smiled at him and entered.  
Rob started to pace back and forth for a few minutes glancing at the door and eager to go in. Then he leaned his head on the cold wall, closed his eyes and prayed not to faint, his heart was about to implode inside his chest.  
Few endless minutes later the door opened again and Marge gave him the sign to go in.  
‘Thanks’ he whispered. He looked in to see a shadow of a man hidden behind high curtains. He was suddenly scared to death and could not feel his legs anymore. He was about to choke. But he took a deep breath and slowly opened the curtains. The view of Gary, lying still, hit him like tons of bricks..  
His head was partially bandaged, had a nasogastric and was connected to few machines who monitored his vital functions. Rob got closer and sat on the chair next to the bed. He was staring at him in a trance.Rob’s fear faded away, suddenly. He got closer to Gary, taking his hand, gently. It felt so warm in his cold hand! He felt a bit reassured.. life was still pulsing inside his body and, before he could realize, he stood up and kissed his temple.. then his lips, like if he wanted to instill some strenght inside his weak body.  
Rob was sure that Gary, in his deep sleep, felt his presence. He hoped that Gary would hang on to the love he was receiving, through his lips, and would fight to get back to him. He needed to be back for Rob, in the name of the same love.


	45. Chapter Thirty - Eight (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Victoria and Jenny :)

Rob’s eyes were so swollen that he could not help but dozing off while still holding Gary’s hand. His head was lying on the white blanket. It seemed that even Gary looked better by having his lover by his side.  
He woke up as he felt a hand leaning gently on his shoulder. He looked up and he saw Marge standing at his side. On the other side of the bed there was the doctor checking out his patient’s blood pressure.  
‘Mrs. Barlow, the time is out, you both should leave now”  
‘But.. can’t you see that my son is looking better since when this boy has been by his side? Look doctor.. If there is any chance to get my baby boy back again no doubt.. now way I am gonna loose it. So you can go and I will stay here.’ Marge said in her stern voice but the doctor was resolute.  
‘No Mrs Barlow.. I am sorry but youe son needs to rest alone, you can’t stay here. Don’t worry.. he is well monitored, in case of anything happened we will know’  
‘No way I go out from here, Doctor! He is my son, I will sit down on there in silence and will not disturb him, I promise’  
‘Ok ok’ The doctor subsided realizing that Marge was adamant ‘I will let you but.. promise me to be in this room one at a time, so take turns and don’t overcrowd the room, let him breath’ and with that the doctor make his way out of room. There was light knock on the door and Mark’s face came out of the doorstep.  
‘May I come in?’ He asked shyly. He was tired to spend more time alone in the silent corridor.  
‘Of course you can, Mark’ Mrs. Barlow said and Mark made his way in the room ‘I will go out for a while with Rob, we are allowed to stay here one at a time, I promised the doctor’ Rob stood up, unwillingly, and casting one last glance at Gary he went out with Marge.  
Mark looked at his friend, still unbelieving that it was happening to them. The silence in the room was creepy and it was just broken by the beeps of the machines.  
Mark looked again at Gary and noticed that he was pale. He frowned puzzled, wondering if it was him or.. well.. he could swear that few minutes ago his cheeks seemed to be slightly rosier.  
‘Good luck, my friend, we are all waiting for you, so fight as much as you can and come back to where you belong to. We are nothing without you’ He said leaning onto Gary and kissing his forehead ‘you never gave up on anything so.. don’t give up on this too’ He caressed his friend’s still hand and silently walked out.  
Marge made Rob sign that it was his turn to enter.  
‘Thank you’ He said as he went in.  
                                                                                                                _______

‘How long have you known that they are together?’ Marge asked Mark, who blushed awckwardly, caught by surprise. He plunked heavy down on a plastic hospital chair. He looked at Marge in mere shock.  
‘Robbie told me today, but I knew something was going on since a long time ago. So how long did you know?’ she asked again.  
‘From the start. Rob was a mess and I was the only one who he could talk with. They are both stubborn and proud but.. they love each other truly and deeply. What gave them away to you?’  
‘Gary came home one day with big smile on his face and then he started to tell me about his day. Let’s just say that.. most of his days were dedidated to Rob. There was not one day that he did not get the chance to talk about the band and specially about Rob, more than the other boys. I had no idea that it was.. that serious, I thought it was all about the music and.. oh well.. Yes, I realize it now’ she said and gave light giggle. Her little baby was in love and she was happy about him.  
                                                                                                              ___________

Gary’s hand was lying still in Rob’s one, in a tight grip. He kissed it and kept it firm onto his lips. That was the only way to make feel Gary his presence right now. His cheeks did not look so pale, in that moment.  
‘Hey.. I am pretty much sure that you can hear me somehow.. and..ahemm.. I want you to know that I am a twat, yeah.. I should not even have started with that shit in first place. You were right about all. I miss you.. I miss you so much that I can’t even breath, so don’t you even dare to leave me boy! I want.. to apologize for all the times I hurt you but.. you know.. I can’t even know how it happens to me.. I am like that.. I cant’help and without your guide I would be lost, I.. am.. lost, right now. Oh shit.. I don’t know what to do, I feel so powerless!  
Well.. anyway.. I promise you that I will find a way to get out of all that, with your help.. I will go to rehab, if needed and if.. you will be with me.  
Oh.. btw.. there is something else that I wanna do, with you, and no way you can disappoint me.. I hope you will not be mad at me, on the contrary, I hope you will be glad, you know.. it is something that only the two of us can do. Ok.. this is not the right time to talk about it cause I wanna this to be a kind of.. surprise.  
Well.. I hope I just aroused your curiosity to push you to come back to me and tell me if you agree with this insane idea of mine.  
Rob noticed that Gary’s cheeks become coloured by a light pink again for while but.. suddenly something happened. With no warning the beep of the heart monitor became faster.  
‘What the hell..!’ Rob stood up with panic in his eyes. The rush of adrenaline pushed his heart beating so fast that he felt his chest split into two. He had not idea what to do so he ran out to call for help.  
Marge saw his scared look and ran inside the room at the speed of light. In the meanwhile the doctors and nurse were already on their ways to Gary’s room, alarmed.  
‘Gary! Gary! please, don’t leave me!’ Rob cried out in dispair ‘Oh fuck.. what’s happening?!’ Tears were spilling out of Rob’s eyes. Nurses and doctors rushed into the room.  
‘Everybody out of here! NOW!’ one of them shouted ‘Please GO!’  
Mark tried to pull Robbie away from Gary’s bed so that the doctors could do their job, but Rob was cramped in Gary’s hand. The Doctors were bustling around Gary’s bed, giving instruction to the nurses who were running back and forth to follow their orders.  
The monitor line was still running wild, while their patient’s life was quickly slipping away from their hands.


	46. Chapter Thirty - Eight (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written By Jenny and Victoria :)

 

While Mark, Rob, Mr and Mrs Barlow were waiting out in the corridor, holding their breaths and praying to have their son back, Gary’soul was floating hung up at a crossroads. He felt exhausted and was tempted to give up and follow the easier path. It was much easier to let himself go rather than keep on fighting to come back, but.. he still had something to hold on to, someone who was worth to fight for, someone who was important to him, more than his life and above the death.  
But his heart, which was running like crazy, had different plans and ditched him. Everything went blank and.. just one long beep echoed in the room.  
While he was about to give up his fight and the doctors were doing their best to bring him back to life, instead, he fluttered in the memories of his life with Rob.  
                                                                                                                      _________

As the door was opened they all rushed to the doctors, who had not a reassuring face.  
‘Tell us doctor!’ Marge said shaking. The doctor looked at her with a serious face.  
‘We got him back!’ he stated with a supportive smile ‘after few times we finally made it. He is back with us but.. He needs absolute rest and get monitored all the time, and.. no visits.. he is not off the hook yet, his heart stopped! We need to see how he goes in the next days. I suggest that you all go home and have a proper sleep’  
They suddenly burst out crying and let all the stored tension go out. They were relieved to have Gary back, even if.. still in critical conditions, but at least he was alive. Marge hugged her husband and Rob crashed down on the chair, hiding his face in his hands, letting all his sobs go. Mark was also shaken.  
‘I need to see him’ Rob told the doctor, impatient.  
‘We all need to see him’ Marge added  
‘Ok you go.. one at a time for a few minutes, after that.. it has to stop and follow my instruction from now on, literally. We will keep you informed as something changes’  
Robbie rushed into the room and grabbed his lover’s hand. He kissed his forehead and lips. Tears running through his face were a endless flood. For the first time in his life he realized that he was nothing without Gary, he would do anything for him, anything.  
‘Rob..’ said Marge ‘the doctor said no visits, come on boy’  
‘Yeah I know but I just needed to see him one more time. Shit how can I go now? We were about to loose him! And.. what if it happens again? It’s my fault.. all my fault!’ Rob leaned his forehead on Gary’s arms, desperate.  
‘Your fault?’ Marge asked ‘What are you talking about?’  
‘I.. we.. were fighting we it happened’  
‘Talking about the accident?’  
‘Yeah.. it is my fault and I could never forgive myself if.. if..’ Rob was no longer able to continue his speech, his voice cracked.  
‘What were you fighting about?’  
Rob was ashamed to admit his weaknesses to Gary’s mum so he choose keep his mouth shut at the moment ‘Not the right time now to talk about it’  
‘Oh well.. if you don’t want tell me now.. maybe Gary will’ Rob lifted his head to look at her. He noticed a hint of a smile on her face as she was eyeing at the direction of the bed.  
Rob’s eye widened. Gary’s hand had moved slighly. The tip of his fingers were entwined with Rob’s ones.  
Rob’s heart started to beat fast as he saw Gary’s eye lids flutter open and look straight in his teary eyes. He couldn’t believe that he was about to give up and surrender for a little moment.  
‘Hey.. babe..’ Rob said smiling and getting closer to stamp a kiss on his forehead, but he could not help and he kissed his lips so many times that he was almost suffocating him.  
‘Hey.. let me breath’ Gary’s voice was hoarse.  
‘Yeah.. yeah.. sorry, you are right but..I am so happy to see your eyes again’ Rob grinned, crying for happiness and caressing his arm.  
The doctor, alarmed by the beep of the monitor in his studio, rushed into the room as a nurse already was walking out.  
‘Welcome back, Mr. Barlow! You scared us for a moment’ He said lightheartdly and happy to see that his patient was awake. I will run a check up on you. Can you all leave the room, please?’  
Rob didn’t want to fight with the doctor so he stood up to walk out. Gary was not going to let go his hand off as he was staring at Rob’s face.  
‘Gaz, doctor will run his tests and I will be back in few minutes’ He said reassuring him.  
‘Stay’ he begged in a barely audible whisper, but everyone could hear him. Robbie looked at doctor who just nooded and started running his tests. Rob sat back on the chair in a corner of the room and waiting the doctor to finish his job. Gary never lost his eye contact with Rob in the process.  
‘That’s it! I will check up on you later, Mr. Barlow. But now you should rest’ the doctor said, eyeing at Rob, and finally leaving them alone. The air in the room became tense. Rob’s eyes were still fixed on the floor. He was still upset.  
‘Rob, please, look at me, baby’ Gary whispered again. His throath was dry as the desert of Sahara. Robbie looked up, his eyes were back full with tears.  
‘I thought that you left me. Oh God, Gaz, I have never been so scared in my life. I don’t know if I would survive without you. I just need you. No, narcotics, booze or anything else. Just you and me, babe’ Rob finally poured out his heart, hiding his face in Gary’s cold hand, who was carressing his wet cheeks.  
‘Shhhh.. not going anywhere.. as if I could, with my leg trapped in this.. cast’ Gary said, trying to soothe his pain with a joke. Rob smiled ‘Just promise me.. no more lies and.. if you have any kind of problem just come.. and tell me.’  
‘I promise you’ said Rob and sealed it with a kiss. ‘..and mate.. I don’t want to see you in a hospital, ever again’ He was determinated to keep himself clean but he needed to keep at bay the bad side of his persona, the little devil who already wanted to feel high of the next dose.  
‘Hey.. listen..’ Gaz cleared his throat ‘..there is something else..’  
‘Uh.. what?’ Rob frowned ‘..sshhh.. you have already talked much for today, you need to rest’  
‘Well.. what is that ‘surprise?’  
‘What??’ Rob’s eye widened. He felt shivers running through his spine as he realized that Gaz heard his ranting while he was in a coma ‘Did you.. could you hear me?’  
‘It was a kind of a blur but.. yes, I could’  
‘Omg.. I can’t believe it!’ He excalimed embarassed ‘So it is true what people say’  
‘What?’  
‘Oh well.. nothing.. it is simply extraordinary that you are back with me, now!’  
‘Yes, it is. I don’t even remember what happened but all that I want is here and not.. there. I came back for you, I love you’ Gary said entwining his fingers in Rob’s hand.  
‘Babe, I love you too but.. I won’t tell you about ‘that’ he winked  
‘Why not?’  
‘Not the right moment, not the right time. You need to be back to health first’  
‘Uhm...’ Gary muttered ‘Ok.. shut up now and come here’  
‘Hey.. you need to rest and take your medicines’ Rob protested, snickering.  
‘You are my best medicine’ Gaz whispered before pulling Rob’s in for a proper kiss.


	47. Chapter Thirty - Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hello folks! Sorry, we took so long due to busy schedule and flu

After a couple of months Gary had completely recovered from the accident. He had been spending all the time at his parent’s house.  
Nigel had to postpone few dates of their scheduled interviews in radio and TV shows, but the four of them did quite a good job attending to the remanining ones.  
Their fans needed to keep informed of what was happening and those ones who had bought the tickets should not be disappointed by the lack of news.  
Rob, by his part, was taking care of keeping Gary informed by popping at his home a couple of time per day, at least. But the temporary accomodation become heavy to bear, in the long run, and mainly cause of the lack of privacy.  
‘Hey babe.. what do you think if we get back to our apartment?’ Gary suggested while he was bustling with the coffee machine in his kitchen.  
‘Yes.. that would be great. I mean.. I am fine here with your parents, but at times I’d rather prefer to be elsewhere alone with you and with no fear to have eyes on me if I want to kiss you. It feels awckward!’  
‘I can certainly get you boy.. ok deal! Tonight I will tell them. After all the tour is getting near and we need to spend more time rehearsing and stuff’  
‘I will go and tell my mom too. And tomorrow I will pack up my stuff and get back to where we belong’  
‘It sounds good’  
‘What?’  
‘To where we belong.. uhmm.. it’s nice.. the way you described our place.. the place where we belong..I like it’ Gary winked and Rob smiled at him  
‘Yes and we belong to each other.. don’t we?’ Rob asked getting closer and putting his hand on his boyfriend’s hips.  
Gary felt Rob’s breath on his neck and his reaction was immediate. He felt a shiver going down through his spine. He leaned his hips back and his butt hit his boyfriend’s hard on.  
‘Not the right time, babe.. my parents are in the living room’ He said inhaling deeply. In a second he turned his face to kiss Rob’s sweet lips.  
right after he pushed him and walked off, leaving Rob standing up there like an idiot.  
‘Hey.. what the hell..’ he protested  
‘Told ya.. my parents..’ Gary answered, eyeing the door ‘Cool down babe’ He went back and caressed Rob’s shoulder ‘Tomorrow’ he whispered in his ear.  
‘Shit!’ Rob unwillingly, ‘You are not helping here.. with the ‘cooling down’ thing’ but he had to admit that he was right ‘Ok then.. in this case I’d better to rush home, cause I have nothing else better to do here’ he stepped away sulking  
‘Hey..wait.. what do you think about to kiss me good bye?’  
Rob, who was already on his way to the door, turned around and smiled. The second later he was already on his gorgeous boyfriend, grabbing his neck furiously and kissing the hell out of him.  
‘Not the right way to calm things down babe!’ he whispered on Gary’s wet lips ‘Now it will be tougher to get away from here with this boner’  
‘Yeah.. but we need to.. ok now.. go, please’ Gary pushed him again ‘I will take care of your little baby as soon as possible, I promise’  
‘You, teaser!’ Rob walked out, sulking again. But right after he was by the window making weird faces and showing his tongue out.  
‘I love you, twat’ Gary mouthed him through the window glass.  
Rob smiled and blew him a kiss before getting on the cab.  
Gary smiled him back, completely unaware that his boyfriend had not kept one promise.  
Rob did not go home straight away that evening. He usually never went home after his commitments .. he was still lying to Gary.

                                                                                                            *****  
He stopped by a pub and greeted a weird guy who pushed quickly an envelope into his hands. He did not have the strenght to give up. He needed to hang up to something, after the accident, he was too upset. The shit had been helping him so far.. he was also unaware of how much it could be dangerous to him. He was getting more and more of that stuff, he had never enough of it. But at the same time he was feeling guilty that he could not quit.  
He knew that he made a promise to Gary.. a promise that he could not keep but what Gary did not know was that his boyfriend was not a strong person.. Rob was ashamed to admit it with Gary and did not realize that he was making a big mistake, hiding the truth, but even less he did not realize how much this would have harmed his relationship within the band, and with Gary, foremost. That night the bombshell blew up.  
Rob went home and, frustrated, got into his room, quitely. His mom was in the kitchen, preparing dinner.He opened the envelope and prepared a couple of strips on the little desk, unaware that it was a very bad stuff. He inhaled it deeply and went to the bathroom to wash his hand and face. He felt a bit dizzy but he was determined to get downstairs and have a chat with his mom about moving in Gary’s apartment, the day after.  
They had their dinner, exchanged few words. When finally he made his mind up and started to tell his mom about what he was going to do.  
‘Well Rob.. if you and Gary want to live together, no problem, I understand it perfectly. You want to be with him, spend time alone with him. Its ok.. don’t worry about me, dear!’ Janet said nicely but right after she frowned ‘Hey Bob.. you are pale.. are you ok?’  
‘What.. oh yeah.. I am a bit.. bit tired.. I’m ok mom’  
‘Are you sure, babe? I don’t like your face.. what are those black shadows around your eyes?’  
‘I told ya..’ Rob snorted looking away ‘I’d better to go to bed and have a proper sleep, not sleeping much lately’ He stood up and went to the door as Janet followed him with her eyes, then he went upstairs closing the doors behind him.  
He was feeling even worse by now. He had the brilliant idea that having some more of that stuff would help him to feel better. Big mistake.  
After inhaling a bit of it he looked himself in the mirror.. his reflection was blurry. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the mirror again. Now it was even worse. He felt his heart pumping hard in his chest. He washed his face and felt cold, even though he was sweating.  
He made a few steps to reach the bed but he felt the room spinning around him. His heart slowed down and he had just the time to kneel down on the floor. Then his eyes went blank as he collapsed down with a loud thud.  
                                                                                                                 *****  
Janet was still in the kitchen undoing the table. She noticed that Rob’s demeanor changed a bit lately and when she saw his pale face at dinner, she could not help but getting worried.  
Suddenly she heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. Her heart skipped a beat as she quickly climbed the stairs and knocked at his son’s door, alarmed, but she got no answer.  
‘Rob! Are you ok?’ still no answer.  
She got in and got upset to see his son lying on the floor.  
‘Omg!! Rob.. Rooob!’ She called him out, shaking his shoulders.  
Nothing.. his son was not responding. She stood up and went to the bathroom to take some fresh water and there she saw it. The remaining line of a white powder was still spread on the little shelf next to the sink.  
‘Omg.. No.. it can’t be’ she sniffed it and got it all. Alarmed she picked up the telephone and called an ambulance.  
‘Yes..’ She told the emergency guy on the other line ‘He has collapsed and won’t respond to me!’ He was scared to death. She told him her address in between her sighs, she was about to faint too, but she could not let herself to be weak right now, she needed to be strong for her son and take him away from that terrible situation.  
‘Ok Mrs Williams.. an ambulance is already on its way’  
Janet had barely the strenght to thank the guy and hang up the phone. She was so upset that she even forgot to warn Gary.


	48. Chapter Fourty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

‘Omg..’ Janet whispered in between her sighs and in a second she was all over his son. She laid her fingertip onto his wrist and then onto his neck.. his heart beat was so slow!  
‘Rob.. Rob.. baby.. wake up, please!’ she whispered looking astonished at his pale face waiting for an answer..  
Rob was lying still in her arms, but at least he was breathing. It looked like time stopped in that room, while she was waiting for the ambulance to get to their house. As it arrived Janet explained the paramedics, briefly, what happened. They immediately put Rob on a stretcher.  
The ambulance started its run towards the hospital with Janet never leaving her son’s hand.  
‘Mrs Williams.. wait here please’ The nurse told Janet ‘We will take care of him now’  
‘Yes.. yes.. but please let me know as soon as possible.. Please!’ She stuttered.  
‘Yes, of course!’ the nurse shouted back at her as she was already on her way following the doctors’ instruction.  
Janet started pacing on the long corridor.. when she realized that her mouth was dry.. she was too much upset, so she went to buy some bottle of water and sat down in the waiting room. Then she finally let herself go and started sobbing in desperation. She needed to call Rob’s father, but God only knew where he was.  
                                                                                                                 ___________

‘Hey babe.. are you ok?’ Marge asked Gary.  
‘Uhm.. oh.. yeah.. yes I am ok’ He was full deep in his toughts, figuring out what to say to them. He inhaled hard and started talking.  
‘Mom.. Dad.. you know how much I am grateful for your help after the accident and all but.. I think that it’s time for me to go back to my flat.’ There was no other way to say that so he choose the straightest one.  
‘Do you want to leave us?’ Marge asked, sad about her soon wanting to leave his childhood house so soon.  
‘No, of course I don’t but it’s time for me to get back to my own life, I feel I need to. I need to be back to work, there is still a band out there, waiting for me and.. I am better now.. much better, so I think that I will go back to where I left at full force’  
‘Hey.. you mean you need a new life with.. Rob?’  
‘It’s not just that it’s.. my life and..well oh.. it’s about everything, mom’  
‘I understand babe, and you are right, you are a grown up man now and you need your privacy and I am aware that then there is.. Rob.. and..’  
‘Yes mum, I love him and he loves me, why can’t we be together back in my house?’  
‘Oh yeah darling, I know..’ Marge looked sad at his husband who was listening to them, in silence ‘What do you think?’ she asked him.  
‘Oh, it looks like there is not much we can do, as you said.. he is a man and is perfectly capable to take his decisions. If he feels up to it.. well.. it’s ok to me. Not that I could change that. He was alread living alone so..’ He stated and put a hand on Gary’s back as to ensure him that all was ok.  
‘Well.. thanks for your sympathy’ and he went back to his room. He was thrilled and could not wait to tell the good news to Rob.  
He picked up his cell phone their parents gave him as birthday present and dialed Rob’s home number. He has been listening for a couple of minutes the telephone beeping on the other line. Nobody picked up the phone.  
He tried again but still, no answer. He thought that maybe he was out and decided to try later.  
He sat down on the tool in front of the little keyboard. He was so over the moon and inspiration got him over. He took a piece of paper and started to write frantically one verse after another. The melody flooded easily in his head, and in almost one hour he put down 6 beautiful new songs.  
‘Wow..’ he exclaimed to himself watching the clock ‘..time flies’  
He picked up the phone and pressed again Rob’s number, eager to talk to him.  
still no answer.

                                                                                                                             ___________

‘Mrs Williams!’ one of the nurses called out. Janet stood up and ran towards her.  
‘Yes.. so, how is my son?’  
‘He is in ICU. A doctor will come as soon as possible to talk with you’  
‘Ok, thanx’ The nurse walked off leaving Janet more worried than before. ‘What the hell..?’ she muttered . Her cell phone started ringing.. she even forgot she had one.  
‘Hello’?  
‘Hey Janet.. It’s Mark here..’  
‘Oh.. Hi, Markie’ She realized she did not call anyone, she felt guilty.  
‘I was trying to call Rob, but nobody’s at home..’  
‘Yeah.. ahem.. I am so sorry Mark, but I was and I am still upset that I forgot to warn his friends and mates’ Mark noticed her shaky voice.  
‘Janet.. what’s up?’ an alarmed Mark asked her.  
‘Omg.. Mark.. Rob is in hospital..’  
‘What happened?’  
‘He.. uh.. I think he.. overdosed’ She blushed.  
‘What the hell.. what do you mean by.. ‘overdosed’.. I did not even know that he was still taking that shit!’  
‘You.. you know it!’ Janet shouted.  
‘Yes, I know, we all knew, but we also thought that he quit a lot time ago. He promised he had quit. So we stuck together and did not tell anyone’  
‘Damn it Mark.. what kind of friend are you all?’ She asked angry ‘Rob is in sort of inducted coma, just because of that shit, that you have been kept hidden. If you had told me about that before, we could have done something to help him get out of that!’  
‘I realize that, I am sorry too Janet’ Mark whispered feeling a bit guilty too ‘Is Gary with you?’  
‘No, he is not’ Janet answered.  
‘Why?’  
‘I did not call him, sorry’  
‘And why you did not, if I am allowed to ask?’ it was Mark’s turn now to get upset.  
‘I told ya I was totally upset, I forgot to warn everyone.’  
‘He is the first person that needed to be warned, he is his boyfriend’ he shouted. Janet had never heard the little Markie pissed off like that and she was blown away.  
‘Yes, I know and I am sorry. Can you.. can you call him for me?’  
‘Listen.. it’s not on me.. he would get mad at you if I did. Ok.. I am heading over there, you’d better to call him before I get there’ and with that Mark ended their conversation. He called a cab and thirty minutes later he was dropped off at the emergency entrance. In the meanwhile he called Howard and Jason. Nigel could wait.  
                                                                                                                   ____________

Gary was picking his stuff out from the wardrobe. He could not tell precisely what he needed so.. he started to gather the lighter clothes, since the warmer season was approaching.. he would get rid of those sweaters soon.. and with less clothing to wear well... he started to daydream about how it would be beautiful sharing the same house with Rob again.  
He was thrilled and eager to get back to his old life, where he and his gorgeous dark haired boyfriend were giggling, sharing the same outfit, fighting on about who has to cook or who has to get showered first. They were always in a sort of playful competition. But after a they would be sure ending up in the shower together and making love right after.  
A hint of a smile appeared on his lips as he heard some music coming from nowhere and, as his flying head crashed down to earth, he realized that he had left his phone in the other side of the corridor and it was ringing.  
He ran to answer, hoping that it was Rob, finally. But when he looked at the ID caller, all that he could read was: JANET!


	49. Chapter Fourty - One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Victoria and Jenny ;)

After a frantic call from Rob’s mom, Gary ran out of his parent’s house like a flash. He got in the car, where he finally took his breath to fill his lungs with oxygen. He could hear his heart thumping like crazy. It didn’t set right with him. Bob.. hospital.. overdosing.  
„He told me he quit that shit.” Gaz shouted in his car and banged his hands on the steering wheel, making it signal. He quickly started the car engine to get to hospital.  
When he walked in the hospital the whole band and Rob’s mom were there, sitting patiently and waiting for any news. Gaz was in no state to be patient today, especially realizing that his lover lied to him again and maybe could die.  
„Have you heard anything from the doctor?” Gary asked, trying contain his emotional state. He still couldn’t believe that it happened. Nothing seemed off by Rob. Gaz was also blaming himself for being so blindsided and not recognize the signs. Oh God, he felt useless.  
„Still nothing.” Mark answered. He was trying to calm down Robbie’s mom who was still sobbing. Suddenly his eyes caught a man with odd shape sunglasses. He was slowly walking down the corridor towards the cafeteria.  
Gary would have recognized him everywhere ‘What the hell is he doing here?’  
„Going to have some coffee” He stated „Does Anyone need anything?”  
„No, thanks! We are good for now.” Dougie said, while he was holding Jay in his tight grip. Gary quickly stepped into the crowded cafeteria looking around to find him.  
The guy had took his sunglasses off, but still Gary spotted him quite easily. He sat down right in front of him: „It’s nice to meet you, sir. It would have been better if we hadn’t met in such place like this.”  
„Call me Elton, Gary. Sir makes me feel older than I am.” Gary was in shock. He had always admired that man, he has become his source of inspiration since he was a boy and he was gifted with his first keyboard to play.  
„How do you know my name?” Gaz asked shocked, but something in his guts was telling him that he knew this man even before he became famous. It was really ma day full with suprises and this one was the biggest one. He had just met the one and only Sir Elton John, in person.  
„Oh Gary, I basically know all about you. I have been keeping an eye on you since when you were born, and.. also on your boyfriend, Robbie lately.. or better since when your band came to life. My friend is this hospital’s director so he gave me a call when Rob got here with overdose.”  
This finally made Gary’s brain kick in and the memory from his early childhood quickly started to flood through his head.  
                                                                                                                          *****

 _Four year old Gary was bouncing up and down in his Godfather’s lap, being happiest kid ever.. He loved his Godfather. He always came to the house bringing some gift for him. Elton always used to play with him and make goofie faces, too. He just got Gary better than anyone else._  
 _„Darling, get out of your uncle’s lap. He needs to get home.”said Marge, throwing poisonous look at Elton. But Gary clinged to his Godfather with a tight grip. Marge sighes, walking out of the room._  
 _„Your mom is right. I have to go, little one.”_  
 _„ Will youl come and visit me again?” A sad Gary mumbled, looking at Elton with those puppy dog eyes that only kids could make. You just couldn’t resist them, no matter what._  
 _„Of course, I will come and visit you whenever I can.”Elton told him with heavy heart because he knew that he will need to keep his distance from this little one „Even if I will be not there, I will be watching you from afar.”_  
 _The Little kid hugged his Godfather one last time. Gary got off the Elton’s lap, letting him got up and walk out of this house where only one person was still okay with him visiting. Gary was not aware that he was supposed to be his tutor, his supporter and silent protector for the rest of his years, but with the agreement clause that all had to be kept secret._  
 _He was only allowed to reveal to Gary only in case of real need. Gaz still weaved to his Godfathers retreating figure, not even thinking that he won’t see Elton for many years to come.._  
                                                                                                                          *****  
Gary got out of this vivid memorie. This couldn’t be true, but he always have had unknown connection with this big artist. The only people who knew the truth were his parents, but there was no time for family secrets.  
„So how could you see all the signs of an addiction in him, and I could not?” Gary asked  
„Some of them.. yeah, but I thought he was getting better with you by his side. I know how hard this business can be on person, how you are so afraid to go on stage because you think people will see that you are no that good.” Elton told Gary, but it didn’t made him feel any better. If anything made him feel more shit for not being able to help his other half, but a stranger could see it. Ok, this stranger had gone through it, too.  
„My love wasn’t enough.”Gary said in despair and defeat. He just didn’t have the strenght to fight anymore. Elton could see it, but the biggest fight was only in front of these two boys if they really wanted to live a happy life together.  
„Don’t put yourself down. He already was on this road before you were together. It’s the way it is. Now he will need your support more than ever. I will recommend him in the best rehab center I know”  
„I don’t know if I have strenght for that. He has lied to me so many times. I just can’t live like that anymore. It is like.. living in constant fear that one day he won’t come back home. What will I do without him?” Gary inhaled hard covering his eyes in despair.  
„Yes, that’s what addicts do. Lie to protect the ones they love, but mainly they lie not to show how weak they are. So.. what do you think about the rehab?”  
„It’s great idea, but you have to talk with his parents first, I am just his boyfriend, nothing official, there is not much I can decide” Gary stated feeling powerless. Gary couldn’t make any rush decisions right now while his mind was clouded by fear.  
„Yes it’s not fair that the decision is to be taken just by close relatives, wife or husband. But I can tell you this, boy.. one day this will change. One day all people here will be able to marry whoever they want to, I am sure of that’ Elton stated with a smile.  
„I can’t see that happen soon, unfortunately. There is yet a long way to run to get there’  
„Oh no.. I don’t think so.. we are almost there. But luckily there are new rules now.. civil partnertship is helping many people now’  
„We can’t do that.. Elton, even if we wanted to. We are in a band and with must follow rules, and very strict ones. If Nigel should find out anything like that, we would be all fired by the next day”  
„No, you would not!’ Elton looked straight into Gary’s eyes.. ‘You have more power of what you think.. you are the star of this band, the leader, the one who brings money into your manager’s bank account. Trust me!”  
Gary was looking at him, astonished. Elton was basically telling him to screw his manager and start to manage his own life, without Nigel’s help. He could not believe to his words.  
„Impossible right now.. not the right time..”  
„Don’t be twat, Gary.. open your eyes, you are plenty of options. Live your life, you can. The band is making money itself, with or without that dickhead. You can lead it.. and your mates can follow you or leave you. You will be free to be with Bob and eventually, marry him”  
„Shit.. this would be a dream to me, but maybe.. I am just a coward’  
„Well.. now it’s up to you, boy. You can do anything you want to of your life. Don’t let other people judge you for what you do. It’s your life and you need to grab it and stick with it. You have the right to be happy, as anybody else”  
Gary was speechless.  
„Ok! Here is my business card with all my numbers and mail, if you need to talk with someone.” Elton said, handing the card over to Gary and getting up„ Call me to let me know how Rob is doing. I have friends who work in a very good rehab center and I can recommend you anytime, if you want”  
He walked away from Gary with heavy heart, but he did and said all that he could, he needed to talk with Robbie’s mom. He was sure she was relieved about chance like that. But first.. his son needeed to come out from that nightmare alive.  
Mark run past Elton and froze on the spot, taking a look backwards. His brains were playing tricks on him or he had just met Sir Elton John? Markie was looking for Gary in the crowded cafeteria. As he spotted him he noticed that he was playing with something in his hands.  
„Hey, Gaz! Doctor just told us Rob woke up. He wants to see you, man.”Mark announced, happy, but his words flew over Gaz’s head. Gary even didn’t get that someone was talking with him. His thoughts were somewhere, so far away.  
„Gary, hey..” he called again and nudged his friend that finally broke out of his bubble.  
„Hey, Mark! Did you say anything?”  
„Yeah, lad! I told you that Robbie woke up and wants to see you.” Mark said again. Gary jumped up, surprised. His chair fell on the floor. Mark was the one who put it up back again, but Gary had already gone. He was running down in the hospital corridors to see Elton talking with a shocked Janet.  
„Gaz, where were you for so long? We thought something happened with you” Jay asked worried. „He is waiting for you. Rob is still weak so no fights are allowed.. ok?”  
Gary just nodded, silently.  
Before entering in the room Gary took a deep breath to calm his nerves and put the card Elton gave him in his jeans back pocket. He was still thinking over Elton’s words about the ‘marriage thing’ His hand grabbed the door handle, shaking, but when he pushed it down there was no way back. He walked in and saw his other half pale as bed sheets. Rob was very weak and his arms were connected to some machines which were monitoring his heart but he put on a smirk for his boyfriend.  
Rob’s embarassement and Gary mixed feeling did not allow them to speak out their emotions right then.. Two men who used to write such heartbreaking and beautiful songs were now in loss of words. So Gary just sat down beside Rob’s bed, holding his hand and squeezing it as to say it will be okay, we will get through this, together.  
It was like the quiet before the storm, but that was just a feeling, in the end. It was up to them, or better.. mainly to Gary, make this relatioship work. He slowly got closer to his boyfriend and kissed his forehead, but Rob had already closed his eyes, drifting back in a deep sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Do you want this story to be continued or end soon?


	50. Chapter Fourty - Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written By Victoria and Jenny :)

It has been few days since the day Robbie got in hospital. Gary’s way to Rob’s room had become almost familiar routine. He used to go and visit his boyfriends two or three times in a day.He had been thinking over and over Elton’s words. That day as he got off the taxi, his hand reached the inner pocket of his jacket.  
He was relieved touching the little hard box, thank God he did not forget it. He was excited but worried about Rob’s reaction.. and lots of question went through his mind in a second, amongst all he wondered if he would have been pleased of what was inside the blue box.. a little golden band with a celtic inlay all around it.There was no time to waste. Gary put it in his jeans back pocket. He stepped into the room to see his boyfriend looking nervous. It was never a good sign. Still Gary put on a smile, sitting down at his usual space.  
„Gaz, can you open the first drawer please?’ Rob asked him. Gary did what he was told to. And here he saw it.. A little black velvet box was shining out from the drawer. Gary got immediately what was laying in there. He felt like it was staring at him. His heart skipped a beat. He first glanced at Rob, whose lips were bent in a hint of a smile, then he took it in his shaking hands and opened it. A silver ring with embedded little diamonds on, was hanging around a silver chain. Gary read the writing inside the ring.. ‘G&R’ „ I bought it for you before all this mess. I wanted you to have something that could remind you of me.”  
Gary registered Rob’s words and he asked: „Are you breaking up with me?” The ring in his jeans pocket became too heavy to carry so he flopped back down on the chair.  
„Oh God, it’s so hard to say it” Rob huffed out. It was taking toll of him, too. He didn’t want to leave his boyfriend, but he didn’t want to ruin his life „I’m fucked up, Gaz. I just can’t do it anymore. Knowing that when I am in pain, you are too. I disappointed you so many times, I am sorry”  
„I can take those many times, but this will break my heart once and for all ”Gary said still trying to not make a drama of it. He really didn’t get how today went so wrong. They now should be celebrating their engagement, not splitting up.  
„It’s better for us, too.” Rob turned his face not to show his watering eyes.  
„Hey hey hey.. it’s not up to you to make decisions for me. I know myself, what’s the best for me. ”Gaz shouted, jumping up from his chair. „ You.. are you still in love with me?’’ Rob looked at him astonished.  
„Of course I am, that is not the question.. Gaz..I have never stopped loving you and I never will”  
„Well, we agree on that so.. I won’t break up with you because I have not stopped to love you too, you are the best thing that happened to me, my life is never boring with you, you are me and I am you.”  
„Oh, I think this time I can do that because you are too dumb to see that I’m no good for you.”Rob was loosing his temper. „Are you ready to rush in hospitals leaving all your business behind because I have overdosed? Are you ready to buy house close to hospital because that’s where we will spend most of our time? Are you ready to see me writhe in pain because I need next dose? Answer me, Barlow, are you ready for that?”  
That made Gary go pale. He couldn’t answer these questions right now. They just came out of nowhere. He didn’t have time to think them through. Gary wanted to say something, but the nurse rushed in the room.  
„What’s this all shouting for boys?”asked the nurse. Rob quickly put on lovely smile on his face.  
„I’m sorry that we disturbed any of other patients. Gary here already was leaving.”Robbie said. „Right, Gary?”  
„Yeah, yeah!”  
The nurse left the room and Rob started to talk again: „I have my answer, Gaz. Can you, please, leave my room now? We don’t have anything to talk about anymore.”  
„One day I will win you back.”Gary said, standing in doors and looking at his lover for the last time.  
„I hope so.”Rob whispered to himself in the empty room, fighting against his tears. He had call to make for that one he needs to be strong. Robbie couldn’t give away that he was on verge of breaking down. He won’t give Gary that kind of satisfaction.  
Gary already was making his call. He needed someone to talk with and he knew this man would understand him better than anyone else. His Godfather was the person he could trust in. Nothing much had changed.  
„What happened, little one?” Elton's voice carried through his mobile phone in calming weaves.  
„We broke up. More like.. he broke up with me. Can I stay with you for few days till this mess will be calmed down?”  
„Of course, you are always welcomed in my house.”  
„I will be there in half an hour.”  
Before he went out of hospital, he took out Rob’s necklace from box and slid golden ring on it, putting it around his neck. He squeezed both rings in his palm, whispering: „I will do everything to be together with you again. I won’t give up so easily on us.”  
Finally he made his way out of hospital in fresh air, just to get in his car and drive to his Godfather. He was upset, and he hoped that place will help him sort out this mess. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t spot Robbie’s best friend Johnny walking inside the hospital with two suitcases. Let’s get back to Rob.  
„Hello! Nigel Martin Smith listening.”said voice that made Rob gag. He wouldn’t do this for million, but it was only way to get away from everything.  
„Nig, it’s Robbie.”  
„Why little shit are you calling?”  
„I’m calling to tell you I’m quitting the band. You can take all money from my account. I don’t care. I want you to leave alone me and my family.” Rob said, trying to contain hinself. „Congratulations, you have won. I won’t stand in your way anymore.”  
With that Robbie ended the call and smashed the phone against the wall. In that moment Johnny walked in room, just in in time to duck the plastic pieces that was flying in his way.  
„Hey, Rob! Calm down, man.”he said, walking with his hands up in air like in surrender. Rob flopped down in his bed, breathing out in defeat. He just didn’t have strenght to face the world right now. „Are you ready to go? Our plane is in few hours. Los Angeles are waiting for us. You look too pale to be healthy. Sun will come good for you. ”  
„Johnny, I’m going to rehab there, not to party.” Rob gave his friend angry look, but sun sounded like good thing even now. „Yeah, I will be ready in five. Just wait for me outside.”  
„I know, Rob! Ok, I will wait for you out there and leave your suitcase to pack the things you have here.”  
Rob wore his own clothes as he took off the hospital gown. It was great to be in his own jeans and a simple T-shirt. That gave him some hope of a better day. He really had lost it if he found hope and comfort in simple clothes. The T-shirt was Gary’s, but no one needed to know that. Robbie could hear footsteps in room.  
„Johnny, I told you to wait for me in corridor.”  
„I’m not Johnny. Wow.. what happened in this room? Looks like a battle went over it?” Markie exclaimed . Rob even didn’t look at him, continuing to put his things in suitcase. He just really didn’t want to see sadness in his friends eyes. „Where are you going? Does Gary knows you are leaving?”  
Rob put the last things in his suitcase and closed it, finally he looked at his friend. There was no sadness in Markie’s eyes, only confusion about what was happening.  
„Yes, Gary knows. We broke up. ”Rob said, and Mark frowned. „Ok, I made the decision for both of us. It is for a best. I’m fucked up, Mark. I need to sort out my life, get clean. I can’t put you all through nights like the one where I got brought in. I just can’t. You are my brothers, but the worst is me mom and Gary. They don’t deserve it.”  
„What about the band?”  
„I called Nig and told him I’m quitting. Even there you will be better without my sorry, addict arse.”  
„I can get why you are doing this. Just don’t forget to call me with your new phone.”Mark told him while they both looked at plastic pieces on the floor.  
„Of course, I will call you, you little brat!” Rob said hugging his best mate as strong as he could. „When I will settle down, you can come down to Los Angeles and spend some time in the sun, too. We all are too pale to be okay.”  
That made both friends chuckle little bit. Again the same nurse walked in room with Rob’s discharge papers. He signed them and was a free man. He wheeled out his suitcase. Mark following him close by. Last hugs where shared by the car and than last weaves till the car was on the road.  
Drive to the airport was fast. They checked in and after an hour their flight got called. While sitting in plane, Rob was looking out of window, thinking about all the things he was leaving behind him. Still his resolution was that it was for the best.  
„Till we meet again, Manchester.”said Robbie when plane took off. One lonely tear made its way down onto his cheek.  
Yes.. it was for the best.


	51. Author's Note

_**Author's Note:** _   
_**Hello, dear readers!** _   
_**This week there won't be update because we want to make these chapters exciting for you to read and that will take us little bit more time. Thats why you are getting double update next week.** _

_**Jenny and Victoria :) xx** _


	52. Chapter Fourty - Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

Gary called Elton. He needed to be sure to have his support for the next few weeks or months, if necessary. His friend reassured him that he would have done anything possible to help Gary and Rob, even to let him use his beautiful house in LA as long as he needed.  
But first of all he needed to tell his thoughts or better.. his intentions, to Nigel. He was not going to ask his permission this time, not at all. He was just telling him that he also wanted to take a break from all. He told him about what was happening with Rob. He felt to be honest with Nig at any cost, even if this would sent his boss furious or next to a meltdown.  
Nigel who was not stupid, got immediately that it was all about their relationship. He noticed and got almost immediately that between the two lovebirds there was more than friendship or band camaraderie. He got the signals and he was totally pissed of cause he could not get any proper answer, not from the boys in person, neither from the other members of the band, who were doing anything to protect their mates.  
What he needed was just a confirmation. It hit him like a ton of bricks. The Boss still hoped for the best, but it seemed that black stripe had started in his life.  
„Nig, I am going to LA.” Gary told him without a warning.  
„And would you be so kind to tell me the reason.. If I may ask?” he took the blow, trying to contain himself.  
„Rob is having big problem, as you know, and he left for rehab. I am going there to help him out and support him in his course.” he replied, ready to answer any questions Nig would ask him.  
„Why? Doesn’t he have his family already supporting him?”  
„Yeah, but they can’t support him like I can.”  
„Whoaa.. am I missing anything here?” Nig was clever, but Gary knew how not to get caught into his manager’s little tricks.  
„Oh no, I think you are not. The things are exactly like the way you think they are!” Gary took a big breath and spit it out „I know you, better than anyone else. Listen.. Me and Rob are together, we are a couple and we are very in love” His heart was running at the speed of light but he knew that this was the right thing to do, or, at least, this was the thing he wanted to do. „So.. uhm.. I am not here to ask for your permission to go. I am just telling you that I WILL go!” He said resolute not taking even a step back about this. It was his lover and Gary was ready to fight for it.  
Nigel’s face color changed to pink to red to purple in few seconds. The man was reaching his boiling point. Of course, all his hard work was going out of the window because one idiot got addicted to drugs, but other one is love sick fool.  
„Gary.. listen.. what you are going to do can damage you and the band!”  
„I know and I don’t care, I am not here to questioning that! This is much more important to me. You get it or not!”  
„Gary.. we will be touring in a few months, people bought the tickets and they are all expecting you all boys! We all loose a lot of money if..”  
„Which part of ‘this is the most importan thing to me’ you have not caught, Nig? I am sure that you will be doing anything to contain damages”  
„You will regret this, Gary! All of you will regret it, bitterly” He shouted at Gary as he was already stepping out of the door.  
„No, I think once and for all you will regret this.”said Gaz, stopping on his way to look in his boss eyes for last time.  
But he wouldn’t care less.. he needed to go home, pack up and go to LA as soon as possible. He was holding the silver chain with the two rings in his hand, as if his whole life depended on it, as the plane took off. He was going to fight to win Rob back, at any cost.  
                                                                                                    *****  
Jonny was driving the car on the alleyway of the white big rehab center, in the countryside, not far away from LA. It was located in the middle of a huge beautiful garden, full of trees and flowers. So that patients/guests could enjoy walking in the shadowed paths during the warm or more likely sizziling hot days of Californian sun.  
Rob was silently watching the view, but he looked absent minded. As they got in they were immediately greeted and escorted to the room assigned to Rob. He sat down on the bed. In spite of the room being cleand and beautifully decorated with bright colors, so that the guests could feel comfortable, Rob felt lost.  
„Jon.. don’t leave me”  
„I can’t stay here forever mate, I am also not allowed to”  
„Please.. just a while!”  
„Ok, I will see if I can keep you company untill you will get your first chat with doctors”  
„Thanks..” He whispered, pale.  
„Ok but.. I need to make a telephone call first” Jonny was out of the room before Rob had time to reply. Jonny dialed the number.  
„Hello” the voice answered  
„Rob is in.. all is ok. I can’t talk much right now, or he will get suspicious. I promised him to keep him company for a while. I will get in touch later”  
„Good” the voice said. „ see ya, bye”  
Jonny went back in and they went both towards the doctor’s room and let Rob to have his chat with him. After a while Rob went out and he was in tears so Jonny hugged him.  
„Jon.. where are you sleeping tonight?”  
„Oh.. don’t worry about it, I have a beautiful accomodation in a friend’s house.  
„Do I know him?” Rob asked  
„No, you don’t” He lied „I can introduce him to you, if you like”  
„Yeah.. Not now, tho” He said drying his tears away from his cheeks.

                                                                                                                      *****  
It was warm outside, the sun was hitting hard on Gary’s pale skin, plus.. he had not slept much during the flight and he was wrecked. So he hurried up and took his baggage out of the taxi as a big gate was already opening in front of him.  
A little electric car was there to pick his pieces up and carry him into a more comfortable and fresh place. The big door opened and a smiling Elton appeared in the doorway.  
„Hey, welcome to my house, mate!”  
„Thank you, sir” Gary hugged him, glad to see his friend.  
„Anything to drink or eat?”  
„Well I’d rather like to have a shower first, if you don’t mind.”  
„Of course I don’t. I know how hot the weather can get here and it is your first time in L.A. I will show you your room, and I make you prepare a decent meal for you.”  
„Great!”  
„Do you want to talk about what you are gonna do?” Elton asked, referring to Rob.  
„Yeah, later at dinner. Honestly now I am too tired and confused to take decisions.”  
„Well.. we can talk tomorrow if you prefer.”  
„We will see.” Gary said climbing the stairs.  
„Oh btw.. Jon called me earlier.. all is ok”  
Gary stopped dead in his tracks. He had to face many fights in his life, but they were nothing if compared to this one.


	53. Chapter Fourty - Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

‘Come on boy.. hold on! Take this one.’ The assistant told Rob handling him his pill ‘  
Rob was a wreck shaking sitting on his bed in a sweat. The man put an arm around his shoulder. He was doing nothing but following the usual procedures. He was giving his usual support teraphy under doctors orders. He stepped towards the door.  
‘No! Don’t leave me!’ Rob pleaded him in a painful grimace.  
‘I won’t Bob.. dont worry.’  
‘Please call my friend Jon, I need him!’  
‘You can’t get company right now, too soon. But I can make you talk with him for a while if you want.’  
‘Yes, YES!’  
The keeper dialed the number and after a few moments he heard a voice on the other side of the line.  
‘Hello!’  
‘Good morning sir, this is Tommy, speaking, from rehab clinic. May I talk with Mr Wilkes, please?’  
‘He’s out now. You can give me a message if you want.’  
‘No, thank you.. but.. please, tell him to call back as soon as he can.’  
‘Hey.. listen.. I am one of his tutor here, I am the one who is helping him out to get out of this shit, so I have the right to know, ok?’  
‘You have not the right to anything sir, as far as I know you could be anyone, I don’t know you so, unless you come here and talk with me in person or get an appointment with the doctors and make it official.. I am not authorized to tell you anything!’  
‘But.. is Rob ok?’  
‘Please sir.. tell Mr Wilkes to call back as soon as you get in touch with him. Have a nice day’ and with that Tommy hang up the phone.  
Elton could not believe his ears.. he was still standing up there to look at the phone in disbelief.  
‘Hey what’s happened?’ Gary asked.  
‘Uh.. oh.. the rehab just called.’  
‘What the heck.. what did they want?’  
‘One of the keepers said that he needed to talk with Jonny.’  
‘Did he say why?’  
‘No, he did not!’  
Gary’s heart started beating fast.. Rob has been in that center for a week now, he was loosing his patience. It was about time to do something.  
‘So what are we waiting for? Let’s go!’  
‘No, we can’t.. we are not entitled.’  
‘The hell we aren’t! So what are we gonna do? Are we going to stay here and wait anyone to tell us that Rob is not well or.. worse?’  
‘It’s too soon, Gary!’  
‘Bullshits! I am going.. with or without you.’  
Gary picked up Elton’s cell phone and called Jonny. Thank god he answered after few beeps.  
‘Hello Elton!’ Jon answered. ‘What’s going on?’  
‘No, it’s not Elton here. This is Gary speaking.’  
‘Oh.. Hello Gary’  
‘Listen.. someone called from the clinic.. you need to go there. I am worried about Rob so we are coming with you!’  
‘Ok, let’s meet there but, pay attention.. Rob must not see you or Elton.’  
‘Don’t worry!’  
‘I think it’s time.’ Gary said while he and Elton were in the cab  
‘I am not sure about it.. let’s see how is Rob now.’

                                                                                                          ******  
Jonny get first at the clinic and had already granted the permission to enter to see Rob, well he was the only one allowed there. But that should change soon.  
He met his friends in the hall.  
‘I talked to the doctors and gave them your names, so you are allowed to go in whenever you want but we have to discuss this before. I don’t think it’s time yet.. Rob is not doing any progress in the therapy.. he looks like if he is demotivated. His crisis are longer than usual and when they are over he usually lies down on his bed and cries. He lost so much weight. They think that depression is one of the issues here.’  
Gary and Elton were listening to him, in silence.  
‘We need to do something,’ Gary whispered in pain ‘I need to see him!’  
‘I don’t think it’s a good idea.. he still needs time..he is halfway to complete the run of his healing..’  
‘Oh Jon.. Shut the fuck up!’ Gary exclaimed.. ‘I know what he needs’  
Both Elton and Jon looked at Gary astonished.  
‘Listen.. do me a favor.. tell Rob I am here.’  
‘But.. ‘ Jon protested  
‘You.. little shit, are not his boyfriend! You don’t love him like I do. So you don’t have a fucking clue of what he needs, ok? The only reason I am letting you to talk with him first is for Rob’s sake, nothing else. After that you can step aside and let me work!’  
                                                                                                         ******  
‘Hey there’ Rob greeted Jon who entered his room.  
‘Hey, how are you, mate?’  
‘I’m great!’ Rob lied. ‘I just wanna die. Jon.. there is no point continue this torture. You are the only friend left who has not abandoned me. Even my mom and dad are not asking about me.’  
‘That is not true Rob!’ Jon thought that it was about time to tell his friend how things were in reality out of that place where all was muffled and protected from the outer world. But it was not doing any good to him. Rob looked at him, questioningly.  
‘Your parents called me everyday in this week, and your friends, too. Everybody is still caring about you. You can’t even imagine how much you are missed boy, out of here. All the ones you know can’t wait to welcome you back home as soon as you can so.. cheer up and hurry up to get out of here.’  
Rob had got half of the words Jon said, and was sitting by the window, lost in his toughts, looking outside at the wonderful multicolored garden without even seeing it.  
‘Am I missed?’ Rob asked smiling bitterly ‘Yeah.. except by one’  
‘You left him Rob!’  
‘Yes.. and now he is the one I miss the most.’  
‘Do you think that he would be able to heal your wounds now?’  
‘He did not hurt me. I was the was who made him suffer.’  
‘Do you want me to call him?’ Jonny asked  
‘What??.. hahah.. I don’t think it’s a good idea.’  
‘Why not?’  
‘I have my dignity.. and I am here miles away from him..’ then Rob got sad. ‘He did not even ask how I am doing so far..’  
‘You don’t know it Rob.. listen would it make you feel better if you could only hear his voice?’  
‘It would mean the life to me but I don’t want to, I am too proud to do it!’  
‘Screw your proud, mate. Gary is the one who let this all happen!’  
Rob looked at him astonished, for the very first time really interested in the topic.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘Gary put you in this place, with Elton’s help. He has a house here in L.A. and Gary has been here for a week now.’  
Rob’s jaw dropped and his pale cheecks got rosier.  
‘He has not abandoned you.. Gary loves you more than anything else in this world. Do you wanna talk to him?’  
Rob was speechless.. he was unprepared for this new event.It turned his world fragile world upside down again.  
‘I.. I.. don’t.. know’ he stuttered in shock. ‘I need to think about it’  
‘Listen mate.. don’t be an idiot! Gary is outside that door.’  
‘No.. listen.. I dont want that he sees me like this.’  
‘Twat!!’ Jon smiled and stepped out of the door. ‘Give him 5 minutes’ he told Gary.  
Not even a couple of minutes after Gary saw the door opening slowly and a pale Rob came out of the doorway. They stared at each other for a few moments, then Rob stepped forward him. Gary could not hold himself and they both crashed into each other arms, hugging as if the world would end in that very moment.  
As they were tight in that never ending embrace, their tears began to flood out from his eyes and run onto their cheeks, in silence. Rob could not help but grab his boyfriend’s hand pulling him into his room. He closed the door and he soon found a way to make amends with him, kissing the hell out of him.  
He had found back a reason to live, no matter what.. Gary was indeed his life.


	54. Chapter Fourty - Five

Some days were good, some were bad. This one was the worst the couple have had during the long process of recovery. Rob was in the middle of his journey. He was doing great so far, but in a day like this not even Gary couldn’t get him out of that dark cave he was in.   
Gaz just needed to be careful to play the right cards. He still hasn’t realized how much power he had over the younger boy. Depression is like one circle of hell. You want to get out, but there is a sort of darkness at the end of every road you take, no escape.  
„I need to get out....I need to get out of here.” Rob screamed, trashing his room.You could see veins in his neck come alive while he was screaming like a wounded animal. He could feel the walls closing up on him and he just couldn’t get out. All the things went flying crashing into the walls, breaking in little pieces against it. Books being torn apart and the bed being turned upside down.   
Tommy ran into room to see the mess that Rob made, but he was more concernd about Robbie than the ravaged room. He was doing so good so far, but black stripe started again for him.  
„Rob, listen to me.” Tommy said calmy, getting closer to Robbie. He made just in time to avoid a book that Rob threw at him.  
„No, I’m not going to listen to you. Not anymore, you are controlling those walls. You want them to suffocate me.”  
„Robert!” Tommy raised his voice for first in all the time Robbie knew him, but that finally broke through his crazyness. „Listen to me boy. I’m not doing anything, the walls are not moving. It is all in your head, Rob. We talked about it few days ago.’ He said hugging him. ‘Now calm down.. please! Take a deep breath boy.. like I taught you.. yeah.. like that, good boy!”  
Robbie breathed in and out for a minute, steadying his heart rate that spiked up when he started to panic. That’s what you call panic attack. He looked around the room, in disbelief. He got scared of himself, of what he had just done. If he was capable to do all that mess so what could he do to people? That was something that was now nagging him. He had become a danger for eveybody. He slowly slipped against the wall down to the floor  
„Robert, stop thinking now. Let’s get everything back in place.”said Tommy, helping Robbie to get up from the floor. Rob was trying no to think while he started to clean up his room. Seeing books ripped apart made him go back to the his darkest thoughts.   
„Tommy, what happened here?” Gary asked as he came in to visit his boyfriend. The room was in better state, he only could notice few books left on the floor.   
„Nothing that drastic. We got over it, but books will need to be changed.” Tom stated, leaving the room but then he stopped and whispered to Gary:   
„Go easy with him today. He had a panic attack, again” Gaz just nodded feeling sadness eating his soul away. Gary thought that Rob was getting better, but he felt as if it was one small, step forward and two big steps back. Still he had hope in heart burning bright for both of them.   
„I think that books can wait for the moment. It is not time for that.” Gary said, trying to hide away what he really wanted to say. Robbie already was in state of confusion. Tommy left the room, closing doors behind him and leaving Rob in the best hand.   
„Hey, babe!” Gaz get closer to Rob and leaning in for a quick peck but Rob leaned back. „Uh.. what’s going on? Are you afraid of me?”  
„No, you should be afraid of me. I was the one who trashed the room. I was the one who hit Tommy with a book. Oh God...I hit him with a book!” Robbie said again as his eyes widened in fear. Gary knew that if he will allow Rob keep talking the fear will swallow him and another panic attack will strike right after.  
„Rob, babe, I’m not afraid of you. You are my other half. I will be with you no matter what.”  
„Gaz.”Rob whined all his reasons to push Gary away, slipping away. He was trying to catch one of the reasons to hold on it like man who is drowning. Rob caught one and held it like his life depended on it. „I can’t hold you because I’m afraid that I can hurt you. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I did it.”  
„Robert Peter Williams, hear me out and just shut up for a minute.”Gary said in strict voice that made Rob sit down on his bed. He was shocked for Gaz’s reaction, but it put him down in place. Gary kneeled down in front of his lover.  
„You won’t hurt me, babe. You already told me that you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you did. Also you pushing me away from your pain and fears hurts me more than you could ever physicaly do.”  
Both of their eyes were full with unshed tears that was treathening to spill out and than Gary said: „I am here to support you, no matter what. All I need is you and your love. I hope that this is mutual.”  
„Of course, it is!”Rob exclaimed, giving his boyfriend a little smirk. That was like little win for Gary. „All I need is your love and warmth you give me every night lying behind my back. That safe feeling that makes me see the light in every day.”  
„Oh, I see that you haven’t lost your soul of poet. Good thing I brought you this with me.”Gary said, handing Robbie little black notebook. He knew that his soulmate needed to put some things down on paper. Maybe some new material could come out of this.  
„Thank you, babe! I was going to ask you to buy me something like that.” Rob kissed his boyfriend, pulling him closer to him. Rob was out of his black hole for the moment. Gary felt pleased to realize that he had played his cards right this time.  
„Gaz, can we..?” Rob asked, looking down and being all shy. Robbie never was the shy one, but this time Gary let it slip. No need to make a tsunami in water glass.. Gary got immediately what his boyfriend needed, and he was there to give it to him for the rest of the day, or for the rest of his life, possibly.  
„Yes, we can. We need to relax a bit. It has been hard day for both of us.”  
Gary laid down, pulling Rob down with him and welcoming his lover onto his chest. He held him as close he could not wanting to lose contact with Rob. Robbie wanted the same thing. Boys didn’t see someone spying on them, wearing Cheshire cat grin.   
„Gee.. I almost forgot this.” Rob said.  
„What? Cuddles?”   
„Sounds cheesy but... Yeah” Rob chuckled in Gary’s lap.  
Elton was just happy that his Godson had become the person he knew he would have become. He found someone to spend his life with and put trust in.   
True love is a rare gift, but when it happens you have to cherish it and take care of it. Like our boys were doing it now.


	55. Chapter Fourty - Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written By Victoria and Jenny :)

Rob had been out of rehab for a few days. He still needed to come back to the clinic to complete his therapy, but he was allowed to move out away from the secluded place. Gary, afraid to lose Rob one more time, was over protective and keeping a strict eye on him, not letting him go anywhere alone. Plus Rob was in a very vulnerable state of mind and needed to be constantly watched so to be ready to intervene in case he needed help.   
But, in spite this strict surveillance, he still managed to get some free time from Gaz because he had to ran some secret errands. So he aimleslly moved around house till he found his best friend Jonny in the living room.   
„Hey... the prisoner was finally released from its prison.” Jonny exclaimed with a smirk on his face. Robbie threw the first cushion in his hands at Jon. It hit him square on his face. That made both men burst into a laughter. „I have not talked with you at all in the past few days. Gary acting so protective of you. So how are you feeling?”  
„I’m better, Jonny. The sun and the rehab really helped me. I feel like I’m in better place right now.”  
„Told you so about the sun. The weather of Britain doesn’t suit you. Do you want to stay here for some time?”  
„Yes, I’d love to. I still have to go back to the clinic for a check out every day. They let me out because Gary said that he will take care of me.”  
„And.. he is doing that, no doubt at it, but.. he is doing it even too much.” Jon said sarcastically. „Not letting you go, not even for a minute. If that makes you happy than I’m not the one to judge. Also I needed to talk with you about something.” Jon looked down staring at his hands. He looked quite nervous about it.   
„John, just spit it out” Rob said laying down on the couch and putting his head on Jon’s lap so he would stare right in his friends eyes. This way Jon wouldn’t be able to lie to him. Well.. not that his friend would ever do that to him.   
„I have to go back to UK. My job is calling, but if you want me to stay I will somehow smooth my way out of it.” Jon said.  
Rob was confused. He did not catch the reason why his friend made a fuss about it. No big deal. Maybe there was something else Jon was hiding him, so he started to tickle sides of his friend. That was ok for them.. they were used to tickle each other and chuckle about it but a funny moment like this was about to turn out to be a total disaster soon.   
In that very moment someone opened the door. Gary walked in and stared astonished at the two boys in what he misjudged to be, an awkward and compromising situation. He saw his boyfriend and his best friend not only having fun, but they were also dangerously close to each other.  
Yes, definitely, Gary misunderstood the whole thing. His face went from white to red, to purple, to green in few moments. He felt his blood start to boil in his veins. It sounded so ridiculous because Jonny was straight as an arrow, still Gary couldn’t do anything to contain his jealousy.   
Few minutes earlier Gary had just finished his calls to the rest of the lads. The whole band and friends were supposes to arrive in LA in two days. He knew that he couldn’t let Rob alone for few minutes, at the same time he couldn’t make the calls with him being there. It would make Robbie suspicious. Gaz wanted it to be a surprise for him. Gary coughed loudly, eager to erase that nasty scene from his mind, as soon as possible.  
„Oh hey, Gaz! I was trying to get some secret out of this lad. Maybe you want to help me out?” Rob joked as he realized that Gary was upset.  
„No, thank you. It looked quite differently from my point of view.” Gary’s cold voice cut the air between him and the two boys. He turned back on his steps and staggered out of the living room.   
„ Hey Gaz!!” Rob called him out stumbling over the couch and the floor in the attempt to reach the blonde and soothe the tension . „What the hell? Oh come on, come back!”. Rob get back all rolled up on the sofa, hit by that icy cold voice that was coming from the most importan person of his life. Beyond that, Rob was not that strong yet, and tears were treathening to spill out of his eyes soon. Yes, that was indeed a very unfortunate situation.  
„Rob.. hey.. what the hell, mate! Calm down.. I will go and talk with him, if you want” John said, pulling his friend in a hug. „I mean I have to go cause I also need to start packing, my taxi is coming in a couple of hours.” He didn’t want to leave Robbie in a state like that, but his family matters where more important.   
„I have some questions to fix up at home, that’s why I’m leaving, but if you want me back.. just one call and.. I will be right back. DO you know what.. I am thinking about moving here permanently.”  
„Thank you for telling me! Hey.. when you get there send me a text that you are safe and sound.” Rob said, snuggling closer to his bestfriend. He soaked in the familiar warmness of his friend’s hug. Robbie didn’t want to let Jonny go because he was at home with him. They met since when they were two little boys and became mates for life.   
„Ok, I will go and talk with your jealous partner. I hope he doesn’t bring you my head on a plate.”  
Rob just sent him weak smile while Jonny was retreating upstairs. Just on the top step of the stairs he noticed the slumped sat of Gary’s form. Jonny was doing this only for his friend. So he sat beside the man and started to talk.  
„Barlow, listen..”  
Gary stood up and stared at Jon.. he was fuming..  
„The hell I will be here listening to you!” and he climbed downstairs, followed by a astonished Jon trying to keep his pace.  
„Come on, Barlow!” Gary turned back to him and put his forearm on his throat pulling him violently against the door who slammed behind Jon.   
„Don’t call me like that! You little shit!”   
„Hey hey hey... calm down! I am just here to help out. I am his friend since ages..Ouch!” Jon was chocking and Gary was not going to let him go.   
Jon took advantage from his height and weight and pushed him forward trying to get free from the tight grip. Gary lost his balance and stepped forward hitting against the table of the kitchen. He was furious and without realizing his fist was already up in the air. Jon was not able to avoid Gary’s fury and got punched in his face, stumbling backward and falling down on the floor.   
He looked back at Gary, astonished, he could not believe that he did something like that to him. Jon wanted only to help them out and all that he could get was this? What the hell?? Gary really must have hated him that much!  
Only by then both realized that Rob was standing in the door frame and had seen all that scene. Gary was shaking, Jon stood up staggering and getting to the freezer to get some ice to put on his red cheek.   
„I did not had clue that you were that nuts, Barlow!”  
„Stop it.. and what are you doing still here?”  
„Stop you two!” Rob shouted „ It’s me, the one you should take care off and make feel relaxed and comfortable.. Stop immediately.”   
„Hey you listen.. just one for all.. I am not after your boy. I have a girlfriend who is waiting for me in Britain. I just didn’t want to tell him about my problems in family because he is still vulnerable. Rob just knows how to get information out of me.”   
Jonny stood up, taking the last step and saying: „I’m leaving this house today. I don’t care about me but I mind about him.. he is feeling like shit because of all this shit we are going through and this is not the right time to act like that..”Gary realized that he overreacted and he felt a bit stupid. Maybe there was no reason to be jealous over those two, maybe they were really like brothers and nothing else, like Mark and Rob. But it was just that.. he could not stand Jon.. and he will never do.  
„You better go and make it right, Barlow, or me and Rob’s mom will have you hanged by you know what.” Jonny told him louder, knowing that Rob was still looking at them, hiding just behind the corner. That little bugger.   
„ Hey.. dont you dare to threaten me, Wilkes!! I am doing this just for his sake, not for you, and I am going to tolerate you just for him.. but back off me anytime you see me.”  
„ Come on, Gaz!” Rob finally said „We are just friend.. I can’t push him away from me.. Don’t ask me to, please.. if you love me.”  
„I won’t but.. we need to talk about it.”  
„Ok babe, you know I love him but he is a brother to me.. nothing else.” Rob got near to Gaz „You are the one I want and who I want to share the rest of my life with.”  
Gary melted hearing those words and that reminded him of a thing that he wanted to do for long time. He wrapped Rob up in a tight embrace and felt at home again.  
„Thanks Jon..” Rob told him. „But now it’s time for a chat for us, alone.  
„You’re welcome buddy, that’s my job as your best friend. I know that you would do the same for me, in a millisecond. ” Jonny said, finally retreating to his room to pack his clothes up.  
Rob now was walking out of the kitchen, giving Gary his hand. Gaz looked in his lover’s puffy, red eyes. He had hurt his boyfriend, but he knew how to make it right. He was still vulnerable and weak. He promised to himself that he would leave Rob out of any fight as long as he could.  
„Let’s go have a walk by the shore side. You need to have some fresh air. Stupid me for not letting you get out.”  
„Not that I was complaining.” Rob smirked. It was a full Robbie Williams’ smirk that made girls swoon. Another victory on Gary’s side. He put his arm around the waist of his lover while they were slowly stepping out of Elton’s big house and walking down the path which headed to his private beach.   
They both put their sunglasses on. Sun was at its highest point. Rob took a deep breath of air in his lungs, smelling that unique aroma of ocean, sand and sunshine. Of course, on the other side there was the warmth of Gary’s body. He was soaking in it, enjoying every second of that magical place. There was no other place he’d rather be other than this man’s side.  
Also Rob made a promise to himself.. he was going to show off to his jealous boy that his friendship with Jon had nothing to do with his love for him, for the rest of his life.


	56. Chapter Fourty - Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written By Jenny :)

Time was ticking out and Elton had come back from his commitments in Europe and was keeping company to the two boys, fully supporting what Gary was up to. Nobody was around at that time of the morning.. it was still dark and Rob was sleeping in their bedroom. They had a peaceful sleep last night. The two lovebirds went to bed and cuddled for a while until Rob fell asleep.  
Gary was a bit disappointed but he understood that Rob was not that fit yet to go further than that. Making love had been just a wishful thinking so far.. but Gary was confident. He felt that they were slowly getting there, with patience and understanding. At least this is what couples do.. in good and bad times, until death do us part.  
So.. He and Elton decided that it was better to postpone the arrival of the lads later, or, at least, when the whole thing was about to start and there was no way back.Gary entered in the little studio, where Elton used to spend his time to make personal calls, or arrange meetings. He sat behind the desk and opened the bottom drawer of the desk, pulling out an envelope with a little box in. In the silence of the room he opened it and a necklace with two golden rings shone bright in the lamp light. Gary smiled at himself and closed the little box putting it into his pocket.  
„Hey there.. Good morning Gaz!” Elton greeted him „Early bird, uh?!”  
„Morn.. Elton.. hem.. yeah.. I could not sleep well last night.”  
„Nervous?”  
„Oh no!” He lied, but there was no use to do that with his Godfather who has helped them so much. „Well.. honestly.. yeah, I am”  
„What for?”  
„Worried about a couple of things..”  
„Won’t you talk me about it?”  
„Why not.. well..”  
„You are not sure of how Rob will react to this, uh?” Elton guessed and Gary looked at him, astonished.  
„To.. what?”  
„Come on mate.. do you think I am that dumb? Come here and have some coffee and we will sort this out together.. that’s what friends are for, uh?” Elton smiled. Gary sighed and sat down with him. Maybe after after putting some sugar into his system his brain would be working better.  
„Yeah, why not”  
„Are you getting there? Aren’t you? This is the day, am I wrong?”  
„Oh.. shit.. no Elton, you are not..”  
„Well, I will tell you what I am going to do..I will give you a little push.” said Elton with mysterious smile that made Gary look straight into his eyes, questioningly.  
„May I have the honor to have you two sitting at my desk tonight for dinner?”  
„Of course, mate. How can I refuse an open invitation like that?” Gary smiled, still in doubt, and maybe feeling even more nervous, not knowing what Elton was up to. „But.. please..” He started to say but Elton interrupted him.  
„Don’t worry..relax and trust me!”  
„OK..”  
„Now go and wake up that sleepyhead of your boyfriend.. sun is high. Take him somewhere out of here. He needs all the sun he can get.”  
                                                                                                                 *******  
Gary bend over Rob’s head and kissed his forehead. He put a hand on his shoulder.  
„Rob.. hey.. wakey wakey..”he coed to his boyfriend like to little child.  
But Rob did not move even a muscle. The room was still in the dark and Gary headed towards the window to let the sun in. He felt his wrist grabbed firmly and pulled backward. A second later he was all over Rob who was naked under the sheets.  
„Shit.. you scared me!” Gary said widening his eyes  
„Shhh..” Rob laughed rolling over the bed and on Gary, skin on skin. He made him taste his strong desire on his boyfriend’s belly. He crashed his mouth onto the blonde one keeping his cheeks wrapped up with both his hands.  
„Are you.. raping me?” Gary moaned in pleasure. „I.. we.. are supposed to.. to.. go.. out.. and..”  
„Later Barlow.. Later!” Rob was craving him. It had been a while since their last time and Gary could not ask for anything else. Gaz’s eyes were full of lust too, he obviously had the same longing.  
In a second he felt more than happy to be back to where he belonged to. He grabbed Rob’s neck and pulled him in, wrapping his leg up around his waist, crashing his tongue inside his mouth.  
„Uhm.. I can taste something like coffee here! Even more exciting!”  
Rob hips were trusting between Gary’s leg, while his mouth was wandering trailing kisses on his collarbone. The blonde was moaning under his dark haired boy’s thrusts, while he rubbed his bare back and grabbed his buttocks pulling his hot body even closer. Out of the blue Rob stopped and stared at Gary. He could feel he was still shaking under his sweat flesh. Gary widened his eyes.  
„What?” He asked not liking that Rob stopped in middle, leaving hanging him on the edge.  
„Nothing.. Its just amazing how I am feeling right now.. I can almost see heaven from here.. I Love You!”  
„Yeah.. you know what.. I can see it too.” Gary made just in time to say. Those words made Rob fly even higher and he could not hold himself any longer, he released his pleasure on his lover’s bulge, followed by Gary few seconds later who grabbed both lenghts and rubbed them until they finally crashed down, satisfied.  
„Glad you are back, babe” Gary could barely say, breathless „I love you, too!”  
                                                                                                             *******  
After spending all the day downtown for some shopping in the best trendy shops of L.A., the two boys were very tired, and decided to go back home.  
„We got an invitation tonight” Gary told Rob.  
„By who?”  
„Elton.”  
„Wow, when did he come back home?”  
„Last night.. so getting a shower and trendy outfit are needed.” Gary suggested to his fidgeting lover.  
„Oh no.. damn it.. you know I am not comfortable with those things!” Rob mumbled to himself, but Gary heared him loud and clear.  
„Just for once babe.. it’s a formal dinner.”  
„Any other guests?”  
Gary did not think about that option, so he got caught by surprise  
„Well.. ahem.. no clue but.. now that you made me think about it.. that could be. Well other than his husband I dunno who other.. well it might be.”  
„Ok.. Great! We can blend better into the crowd.. Ha Ha!!”  
„Come on.. Hurry up”  
They took a cab and were back at home in twenty minutes. After a quick shower and all fixed up.. they were ready for their quiet dinner. They walked downstairs and they stared shocked at the hall and then exchanged a look at each other.  
The big table was beautifully prepared and the walls elegantly decorated. About twenty people were chatting and drinking in the big hall, waiting for the dinner call. That was a plain party and not certainly a private family dinner.  
„What the hell is that?” Rob could not believe to his eyes. It all was little bit too big for still fragile Robbie.  
„Shit!” Gary shrugged like he didn’t know anything about it.  
„If Elton’s intention was to make me feel comfortable.. well.. I think he missed the point!”  
„Well.. I would not be that negative, boy. As you said earlier ‘It will be easier to blend in the crowd’ and I don’t think that Elton will put us in any awkward situation anyway, so.. let’s trust him”  
Rob was still terrified but there was no way back. Gary grabbed his hand and both started to go down the stairs.  
At least they needed to make their best entrance in the huge ballroom.


	57. Chapter Fourty - Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Jenny :)

Soft music in the background and the quiet chat of the guests sitting at the big table were leading the lovely dinner at Elton’s mansion. He and his husband had invited their best friends who were enjoying the exquisite dishes the chef prepared. A good wine, for Gary’s happiness, never missed at his table. Elton sure knew how to entertain his guests, he was a well mannered and tasteful man, all his friends were always happy to attend to one of his parties.  
Also with the secret hope.. well not that secret in the end.. that he could gladden them singing a couple of his songs. That would have been the apex of the party. All of them were not looking forward to what they considered to be the best part of the evening. Something to talk about the day later, of course. A mini intimate Elton’s show was always something special which was worth the wait.  
The dinner was over and the guests slowly moved outside in the pool area, for some coffee or drinks. Gary though, did not want to drink much.. he needed to be sober enough to do what he has been planning since the day he arrived in LA.  
‘Hey, there is a piano over there.’ Rob said.  
‘Of course there is.. there are a lot of them here, considered Elton’s job.’ Gary joked.  
‘Well.. I know but.. I wonder if..’  
‘Yes, probably!’ Gary got what Rob was meaning.  
‘Great!!’ Rob said taking place on a sunbed. Gary also sat next to his feet. They were looking at some guests and commenting about their outfits.  
‘So.. how are you feeling’? Gary asked Rob. He noticed that his hands were shaking.  
‘Pretty good, yeah.. good!’ He answered.  
‘I would not say that.’ Gary said pointing at his hands.  
‘I well.. I am still nervous, not much relaxed yet.’  
‘Anything you want to tell me?’  
‘I don’t know.. I was fine while I was eating.. nobody was staring at me, but.. now I am feeling as if this place is a bit overcrowded.’  
‘Do you want to go upstairs and lay down a bit?’  
‘Oh no.. what would Elton say? No.. I’d rather to be here , as long as you will not leave me.’  
‘Oh no! I can promise you. I am not going to. Ok, lay down here and breath deep. I will be right here!’ Gary took his hand and rubbed it.  
‘Oh btw.. where the hell did Elton go?’  
‘Well.. he said that he had an important call to do.’  
Rob closed his eyes and did what his boyfriend told him to. He felt immediately relieved by his friend’s touch and calming voice. But what Rob did not realize was that Gary’s words could not be more meaningful.

                                                                                                                        ******

A sudden scream of a crowd and peal of applause got Rob out from his relaxing bubble. Both of them stood up to see what was happening. They could not believe to their eyes, or better.. Rob could not.. Gary knew about it all along.  
Elton was heading to the piano under the gazebo and here Rob could spot some other familiar figures following him. Rob thought to be allucinating. Here there were Mark, Howard, Jason taking place around the piano where Elton sat to please his guests with some songs of his.  
‘Oh shit..’ Rob exlaimed. ‘what the hell are they doing here?’  
‘Damn Rob.. they have come to visit you.. they are your band mates and friends in the end!’ Gary explained. Rob’s look was now on Gary, then on his mates, then on Gary again.  
‘You... you.. knew it all along!?’  
‘Well.. it was a surprise, but yeah I did.’  
‘Why?’  
‘Listen Rob.. they were worried about your health and since its been a month since we are here.. and hell knows when we will be able to go back to UK, they have just come to see you and spend few days with us. Aren’t you happy?’  
‘No.. I mean.. Yeah I am but.. oh well..’ Rob did not end the sentence and was already heading to greet his mates.  
They all hugged and some tears of happiness were running on their faces.  
But the surprises did not end here and what Gary hoped for was that Robbie’s little recovering heart could bear all the emotions he was going to go through.  
The cheerful and noisy crowd suddenly went silence as Elton’s finger started to play few notes on the piano. He sang ‘Sacrifice’ then it was ‘Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Words’, ‘Can You Feel The Love Tonight’, ‘Blue Eyes’ and ‘The One’  
Rob and Gary were in the first row as they could enjoy their mates joining some verses in the chorus. They were ecstatic and happy.. Rob particularly was silent and overwhelmed by his emotions.. he felt all those lines were directed to them, to their story, those verses were so appropriate. All those love songs sounded like if they were written for them.

                                                                                                                        ******  
The soiree was about to end and the guest were slowly leaving the party. There is always a sad feeling when something magical get to its end. All the boys together with Elton remained in the pool area next to the gazebo to chat and have their drinks.  
‘When are you leaving?’ Rob asked them.  
‘Oh god.. we are just came here and you already want us to leave?’ Mark joked.  
‘Oh no.. dont be an idiot.. I you know what I meant!’  
‘We will stay as long as needed.’ Howard added with a sound of mistery in his voice.  
‘Oh good.. hey.. now I got why Elton was late earlier.’ Rob looked at Gary expecting an answer from him. Gary, instead, winked simply at his boyfriend and then turned his look at Elton.  
‘Well..it’s time!’ He said pointing at him. That was like a secret code between the two of them.  
Elton got him immediately and, following his plan, sat again on the piano and started to run his fingers through the keys. A sweet and soft melody was on air again and right before to start singing he announced: ‘Rob and Gary.. this song has a special place in my heart and I hope its the same for you. I wish you all the best. This song is for you..  
This is _‘Your song’_  
Rob and Gary sat up and went by the piano. Gary’s heart was pacing fast as he wrapped his arm around Rob’s waist. He could feel Rob was shaking under his embrace.

_It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside_   
_I'm not one of those, who can easily hide_   
_I don't have much money, but boy if I did_   
_I'd buy a big house where we both could live._

_If I was a sculptor, but then again no,_   
_Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show_   
_I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do_   
_My gift is my song and this one's for you._

_And you can tell everybody, this is your song_   
_It may be quite simple but now that it's done,_   
_I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind_   
_That I put down in words_   
_How wonderful life is while you're in the world._

Gary got chills because, out of aqll Elton’s songs, that one was his favourite, and sung by his idol was even more incredible. As soon as Elton played the last notes, Gary looked at Rob, their faces were inches apart, he could feel his own hearting pounding in his chest as he went..  
‘Robert Peter Williams.. will you marry me?’  
Rob was in shock.. he opened his mouth and looked around him.. all was blurry. He could see only Gary in front of him who was holding his hand.  
‘What.. do you mean that we.. we.. can.. do this?’  
Gary laughed, all the boys laughed..  
‘Yeah, little idiot.. we can do this’  
‘ I mean.. is it legal here?’ Rob was confused.  
‘Yeah.. in some places it is’ Elton ensured him.  
‘Well.. shit.. I did not see it.. it.. coming!’ Rob stuttered then he looked at Gary again. ‘Are you kidding me?’  
‘No, I am not.. I have never been that serious in my life. So.. will you answer me, please?’  
‘Oh god.. uhm.. I don’t know if I am willing to share my life with you.’ Rob answered, arching his eyebrows and looking down, blushing. Gary looked at him astonished, starting to feel a bit stupid. Then Rob took his boyfriend’s hands which were getting cold from shock, in the meantime and stated smiling  
‘You.. GB.. come here!’ He said bringing his hands to his lips. ‘..of course I will marry you, I will be honoured to be your husband and share all my life with you!’ Gary’s heart skipped a beat.  
‘You.. little shit.. don’t you dare to tease me like that on something important like that, OK?!’  
‘Ok ok, sorry babe!’ then Rob thought it was better to hurry to hug his man to apologize. Gary subsided quickly as he felt Rob’s sweet lips on his own. His boy’s joke was soon forgiven and forgotten. Their band mates stepped in the middle of their hug to congratulate with them. Gary took the necklace out of his pocket.  
‘Do you remember this?’ he asked Rob.  
‘Omg you kept it.. al this time!’  
‘Of course, I was not going to give up to the best thing that happened to me in my entire life’ Gary pulled the two golden rings out of it and took Rob’s hand.  
‘This is yours.. this has always been yours’ He slowly put the engagement ring around Rob’s finger. Then it was Rob’s turn to make of Gary his official boyfriend. Gaz was thrilled and stretched his hand towards Rob wearing finally his commitment.  
That was really a magic moment in a magic place. Both were over the moon and kissed again, regardless of the boys that were staring at them.  
Out of the blue Jason blurted out: ‘Ok.. ok.. now stop you too.. all this sentimental issues are too much to me to handle, so.. move on.. and think about practical things..’ Everybody stared at him puzzled.  
‘So.. what are you looking at? Come on.. we have a wedding to sort out!’  
‘Damn right mate but.. hey.. wait.. there is also an important issue here to sort out!’ Rob stated as he got all the boy’s looks on him. ‘Who is going to be the bride?’  
Everyone burst out into a laughter at his banter.


	58. Author's Note

_**Hello, dear readers!** _

_**  
There won't be update this week because of Easter holidays and spending time with family. When we come back we will bear great Easter suprise bunnies, so be ready!** _

_**  
Happy Easters! :) xx** _


	59. Chapter Fourty - Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Finally we are back on the track. It has been few crazy weeks. Thanks for being patient with us. We have come long way, dear readers. We hope you are gonna love this chapter.  
> Lots of love,Jenny and Victoria :)

Finally the day came.  
Everything was perfect. Sky was clear blue, no clouds around. It was the warmest day England have had in years and it was the right day for a wedding. The park was wide, the trees were so tall and the alleys were countless that one visitor could get lost in the woods. The beautiful garden smelled so sweet from the thousands flowers. The great heat was refreshened up by the depth of a lovely lake. In the middle of that fascinating nature there was standing an high castel, which made that place look even more magical.  
Rob and Gaz were sitting in different rooms, wearing their suits and waiting for the time to come. Gaz was in the room with Jay and Dougie. He was wearing a black Armani suit. He looked calm, but he was not, his mates could spot his nervousness cause he was blinking fast.  
-Gaz, calm down.- Dougie told him and Gary turned to look at him.  
-I’m sorry! I was lost in my thoughts. I’m a bit nervous.-  
-It’s not that we haven’t noticed it but everything will be ok. Even the weather is the best then we could heve expected. Rob is in the other room waiting too, and I bet he is as nervous as you are. You both went through every kind of shit to finally be here today. So don’t make me slap you.-  
-Guys, it’s time to go. The ceremony is going to start in 15 minutes - Jay announced. They went out of the room.  
While in the other room Rob has been pacing back and forth for about half an hour, shaking. Mark and Jonny tried everything to calm him down, but nothing worked. Every little noise are worsening the situation, even hearing the cars stopping in front of castle one by one were making him more and more nervous.  
-Come on....mate! Take a seat.- Jonny told Rob, but Rob didn’t even look at him.  
Finally Jonny was able to convince him. Robbie sit down and let his breath out. He was wearing a white jacket and black suit trousers. Yeah, he was meant to be a groom.. so it was okay to be nervous.  
-Rob, it’s ok to be nervous. Gary isn’t going to dissapear.. on the contrary.. I think that he must be going through that shit exactly in the same way.– Mark joked hoping to bring a smile on Rob’s face.  
Someone knocked at the door. He went to open it and there he saw Rob’s mom standing with a smile on her face, wrapped up in a beautiful and shining dress.  
-Boys, you can go and take your places. I need a moment to to talk with my son - she said and boys left the room after patting the spouse on his back in sign of encouragement.  
-Bob, are you nervous?- Janet asked her baby boy who is finally marrying love of his life.  
-Oh god, mum.. I am literally shitting in my pants!- Rob nodded, giving a weird look at her.  
-Oh.. it’s understandable, baby. This is a special day for you but calm down, Gaz loves you so much and he sure will feel the same. I know how hard you two worked to get this far. You both deserve this. So you better get yourself together, because I want to see happiness on your face when we go down the aisle.-  
Janet hugged him and whispered in his ear.-He really is waiting for you. Gary is as nervous as you are.- That made Rob to hug his mom closer.  
-It’s time, Rob.-  
She took his hand and linked his arm with Rob, both of them walking out of the room. They both were standing at the main doors of the castle and, as the music started playing, all the guests stopped chatting and turned towards them. Rob felt even more nervous and tightened his grip around Janet arm, but then he catched Gary’s look and he suddenly his tense muscles got relaxed and a big smile appeared on his face. Yes.. now Robbie was sure that he was doing the right thing.  
Even the long distance between them seemed so small in that moment. What Rob wished the most was to be in Gary’s arms, so they walked slowly down the aisle in the middle of the path where the guest were standing and watching at the groom passing by them.  
Rob was next to Gary and his mom put his hand in Gaz’s. Finally he was where he was meant to be. They were standing side by side under arche made of roses. Robbie felt like the first day he met this man..nothing changed, on the contrary his feelings for him had been growing up strong each day, so young and full with love since the beginning.  
-Make my boy happy and keep him save and healthy, Gary.- Janet said.  
-Of course, ma’m!- Gary answered her and everyone chuckled little bit. Those two fools standing and just smiling at each other. Priest coughed to brake their moment and start the ceremony. The two lovebirds turned around and let the priest start what he needed to say.  
-Dearly beloved, we gathered here today to see how two lifes intervine into one. The step which you are about to take is the most important which human beings can go into. It is a union of two people founded upon mutual respect and affection. Your lives will change, your responsibilities will increase, but your joy will be multiplied if you are sincere and earnest with your pledge to one another.- The priest said but the two boy/men knew that their lifes have been like that for many, many years already. They needed this to make themselves believe that all this was for real.  
Someone was already sniffiling behind their backs. Two women were already crying, they were Janet and Marge sitting in the first row. At their side there were Gary and Rob’s fathers.  
-Now you need your own oaths to say.. Gary please.-  
Both of them turned to face each other again. They, now both got serious as Elton stood up behind them with rings on a little red velvet pillow.  
_„Today is the greatest day of my life You'll always be a part of me_  
 _It’s only you and me Sharing lives and sharing days,_  
 _My commitment is to live to love you._  
 _Robert Peter Williams, will you become my beloved husband for rest of my life?”_ Gary asked as he saw a tear welling up in Rob’s eyes.  
-I will.- Rob answered softly in his broken voice.  
Gary took the ring from Elton and put it around Robbie’s finger. Now it was Rob’s turn to pronounce his oaths. He took Gary hands and started..  
_„Only you know me,_  
 _I know you gave your best to me,_  
 _While the whole world was looking at us You came and wrapped yourself around me._  
 _We are love and I just wanna hold you close_  
 _Eight letters, three words, one meaning.._  
 _Gary Barlow, will you take me as your crazy, reckless husband for the years to come?”_  
Now it was Gary’s turn to hold his tear back. Never in his life he has felt such excitement happiness.  
-I will!- Gaz stated.  
Rob took the ring and put it around Gary’s finger.  
-I now declare you as husband and husband. You may kiss now.- the priest said.  
The two men got shyly closer and their lips connected. Gary could taste a little bit of saltness on Rob’s lips. They heard clapping and whistling from their family and friends, even Micheal and Luke were here. Someone was taking photos. Everything was as they wanted it to be from the start. Now they just needed to get through the party. But they looked forward to the end of that day and to be alone with each other in their bedroom.

                                                                                                             *******  
Further in the park, near the lake there was a big dance floor where guests where everybody headed after the ceremony. It was big enough even for grand piano and some little musician band or better to say little orchestra. Arches, violins and violas, saxophone, drums and even acoustic guitars. They were placed near the side that overlooked the lake. Yeah, it really was a little orchestra. There was no proper wedding without music. There was even DJ set, but that was for later.  
Dance floor roof was shielded by big, old oak trees that formed something like an umbrella from their branches and leaves. Even a drop of rain couldn’t get through it but it seemed that nobody needed to worry about rain. Guests were taking their places at the table settled at one side of dance floor. That was the advantage to invite only closest friends to their wedding. Newly weds took their special place in the middle table so they could overlook every one.  
First ten minutes or more when everyone were seated, they were chatting and tasting all the goods that were on the table. Nobody even saw Robs mom, Janet, take the place in front of table with glass of champagne in her hands. Even Rob, for once, was allowed to have a sip of champagne. She hit it with knife to make clinging noise that brought everyone’s attention to her.  
“Hello! As you know I’m Rob’s mom.”she said and Rob fondly smiled to her. Her and his son relationships was the best you could imagine. „Gary, take care of my little baby. I know that he looks strong and like Rob can take care of himself but he needs your protection as much you need his. I wish you to find this balance that will get you through the hardest times, but knowing what you went through you already did. So lets take a sip for our newly wed happiness.”  
Everyone raised their glasses and clinked them with one another and then took a sip from it. This speech put everyone in their own minds just looking back at what both guys went through to be there. It was a though start. Now Elton took Janets place and took the microphone from her.  
„It’s nice to be here tonight and finally see those two married. I even don’t know how many times I had to dye my hair because of them.” Elton said and everyone laughed. It lightened up the general mood after Rob’s mom speech. Guests looked at newly weds who looked content and happy about the step they just took. „I even have tears in my eyes. Rob, you are your happiest point I have ever seen you in years. You deserve the happiness, you both do. Gary.. I’m proud that you had the courage to step into this. I hope you live a long and happy life. So that’s why I’m going to sing one of your favourite songs.” he finished his speech, sitting down on piano bench.  
Everybody made silence just curious to listen to which song it was. When Rob and Gaz heard first notes, they just smiled at each other. Gary put his arm around Rob’s waist and tucked him closer. Just enjoying the moment and the lovely sound that came from Elton’s piano. Rob’s arm was on his spouse’s shoulder.  
**_It's a little bit funny this feeling inside_**  
 ** _I'm not one of those who can easily hide_**  
 ** _I don't have much money but boy if I did_**  
 ** _I'd buy a big house where we both could live_**

**_If I was a sculptor, but then again, no_ **   
**_Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show_ **   
**_I know it's not much but it's the best I can do_ **   
**_My gift is my song and this one's for you_ **

**_And you can tell everybody this is your song_ **   
**_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_ **   
**_I hope you don't mind_ **   
**_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_ **   
**_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_ **

**_I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss_ **   
**_Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross_ **   
**_But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song_ **   
**_It's for people like you that keep it turned on_ **

**_So excuse me forgetting but these things I do_ **   
**_You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue_ **   
**_Anyway the thing is what I really mean_ **   
**_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen_ **

**_And you can tell everybody this is your song_ **   
**_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_ **   
**_I hope you don't mind_ **   
**_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_ **   
**_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_ **

_**I hope you don't mind**_  
 _ **I hope you don't mind that I put down in words**_  
 _ **How wonderful life is while you're in the world**_  
As the song finished the little crowd erupted in applause. The grooms shared quick kiss. Elton even didn’t think about moving away from the piano. The stage was taken by both the best mans of both boys. They all had microphone in their hands.  
“Now we want to say some few words to the new couple.” Jonny stated, bursting the magical Elton John bubble everyone was in. ”Before you step on each others feet till they bleed, I wanted to say. Gary.. make him the happiest bastard he has been. Rob, if he ever hurts you again, just give me a call. I know that there won’t even be text from you when you are off with this guy.”  
He cheekly winked at both of them. You just could see why he was Rob’s best friend from early age. Markie just chuckled but Jay cleared his throat to continue the speech. „Just be you and love each other everyday like at your best because you know that life isn’t easy.” Dougie pipped in: „Get your asses on the dance floor while we do our job and sing for you.”  
„Can I have this dance, Mr. Williams - Barlow?” Gary asked standing up up.  
„I love how it sounds falling from your lips. Of course, babe!” Rob said giving his hand to Gary, moving to the dance floor.  
Put your head against my life  
What do you hear  
_**A million words just trying to make**_  
 _ **The love song of the year**_  
 _ **Close your eyes but don't forget**_  
 _ **What you have heard**_  
 _ **A man who's trying to say three words**_  
 _ **The words that make me scared**_

_**A million love songs later** _   
_**And here I am trying to tell you that I care** _   
_**A million love songs later** _   
_**And here I am** _   
_**Looking to the future now** _   
_**This is what I see** _   
_**A million chances pass me by** _   
_**A million chances to hold you** _   
_**Take me back, take me back** _   
_**To where I used to be** _   
_**To hide away from all my truth** _   
_**Through the light I see** _

_**A million love songs later**_  
 _ **And here I am trying to tell you that I care**_  
 _ **A million love songs later**_  
 _ **And here I am.**_  
„You were always better at this kind of dancing.” Rob said, going to sit down in his place, but he didn’t notice that Gary wasn’t following him. „Gaz?” he asked and turned around and saw that his husband was sitting by piano, looking at him with intense gaze. Everything inside of Rob fluttered. It was like he was falling in love all over again.  
„I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for being here and support us. Of course, I am grateful to you, Rob.. you have been always with me no matter what, and even if you were far away from me. This one for you, babe.”  
_**It's not a spark that gives me light**_  
 _ **It's not the days I'm up all night**_  
 _ **It's not a story I have read**_  
 _ **Or a picture in my head**_  
 _ **It's not the world that pulls me through**_  
 _ **It wasn't a question before I knew**_  
 _ **It's just an answer here by my side**_  
 _ **I found it out just in time**_  
 _ **It's you. Yeah**_  
 _ **It's you. It's you**_  
 _ **Give me your hurt if you're feeling pain**_  
 _ **Tell me your secrets I keep them safe**_  
 _ **Give me your love mixed up with sin**_  
 _ **Every part of every thing**_  
 _ **It's you. oh yeah**_  
 _ **It's you. It's you**_  
 _ **From now till the end.**_  
 _ **From now till the end.**_  
 _ **From now till the end.**_  
 _ **My friend.**_  
 _ **It's a moment of glory**_  
 _ **My one and only**_  
 _ **It's you. oh yeah**_  
 _ **It's you. It's you. It's you. It's you. It's you. It's you. It's you.**_  
 _ **Just you. Yeah. It's you. It's you. Just you. Yeah. It's you.**_  
„It’s my time to get sappy like all of you lot. This is happiest day of my life, after meeting Gary. So I wanted to dedicate this new song to my Captain.” he said and sent a kiss to Gaz who catched it with ease and goofy smile on face. „Gaz, thanks for melody and some lines. Sorry, if I mess something up.”  
„Oh, right you haven’t heard it before.” Everyone started to laugh at this. Even in this serious moment Rob can place a joke in it. Gary was looking at Rob as he was a most precious thing ever. That boy was finally his and noone would change that. Laugh died out as Rob said ‘This song is called Different’  
_**When I look you in the lies,**_  
 _ **Something deep inside me dies,**_  
 _ **'Cause I know you won't get better, better, better...**_  
 _ **You'd rather be right than be loved**_  
 _ **The only thing I understood**_  
 _ **Nothing's ever good enough.**_

_**I stumble through the words as they're leaving me,** _   
_**Tremble at the sight of Your Majesty,** _   
_**And I cut myself just to get them out.** _

_**This time I'll be different, I promise you,** _   
_**This time I'll be special, you know I will,** _   
_**Just don't leave with me in your eyes.** _   
_**This time I'll be better, I want you to know,** _   
_**This time I'll be special, oh God, make it so,** _   
_**Just don't leave with me in your eyes, your eyes, your eyes...** _

_**You took my youth, you took my health,** _   
_**And if you're not here I fight myself** _   
_**You're supposed to make this better, better, better** _   
_**No self-control and no reason why,** _   
_**If I don't change, then we both die,** _   
_**This is it for you and I.** _

_**Blisters at the end of my fingertips,** _   
_**Praying to a God I don't think exists** _   
_**Will you listen now?** _   
_**Can you forgive me somehow?** _

_**This time I'll be different, I promise you,** _   
_**This time I'll be special, you know I will,** _   
_**Just don't leave with me in your eyes.** _   
_**This time I'll be better, I want you to know,** _   
_**This time I'll be special, oh God, make it so,** _   
_**Just don't leave with me in your eyes, your eyes, your eyes...** _

_**Closer now to the end,** _   
_**If love was the answer,** _   
_**Then hope was the question** _   
_**Closer now, let's pretend** _   
_**We've never been out here before.** _

_**This time I'll be different, I promise you,**_  
 _ **This time I'll be special, you know I will,**_  
 _ **Don't leave with me in your eyes.**_  
 _ **This time I'll be better, I want you to know,**_  
 _ **This time I'll be special, oh God, make it so,**_  
 _ **Just don't leave with me in your eyes, your eyes, your eyes...**_  
Rob eyes was filled with unshed tears that was ready to spill. Gary was next to Rob in mere second. He pulled his husband close to him, swearing that he won’t let him cry ever again.  
Finally cake was wheeled out in the middle of dance floor. It was simple with only some decors, music notes, three floor chocolate creamcake, even the figures at top of it was made from chocolate. Dream cake to someone who where addicted to chocolate. Diet could go to hell today.  
„Lets go and get some cake.” Rob stated with a goofiest smile on his face. No more tears. Gary took his husband’s hand. His husbands, he liked how it sounded. All the guests cheered as they took a knife and made a first cut. The waiters cut the rest of the cake into slices and served them to the guests.  
Of course the first piece of cake went to both of them.  
Rob was talking with his mom as he saw Gary’s figure still at the top of the cake. His mischevious side was full on. Robbie asked Johnny to give him the Gary’s figure. He just knew that his trick would make Gary look at him again.  
At the corner of his eyes Gaz saw one of figures disapearing in Robs mouth. He looked at cake to see his figure was missing from it.  
„Hey....you ate me.”Gary called out.  
„Yes, and you were very tasty, as ever.” Rob said and gave him a smirk that made Gary to blush a little. This man will be death of him even before they go to honeymoon.  
Dougie took his place at DJ set and people rushed onto the dance floor. Everyone was tired of just sitting around. Rob and Gaz took that time to sneek to the side that overlooked the lake and was the quitest at the moment.  
They kissed passionatley as their hands where roaming over their bodies.  
„Get a room you two.” Jonny shouted at them and before they could answer anything they were pushed in lake. Rob had enough time to grab his best friend’s jacket, and this one grabbed Mark’s shirt who, at the same time caught Jay by his hand. So that’s how all of them crashed miserably into the lake. They laughed so loud at each other.  
„Guys, why was I the one cut out from the fun here?” Dougie asked sulking.  
„We can easily remedy that.’ Jay said and pulled his boyfriend into the warm water. They just played in the water like kids till they got cold.  
„Shit.. let’s get out of here or we will get a congestion” one of them shouted.  
„This really is the best wedding I have been to.” Someone from dance floor said. looking at the wet boys coming out from the water.  
„Better go inside to wear dry clothes” Gary suggested. Markie gave them all towels and blankets as always, taking care for all of them.  
It really was the best wedding and would stay in their memories forever.  
Rob and Gary’s dream came true, they thought as they were changing in their bedroom.  
„Hey babe..” Gary got near his spouse „Now we have to think about our honeymoon.”  
„You are right.. uhm.. where would you like to go?”  
„Well.. I have an idea.. what do you think if we go back to Paris again?”  
„I would love it” Rob agreed hugging his naked husband as he was getting aroused  
„Ok.. deal” Gary said kissing him. ‘I love you’  
„I love you too, babe!”  
After one hour the two birds have been missing, the guests started to leave one by one from the party, greeting Elton and everybody else. Rob and Gary did not realize that there was still a party going on as they had eyes and hands only for each other after their got locked in their room and made love all the night.  
They had just exchanged their promises of love in front of witnesses and they meant all the words that came out from their mouths. But, deep in their hearts, Rob and Gary intended to keep and respect their oaths for the rest of their lives.


	60. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Our awesome readers who have been with us from beginning. We are sad to say this is the end of this story. Big thank to you all for supporting us through thick and thin! We love you lot.
> 
> Written by Victoria and Jenny :)

It has been few years from Rob and Garys’s wedding day. That was basically the first one of a wedding series.  
Markie was happily married with two kids. Jay and Dougie also made the crucial step, and after that they retired and went to live somewhere in Thailand. Yet.. all the boys were still in touch and they had few ideas about their future job.  
One of them was to come back as a band one day, but with no rush, everything should be happening at its own time. They now had got all the power to be the managers of themselves, and were able to decide individually about their job choices, so no leader was needed.  
Everyone’s life seemed to change drastically after the event. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst. Life gave the worst piece to Nigel who has now disappeared from face of earth. Lads bought out their contract with him. Of course, his whole empire crumbled down in front of his eyes because the main incoming source was once the band he had set up many years before.  
Everybody Nigel used to know slowly started to keep a sort of distance, ignoring him more and more. As quick as he got into the lads’ life, he went away, taking all his shit with him. His karma reached him and Nigel found himself to pay back all the shit he had put through people he met in his entire life.  
Now we come back to both of our lovers. Rob and Gaz now live in L.A. in their own villa. L.A. was a fresh start for them and that’s what they needed. There had been ups and downs during their lives together, but they stuck together like glue. They have been through worse than this.  
Rob was laying on the couch, thinking back to old days, too. He still couldn’t believe how happy he was to have Gary as his husband. It was like Robbie fell in love more and more each day. He could hear his husband playing the piano in their studio. They were working on their duet album to shock the world.  
-‘Rob, can you come here? I need you to hear something.’ -Gary shouted from upstairs.  
-‘I’m coming!’-Rob shouted back, already jumping up from couch and taking two steps at the same time. When he showed up at the door Gary was back in. Doors were cracked open and stream of sunlight was showing on the floor. Rob opened the doors wider to be starstruck. Gary was sitting by the piano. He looked so beautiful. A sunbeam was lighting up his face, he was glowing in the warm sunlight.  
-‘Sit next to me! I want you to listen to this song first. It’s really special to me. I need to know what you think about it.’- Gaz said, moving to one side of the piano bench. Robbie was smacked out of his state by these words and moved in the room, standing next to the piano. Not sitting down still.  
-‘Gaz, you’re an amazing writer!’. – They both smiled at each other and Robbie finally sat down by his husband.  
-‘Go for it, please! I want to listen to it.. before I die’.-Rob said and Gaz laughed at his joke, but his fingers were already moving over the piano keys. This melody was so soulfull and Gaz’s voice just went along with it. Robbie was mesmerized by him and his way of singing. He never sang like this before, he used to give half of his real skills, never opening his soul like that before.  
But now he was as if he was naked in front of Robbie. Gary showed his soul with no fear, because he knew Rob was there for him. Robert was just meant to be by his side. Rob realized that song was about them. Feelings were about to overwhelm him, tears slowly started to stream down on his face.  
Rob was a bit ashamed to look so emotional, but he didn’t bother to hide them. If Gaz tear down his walls for Rob then he could do the same for the love of his life. In the end it was all about them and their love. Gary stopped playing and reached out tenderly to sweep away the tears from Rob’s face.  
-‘Oh Gary.. it is so sad!’-  
\- ‘Don’t worry, baby.. this is going to be our last sad love song. From now on there will be only happy ones.’- he winked and, before reaching Robs lips, he added..- ‘I promise’.  
They shared a passionate kiss. It was like their first time and emotions started to grab their chests asking for more. The kiss was broken as there was a long ringing at the main door. They looked at each other.  
-‘Are we expecting a guests?’- Gary asked who didn’t want to let Rob go and break their moment.  
-‘No, but I think we need to check it. Can we go down?’-Robbie said, his eyes now full with fear because he has heard such kind of calling for help when he was in rehab. Someone was in trouble.  
-‘Of course, babe! If that’s what you want.’-  
They got up from bench and made their way down. Gary was the one to open the doors while Rob sneaked glances over his shoulder. No one was standing in the doors, but when Robbie looked down he saw it.  
There it was a little basket and something was moving under the covers.  
He kneeled down to have a better look. He could see little baby girl wrapped in soft pink blanket. That made Rob sit back leaving him speechless. Gary followed right after. A Pair of two green eyes were looking at them with something so naive. Rob and Gary were staring at the beautiful baby lying in the basket shocked. They both stood up, taking the basket in with them. Rob closed the door with a little smile on his face.  
A lot of questions suddenly came up into their minds.  
_What the hell were they going to do with a baby?_  
 _Who dropped the baby at their house out of the blue?_

They looked at each other, astonished..  
Was this beginning of the new story?


End file.
